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A popular topic among women is often self-care howÂ
do we take care of ourselves what is self-care and
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what are the benefits of self-care you mayÂ
not have really thought about this but one
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of the greatest benefits of self-care isÂ
that it allows us to empower other women
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welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'mÂ
your host Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast
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is dedicated to helping women lean into theirÂ
femininity and rediscover the power of their
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feminine gifts we take a look at what itÂ
means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live A Satisfied life on our own termsÂ
visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com
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Look, if you're a woman in the modern world thenÂ
it is very likely that you've experienced the
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feeling of burnout or being overwhelmed or justÂ
being drained whether it's being drained at the
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end of a day at the end of a week or at the endÂ
of the decade it's likely that you've felt this
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I don't know a single woman who hasn't part ofÂ
the problem is that we as feminine women in this
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modern culture surrounded by the patriarchy haveÂ
really been fed this idea that we're supposed to
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give ourselves away that our only value is inÂ
giving ourselves away of what we can do for
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others that we're supposed to be quote selflessÂ
literally giving ourselves away lessening our self
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in favor of those around us particularly in favorÂ
of the masculine now this has been a story told
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to us for a very long time and it is not a trueÂ
story it is a terrible story and what it does is
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it causes the feminine woman to constantly feelÂ
drained to constantly feel ravaged as opposed to
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feeling ravished now as feminine women we desireÂ
to be ravished to be in the throws of pleasure
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to feel completely fed supported and at ease inÂ
our environment to feel the feelings of joy and
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Delight the ability to run pleasure through ourÂ
bodies so that others can feel it too all of that
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is the province of the feminine this idea thatÂ
we're supposed to give ourselves away that we're
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supposed to mitigate ourselves minimize ourselvesÂ
be subservient to the masculine around us has
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served the patriarchy very well it's kept us smallÂ
it's kept us Meek and it's told us that we just
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need to keep working working working and be allÂ
things to all people at all times we better not
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ask about it we better not try to Outsource someÂ
of these things otherwise we look worthless or
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we look useless in fact why would we be usefulÂ
to anyone if we're not constantly bending over
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backwards to get their needs met while subjugatingÂ
our own now this is not a helpful story it's not
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a healthy story for the masculine or the feminineÂ
the feminine woman is not here to be drained and
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we're not here to give ourselves away worse ofÂ
all we're not here to have whatever our essence
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or energy is taken from us we're not here toÂ
have our skills our gifts taken from us without
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permission in this day and age we talk a lotÂ
about consent and we talk a lot about physical
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consent in terms of interpersonal relationshipÂ
but we don't talk a lot about energetic consent
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or emotional consent or psychological consentÂ
we're inbuilt to say yes to things we don't
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want to say yes to that is without our consentÂ
we're trained that our emotions are not worthy
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of being expressive that means there's no consentÂ
to just be who we are I want us all to be exactly
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who we are at exactly the time we're feelingÂ
whatever it is we're feeling the privilege of a
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lifetime is to be who we are and we can't be whoÂ
we are if what we are is cons continuously being
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taken from us being drained now I like to think ofÂ
the feminine woman and really femininity itself as
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a well and a well is something that is tended toÂ
by the community around it all of the community
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needs that well slaking our thirst as humans isÂ
critical it's essential we don't get water we die
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simple equation so communities are built aroundÂ
a well where everyone in that community thrives
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because they're able to satiate their thirst andÂ
communities develop around that well to protect
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it they don't want anybody else getting the wellÂ
they don't want the well contaminated they keep
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the well tidy clean they make sure that all ofÂ
the bricks around the well are in their proper
