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On the path to becoming a satisfied woman we
need to understand more of what is feminine
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energy and how to light our own path toward
empowerment welcome to the satisfied woman
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podcast I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D.
This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean
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into their femininity and rediscover the power
of their feminine gifts we take a look at what
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it means to be a modern woman and how we can
live as satisfied life on our own terms visit
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the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com. I wanted
to take this podcast to explore more about
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feminine energy and what it means to be empowered
first I'd like to talk about that word empowered
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if you have listened to my podcast before you
know what a fan I am of etymology definitions
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unpacking terms I think the words we use are
very powerful and understanding their meaning
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intrinsically helps us to get to the heart of
not just what the word means but how to live
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and embody it so empowered means to be powered
from within so that nothing outside of you is
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running the show there's no terms conditions or
rules telling you what you need to do for yourself
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there's nothing driving you from the outside
you're actually driven from within the way that
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I like to think of empowerment is actually very
simply as a light bulb a light bulb of course has
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its own light I I know we'll take you know the
obvious needs of the water and power Department
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out of it feeding the electricity into the light
bulb but the light bulb itself shines from within
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and even if the light bulb itself has a shade
covering it the light is still there and if you
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put a blanket over the top of that shade the light
is still on we're still powered from the inside
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even if people around us can't see the light or
are immune to it or frankly are just blind to
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it I think this is something that women need to
keep in mind women unfortunately in the current
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dominant culture which is let's just name it the
patriarchy are often not noticed or seen for their
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light we are often seen as disempowered
that kind of messaging from the culture
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often creates a negative cycle within us that
makes us feel as if we are disempowered as if
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we don't have our own agency so whether we're
being given it from the outside or not whether
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it's being taken from us from the outside or not
whether we are denying it to ourselves that state
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of disempowerment Keeps Us small it prevents us
from reaching our goals of equality or equity and
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it feeds into The Narrative of women being
less than women not having the power to do
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things themselves and we're we're overcoming this
I understand we've got things happening that are
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allowing women to be more empowered we're being
viewed as more empowered we're helping each other
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become more empowered but there is still a lot of
this disempowerment narrative to overcome now what
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I want to remind you of my dear satisfied woman
is that no matter the stories you've been told
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no matter the Nar native that you have in your
mind no matter what the culture is telling us no
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matter how it's shifting no matter the wins we've
achieved over the last say seven years with the
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me too movement the last 60 plus years with the
feminist movement or the last 100 plus years with
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women themselves trying to find their own agency
even with all of the movement forward there is
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still a narrative there and no matter what you're
being told no matter how you feel about your
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your femininity your Womanhood you do still have
that light shining no one can turn it off it's
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there it's inside of you it is intrinsic it is
inbuilt it is empowered meaning it is always
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there being fed by the source of who you are your
femininity your energy your soul it's there so
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whether it's got a heavy lampshade over it or a
big fluffy blanket over it maybe the world can't
