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Ladies it's time to reclaim your feminine power!Â
If you feel like you've lost it or if you feel
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like you want to shine it up a little bit more ifÂ
you feel like you're ready to lean more fully into
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your feminine gifts in today's podcast I'm goingÂ
to give you five ways to do just that welcome
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to the satisfied women podcast I'm your host,Â
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast is dedicated
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to helping women lean into their femininity andÂ
rediscover the power of their feminine gifts we
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take a look at what it means to be a modern womanÂ
and how we can live A Satisfied life on our own
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terms visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com.Â
We've been living for thousands of years at this
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point in a primarily patriarchal cultureÂ
dominated by masculine values a culture
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that puts down femininity and devalues what itÂ
truly means to be a powerful feminine woman if
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we look back historically women have been calledÂ
witches and burned at the stake we've had power
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taken away from us whether it be throughÂ
agency over our own bodies Our emotions or
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even our thoughts did you know that not untilÂ
1974 here in America a woman could open her
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own bank account is that crazy prior to 1974 aÂ
woman had to have a male co-signer just to be
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able to be in control of her own money this is allÂ
happening now for some of us within our lifetimes
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and right now we live in a very exciting timeÂ
a time where we have more agency opportunities
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and choices than any woman in the history ofÂ
the world things are changing they are getting
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better and women like you and I are at theÂ
Forefront of that and what we need most is a
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template some training some ideas on how to becomeÂ
more feminine on how to lean into our femininity
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on how to be empowered as women what we've hadÂ
before in terms of thoughts around femininity
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and empowering ourselves as women has actuallyÂ
been on a man's terms prior to now women have
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really looked for success by fighting up theÂ
corporate and social ladder by competing with
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others we're still trying to do things in aÂ
man's way let's scrap that we don't need that
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we need to do things in our own way on our ownÂ
terms based on feminine gifts based on feminine
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qualities and based on what women and femininityÂ
says is most important and valuable to us because
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it is different to the masculine Paradigm to theÂ
patriarchy and different is not worse it doesn't
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mean anything is less valuable it just means it'sÂ
different things that are valued most highly by
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femininity are our intuition our emotionsÂ
the ability to be nourished receptivity Joy
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pleasure the gifts of feminine are tremendous andÂ
our power lies in our femininity now we've had a
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lot of messaging that femininity is not powerfulÂ
that it's less desirable that the gifts of being a
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woman are problematic or to be hid under the rugÂ
I remember even uh when I got my first period I
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was I felt deeply shameful around it and if youÂ
look statistically most women have a negative
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experience with that initiation into fullÂ
Womanhood it is not celebrated it is not uh put
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on a pedestal necessarily it's a tough event andÂ
if that's your inauguration into Womanhood what do
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you think about the rest of being a woman so youÂ
and I are here to start to shift that to change it
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it's going to happen through individuals like usÂ
it's going to happen through us revaluing our own
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femininity our gifts and reclaiming our feminineÂ
power so I came up with five there's lots of ways
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as women we have lots of ways of doing thingsÂ
there's not one right way of doing things but I
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came up with a list of five ways for us to startÂ
to reclaim our power and really lean in to our
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feminine gifts so the first way is to let go ofÂ
success in favor of satisfaction success is really
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a patriarch or masculine Paradigm success isÂ
indicative of success over successful uh because
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of some competition uh it's that keeping up withÂ
the Joneses mentality where we can be successful
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but it means that other people cannot success isÂ
