0:00:01.520,0:00:07.080
Perhaps the most important relationship that
any of us will have in our adult lives is the
0:00:07.080,0:00:13.000
relationship or relationships that we have
with our intimate Partners so I wanted to
0:00:13.000,0:00:18.760
use this podcast to unpack a little bit about
relationship Dynamics between masculine and
0:00:18.760,0:00:26.080
feminine in Intimate partnership welcome to
the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host,
0:00:26.080,0:00:32.240
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast is dedicated
to helping women lean into their femininity and
0:00:32.240,0:00:39.120
rediscover the power of their feminine gifts we
take a look at what it means to be a modern woman
0:00:39.120,0:00:50.040
and how we can live A Satisfied life on our own
terms visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com. So
0:00:50.040,0:00:57.040
we've had a couple of podcasts already exploring
masculine feminine those energies how they exist
0:00:57.040,0:01:05.200
in the psyche how we are as feminine women most
empowered by our femininity what the qualities
0:01:05.200,0:01:11.600
of the feminine are but it's always the next
question from anyone that I speak to as to what
0:01:11.600,0:01:18.160
do we do with our intimate Partnerships intimate
partnership is critically important but I want to
0:01:18.160,0:01:23.880
give a few disclaimers right at the start of this
podcast number one I'm not saying that you must
0:01:23.880,0:01:28.920
have an intimate partnership you do not need to
have an intimate partnership to have a complete
0:01:28.920,0:01:35.760
and fulfilled satis ified life although most of
us will want one at some point and will have one
0:01:35.760,0:01:41.680
at some point it's just who we are as humans it's
just how we're built very few of us get through an
0:01:41.680,0:01:47.840
entire life without having some kind of intimate
partnership so that said you are fully in charge
0:01:47.840,0:01:52.040
of how you want to experience that whether you
want to have multiple Partnerships whether you
0:01:52.040,0:01:56.680
want to try to have one long-term one I'm not
writing those rules I'm just saying that you as
0:01:56.680,0:02:02.800
a human are likely to have an intimate partnership
and let's make sure that that intimate partnership
0:02:02.800,0:02:12.520
is working to uplift and adhere to the best of the
Dynamics that you two inhabit with one another now
0:02:12.520,0:02:22.440
intimate partnership for us as adults is likely
to happen between one person who sits primarily
0:02:22.440,0:02:29.960
on the masculine polarity and another who sits
primarily on the feminine polarity so and what
0:02:29.960,0:02:35.320
that's actually what we want we do want that but
before I go any further I also want to be really
0:02:35.320,0:02:42.200
sensitive to all my listeners here on this podcast
and say first and foremost that any iteration of
0:02:42.200,0:02:51.280
any kind of polarity sexuality partnership
is awesomely okay right it's all awesomely
0:02:51.280,0:02:56.520
okay whether you are a person in a male body
who most identifies with the feminine polarity
0:02:56.520,0:03:04.600
or vice versa every iteration Under the Sun is is
great and what we will find is that two people in
0:03:04.600,0:03:11.680
Intimate partnership regardless of gender and
sexuality are going to have the most dynamic
0:03:11.680,0:03:20.240
partnership when each of those people occupy the
opposite polarity what we find is if two people
0:03:20.240,0:03:28.680
are on the masculine polarity there's going to be
a lot of tension usually a lot of um difficulty
0:03:28.680,0:03:35.320
coming together a lot there's going to be very
little softness much more arguing um whereas
0:03:35.320,0:03:40.200
people both on the feminine polarity trying to
engage an intimate partnership they're going
0:03:40.200,0:03:45.960
to find really that there's not a lot of fire
there's not a lot of romance there's not a lot
0:03:45.960,0:03:51.920
of tension there's not a lot of oomph it's going
to feel like we're dating a sibling as opposed to
0:03:51.920,0:03:59.480
a very exciting intimate partnership so ultimately
for you regardless of gender sexuality what kind
0:03:59.480,0:04:06.480
of partnership you want if you are a person who
