Why Women Need Other Women: The Power of Mutual Support | Ep 8

July 08, 2024

Women supporting women creates room for friendship, shared ideas, and help you can actually receive. If work or past friendships taught you to expect rivalry, this episode questions the belief that another woman’s progress threatens yours.

Reclaim your own needs and your capacity to receive support with the free three-part Feminine Reset.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D., examines the cultural messages that pit women against one another for recognition, relationships, and opportunity. Through examples from work, family, and friendship, she explores collaboration as a source of feminine power and asks what changes when women help one another thrive.

In this episode

How competition and scarcity messages shape relationships between women.
Why asking for ideas and making decisions together can express strength.
The role of giving and receiving in supportive communities.
Why meeting your needs deserves a place alongside helping others.

Keep exploring

Empowered Women Empower Women: Together We Succeed — Read more about mutual support and the wider impact of women’s empowerment.

Listen to Episode 9: 5 Ways to Reclaim Your Feminine Power — Continue with practical choices, supportive spaces, and your own needs.

Listen to Episode 2: What Does It Mean to Be a Satisfied Woman? — Return to the distinction between achievement and fulfillment.

Timestamps

00:00 The story of women competing
02:25 Success on someone else’s terms
04:16 Collaboration, contribution, and support
05:57 The belief that resources are scarce
10:08 Supporting one another as women
12:48 Putting mutual support into practice
13:55 Collaboration in decision-making
18:40 Satisfaction and having your needs met

About Alanna

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D., is the founder of The Satisfied Woman, creator of The Satisfied Method™, and author of The Way of the Satisfied Woman. Her work explores feminine psychology and helps women build lives that meet their needs.

Follow The Satisfied Woman in your podcast app to keep exploring feminine power, relationships, and satisfaction.

Episode Transcript

have you ever noticed how much we see in media TV movies women fighting against each other and I remember as a young girl learning pretty early on that women were not always friends but sometimes competition it's time to change that and really understand how women can Empower each other welcome to the satisfied woman podcast I'm your host Alana kyala this podcast is dedicated ated to helping women lean into their femininity and ReDiscover the power of their feminine gifts we take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live A Satisfied life on our own terms visit the Hub atth satisfied woman.com