very rarely shared I love it when it is and it's
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not impossible for it to be shared but typicallyÂ
the way that we think of success the way that we
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achieve success is really very directed it's veryÂ
leadership oriented it's very masculine and as
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women so far we've tried to also play that gameÂ
and I did too for a very long time you may still
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be in that in that place you may desire successÂ
I'm not saying that it's not for us I'm just
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saying that the uniquely feminine attribute isÂ
not success it's rather satisfaction the feminine
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doesn't doesn't desire success the feminineÂ
rather desires satisfaction and let me Define
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satisfaction for you it's it's very powerfulÂ
satisfaction is defined as the pleasure derived
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from the Fulfillment of your wishes and needs leanÂ
into that think about that let that wash over you
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for a second imagine your world and all of yourÂ
wishes and needs fulfilled I know it sounds like
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magical thinking it does take work to get thereÂ
we're not trying to think our way into success and
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power and femininity and fulfillment or anythingÂ
like that we're going to do the work but I want us
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to do it on different terms where we are fulfilledÂ
that means to be filled from within and also to be
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nourished and fed from without so this is both anÂ
inside as well as an outside job yes as feminine
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women we can open ourselves to fulfillment weÂ
can put ourselves in the places where fulfillment
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might happen but it's also incredibly importantÂ
to be surrounded by the people who cherish us the
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feminine desires to be cherished to be cherishedÂ
is to have our needs our wishes our emotions be
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prioritized and we have been deprioritized forÂ
far too too long I know so many women you might
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be among them or you might know some who putÂ
their needs last in their family structures they
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put their needs last in their job structures theyÂ
put their needs last in their social structures
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they put their needs last if we as individualsÂ
put our needs last so will everyone around us so
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we want to prioritize our own wishes and needs andÂ
Surround ourselves with others who also prioritize
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our own wishes and needs now that doesn't meanÂ
they deprioritize our own that doesn't mean we
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suddenly live in the land of milk and honeyÂ
where everyone just serves us no no no in a
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truly feminine um Utopia let's say all wishes andÂ
needs are fulfilled and through the Fulfillment
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of The Wishes and needs of the feminine othersÂ
also benefit that there is a mutually beneficial
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uh circumstance happening all around us whereÂ
we're not taking away from each other where
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everyone is nourished so I want you to be reallyÂ
thoughtful about your life about the people in it
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about where you find yourself where you placeÂ
yourself you'll know that you're not satisfied
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when your wishes and needs are not being metÂ
either by yourself or by those around you you'll
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know that you're not fulfilled when you feelÂ
drained when you feel like that incredible well
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of receptivity that is femininity is emptyÂ
when your well is drained when you are not
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resourced when you are not nourished not onlyÂ
do you feel a sense of burnout and exhaustion
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others around you can't feed off of yourÂ
generosity your pleasure your joy your um
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incredible creativity it will not nourish thoseÂ
around you either everyone is in detriment when
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the feminine is not nourished everyone benefitsÂ
When the feminine is nourished so start to take
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notice start to take stock in your own lifeÂ
look around who ch wishes you who prioritizes
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your needs and wishes who honors your emotionsÂ
and your intuition and heeds them and helps you
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become fulfilled and satisfied if you findÂ
yourself in relationships spaces places that
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don't see if either you can shift them and repÂ
prioritize things you may be able to if people
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are receptive to you or remove yourself from theseÂ
places relationships spaces and choose others that
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serve you more deeply and truly this is all goingÂ
to start to happen on an individual level I need