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see it maybe you yourself sometimes can't see
it it's there so if we're on the search for
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feminine energy if we're trying to embody that
more fully if we're trying to become more fully
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ourselves which would be a state of empowerment
um Joseph Campbell the mythologist uh he has he's
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very quotable he's frankly very quotable um one
of his quotes is the the privilege of a lifetime
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is being who you are now I love this no matter who
you are no matter who's listening to this podcast
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no matter who you share it with or uh whether
you're leaning into your femininity or or helping
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someone in your life lean into their femininity or
not being who you are knowing who you are is truly
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the state of empowerment so we need to realize
this about ourselves first and it's okay if we
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fail to see it some days it's okay if we forget
that that light is always internally shining it's
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okay if sometimes we look at another even another
woman and don't see her light it's okay we want
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to get to a point of more consistent remembrance
and recognition of that empowerment and when we
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get to a point of more consistent remembrance
and recognition of that empowerment within our
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self it will be easier to see it in others and
hopefully start to empower them as well one of the
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great things about being a woman uh there are many
great things one of the great things about being a
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woman and particularly a feminine woman in this
day and age with all of the shifts and changes
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that are happening around us is that women are
known for this is statistically true for sharing
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their generosity sharing their wealth essentially
sharing their empowerment when women are empowered
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when we have agency we don't keep it for ourselves
that um that more hierarchical individual pathway
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uh we could name it as selfish but honestly
sometimes it is actually self-serving in a
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really positive way but that more individualistic
kind of pathway towards a hierarchical uh view of
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success is a masculine trait it's not negative I
don't want to name it as negative it's it's got
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its purpose when it's needed but the feminine
counterpart of that we feel successful we
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feel most empowered when that's also happening
for those around us when those around us feel
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empowered successful uh most themselves we feel
good our empowerment is mutually beneficial so if
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we can Empower ourselves uh the good news is we're
we're going to be helping others and I know that
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helping others is high on the list of priorities
for most women uh it's part of who we are okay
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well I mean isn't that what we're all about we
want everybody to feel safe comfortable Loved
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These are all feminine qualities and gifts and
when we are empowered ourselves feeling that in
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and of ourselves we offer that to others so really
all of this is only good news you have that light
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shining within you no matter what it was placed
there at the moment of your birth the moment you
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took your first breath and came into Accord with
the universe and as you grew in your childhood and
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de decided or discovered right we don't know if
it's a a chicken or the egg decided or discovered
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however it came about that you identified
as a feminine woman that light Shone in a
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certain way within you now culture Society family
history the patriarchy your world your condition
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may have made you believe that that light was dim
it is not I'm here to tell you it's not and our
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work as feminine wom as we're um leaning more
into this femininity and discovering ourselves
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and moving along the path towards satisfaction
is not to brighten that light it is already
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self-effulgent and bright as [ __ ] it's simply to
uncover it it's simply to release the trappings of
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all of the BS the belief systems now that make us
believe that that light is not on so that said my
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little pep talk of intrinsic empowerment which
is who you are um I'm hoping it's getting you
