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Hello! welcome to the satisfied woman podcast.
I'm your host Alanna Kaivaya, Ph.D. This podcast
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is dedicated to helping women lean into their
femininity and rediscover the power of their
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feminine gifts we take a look at what it
means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live A Satisfied life on our own terms
visit the Hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com.
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Now this is only my second podcast in this show
and I am so excited to be back if you missed the
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first podcast where I go through a little bit more
about who I am and what this podcast is about make
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sure that you go back and listen to first episode
otherwise here we are podcast number two and I'm
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ready to Deep dive into what it means to be a
satisfied woman I was blown away when I looked
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up the actual definition of satisfaction let
me give it to you satisfaction is the pleasure
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derived from the Fulfillment of one's wishes or
needs I'm going to repeat that because this is
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exactly what we want as feminine women ready
satisfaction is the pleasure derived from the
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Fulfillment of one's wishes or needs hearing
that definition honestly as a feminine woman
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makes me feel incredibly light and At Ease on the
inside let's dive a little bit more into some of
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the components of that definition so we truly
understand what satisfaction is and why it's so
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important for the feminine woman so satisfaction
is the pleasure derived from the Fulfillment of
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one's wishes or needs let's talk about pleasure
pleasure is inherently feminine the feminine woman
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in her fullness is able to experience pleasure on
an internal level and run that pleasure through
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her body so that others around her can receive it
and experience pleasure and joy as well pleasure
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when a feminine woman is feeling it is contagious
so it actually benefits everybody pleasure is the
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freedom to feel Joy in one's body and heart we
must feel safe and secure in order to do this
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now I understand what means to be a feminine woman
in this modern world I get it I know that women
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anywhere may not have the conditions of Safety and
Security I understand that I've been there myself
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and I know that the world that we live in is not
easy so it is my absolute hope that as a woman
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listening to this podcast that you can create a
world for yourself that is safe and secure and
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I do have some ideas on how to create that kind
of world uh in my book and also in this podcast
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I will be sharing them but I just wanted to make
a note that I understand Safety and Security can
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be hard to come by and that I am sympathetic
to that my wish is that we all feel safe and
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secure Safety and Security is what will lead to
us having the ability to feel a sense of pleasure
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when our wishes and needs are fulfilled we won't
be able to feel pleasure if we don't have that
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Safety and Security so it's a bit of a chicken or
the egg question here with this however let's try
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to focus on the pleasure and the moments that we
can feel pleasure the moments that we feel alive
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with that sense of joy that comes from within us
so that when we feel it others do too so pleasure
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is the freedom to feel Joy in one's body and heart
now let's dissect the next word in our definition
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here fulfillment fulfillment is different than
success now in my first podcast I talked a little
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bit about success and how it's different than
satisfaction success is a very masculine term
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success implies hierarchy success implies doing
it yourself that it's your success over someone
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else's you might have to climb over someone to
get your success and push theirs down or away
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success is very rarely a team effort and in fact
success in our current patriarchy is most valued
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when we fight for it ourselves and I definitely
discovered this when I created and ran my own
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business um which I sold last year because it just
wasn't satisfying me um we want satisfaction as
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women so success is a little different success
is hierarchical it's pushing other people's um
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wants needs or uh desires down in order to get
our own and it's often DIY whereas fulfillment
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is a Feeling of happiness or contentment that is
derived from having one's needs met fulfillment
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is a feeling success is an achievement so when we