I feel so bummed I I I hate to start the podcast that way but in thinking about this particular topic how women can Empower other women how women can help each other to succeed what I've realized is that there is so much narrative and assumptions and training working against us as young kids as children we naturally play with one another we play with people of the same gender we play with people of the opposite gender without any issue and it's right around age seven or eight and this is actually a worldwide phenomenon this isn't just in Western culture or anywhere specific worldwide children play with each other with no issue until about the age of seven or eight and that's when they start to self differentiate based on gender little girls play with little girls and little boys play with little boys and again this is a worldwide phenomenon we are not entirely sure what the mechanism for this is what trips that switch but we do observe it and we just know this at this time to be a true fact when little girls start to play with each other they test each other socially and emotionally throughout their Early Childhood years throughout their teenage years and then at some point they shift into realizing that we don't help each other at least in this culture at least with the current narrative women are set up to work against each other and to also have to work against other men because of our masculine culture all of the terms of success and all of the terms of what makes a successful life are judged and written by the masculine culture not the feminine culture so we've got several things working against us here we've got men who have decided that they want to rise up the corporate and social ladder that they want to have a keeping up with the Joneses kind of mentality and the patriarchy has established itself that way now what I don't want to do in saying something like that is vilify every man this isn't every man this is uh the men who participate unconsciously in the current cultural Paradigm perhaps and even women also who participate unconsciously in the current cultural Paradigm this is just how things have been set up for us here in the west over the last several thousand years and also in recent history in recent Generations especially with the rise of the Industrial Age with the rise of commodification with the rise of how we spend money how we uh achieve the American dream uh growing up in America being an American myself I certainly grew up with the narrative that to um work as hard as possible and Achieve as much as possible is what the goal is it's um again that keeping up with the Joneses mentality do you have as much or more than your neighbor and what's yours is yours I remember hearing growing up a lot of this uh idea that possession is 9/10 of the law what we own really makes us who we are so that is very much a masculine idea this idea of collecting things of having things ourselves and not sharing them the feminine idea is quite different in a feminine culture in a feminine World in femininity the ideals are of collaboration contribution sharing support nourishment as well as some to some extent nurturing but definitely nourishment this idea of receiving this idea of being open and receptive of having everyone around you and everyone benefiting from who you are what you do what you have to contribute receiving things from others this is a feminine way of being and it's not really allowed in most places and spaces and uh cultural um milu and um communities and organizations you name it now I wish that were not true and I actually write this in my book that I would love to have an example of a place where collaboration Community people working together is really the norm and is really successful and I don't doubt that there are some I have just looked far and wide and haven't really found any that don't turn into something that engenders more competition or haves versus Have Nots we have some work to do and a ways to go before we' shift our cultural Paradigm and our perceptions into being something a little more collaborative and Community or oriented now what this does for the feminine woman living in this more masculine Paradigm of competition trying to achieve more than another trying to work against another is a few things number one it tells tells us something that's against our core understanding which is that resources are scarce now for the true feminine that is never the case for the true feminine the feminine in its purest form and its essential core it is resourceful it is resourced it is always receiving what it needs if we had to assign one word to describe femininity it would be receptive now you can't be receptive in a vacuum you can't be receptive where there is nothing to receive the feminine in its Core Essence is able to Simply open itself and always receive the nourishment and the resources it needs and so in that mindset in that world in that culture in that community in that job in that family in that relationship ship in that friendship resources are never lacking they are always available and if they don't seem obvious it doesn't mean that they're not there so if resources are always available but we live in a culture that tells us that they're not that's going to jam us up and that's going to really put us not only at odds with our fellow women but with ourselves we are going to believe that resources are scarce that there is lack that we have to fight one another for the resources that are available that we have to uh hold on to and not share the resources that we have this is this is a skewed and distorted understanding of the way that not only the world works but the way that masculinity Works masculinity is generative masculinity in its Essence is supportive masculinity in is in its Essence is nurturing okay nurturing I know is often thought of as a feminine quality it's actually a masculine quality to nurture something is to provide what it needs for further growth and development that is inherently a masculine quality the masculine is the provider the masculine provides whatever is needed for the growth and development of what the masculine cherishes which in its perfect form and again we're talking about kind of the essence of the energies here the masculine in its perfect form provides and nurtures what it most cherishes and what the masculine always most cherishes is the feminine and The Feminine is the receiver the aggregator of this nurturance and so is nourished the feminine is nourished by all these resources that come its way and feed it for for the pleasure benefit and uh uplifting energy of everything and everyone else in its path so this is a cycle this is um kind of a feedback system and it's a beautiful feedback system and it's meant to work that way where no one is lacking that the masculine can provide and nurture the feminine can receive and nourish we operate in that Paradigm There Is No Lack and everyone benefits now unfortunately we have to look at reality and we live in a culture where that is not the kind of mindset that everyone is in I wish it were we're going to get there we're working on it that's the work that we're doing here uh together on the podcast that's the work that I am attempting to do here in um the satisfied woman and with my book The Way of the satisfied woman but I know what we're working against I know what we're up against because I've been raised in it I've lived it I've operated in it I've been hoodwinked by it um you know and and it's time to shift things and do things differently and one of the most basic places that we can do that is to do it with each other as women to realize that we're not in competition with each other that actually all of us as women here we all have it hard we we've all grown being a woman in the world is dangerous any way you look at it culturally psychologically physically emotionally it can be a dangerous place now I want us all to find places spaces families anywhere we are uh that are safe that are nourishing that are abundant that make us really feel and lean into our full capacity as feminine women and one of the first places and ways we can do that is for and with each other we do not have to compete with one another for resources we do do not have to compete with one another for jobs we do not have to compete with with one another for relationships this is one of the first places I see um in in media and TV in movies in stories this idea that you know he's mine uh if I can't have him you can't have him um there are entire series dedicated to this concept that women have to own their man and fight for their man their songs dedicated to this um it doesn't need to be that way there are plenty of people out there and the one for you is going to fight for you not the other way around um that's my two cents about it we don't need to get into a relationship um discussion necessarily but we can drop anywhere possible this narrative this BS this belief system that we have to fight for any anything really in this world I think the the biggest thing worth fighting for is our own self and our own femininity and our own ability to be safe and cherished in our feminine and by fighting for ourselves by standing up for ourselves we will create that perfect feminine receptacle again that receiving energy where those who want to cherish us those who want to support us those who want to nourish us will appear now this isn't magical thinking I'm not going into the whole um law of affirmations or the secret kind of Concepts I don't think that if we just sit back and become receptive that our world will become perfect and everyone will just arrive we have to put the work in to do that and part of the work is to start supporting other women statistically if we look at how it works when women do this if we look at this in business women owned businesses statistically reinvest in their communities as opposed to reinvesting in themselves women-owned businesses are notorious they are known for reinvesting in the people that work with them and for them reinvesting in the communities that they live in when women are empowered and are successful on their own terms they make everyone around them imp empowered and successful this is the true feminine this is how women operate when women make decisions in their communities in their businesses and their lives and their families they don't do it unilaterally okay that that's masculine masculine is leadership and again leadership is necessary in certain times in certain places and it's great we we totally need leaders yes y a leaders however for women that idea is empowerment and instead of leadership it's collaboration women don't make unilateral decisions they make decisions that benefit everyone around them through conversation and through making sure that their decisions are the best possible decisions for everyone that those decisions may affect at least to the best extent that they can now that's not necessarily a valued quality in the way that traditional business is run here in in our current cultural Paradigm for a woman let's say to go into a boardroom sit down and say all right everybody what is the best thing for us what would you like to do today what is the best decision here how do how do we advance the company what are all your ideas let's