identifies as the feminine you'll want to find
0:04:06.480,0:04:13.080
somebody who's on the masculine in an intimate
partnership and again all iterations are fine
0:04:13.080,0:04:19.680
so that being said I'll continue to talk about
masculine and feminine in Intimate partnership
0:04:19.680,0:04:26.440
so for me as a feminine woman I'm looking for
a masculine counterpart and I primarily talk
0:04:26.440,0:04:33.440
to feminine women so you will also be looking
for a masculine counterpart relationships need
0:04:33.440,0:04:39.920
this polarity to thrive because this is it's it's
really I don't mean to be trite when I say this
0:04:39.920,0:04:45.440
it's How the Universe works it's how the energies
of the universe work the universe has both light
0:04:45.440,0:04:54.880
and dark it has both up and down it has masculine
and feminine we we see this really powerfully and
0:04:54.880,0:05:01.680
poignantly demonstrated in the yin yang symbol
of the East the Eastern philosophical symbol the
0:05:01.680,0:05:08.520
yinyang you'll notice is a complete circle and
one half of it is black with a little white spot
0:05:08.520,0:05:14.000
and the other half is white with a little black
spot but it's not equal halves the little halves
0:05:14.000,0:05:22.760
are swirled a bit to look like Paisley shapes now
those Paisley shapes one represents feminine one
0:05:22.760,0:05:31.320
represents masculin they both need to be present
in order to be complete and whole and yet each
0:05:31.320,0:05:39.160
in and of themselves has particular qualities and
importance to it if you only have one if you only
0:05:39.160,0:05:45.040
have one of these Paisley shapes it's not going to
roll it's going to just lay their limp unable to
0:05:45.040,0:05:53.120
really do anything or continue on the pathway
of life we need both energies and luckily for
0:05:53.120,0:05:59.640
us as humans we each have masculine and feminine
within us and each of us will have a primary polar
0:06:00.160,0:06:05.880
that we lean into and whatever we lean into
that's why we need to find the counterpart in
0:06:05.880,0:06:13.480
our external Intimate Relationships so when we
find an intimate partner we want to ask them the
0:06:13.480,0:06:19.760
key question so this is actually one of the most
fun thing I do fun things I do with friends family
0:06:19.760,0:06:25.640
colleagues people I meet I love asking this key
question I strongly encourage you to put it into
0:06:25.640,0:06:29.560
your repertoire and ask your friends and family
and colleagues especially your intimate partners
0:06:30.320,0:06:39.360
this question here you ready in Intimate
partnership do you prefer to be respected
0:06:39.360,0:06:45.600
or cherished and once I've asked this question
I encourage whoever I'm asking to give me their
0:06:45.600,0:06:50.120
first answer what comes to them right away
because that's going to be the truest answer
0:06:50.120,0:06:56.040
for them look we all want to be respected we all
want to be cherish we all want both I understand
0:06:56.040,0:07:02.480
and we to some extent can all have both but if
push came to shove and we had to pick one what
0:07:02.480,0:07:10.800
would we choose for those of us who first answer
that we want to be respected that means that most
0:07:10.800,0:07:17.960
likely we are in the masculine polarity because
the masculine desires to be respected that's what
0:07:17.960,0:07:29.640
it most wants the masculine greatest gifts are
logic and Direction guiding the course and so you
0:07:29.640,0:07:36.680
respect when the masculine chooses a wonderful
course or has a wonderful logical decision you
0:07:36.680,0:07:41.680
trust that masculine look if the masculine isn't
making good decisions then that's probably not
0:07:41.680,0:07:49.120
the masculine partner for us but if the masculine
partner can make great decisions that benefit not
0:07:49.120,0:07:57.160
just the masculine but the relationship itself
and the feminine then we have no reason not to
0:07:57.160,0:08:05.840
trust and follow whatever that decision is so
the masculine wants to be respective and if we
0:08:05.840,0:08:11.200
are asked the question in Intimate partnership
do we most want to be cherished or respective
0:08:11.200,0:08:18.400