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excited for what empowerment means for you and
what it will allow you to do as a woman in the
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world because we've got work to do not just for
ourselves to make our own personal lives better
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but in the world to make the lives of other
women our daughters our sisters our mothers
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uh other men around us the people that we love
most better uh that that's really at the heart of
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who we are as as feminine women we want everybody
to succeed we want everybody to be happy um it's
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just a part of our nature you know I don't I
don't mean to speak for you uh but I do imagine
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that if you are a listener of this podcast that's
probably something that's in your value system and
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so I'm speaking to that now I want to give you
some pointers as to how you know when you are
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in your personal power there are some ways to know
that because you might be wondering well you know
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great thanks Alana I appreciate your pep talk on
the fact that I do have this empowerment inside
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of me but how do I know that how do I recognize
that in others how am I sure that I am empowered
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how will I be able to tick that box I love ticking
boxes as much as the next person so let me give
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you a couple of tips and hints for what being in
your personal power feels like powered inwardly
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letting that light shine and hopefully shining
bright enough that you start to release whatever
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might be covering over it and dimming it either
for yourself or for others so one first little box
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to know that you are self-empowered is that you
have autonomy you are calling the shots now this
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is tough for women historically we've had shots
called for us whether that be in our personal
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lives or our Collective lives whether it be our
uh individual bodily rights being Stripped Away
0:11:06.960,0:11:12.440
whether it being being told who to marry whether
it be uh being told how to dress what career to
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choose uh how to act in the world how to repress
our femininity because it's being devalued there's
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a lot of messaging out there that strips us of
our autonomy you'll know when you're empowered
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when you take that back when you're calling
the shots in your own life when you have agents
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when you can stand up for yourself when you can
say no no to whatever drains your energy no to
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whatever feels inauthentic no to whatever doesn't
serve your highest purpose or the highest purpose
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of those around you no to overextending yourself
when you have the agency to choose fully what
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is right good and and true for you you know
that you are empowered so you have autonomy
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you're calling the shots now if you're not doing
that right now I understand I do there's a lot
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of again messaging uh in our history in our
culture that tries to take that away from us
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but I guess my question back to you would be what
would happen if you did what would happen if you
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started calling your own shots what would happen
if you took back your own agency I know for myself
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in my history or even in my present moment when
I feel a sense of disempowered and I don't feel
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autonomous if I don't feel like I have agency the
thing I'm most concerned about is pissing someone
0:12:41.840,0:12:47.480
else off or upsetting someone that I love well if
I don't do what they ask either they won't need
0:12:47.480,0:12:55.120
me or they'll think that I you know don't feel a
certain way about them or um they'll they'll go
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out they'll go somewhere else for what they need
it's usually about hurting other people's feelings
0:13:01.080,0:13:10.240
um my suggestion to you is don't worry about it
let go of that when you are autonomous and you
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are working in your own agency you're working
authentically and if you're not anything you do
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inauthentically ultimately is harmful to yourself
and others anyway it's not coming from your heart
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it's not coming from your soul and though there
may be a short-term gain in doing what someone
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else is asking and in you know not pissing them
off there is no long-term gain and it's not going
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to further connect you to them or with them so