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position they're very invested in the healthÂ
of the well and the well itself can't run dry
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it can't be drained more than it is allowed to beÂ
replenished now that well can be replenished from
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the outside by the care that is taken of it but itÂ
can also be replenished From the Inside by giving
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it time to draw from that deep internal springÂ
that feeds it so this well has both an external
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and internal balance to keep itself replenishedÂ
and full and we as women are the same our internal
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well is our feminine Essence nothing is moreÂ
important to us than our feminine Essence it's
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what feeds our creativity it's what allows forÂ
us to create something out of almost nothing it's
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the source of our joy the source of our DelightÂ
it's the source of our intuition our emotions of
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everything that makes us feminine women and thatÂ
watery well as it is replenished makes us feel
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powerful it makes us feel abundant and it makes usÂ
feel free so it's not optional it's critical for
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us to tap into it and it's critical that it's notÂ
drained faster than it's replenished so we need
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to really be careful about what drains us peopleÂ
may drain us circumstances May drain us places May
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drain us and so it's time for us to really curateÂ
our efforts energy our surroundings to make sure
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that we're doing our best to not be drainedÂ
now this might mean quitting a certain social
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setting that just drains you it might meanÂ
limiting contact with family members or peers
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or friends that just drain you you know what I'mÂ
talking about going to that dinner and 2 hours
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later you feel just absolutely exhausted that'sÂ
not a dinner you need to go to again it is okay
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to fire your friends it is okay to push pause onÂ
relationship that drain you it's okay to curate
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or limit or set boundaries around interactionsÂ
that don't allow you to keep your well full that
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is self-care self-care happens both externallyÂ
and making sure that we very carefully curate
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our environment and it happens internally byÂ
participating in the things that nourish us most
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now forget about all of those old tired lists ofÂ
things that women should do women should be baking
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in the kitchen they should be dressing pretty theyÂ
should be out shopping they should be whatever it
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is that they've told us throughout our lifetimeÂ
that our women's work no forget it the patriarchy
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probably decided that I didn't decide that I don'tÂ
know a woman ever who said women can only do this
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and not that I was definitely raised and perhapsÂ
you were too that women can do everything they
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can do anything they want and that is true theÂ
more important question is do they want to do
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everything do they want to do anything what doÂ
they want because this idea that we should do
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everything is part of what additionally drains usÂ
we don't have to do everything we can we can do
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anything but can we just stick to doing the thingsÂ
that truly make us feel connected to our feminine
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Essence and that's not about what we're doingÂ
that's about how we're doing it so we can be
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in our feminine Essence changing the oil on aÂ
Saturday we can be in our feminine Essence driving
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the race car around the racetrack we can be in ourÂ
feminine Essence as we're rooting for our favorite
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team on Sunday it's not what we do it's how we doÂ
it we are going to do it propelled by our emotions
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and our intuitions and our sense of Joy DelightÂ
creativity if something brings us to a state of
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delight Delight is a very feminine feeling ifÂ
we feel a state of delight we know that we've
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hit on self-care gold self-care means anythingÂ
that helps to replenish our well so again don't
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limit yourself look I know that it is very commonÂ
for women to engage in self-care and that usually
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looks like a candle lit around a full bathtub withÂ
bubbles or a date with girlfriends to a manicure
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pedicure appointment but it doesn't have to itÂ
doesn't have to I don't want you to think that
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self-care is just those girly things that ourÂ
culture and Society have decided is self-care
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I want you to understand that it's personal to youÂ
and then it's what helps you f your well and it's
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going to start with a feeling of delight okay ifÂ
you feel that you know you're in the right place
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and you're going to Foster it when you follow theÂ