respected our answer is we want to be cherished
then we are most likely in the feminine polarity
0:08:18.400,0:08:24.960
the feminine greatest gifts are intuition and
emotion look we we've all got lots of gifts and
0:08:24.960,0:08:29.600
The Feminine has more gifts the masculine has more
gifts but our greatest gifts are intuition and
0:08:29.600,0:08:37.120
motion when we get that intuitive hit that oo
something's not right here the masculine will
0:08:37.120,0:08:43.680
cherish us enough even if the masculine is on
a linear and direct course the masculine will
0:08:43.680,0:08:49.160
cherish us enough to you know what we'll shift
it a little bit how does that feel how does that
0:08:49.160,0:08:54.560
feel and if the feminine says you know what that
feels better then that's the new course it's not
0:08:54.560,0:08:59.440
in the masculine nature to redirect or change
course the feminine needs to help with that to
0:08:59.440,0:09:05.360
to keep things in good alignment and on the right
path but the feminine will do it not necessarily
0:09:05.360,0:09:13.560
through logic but rather through feeling and when
we find a masculine that cherishes us enough to
0:09:13.560,0:09:19.360
really honor our feelings to really listen to them
to know how powerful they are for us how guiding
0:09:19.360,0:09:25.200
they are for us when they cherish us enough to
listen to our feelings and redirect based on
0:09:25.200,0:09:31.880
those feelings then we have a perfect symbiosis
cu the masculine strength aren't healings into
0:09:31.880,0:09:38.600
intuition and The Feminine strengths aren't
necessarily logic and Direction and again every
0:09:38.600,0:09:45.480
human has both in them so certainly we find
humans that have all of these strengths what
0:09:45.480,0:09:50.880
I'm specifically talking about is in Intimate
partnership because something's got to give
0:09:50.880,0:09:59.520
and I know I know I get it as a a feminine woman
who grew up with strong Western values who loves
0:09:59.520,0:10:08.440
that DIY mentality who has dawned the mask of
the masculine and achieved success on as many
0:10:08.440,0:10:14.080
levels as I could possibly have tried not not all
of them I'm not building myself up the point is
0:10:14.080,0:10:20.320
that I was definitely sold on the masculine way of
living and the masculine Paradigm of the current
0:10:20.320,0:10:26.800
cultural that we live culture culture that we live
in I was sold and I was ready and I know that many
0:10:26.800,0:10:35.360
of you my listeners have also been on that program
program and you know it it means that we have this
0:10:35.360,0:10:42.800
indoctrination or this belief now that when we
get into an intimate partnership that everybody
0:10:42.800,0:10:51.480
has to be on the exact equal same page yes we all
need to be equal as in equality and we all need
0:10:51.480,0:10:59.360
the same benefits as in equity absolutely but
masculine and feminine they are just different
0:10:59.360,0:11:05.320
and as a feminine woman our needs and the way that
we participate in relationship are just going to
0:11:05.320,0:11:15.920
be different and that's not bad it's not unworthy
it's not warrant of Shame it's just different
0:11:15.920,0:11:22.640
and honestly the more that we lean into our
differences particularly in Intimate partnership
0:11:22.640,0:11:29.520
the more joy and happiness that partnership
will experience when we as feminine women allow
0:11:29.520,0:11:37.000
the masculine to thrive as the healthy masculine
everyone in that relationship will benefit when
0:11:37.000,0:11:43.360
we as feminine women are allowed to thrive
as feminine women and do the things that are
0:11:43.360,0:11:49.200
most in alignment with who we are as feminine
women then everyone in that relationship will
0:11:49.200,0:11:56.360
Thrive it's when we compete for the same space
then things are going to get a little muddied
0:11:56.360,0:12:04.400
and we see this a lot today especially because
we've received the messaging as women that we
0:12:04.400,0:12:10.320
need to DIY that we need to Dawn the mask of the
masculine that we need to be all things not only
0:12:10.320,0:12:16.840
for ourselves but everyone around us that we don't
need a partner that we can do it by ourselves
0:12:16.840,0:12:22.920