feel happy and content we are fulfilled and that
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happens when we have our needs met now this is the
last part of that definition of satisfaction which
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remember satisfaction is the pleasure derived
from the Fulfillment of one's wishes or needs
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let's talk about wishes and needs one is not more
important than the other okay wishes and needs
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are both equally as important but one can be lived
without needs we have to have and wishes we would
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like to have wishes are going to bring us that
sense of joy and excitement and nourishment in
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life whereas needs are going to bring us that
sense of Safety and Security now all of those
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things are required in order for us to have a
fulfilling fully expressed and healthy life so
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I would never want anyone to repress their wishes
or their needs they're both equally valuable and
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remember that's where satisfaction comes from
Satisfaction is the Fulfillment is the pleasure
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derived from the Fulfillment of one's wishes and
needs now I've done a lot of research over the
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past couple of decades and in earning my PhD and
even in writing the book The Way of the satisfied
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woman and a lot of that research centers not
just on masculinity and femininity and how to
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be a fully embodied feminine woman in the modern
world but the Crux of it really is our ability to
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get our needs met when we have our needs met not
just as feminine women but as humans we then have
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the ability to express ourselves fully and live
a fully manifested life so getting our needs met
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the importance of that cannot be underestimated
and I can't in my own life and experience name a
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woman who hasn't subjugated her own needs for
that of others it happens with the masculine
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but less it's not a masculine trait it's something
that the feminine in its oppression repression or
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Distortion will do when it doesn't feel safe when
it feels like it needs to over overdo something to
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give itself away um but no one ends up fulfilled
and no one certainly ends up satisfied in that
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state so if there's one thing maybe that you take
away from this particular podcast let it be that
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your needs and wishes are incredibly important
and that your needs and wishes are the key to
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your feeling your sense of Satisfaction Just to
drive this point home I'm going to um read to you
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an excerpt from my book The Way of the satisfied
woman so that you've got something to think
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about here the satisfied woman is one embodying
her femininity fully leaning into her natural
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polarity asking the world to Revere her Womanhood
and claim her rightful place anywhere she desires
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to be she is the lady who is deeply comfortable
with herself and her surroundings because she is
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completely supported and free to be her wild
feminine self tapped into her creativity and
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channels it regularly she is sexually satisfied
and able to run pleasure through her body honors
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her emotions and intuition as her primary decision
making Force this can be you satisfied woman so
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let that settle in a little give it some not
just thought but some feeling because that's
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what the feminine does the feminine feels is this
right is this true for me is this good and follows
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that intuitive sense of rightness and goodness and
when something is not right and good the feminine
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is going to feel it first and and you know this if
you are a feminine woman listening to this podcast
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you know that when your intuition strikes and
you start to feel that sense of discomfort like
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something's not right here you will not rest your
body will not be at rest your mind will not be at
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rest your heart will not be at rest and even if
it doesn't make sense in the world that sense
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of discomfort that is that is your that is your
guiding post your your your true north you got to
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follow it you got to live listen to it in order
to find what will bring you comfort in order to
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discover what will bring you satisfaction so if
you know something's not quite right you're going
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to you're going to figure it out and you will not
be at rest or at peace until you do that's um an
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inherent quality of femininity when when things
are a little bit off it's the feminine that feels
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it first and that seeks out change the feminine