it's okay to get comfortable with disappointing
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people sometimes now if it's in your value system
to do something for them that's a bit outside
0:13:53.280,0:13:58.360
of your comfort zone I understand and doing that
occasionally is okay I wouldn't recommend it long
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term it's not a part of a long-term successful
solution and as women we have been taught and
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trained to care far too much about the needs
of other people while subjugating our own and
0:14:11.440,0:14:16.880
that just needs to stop it just does just because
people are used to it just because we may be used
0:14:16.880,0:14:23.920
to it doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it
the way for us to move forward autonomy and agency
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are how you know you're empowered and sometimes
disappointing other people helps you to get your
0:14:29.520,0:14:36.480
own needs met and in my research in my study
There is almost nothing more important to the
0:14:36.480,0:14:44.000
life of a human than getting his or her own needs
met so we start here with autonomy and agency the
0:14:44.000,0:14:51.240
next little box to know looks thing to tick is um
that you have self trust you trust yourself you
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trust yourself now for a feminine woman what
that means is that you honor your intuition
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I maintain that the two most important qualities
of femininity are our intuition our inner knowing
0:15:10.440,0:15:21.200
and our emotions our emotions and our intuition
are the Beating Heart of Womanhood and the core
0:15:21.200,0:15:29.080
of femininity it is who we are and our
culture has spent 2500 probably up to
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5,000 maybe even 8,000 years if we look back at
where the patriarchy originated repressing that
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because when women listen to their intuition it
means things need to change our intuition speaks
0:15:42.360,0:15:49.840
often times when we feel a sense of discomfort we
get that spidey sense that that uh tingle inside
0:15:49.840,0:15:53.880
of our belly or maybe on the back of our neck
that says wait a minute something's not right
0:15:53.880,0:16:00.040
here now I know for myself and I speak this way
because I I imagine it's probably the same for
0:16:00.040,0:16:12.680
you that when we feel it we often don't listen to
it and I cannot tell you how every single time I
0:16:12.680,0:16:19.360
haven't listened to my intuition I have regretted
it I have looked back and regretted it and I bet
0:16:19.360,0:16:27.440
that that's true for you too there's never going
to be a time that you that you don't listen to
0:16:27.440,0:16:31.920
your intuition and you get get past something and
think wow that was that was actually really great
0:16:31.920,0:16:39.760
your intuition is there for a reason it is your
ancestry communicating to you about what keeps you
0:16:39.760,0:16:45.440
safe happy and comfortable and in moments where
your intuition is speaking up where you have
0:16:45.440,0:16:51.880
that inner sense that inner knowing it doesn't
have to make sense in fact it is not logical
0:16:51.880,0:16:59.000
logic is the principle of masculinity it is ma
masculinity's greatest strength um it doesn't
0:16:59.000,0:17:04.480
to be logical you don't have to figure it out you
don't have to know why it's coming up for you you
0:17:04.480,0:17:11.360
just have to listen to it trusting yourself
trusting your intuition always following that
0:17:11.360,0:17:15.760
inner guidance is what keeps you on a course
that not only keeps you safe comfortable and
0:17:15.760,0:17:21.600
happy but also eventually keeps others around
you safe comfortable and happy the reason why we
0:17:21.600,0:17:27.760
often repress it and the reason why the culture
has repressed it is because when it comes up it
0:17:27.760,0:17:34.320
often means other people around us need to adjust
and one of the strengths of masculinity is forward
0:17:34.320,0:17:39.920
motion and consistent Direction leadership now
we love leadership there's nothing wrong with
0:17:39.920,0:17:47.080
it in fact it gets us to a Finish Line and we
we have to employ it in many circumstances but
0:17:47.080,0:17:53.400
feminine intuition is there to change the course
when it's necessary if we're on a course that's
0:17:53.400,0:17:59.280
going to take us to the wrong destination it's
the feminine intuition that will let the Mas
0:17:59.280,0:18:03.400
know that whether it's the masculine
outside of you or whether it's your
0:18:03.400,0:18:09.080
own internal masculine because we all have both
internal masculine and feminine energies right
0:18:09.080,0:18:13.880
sometimes our internal masculine drives
will try to override our own internal
0:18:13.880,0:18:22.560
feminine intuition if you identify as a feminine
woman listen to that intuition first and trust
0:18:22.560,0:18:30.920
yourself all right our next bit where we know
that we are empowered is that we have the ability
0:18:30.920,0:18:38.760
to decide we have discernment now I come from a
background of yoga and spiritual practice that's
0:18:38.760,0:18:45.040
what I did before I moved into this work it was
a great foundation for me for this work and it's
0:18:45.040,0:18:49.920
where a lot of my research actually originated
I'm going to bring in a Sanskrit word for you
0:18:49.920,0:18:55.640
because I've always loved it and it helps to
illuminate what I believe is the most powerful
0:18:55.640,0:19:05.840
definition of discernment all right the ability
to side discernment in Sanskrit is VCA VCA means
0:19:05.840,0:19:13.160
your ability to make a choice that is always