emotions that come with it if it's something that
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really lights you up from the inside you feelÂ
wow you feel so good when you're engaging in it
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or when you've completed it like for example maybeÂ
the creation of something can be daunting but you
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get through it because of the incredible good youÂ
feel at the end I think about um you know the way
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that my grandmother used to knit right now I knowÂ
that that's sort of a cliche feminine activity but
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she loved her knitting I to this day and sheÂ
passed away some years ago to this day I have
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boxes of sweaters and scarves and hats that sheÂ
needed me because she just couldn't stop because
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even though she couldn't really see anymore sheÂ
had cataracts and the needles often poked her
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fingers and she had arthritis in her hands okayÂ
so there was pain while she was knitting and she
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couldn't really see she was excited to get throughÂ
the project because she knew how delighted I would
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be to receive her gift and for her it kept me warmÂ
and keeping her grandchild warm delighted her it
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brought her Joy the act itself may have beenÂ
kind of painful and a little daunting sometimes
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but it brought her Joy at the end okay so don'tÂ
think it's always going to be Sparkles rainbows
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and butterflies necessarily you might have aÂ
talent that when you get through it or you're
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cursing yourself as you're trying to finish itÂ
but the ultimate ending of that is Joy Delight
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abundance all of those good feelings so you pursueÂ
you you get through it okay I don't want us to
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think that women are just supposed to be baskingÂ
eating bon bons all day doing the things that are
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never difficult of course these things can beÂ
difficult women are capable of doing incredibly
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difficult things it's the way we do it do weÂ
use our intuition to find the right path to the
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Finish as opposed to those structured plans andÂ
no deviations because an intuitive way of getting
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to the Finish is the woman's way of getting to aÂ
finish not the structured plans with no deviations
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that's masculine do we follow our emotions whenÂ
they come up if we feel scared about something
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if it suddenly doesn't feel good do we stop or doÂ
we change course because that's a woman's way of
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doing things do we feel that sense of joy andÂ
delight at the end that's how we'll know we're
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on the right track to something that is self-careÂ
some women are going to hate pedicures some women
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don't like getting massages that's okay it doesn'tÂ
mean we're doing something wrong as a woman if
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you're wondering what and and there's goingÂ
to be many things for you if you're wondering
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what you your self-care activities or things areÂ
start paying attention to those feelings of joy
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and Delight start leaning into those or thatÂ
intuition you know what I had a thought about
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trying this the other day you don't know why youÂ
had that thought where that thought came from but
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that thought came and so you follow it and youÂ
try it another way to tap into what might be
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self-care for you or thinking about things thatÂ
brought you Joy and Delight as a child maybe you
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liked playing with your brother's trucks maybe youÂ
enjoyed getting your hands dirty digging in the
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dirt and more than just planting flowers like realÂ
Landscaping maybe as a child you enjoyed coloring
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in all the coloring books and so as an adult youÂ
get some coloring books and you try that again
0:14:28.520,0:14:36.880
maybe as a child you like to just wander aroundÂ
the woods and feel the sun on your face and really
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be quiet and by yourself get back to that becauseÂ
as children we're a little less saddled with what
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we should be doing we are invited to exploreÂ
different things things that perhaps society
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would say oh no don't do that as an adult or thatÂ
we've gotten away from as an adult adult so your
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childhood Endeavors that brought you Joy are worthÂ
reconnecting with as an adult maybe you do them
0:15:06.920,0:15:13.520
differently as an adult I remember many years backÂ
I was living in New York City and there was this
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incredible rise and popularity of the rollerÂ
derby now I loved roller skating as a little
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girl they were skating rinks around my house youÂ
just go around around in circles on your roller
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skates with the four wheels two side by side frontÂ
back I used to love that I had a giant pom pom on