that we need to achieve success at all costs even
before we achieve other goals in life that might
0:12:22.920,0:12:30.560
be important to us like family or creativity or
further explanation EX exploration of our feminine
0:12:30.560,0:12:36.760
gifts that's where we get a little jammed up now
I'm not saying that we need to let go of all those
0:12:36.760,0:12:43.840
things and this of course is always going to be a
choice that you yourself make based on what feels
0:12:43.840,0:12:51.800
most right and true for you and if you identify
as a feminine woman then it might be worthy to
0:12:51.800,0:12:57.120
explore what that means and how to lean more fully
into it in your intimate partnership because there
0:12:57.120,0:13:03.760
is going to be no place like intimate partnership
for us as feminine women to really lean into and
0:13:03.760,0:13:12.720
explore that now that means we need to find a very
worthy and healthy masculine counterpart one who
0:13:12.720,0:13:19.920
does cherish us one who really helps us lay a
foundation and establish the Four Keys in our
0:13:19.920,0:13:29.440
life the Four Keys as I write about in my book The
satisfied woman are the foundation for us to be be
0:13:29.440,0:13:36.400
able to feel comfortable in our femininity if we
don't have these four Keys met we cannot relax
0:13:36.400,0:13:42.720
into our femininity I guarantee you it's going to
be a very difficult uh attempt and more likely a
0:13:42.720,0:13:51.120
disaster the Four Keys are safety security Trust
of oursel and our environment the world around us
0:13:51.120,0:13:55.960
and the ability to be cherished by the masculine
counterparts in our lives whether they be intimate
0:13:55.960,0:14:02.320
Partners family colleagues whatever so when we
we feel safe in our environment when when we
0:14:02.320,0:14:08.720
have chosen a masculine partner that makes us feel
safe whatever that means for us we will have more
0:14:08.720,0:14:15.920
success leaning into our femininity when we have a
masculine partner that helps establish a sense of
0:14:15.920,0:14:24.160
security for us so that we know that we are not
in harm physical mental emotional psychological
0:14:24.160,0:14:29.040
when we know that we will not be harmed and our
masculine partner helps to establish that for us
0:14:29.760,0:14:37.840
we will have a much easier time leaning into our
femininity when we trust our masculine partner
0:14:37.840,0:14:44.000
meaning we know that our masculine partner's
decisions are always going to have our highest
0:14:44.000,0:14:52.800
good at heart we are free to be in our feminine
that's that's critical if we don't believe that
0:14:52.800,0:14:58.440
our masculine partner is making decisions for
our benefit there is no trust there and that
0:14:58.440,0:15:04.120
means we have to to hold some of that space
for ourselves and we cannot drop the mask of
0:15:04.120,0:15:11.560
the masculine and when we know we are cherished by
the masculine another way to put that especially
0:15:11.560,0:15:18.880
in the lingo of today's culture when we are
believed by the masculine when we say this is
0:15:18.880,0:15:26.880
how we feel or something's happening for us when
we are believed then we know we are cherished and
0:15:26.880,0:15:33.040
for the masculine to cherish us means that our
masculine partner our chosen beloved masculine
0:15:33.040,0:15:42.160
partner cherishes us when they place our emotions
and intuition above their own this doesn't mean
0:15:42.160,0:15:46.720
that they subjugate any emotions or intuition
that they have there is of course space for
0:15:46.720,0:15:52.000
that it just means that when it comes to moving
forward and participating in the relationship that
0:15:52.000,0:16:01.440
our emotions and intuition are held sacred honored
believed cherished then we are allowed more fully
0:16:01.440,0:16:09.280
to tap into those and become more empowered as
feminine women so these four keys are essential
0:16:09.280,0:16:15.880
and having a masculine partner that helps us to
lean into and live and be present with these four
0:16:15.880,0:16:25.280
Keys is critical you'll know that a masculine
partner is not right when these four keys are
0:16:25.280,0:16:33.240
not established when we don't trust them them to
always act and behave in our highest good when