going to help you lean toward the light now if
0:19:13.160,0:19:18.960
we think about being empowered is our own Inner
Light we definitely want to lean into that if a
0:19:18.960,0:19:24.840
choice is going to help you lean into that light
then you are practicing discernment you are making
0:19:24.840,0:19:31.640
a powerful choice for yourself now here's an
overwhelming fact as an adult you make on average
0:19:31.640,0:19:40.480
35,000 decisions every day from whether to get
up out of bed at the first sound of the alarm to
0:19:40.480,0:19:46.680
when to brush your teeth to how to walk out that
door what outfit to put on how to engage with your
0:19:46.680,0:19:55.280
friends your counterparts your loved ones 35,000
decisions every day imagine the power behind
0:19:55.280,0:20:02.360
making those decisions in such a way that it keeps
you leaning into that incredible feminine light
0:20:02.360,0:20:11.800
that is your Birthright that's discernment and
that's your power of decision- making all right
0:20:11.800,0:20:16.960
our next place our next bit our next box that
we know we're empowered on our list and this is
0:20:16.960,0:20:23.280
not a hierarchical list right femininity doesn't
have hierarchy it's egalitarian so we don't need
0:20:23.280,0:20:29.320
to have one first before the other in this list
but the next one is effectiveness you're actually
0:20:29.320,0:20:34.680
getting your needs met you're in a situation where
your needs are getting met this is an easy one if
0:20:34.680,0:20:41.120
you are in a situation where your needs are not
being met get out of that situation okay it's
0:20:41.120,0:20:47.040
easy for me to say that I know that there are
many situations that it is both difficult and
0:20:47.040,0:20:55.400
especially for us women potentially dangerous to
get out of um if you are in a place of danger then
0:20:55.400,0:21:01.960
you do need to get out of it um and I understand
the difficulty in sometimes extracting yourself
0:21:01.960,0:21:09.480
from a a dangerous situation um my my heart is
actually feeling a lot of emotion for that right
0:21:09.480,0:21:16.720
now for my fellow women who are in that position
and please reach out for help if that is the case
0:21:16.720,0:21:24.360
um I want that for you if there are situations
that are more under your control and you notice
0:21:24.360,0:21:28.760
that you are not getting your needs met whether
it's a relationship with a friend a loved one
0:21:28.760,0:21:34.240
business uh a housing situation whatever the
situation is if your needs are not being met
0:21:34.240,0:21:41.520
get out you are not being effective effective
Effectiveness means that what your heart wants
0:21:41.520,0:21:49.520
is being achieved the definition of satisfaction
is the Fulfillment of your wishes and needs you
0:21:49.520,0:21:53.800
cannot be a satisfied woman if you are not
getting your wishes and needs met so if the
0:21:53.800,0:21:58.960
situation that you're in right now does not allow
you to do that it is time to leave simple as that
0:21:58.960,0:22:04.640
It's actually an Easy Choice it may be hard to
do it may be hard to execute but the choice can
0:22:04.640,0:22:10.880
come from that empowered light and it can be
a good choice for you all right our next point
0:22:10.880,0:22:16.400
to know that we are empowered is determination
you have the will to do it you have the energy
0:22:16.400,0:22:23.880
to do something you have the energy to move along
your satisfied path if you feel sapped if you feel
0:22:23.880,0:22:30.480
burnt out then it is not your path it is time to
leave if you need to drop whatever it is that's
0:22:30.480,0:22:36.880
draining you so that you can be more resourced
and have your well full so that you can move
0:22:36.880,0:22:44.800
on the path of a satisfied woman the next thing
to know that you are empowered is connectedness
0:22:44.800,0:22:49.480
that you feel connected to those that you are
around that you are surrounded by people that
0:22:49.480,0:22:54.840
you love you can love them a little bit they can
be work colleagues they can be acquaintances but
0:22:54.840,0:22:59.360
you're in a community that you enjoy that you
feel comfortable in that you're in a family
0:22:59.360,0:23:06.240
that you enjoy and feel comfortable in we place
a lot of weight on family but I want to relieve
0:23:06.240,0:23:12.600
you of that weight to some extent and remind
you that family was not necessarily a choice
0:23:12.600,0:23:20.880
and not all family members are going to serve your
highest good and if they don't it might be time to
0:23:20.880,0:23:26.080
resign or check out either permanently or for a
short amount of time to get your well filled to
0:23:26.080,0:23:33.400
become more empowered to find your boundaries
to understand your needs uh family is optional
0:23:33.400,0:23:41.360
I had a powerful experience as a a young woman
where I stood up to uh my father he was abusive
0:23:41.360,0:23:47.640
and I actually ended up in court that was the only
way that I could get him to just stop what he was
0:23:47.640,0:23:53.120
doing and it was the first time in my life that
someone stood up for me and affirmed that choice
0:23:53.120,0:23:58.600
it was a judge she was a woman and I'll never
forget what she said to my father she said uh
0:23:58.600,0:24:04.520
you have a belief that you have a right to a
relationship with your daughter and that is
0:24:04.520,0:24:10.160
not a correct belief in fact it is a privilege to
have a relationship with your daughter and today I
0:24:10.160,0:24:16.640
revoke that privilege now I needed to have the law
step in in order to sever that relationship with
0:24:16.640,0:24:22.680
my father at the time in order to create safety
for me in order to enforce my boundaries and I
0:24:22.680,0:24:28.480
was I am still grateful this is why I'm telling
the story to that wonderful woman judge who had
0:24:28.480,0:24:33.440
had power and the agency to help me make that