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you to do this work and I need everyone listeningÂ
to do this work because we can't start to change
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the world and refocus femininity and reclaimÂ
our feminine power if people don't know what
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an empowered woman is or looks like or what itÂ
feels like to be around an empowered woman in her
0:11:08.520,0:11:15.720
femininity so that's number one let go of successÂ
in favor of satisfaction we don't need to compete
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we need to receive we don't need to lead we needÂ
to collaborate we don't need to command we need
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to commune find the places and spaces that canÂ
do that for you so that you can be fulfilled and
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so that your wishes and needs are prioritized andÂ
met number two find people places and spaces that
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support your femininity and I mean this in a veryÂ
exclusive way now men have had their men's groups
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for ages I I lived in New York City for 16 yearsÂ
and in New York City there were still exclusive
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men's groups that women couldn't enter that hadÂ
been there for hundreds of years I love that for
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them I want it for us I want women's groups womenÂ
supporting women means that women are empowered
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this is what we do this is how we get things doneÂ
by Mutual support and collaboration especially
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with other women the women around us who reallyÂ
um you know are our Kindred Spirits they know what
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we're going through because they're likely goingÂ
through the same thing so I know everybody wants
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to be a part of everybody else's space and we wantÂ
to not not um you know let people in but can we
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just not let people in just on this one conditionÂ
that we have a Sacred Space for women for us to
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figure this out maybe you start your own women'sÂ
group maybe it's a a group that meets every full
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moon CU that is inherently feminine and PowerfulÂ
maybe it is a room that you rent in your apartment
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building every first Tuesday of the month forÂ
you and your best girlfriends to get together
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maybe it is the ladies night that you hold sacredÂ
with your girlfriends that does not devolve into
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cattiness and trickery but that always ends in inÂ
mutual support love adoration and collaboration we
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need women's spaces so that we can start to figureÂ
out what it means to be a powerful woman in this
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world and to know that other women have our backsÂ
in this capacity all right number three never
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never compromise getting your needs met ever nowÂ
if you remember number one satisfaction is defined
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as the Fulfillment of your wishes and needs soÂ
how can you be a satisfied woman oops over there
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if your needs are not being met this is one of theÂ
biggest tricks of the current cultural Paradigm is
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that women's needs are not important that our roleÂ
as women is to serve the needs of others first
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somehow we've been taught from an early ageÂ
that that's what femininity is femininity is
0:14:04.600,0:14:10.280
service femininity is subjugation femininityÂ
is quietness femininity is to smile and look
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pretty and to just show up for everyone else it'sÂ
a big lie it's not true femininity is powerful it
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receives and our needs are critically importantÂ
if you are not getting your needs met as a human
0:14:25.320,0:14:30.720
forget feminine masculine anything in betweenÂ
if you are not getting needs met as a human
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you cannot be happy and experience Joy gettingÂ
your needs met in my research is perhaps the
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number one most important thing it's it's likeÂ
the substrate for everything else good in life
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if you have your core needs met then everythingÂ
else will fall into place or at least will more
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easily fall into place so never compromise yourÂ
needs ever even if that means and it's going to
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feel weird for those of us who have had so muchÂ
of our lives and so much training and subjugating
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ourselves prioritizing the needs of others perhapsÂ
especially family members speaking up for yourself
0:15:13.920,0:15:19.920
and prioritizing your own needs it's going to rockÂ
the boat it's going to rock the boat people will
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be uncomfortable but wait mom always does thisÂ
for me she always does my laundry she always
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drives me to soccer practice but wait my wifeÂ
my relationship my primary partner she always
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has dinner or whatever it is waiting for me atÂ
home I know those are old school tropes you know