0:16:33.240,0:16:39.680
they don't help to establish a sense of security
and safety for us when we know we don't know if
0:16:39.680,0:16:45.080
we're safe from harm and when we're not cherished
if we're not believed in our intuitions and our
0:16:45.080,0:16:53.000
emotion now that's our side of things as feminine
women but as feminine women who have grown up in
0:16:53.000,0:16:59.040
the west with this DIY mindset this must be all
things for all people this holding our own space
0:16:59.040,0:17:07.360
that's Dawning the masculine mask it can be really
difficult to relinquish that and probably the most
0:17:07.360,0:17:15.440
difficult thing that I'm going to have to very
tactfully say in this podcast to my dear dear
0:17:15.440,0:17:24.120
feminine women listening is that you've got
to let go of the masculine if you truly are
0:17:24.120,0:17:30.880
on the feminine polarity then especially in your
intimate partners ship you have got to let your
0:17:30.880,0:17:40.200
chosen masculine partner be the masculine you
cannot man up you cannot try to manhandle this
0:17:40.200,0:17:47.400
person you cannot try to override their logic and
decision making you cannot get into a headbutting
0:17:47.400,0:17:53.280
argument with all of your masculine will
and might because then it's too masculine
0:17:53.280,0:17:58.840
in an intimate partnership and unfortunately
that is just not the most successful dynamic
0:18:03.320,0:18:10.440
I offer a heavy sigh at this moment because
I truly do understand the difficulty of this
0:18:10.440,0:18:19.160
I understand the fear of dropping that masculine
for ourselves because I know that to get around
0:18:19.160,0:18:26.840
in this patriarchal culture in this world
that a sense of safety often comes with us
0:18:26.840,0:18:33.800
holding that masculine for our yourself but
if we believe we've chosen a good masculine
0:18:33.800,0:18:40.840
partner whether for longterm or shortterm
or any term or any terms you want then the
0:18:40.840,0:18:49.840
very least we owe ourselves the chance to
drop that masculine to practice leaning
0:18:49.840,0:18:58.080
into the feminine and letting the masculine
flourish and thrive in their own gifts and
0:18:58.080,0:19:04.320
the gifts of the masculine are Direction
guidance decision making providership
0:19:04.320,0:19:13.040
nurturing let him do it if you've chosen a
masculine partner if you want that then my
0:19:13.040,0:19:19.280
goodness take that opportunity to just be in
your feminine and let them do the things that
0:19:19.280,0:19:26.200
will make them feel most at home in themselves
and successful when we Dawn the mask of the
0:19:26.200,0:19:31.120
masculine partnership and we try to take that
from them then you know it's the old phrase
0:19:31.120,0:19:36.720
we're wearing the pants although look everybody
wears pants these days but that old phrase we're
0:19:36.720,0:19:44.760
manning up in our relationship and we're ruining
that opportunity to feel safe in our femininity
0:19:44.760,0:19:51.800
to let that Dynamic relationship flourish just
like that yin-yang symbol it takes two opposite
0:19:51.800,0:19:58.640
halves to really roll on so let the man make the
decisions or let the masculine rather thank you
0:19:59.160,0:20:05.120
catching myself there let your masculine
partner make the decisions if that decision
0:20:05.120,0:20:10.960
doesn't feel good if it creates a jam up in
your emotions if there's an intuitive hit
0:20:10.960,0:20:15.920
that says Ah you know it doesn't feel right
explain that to them and if they cherish you
0:20:15.920,0:20:22.200
enough it will help to correct the course look
intimate partnership the greatest thing we can
0:20:22.200,0:20:28.640
achieve an intimate partnership and you know
when I meet people who have had successful
0:20:29.160,0:20:33.360
intimate Partnerships for long periods
of time decades I always ask them what
0:20:33.360,0:20:39.440
their secret is and I've been doing this for
years and I know it's an informal study but
0:20:39.440,0:20:45.120
as a result of this informal study I've come to
learn something and that is this that the most
0:20:45.120,0:20:51.400
important thing that we can do in our intimate
partnership is help one another get our needs
0:20:51.400,0:20:58.600