is no stranger to change our bodies change
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all the time we can never never just relax in a
complacency we can never be still the feminine is
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always moving and in that movement in that change
in that discomfort we're constantly tweaking and
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recalibrating our sense of satisfaction rightness
goodness and tress for us the satisfied woman when
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when she let's imagine her and even better let's
imagine ourselves as her the satisfied woman has
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certain conditions and I want all of these for
you I will say that these are all a journey they
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will all be in flux here and there there will be
some that will come more easily at times and other
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qualities that would be more challenging but take
on some of these qualities take them in feel them
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feel where you are lacking in some areas and
feel where you are shining in some areas the
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satisfied woman will satisfied because she is
surrounded by people who love and care for her
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no not everybody will love and care for us at
all times but hopefully we have people in our
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lives right now who have love and care and who
believe us when we speak who believe us when we
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have something to say who care and love us enough
to hear what it is we want to share that's really
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important for the feminine the satisfied woman
is comfortable enough in her surroundings to be
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herself now I know that especially for young
women that that is an incredible challenge I
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remember for myself as a teenager being in my
own body was uncomfortable being a young woman
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on my own in college was uncomfortable being
a young woman on my own in New York City was
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uncomfortable knowing who I was being comfortable
in my skin feeling safe in my skin was a challenge
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but satisfaction happens when we are comfortable
enough in our surroundings to be ourselves so
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where there is this Comfort how do we create more
Comfort how do we create more Comfort one of my
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most favorite questions actually to ask um friends
people that I'm with colleagues is are you comfort
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and then if they say oh yeah yeah you know
CU nobody wants to be a bother nobody wants
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to express that oh you know like actually I
could move this chair a little bit I ask a
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follow-up question which is how could you be more
comfortable because then people really have to
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think oh oh you know what maybe I need to adjust
my collar a little bit or maybe I need an extra
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pillow behind my back or actually maybe I need
to turn the lighting down now look life is full
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of discomforts it is there's going to be times
where we're uncomfortable in a meeting or the
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temperature isn't right or there's a rock in our
shoe that's life that's life we're going to have
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to learn to deal with and manage the discomfort
and often the care in that uncomfortable place
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comes from the masculine whether it's from within
ourselves or from external sources the masculine
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will want to care for the uncomfortable feminine
and try and move the feminine toward Comfort but
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sometimes we have to suffer a little I don't
recommend suffering and discomfort for very
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long and there is great uh Power and satisfaction
in finding how you can be more comfortable in any
0:14:07.539,0:14:13.019
situation that you're in and calling out
your source of discomfort is incredibly
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feminine I laugh because um you know one of the
the big criticisms of the feminine is often the
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complaining or the nagging that's not what this
has to be calling out our source of discomfort
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doesn't have to be a complaint and it doesn't
have to be a nag um and those who harp on us
0:14:36.139,0:14:43.619
for complaining and nagging um they're just not
prepared to deal with our discomfort they're not
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prepared to alleviate it in any way you know they
don't they're they're on a path that the masculine
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is often on a path and doesn't like to be derailed
and sometimes the feminines discomfort Fort uh
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feels like a derailment it's not it's a course
correction um we can also position it in a way
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that doesn't sound like nagging we can just simply
State our needs and that can be really helpful
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in any case just Comfort is real and it's valid
and it shows us where we could actually be more
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comfortable and comfort is where satisfaction lies
the satisfied woman is supported in her ideas and
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free to collaborate and connect so the feminine