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insert need subjugation here for your own lifeÂ
okay whatever it is that you're doing that puts
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your needs second and someone else's first stopÂ
just stop and I know it will be uncomfortable for
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you because you're used to doing it the other wayÂ
so okay one of the things that uh the femininity
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and women who are feminine are exceedingly goodÂ
at is being uncomfortable discomfort is what we
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first feel when our intuition says somethingÂ
isn't right here when we don't listen to our
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intuition we are denying our most powerfulÂ
feminine gift so let yourself be uncomfortable
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let let everyone around you be uncomfortable forÂ
a while it's okay okay ease into that by holding
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your ground and reclaiming your feminine powerÂ
and prioritizing your own needs so that those
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around you can prioritize them as well all rightÂ
number four take your time and I mean this in a
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slightly different way I don't mean relax and youÂ
know go slow I mean a woman in this female body is
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is governed by time we don't have endless amountsÂ
of it this is very different from a man in a man's
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body who doesn't have time markers like we do aÂ
man can start a career at almost any age a man
0:17:12.800,0:17:22.880
can have a child at almost any age we don't haveÂ
that luxury we have a Time marker at which we can
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have children and then a Time marker at which thatÂ
is no longer available to us every 28 days we have
0:17:30.840,0:17:38.600
a Time marker of menstruation we have hormonalÂ
shifts that determine times of the month where
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we are more receptive times of the month where weÂ
are more organized and and charged and energetic
0:17:44.400,0:17:53.520
times of the month where we need to relax timeÂ
is largely dictated By Us by our bodies so we
0:17:53.520,0:17:58.840
need to take that time in the order that it isÂ
given and in the order that it feels best to us
0:17:59.720,0:18:07.240
one of the things that this current culture is umÂ
telling us and again it's a masculine culture and
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the masculine is not dictated by time like theÂ
feminine is is that we need to prioritize career
0:18:14.760,0:18:21.360
and social advancement first now I can't tell youÂ
how many women I know who have done that who have
0:18:21.360,0:18:26.720
been fed that line and said okay that's whatÂ
success is that's what it means to be a woman
0:18:26.720,0:18:34.400
and then they end up later in their life havingÂ
regretted not starting a family having children
0:18:34.400,0:18:39.320
and they are now without that choice becauseÂ
time is dictated for them and that choice is
0:18:39.320,0:18:45.760
gone I don't care what the culture says if youÂ
want to start a family start one if you want to
0:18:45.760,0:18:51.440
have children have them in the time that is rightÂ
for you if you want to start a career later start
0:18:51.440,0:18:58.840
it later if you want to start a career early startÂ
it early honor your own time markers if any of the
0:18:58.840,0:19:04.680
these choices are a priority for you no matterÂ
what they are whether it's having children or not
0:19:04.680,0:19:10.480
having a career or not I'm not telling you whatÂ
the choice is or what's right what I'm saying is
0:19:10.480,0:19:17.600
that we as women are governed by time and weÂ
need to listen to that so respect your time
0:19:17.600,0:19:23.920
concerns and needs don't stay in a career too longÂ
don't stay single so long if a relationship is a
0:19:23.920,0:19:32.880
priority for you do what you want in your own timeÂ
now I write a lot more about this in my book The
0:19:32.880,0:19:37.520
Way of the satisfied woman if you want to unpackÂ
that a little further but let's get to number five
0:19:37.520,0:19:44.760
in reclaiming our feminine Power number fiveÂ
is to Revere your feminine gifts particularly
0:19:44.760,0:19:52.440
your intuition and emotions your intuition andÂ
emotions is what make you most feminine this is
0:19:52.440,0:19:59.440
the most highly prized feminine quality intuitionÂ
and emotions your full ability your full capacity
0:19:59.440,0:20:06.440
to emote whether it's scary for others or not andÂ
your intuition which tells you if things are right
0:20:06.440,0:20:10.800
for you and if they're not you're going to feelÂ
that sense of discomfort and it's time to course
0:20:10.800,0:20:20.280
correct be ruthless in cutting out places peopleÂ
spaces that don't prioritize these cherished
0:20:20.280,0:20:27.000
feminine gifts for you prioritize them yourselfÂ
find the people around you who help you with that
0:20:27.000,0:20:35.160
and that is how we will start to to create thisÂ
movement starting with you of satisfied women
0:20:35.160,0:20:42.240
I urge you to listen to your femininity I urgeÂ
you to lean in to your femininity and I urge you
0:20:42.240,0:20:47.800
to reclaim your feminine power because when youÂ
do not only do you benefit but so does everyone
0:20:47.800,0:20:54.640
around you this is an uplifted World we're lookingÂ
for but it starts with you my fellow satisfied
0:20:54.640,0:21:01.400
woman so go for it let go of success in favor ofÂ
sucess satisfaction find people places and spaces
0:21:01.400,0:21:08.160
that support your femininity never compromiseÂ
getting your needs met take your time to do what
0:21:08.160,0:21:16.600
is most important to you and Revere your feminineÂ
gifts and if you want more on how to walk the way
0:21:16.600,0:21:24.800
of the satisfied woman head over to my websiteÂ
at thesatisfiedwoman.com. I'll see you there!