met well our needs are going to
be different and yet complimented
0:20:59.640,0:21:04.560
and when you allow the masculine partner to help
you get your needs met that's going to make them
0:21:04.560,0:21:10.760
feel successful when they allow us to help them
get their needs met same thing but we're going
0:21:10.760,0:21:15.960
to do it in our own way we'll help meet needs
through our own creativity through the pleasure
0:21:15.960,0:21:20.880
we run through our bodies through the joy we
provide through the lifegiving energy that we
0:21:20.880,0:21:26.320
are the Wellspring of this creativity that
helps us generate something out of nothing
0:21:26.320,0:21:34.160
that creates abundance all around us that's our
gift as feminine women and we need so much more
0:21:34.160,0:21:41.320
of all of that these days and if we find if we are
lucky enough to find an intimate partnership that
0:21:41.320,0:21:47.320
allows us to be in our feminine let those gifts
flourish not only do we offer it to ourselves and
0:21:47.320,0:21:54.720
our intimate partner we offer it to all the world
we suddenly give permission to other women to be
0:21:54.720,0:22:01.080
in their feminine to release into those feminine
gifts so so it there are there are other places
0:22:01.080,0:22:07.600
in our life where we can drop the mask of the
masculine feel safe and secure and our feminine
0:22:07.600,0:22:12.680
feel cherished trust our environment and the
people around us there are other places but
0:22:12.680,0:22:20.720
the most poignant and prominent opportunity we
have as adults is intimate partnership so when
0:22:20.720,0:22:27.680
we find ourselves in Intimate partnership when
we have chosen a masculine partner let them be
0:22:27.680,0:22:34.440
that masculine for us let them be that other half
of the yin-yang symbol drop your own masculine at
0:22:34.440,0:22:40.520
least in that context at least in that intimate
partnership because as soon as you pick it up it's
0:22:40.520,0:22:46.120
going to it's going to fizzle that relationship a
bit I know that sounds harsh I know it might even
0:22:46.120,0:22:52.040
sound scary but hey it's worth a try because
look if you've done what you've always done
0:22:52.040,0:22:56.040
you're going to get what you've always gotten
and if you've never had the chance to really
0:22:56.040,0:23:03.080
relax into your feminine with a wonderful B loved
chosen masculine partner then try it allow for it
0:23:03.080,0:23:09.360
see how it energizes you allows you to flourish
allows you to tap into creativity that you may
0:23:09.360,0:23:19.480
not have even known that you had your Ultimate
Gift is your femininity it's the Wellspring of
0:23:19.480,0:23:27.600
the things that make you essential to this planet
and when you've got the circumstances around you
0:23:27.600,0:23:34.120
that allow you to just move into that move into
that enjoy it be a part of it and the more that
0:23:34.120,0:23:40.240
you take ownership of your femininity the more
that you occupy that space especially in your
0:23:40.240,0:23:46.520
relationship the more not only will you flourish
but those around you and remember the privilege of
0:23:46.520,0:23:51.440
our lifetime is to be most fully who we are
and that means your masculine partner being
0:23:51.440,0:23:58.440
most fully in the masculine and that means you my
satisfied sister being most fully in the feminine
0:24:00.080,0:24:11.560
so this is a big deal because we as human
beings we are we are damaged in relationship
0:24:11.560,0:24:16.880
in our early early childhood with our
parents our caregivers our caretakers
0:24:16.880,0:24:23.000
but ultimately we are also healed in
relationship in one way or the other at
0:24:23.000,0:24:28.480
some point in your life you will find yourself
in relationship and if you can utilize that
0:24:28.480,0:24:35.560
as an opportunity to heal your femininity
and access your feminine Essence then you
0:24:35.560,0:24:43.920
have found the greatest gift which is yourself
who you truly are and this is absolutely a key
0:24:43.920,0:24:53.200
element in living A Satisfied life and becoming
the satisfied woman so for more on this remember
0:24:53.200,0:25:01.480
join me at the hub thesatisfiedwoman.com and,
until then, stay satisfied, my sacred sister!