has lots of brainstorms the feminine loves to
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come up with ideas that's that kind of energetic
um you know creativity is inherently feminine now
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the masculine will often help to direct it or to
give it some guidance that's the masculine job
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and again whether that's from within us or from
external sources all fine but the feminine woman
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wants to have that creativity that collaboration
where the ideas are heard where it helps to Foster
0:16:01.219,0:16:07.979
more well-being the feminine is the source of life
and it's the source of life whether we're having
0:16:07.979,0:16:15.459
babies or not when we feel more alive we are in
the presence of the feminine so to have ideas
0:16:15.459,0:16:21.979
is to find W ways to feel more alive you know yes
we've been doing it this way for a very long time
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and this way has always worked but what if some
new ideas made us feel even more alive if we just
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changed course a little bit that's worthwhile
for the feminine the feminine is able to access
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her creativity without the pressure of time or
productivity this is really important now as women
0:16:43.939,0:16:53.499
in feminine as feminine women in female bodies we
are governed by time we are governed by time we
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are always going to be asking when when someone
promis us some promises us something we're going
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to say when uh women are famous for our ultimatums
aren't we like when is this going to happen I need
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this done so it's so refreshing to have these
Pockets these moments this ability to just be
0:17:11.979,0:17:17.699
creative without the pressure of time and most
importantly without the pressure of productivity
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productivity is masculine productivity wants
things done it wants things achieved it's
0:17:22.059,0:17:31.219
a measure of success um I remember owning my
business and literally having productivity tools
0:17:31.219,0:17:37.739
no space for just creating tools but productivity
tools let's produce uh you know what are the
0:17:37.739,0:17:44.739
metrics um and again that's valuable it's valuable
in one sense and it's valuable in business and
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people value it highly and not devaluing it but
we also need space for just creative Pursuits
0:17:51.779,0:17:59.459
and creativity really is B born out of not being
forced to be productive um I remember when I was
0:17:59.459,0:18:08.579
starting my business um back in 2015 and I had
this space for creativity I created something I
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said to um a partner a business partner of mine
I wanted to create a training program and the
0:18:15.059,0:18:20.619
business partner said great let's just have you
record it and do it and I took my own self off
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and created the curriculum and recorded it and did
it and it took me about a year and there wasn't a
0:18:26.699,0:18:32.019
great pressure for it must be done by ex date um
I was starting to feel my own pressure because
0:18:32.019,0:18:36.779
I wanted to give birth to that idea you can't
be just daating forever you have to eventually
0:18:36.779,0:18:45.539
get that idea that thing out into the world but it
was really freeing to just be able to create and I
0:18:45.539,0:18:53.499
want that for you and whatever type of creativity
feels most nourishing to you and your soul and
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Intimate Relationships the feminine woman the
satisfied woman is cherished now let me Define
0:19:01.739,0:19:08.739
cherished for this context to be cherished
means that your emotions and your intuition
0:19:08.739,0:19:17.579
are prioritized and you are never left alone in
them so when we are cherished as feminine women we
0:19:17.579,0:19:27.259
will be valued for our intuition and emotions and
it will be know known that we are the calibration
0:19:27.259,0:19:35.179
for whether things are good in our environment and
when we feel bad when we have a a bad emotion and
0:19:35.179,0:19:41.859
I don't mean um a devalued or an unwanted emotion
I mean something that feels on the spectrum of not
0:19:41.859,0:19:46.939
great versus there are emotions that feel on the
spectrum of great right there's lots of emotions
0:19:46.939,0:19:52.859
they're all valuable they're all valid but when we
feel some sense of discomfort when we're feeling
0:19:52.859,0:20:00.219
some kind of uh you know not great emotions some
kind of unease that in an intimate relationship
0:20:00.219,0:20:07.819
with the masculine that's going to be so valued
that that's what is the recalibration point it's
0:20:07.819,0:20:14.619
not dismissed it's not repressed it's not shrug
you know pushed off it's not shoved under the rug
0:20:14.619,0:20:26.019
it's not questioned it's not gaslit it's not said
to be crazy it's the that becomes okay sweetheart
0:20:26.019,0:20:34.859
beloved of mine I can see your emotion as this
how can I support you that's cherishing or when
0:20:34.859,0:20:42.099
the feminine has an intuitive hit you know
what I I don't think it's time to go there
0:20:42.099,0:20:47.819
the masculine honors it and says okay we won't go
there and we're LED in a different direction um
0:20:47.819,0:20:51.979
it doesn't always have to make sense and that's
the challenge for the masculine counterpart in
0:20:51.979,0:20:58.259
relationship and I'll talk about I'll give a quick
um kind of asterisk SE bottom here in relationship
0:20:58.259,0:21:06.619
in just a second but that's the masculine work
in relationship because it it's not going to be
0:21:06.619,0:21:13.739
necessarily logical and the masculine relies on
logic and reason and intuition and emotion are
0:21:13.739,0:21:17.259
they're just not logical and reasonable
they don't have to be it's this just not
0:21:17.259,0:21:22.379
their domain they are in the feminine and when