choice and enforce it now many people didn't
0:24:33.440,0:24:39.360
understand that because we hold so dear to this
idea of family blood is thicker than water but
0:24:39.360,0:24:44.840
again it is a privilege to be in a relationship
with anyone in your life and for anyone that
0:24:44.840,0:24:49.840
you don't feel connected to who isn't feeding
that source of empowerment it might be time to
0:24:49.840,0:24:58.480
either hit pause pause or hit eject okay two more
points to know that you are empowered to recognize
0:24:58.480,0:25:05.600
that beautiful light burning within you you have
nurturance meaning you have time and the ability
0:25:05.600,0:25:11.840
to care for yourself you have the time and the
ability to make your life a little easier uh I
0:25:11.840,0:25:19.000
you know I owned a business um before this
one and uh one of the things that I came
0:25:19.000,0:25:24.080
to really love and adore in my business was
the power of Outsourcing there are a lot of
0:25:24.080,0:25:28.320
things about running a business that I I didn't
love I didn't love the marketing I didn't love
0:25:29.080,0:25:34.240
um some of the admin aspects and in the beginning
of my business of course I had to do everything
0:25:34.240,0:25:38.400
because I was building it but eventually
I realized I didn't have to do everything
0:25:38.400,0:25:43.760
that I could ask for help that I could Outsource
things that really didn't serve my soul so that I
0:25:43.760,0:25:49.320
could have time to do the things that really did
serve my soul and that allowed me to tap into my
0:25:49.320,0:25:55.320
creativity now Outsourcing isn't just for business
you can actually Outsource almost anything in your
0:25:55.320,0:26:02.280
life um asking for help is a power ful tool in
nurturance and self-care because it will allow
0:26:02.280,0:26:07.360
you time to do the things that feed you whether
that's a creative Endeavor whether it's a physical
0:26:07.360,0:26:16.720
Endeavor um whether it is some type of relaxation
whether it's a vacation uh whatever way in which
0:26:16.720,0:26:23.080
you feel most nurtured uh nourished I like the
word nourished for the feminine actually to be
0:26:23.080,0:26:31.440
fed to be uh filled up I think of our femininity
as a well and when the well is dry and empty it it
0:26:31.440,0:26:37.480
actually serves no one the well is dry and empty
but no one can come and drink from that well when
0:26:37.480,0:26:43.560
our well is full not only are we nourished from
the inside out we're empowered but we're able to
0:26:43.560,0:26:47.560
serve others in our community better better and I
know that that's something that's really important
0:26:47.560,0:26:56.320
to women to nourish ourselves also allows us
to tend to our emotions when we're stuck in
0:26:56.320,0:27:03.280
a masculine mode of work work work do do dooo BBB
our emotions tend to get a backseat and we ignore
0:27:03.280,0:27:08.800
them and we repress them but that is always going
to be to our own detriment in times of self-care
0:27:08.800,0:27:14.600
maybe we engage in meditation maybe we do some
sort of spiritual practice maybe we get a massage
0:27:14.600,0:27:21.800
maybe we just walk outside maybe we go hug a tree
wherever you are whatever that is for you um it
0:27:21.800,0:27:27.480
allows your emotions to have some time and space
to flourish and your emotions will always tell
0:27:27.480,0:27:35.600
you how you're doing and what you need if the two
most important Gifts of femininity are emotions
0:27:35.600,0:27:42.720
and intuition then this is critically important so
nurturance all right our last bullet point for how
0:27:42.720,0:27:49.840
to know we are empowered is self-affirming we're
affirming all the things we're doing and really
0:27:49.840,0:27:54.680
that is a sense of self forgiveness because you
know sometimes we don't get it right but we can
0:27:54.680,0:28:01.960
still affirm the choice that leads us to the
next one so if you look back over your life um
0:28:01.960,0:28:08.440
you know they say that hindsight is 2020 if you
look back over your life maybe you can see how
0:28:08.440,0:28:13.000
even what may have been the wrong decision in the
moment LED you to a right one down the road and
0:28:13.000,0:28:18.480
you can affirm even the decisions that maybe you
second guessed at the time were always the right
0:28:18.480,0:28:28.120
ones for you to know that you can forgive yourself
is important but here's a trick about forgiveness
0:28:28.120,0:28:35.320
there's actually nothing to forgive when you come
to that realization Everything Is Forgiven it's
0:28:35.320,0:28:43.600
like the child who spills the glass of milk on the
floor we don't admonish them for it we don't you
0:28:43.600,0:28:48.360
you know deride them for it degrade them for it
we don't uh abuse them for it they simply spilled
0:28:48.360,0:28:54.680
the glass of milk they didn't do anything wrong
there's nothing to forgive in that action it's the
0:28:54.680,0:29:00.080
same for us there's nothing to forgive we did the
best in the moment that we did it and it's led us
0:29:00.080,0:29:06.840
to where we are now and we can continue to learn
from our past and do more in the future to affirm
0:29:06.840,0:29:14.880
our internal light and remain in that state of
self-empowerment so my fellow satisfied woman this
0:29:14.880,0:29:20.880
is how we remain empowered this is how we light
the path to empowerment remember that your light
0:29:20.880,0:29:28.040
is always on start to see it in yourself every day
and that's going to allow you to see it in others
0:29:29.720,0:29:33.520
from the bottom of my heart thank you for your
time and thank you for being on this path with
0:29:33.520,0:29:40.240
me I'll look forward to talking to you more in the
next podcast for now join my community and learn
0:29:40.240,0:29:45.760
more about the path to becoming a satisfied
woman on my website thesatisfiedwoman.com