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the front of my roller skates with little googlyÂ
eyes I think I had either hot pink or hot purple
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skates or something like that and I love the limboÂ
they'd play that silly song and they'd make you
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try to skate lower and lower and lower under theÂ
pole that was fun and so many years back in New
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York City there was this rise in popularity of theÂ
roller derby which was adult women's opportunity
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to get reconnected with that super fun childhoodÂ
uh activity of roller skating but in this new more
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adult and kind of competitive way roller derby canÂ
be brutal I don't know if you've ever seen it or
0:16:12.720,0:16:18.440
been to a game but it is pretty much exclusivelyÂ
women and they skate around a rank and they try
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to compete with each other and sometimes they hitÂ
each other and knock each other over and they're
0:16:23.440,0:16:29.760
doing this in a feminine way they're doing thisÂ
in a way that feels good and and pleasure filled
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for them that's exercising their creativity andÂ
utilizing their body they're feeling pleasure
0:16:35.400,0:16:39.840
in their body and they're reconnecting withÂ
that childhood activity but in a way that is
0:16:39.840,0:16:44.760
self-care and boy watching these women walk offÂ
the rink at the end of their session at the end
0:16:44.760,0:16:52.800
of the night just huge Smiles across their faceÂ
so think outside the box it doesn't have to be
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what is scripted particularly in this dayÂ
and age can we just let go of what societ
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has been telling us women should be or shouldÂ
do and stop we need to stop giving ourselves
0:17:06.600,0:17:14.600
away we need to prioritize what nourishes usÂ
and re-energizes our femininity whether it is
0:17:14.600,0:17:21.440
an activity whether it is a certain space whetherÂ
it is time with friends or alone keeping our well
0:17:21.440,0:17:29.280
filled keeps us connected to ourselves andÂ
that's ultimately what will Empower others
0:17:29.280,0:17:35.360
to do the same so if we're talking about self-careÂ
as a means of empowerment for other women this
0:17:35.360,0:17:41.920
is what we're talking about when we feel mostÂ
connected to our femininity others will respond
0:17:41.920,0:17:48.840
to that they will see that they will be inspiredÂ
by that don't forget one of the feminin greatest
0:17:48.840,0:17:56.240
qualities is connection Community collaborationÂ
so we likely won't have self-care that doesn't
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somehow trickle out to others even if ourselvesÂ
care is walking through the woods by ourselves
0:18:01.240,0:18:06.400
we'll go home we'll be in the room with ourÂ
family and our family will go wow you need
0:18:06.400,0:18:11.800
to take a walk every day so our alone self-careÂ
makes our family feel good and they continue to
0:18:11.800,0:18:18.360
encourage it in us or it might be participatingÂ
in an event with others where they see how much
0:18:18.360,0:18:23.920
joy it brings us we might bring joy into an eventÂ
that otherwise doesn't necessarily please others
0:18:23.920,0:18:31.840
but it does because it brings us so much joy whenÂ
we are fully connected to our feminine Essence we
0:18:31.840,0:18:38.920
are then powered and empowered to do the sameÂ
for our fellow women it gives us the energy we
0:18:38.920,0:18:47.000
need to start this movement of helping otherÂ
women become more satisfied with their lives
0:18:47.000,0:18:56.320
recognizing that they can say no to what drainsÂ
them when women feel drained they are not being
0:18:56.320,0:19:03.200
valued and when we're not valued we are notÂ
connected to our feminine Essence everything of
0:19:03.200,0:19:11.400
value costs something no one should be allowed toÂ
take anything from the feminine that is not freely
0:19:11.400,0:19:21.200
given from her own self-effulgent will demandsÂ
on our time on our energy are not okay unless
0:19:21.200,0:19:29.840
we are freely ready to give of our time and ourÂ
energy when we start to set those boundaries with
0:19:29.840,0:19:35.280
those that with the things that drain us when weÂ
curate our time whether it comes to people places
0:19:35.280,0:19:43.920
Endeavors whatever it is we will demonstrate forÂ
other women that that is the path to satisfaction
0:19:43.920,0:19:50.520
it's not up to us to be all things for allÂ
people at all times it's not up to us to say
0:19:50.520,0:19:58.760
yes to all the demands that are placed on us inÂ
fact it's incredibly important to say no to stop
0:19:58.760,0:20:07.720
it is not feminine to give ourselves away it isÂ
not feminine to be ravaged we want to be ravaged
0:20:07.720,0:20:12.760
we want to be full from the inside out so whetherÂ
that's carefully curating the community that comes
0:20:12.760,0:20:20.520
to be re-energized from our well or doing theÂ
things that energize us and keep our well full
0:20:20.520,0:20:27.280
that is self-care and when we have a communityÂ
around us that is nourished by our well that's
0:20:27.280,0:20:34.440
empowering to that community and the women in thatÂ
Community will respond to it they will be inspired
0:20:34.440,0:20:41.040
by it so this is the definition of self-careÂ
taking care of your feminine Essence making sure
0:20:41.040,0:20:48.160
that your well is so full that you are not justÂ
a well that you are an oasis an oasis comes from
0:20:48.160,0:20:56.760
the Greek and Egyptian root which means dwellingÂ
place where all those around you and you can rest
0:20:56.760,0:21:06.240
confidently in your fa feminine power and this myÂ
friends is the way of the satisfied woman and if
0:21:06.240,0:21:12.240
you want to know more about how to walk the wayÂ
of the satisfied woman please visit my website,
0:21:12.240,0:21:19.560
thesatisfiedwoman.com, or you can order my bookÂ
anywhere books are sold and it's called The Way
0:21:19.560,0:21:25.760
of the Satisfied Woman. I have many resources forÂ
you and I hope in one way or another you become a
0:21:25.760,0:21:34.480
part of this incredible community and until thenÂ
I hope you find your way as The Satisfied Woman