brainstorm that is thought of as weak whereas there a woman going into a boardroom who says all right here's what we're going to do here's the way we need to do it this is the decision we're making this is the best way forward that's either seen as leadership or as [ __ ] but what that is is masculine and that's how business is traditionally done when a man walks into a boardroom and says all right here's the decision here's what we're doing he's seen as a leader he's seen as the boss and the ones around him say yes let's do that we follow you now following a leader or following a boss is not a bad idea provided that the leader or the boss is making the best decisions possible for those in his care or stewardship this also is um the same for families for communities so if let's say there's a masculine leader of a household that masculine leader can make decisions for the good of the household and the household may choose to follow that leader Direction provided they also believe those decisions are for the highest good of everyone in the household it doesn't necessarily need to be collaboration all the time but if it is a feminine Le household then collaboration is key now I wouldn't say collaboration is King I would say collaboration is Queen but that's how then decisions are made it doesn't have to be one or the other all the time there is reasons to switch back and forth I'm not trying to ascribe any kind of um tradition or new pathway you need to decide what's right for you in terms of how you move forward and families and your relationships in your community but what I want to do is highlight that one is not better than the other and that the feminine way of doing things has been overlooked and swept under the rug and devalued for too long and when women collaborate and use this kind of mutually empowered decision making it's not weak it's incredibly powerful and it serves all those around them so women when they are in their strong feminine inherently Empower other women and create communities where everyone benefits we can look around the world and know this to be true whether it be from smaller populations or tribal populations all the way up to women-owned businesses women-owned small businesses women own big businesses women L families anywhere we look where women are ow and they're feminine they are empowering other women and those around them that is what we do that is who we are now we have to recognize we may be fighting this uphill battle because we do live in a masculine culture we may be employed in businesses that are masculine style businesses where to walk into a boardroom and try to collaborate with everyone who seen as

weak heavy sigh it doesn't make it right it just makes it what it it is we have to know what we're dealing with and in those situations where being in our feminine is seen as weak we will feel that sense that resources are scarce that our femininity is our weakness and we have to compete in a masculine way to achieve to overcome what I want for all of us is not success the masculine seeks success in more that unilateral fashion in that leadership fashion in that comp competition fashion where they compete with others to achieve a really defined goal and that is awesome I'm not taking away from that and I'm certainly not vilifying that but what the feminine needs and wants and desires is not success on a man's terms but rather satisfaction on a woman's terms and satisfaction is fulfillment it is defined specifically as the Fulfillment of our wishes and needs and when the feminine needs and wishes are fulfilled what's fascinating is that it's not just about her it's not just about her it's not in a vacuum when the wishes and needs of the feminine are fulfilled it actually serves and benefits all those around her it is good not just for her but for the world so if you've ever received um the admonishment of being selfish as a woman because you're asking for your needs and your wishes to be fulfilled and I say that because I know that that is common I know that that is one more way that uh we are that that others attempt to control Us by calling us selfish for having needs for having wishes at all for trying to fulfill them uh it's actually the oppos of that having the wishes and needs of the feminine fulfilled not only leads to satisfaction which is what the feminine inherently desires it benefits all those around her so we can start small if you are listening to this podcast if you identify as a feminine woman if you have grown up in a culture that values the masculine more highly than the feminine if you have ever felt at odds with your fellow woman if you have ever felt that masculine and drive toward success that just feels uncomfortable if you've ever had to walk into a room of people and you laterally make a decision and that has felt off to you there is a different way to do things and it is your way it is the feminine way it is the way that feeds not only your soul but the world and the people around you that's where we shine that's where we all not only succeed but find satisfaction and that is what I wish for all of us is to lead a satisfied life to feel satisfied to become satisfied women because when women are satisfied we are empowered and we Empower others so together we succeed so drop that old narrative that there is competition drop that old narrative that there is a lack of resources the feminine is resourceful and when we tap into that receptivity we receive what we need open ourselves up to possibilities we find the people places things communities that help us lean into our femininity we find that masculine that cherishes who we are and in doing so we allow that femininity to be powerful to shine and to serve the world so to you my fellow satisfied women I am with you I'm here for you on this path and I'm doing everything I can to help show you a different way to be and the best way to be which is yourself as a feminine woman so thank you for listening to the podcast I look forward to being with you on the next one and until then please visit the Hub atth satisfied woman.com I'll see you there

Why Women Need Other Women: The Power of Mutual Support | Ep 8

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