the feminine is feeling intuitive and emotion
0:21:22.379,0:21:30.419
then the masculine will honor that and use logic
and reason to maneuver in a direction of comfort
0:21:30.419,0:21:37.979
safety support um so it's a symbiotic relationship
between masculine and feminine and again this can
0:21:37.979,0:21:44.539
happen internally within our own self because as
humans we all have masculine and feminine within
0:21:44.539,0:21:52.019
us all of us will lean toward one polarity we will
have one primary polarity we can call forth either
0:21:52.019,0:21:57.339
one at any time when it is necessary because both
have incredible attributes that are valuable and
0:21:57.339,0:22:05.099
essential okay so there's no good or bad there's
no hierarchy here however in Intimate relationship
0:22:05.099,0:22:12.099
regardless of gender regardless of orientation
because every human has both polarities in them in
0:22:12.099,0:22:17.699
Intimate relationship with another human you'll
want to have the tension of opposites you'll
0:22:17.699,0:22:25.019
want to have one human that is of one polarity
primarily and the other human that is of the other
0:22:25.019,0:22:29.979
polarity primarily okay you can switch back and
forth there's reasons to do both everything under
0:22:29.979,0:22:35.619
the sun is okay but we all have a primary polarity
and an intimate relationship we want to have the
0:22:35.619,0:22:42.419
tension of opposites and that's what's going to
create a lot of success in relationship also as
0:22:42.419,0:22:50.139
human beings we are hardwired for relationship we
actually have more success downregulating our own
0:22:50.139,0:22:58.739
nervous systems in relationship than we do on our
own and look I know that this can be challenging
0:22:58.739,0:23:06.059
to hear especially as a fiercely independent woman
or let's say a recovering fiercely independent
0:23:06.059,0:23:11.939
woman in this modern patriarchal world we are told
that we should be able to do everything ourselves
0:23:11.939,0:23:17.179
that we should be able to hold all of all of
all of the things all of the time be everything
0:23:17.179,0:23:22.699
for everyone all of the time and do it all all
ourselves all the time I get that that's that's
0:23:22.699,0:23:29.219
what's valued here and I understand that you know
single life happens I understand that there are
0:23:29.219,0:23:34.779
people who prefer to be single I understand that
you will have times of being single there may be a
0:23:34.779,0:23:43.379
time that you don't want a relationship again all
of that is okay but even the most staunchly single
0:23:43.379,0:23:49.659
people at one time or another in their life are
going to find themselves in relationship you are
0:23:49.659,0:23:57.099
human it is inevitable even after the worst first
breakup you swear off relationship forever I give
0:23:57.099,0:24:04.099
it 3 to six months and you'll be back looking
for relationship because it's what it's what
0:24:04.099,0:24:11.539
being human is so we can't Overlook relationship
and we also can't think that we are supposed to
0:24:11.539,0:24:19.179
do everything for and with ourselves it's great
that we can it's good to know that you uh develop
0:24:19.179,0:24:23.859
a sense of self knowledge and Independence
when you know you do things for yourself it's
0:24:23.859,0:24:30.579
great it's a great skill but forever and ever I
don't recommend it I don't recommend it so when
0:24:30.579,0:24:36.179
you find yourself in a relationship because
you will if you are the feminine woman in the
0:24:36.179,0:24:44.259
relationship then you'll want to find a masculine
counterpart that cherishes you that really values
0:24:44.259,0:24:49.739
your emotion and your intuition and when it comes
up for you when you feel free and safe to voice
0:24:49.739,0:24:56.619
what's going on that masculine counterpart says
yep I got you I got you I hear you I got you
0:24:56.619,0:25:04.379
that's that's the beauty of the satisfied woman
that's what she's going to feel she's also safe
0:25:04.379,0:25:13.539
to radiate pleasure and to feel pleasure now yes I
do talk about pleasure in a sexual context and the
0:25:13.539,0:25:21.859
satisfied woman is absolutely sexually satisfied
in all of the ways that are most pleasing to her
0:25:21.859,0:25:27.579
again whatever that is in the ways that are most
pleasing to her she is sexually satisfied but
0:25:27.579,0:25:34.139
pleasure isn't just about our sexuality it can be
about any moment in life that brings us true joy
0:25:34.139,0:25:41.939
and when you feel safe to feel pleasure nothing
is more delightful than being in the presence of
0:25:41.939,0:25:47.979
the feminine when it is feeling pleasure whether
you are a friend of that feminine whether you
0:25:47.979,0:25:52.939
are an intimate partner of that feminine a family
member when she is in a place of pleasure when she
0:25:52.939,0:25:59.019
safe to feel that the world feels it she radiates
it it's a source of life it's a source of Life
0:25:59.019,0:26:07.819
Energy so we want to make our feminine women
happy um I was watching I don't know what TV
0:26:07.819,0:26:14.059
program I was watching the other day and there
was a married couple on the program and uh you
0:26:14.059,0:26:19.539
know the one one of the married Partners says to
the other happy wife happy life and I know that
0:26:19.539,0:26:25.899
that is a trit age old trope you know that may or
may not fit your particular view of relationship
0:26:25.899,0:26:33.179
but I like the idea that the feminine counterpart
in relationship if the feminine counterpart is
0:26:33.179,0:26:39.379
Happy it actually engenders happiness for all I
think that's beautiful that's a good thing to to
0:26:39.379,0:26:47.179
pan our satisfaction on and The Feminine in its
satisfaction is going to be powered and empowered
0:26:47.179,0:26:53.019
by her emotions and intuition it is the driver
of our successful uh or our satisfa satisfaction
0:26:53.019,0:26:59.459
in business in relationship in life These are
arguably the feminine most important gifts and
0:26:59.459,0:27:04.099
something that I will be diving far more into
in future podcasts and in my book The Way of
0:27:04.099,0:27:10.899
the satisfied woman this is also what the
feminine is most vilified for if you ever
0:27:10.899,0:27:16.379
heard of witches being burned at the stake
it was because of their intuition and their
0:27:16.379,0:27:22.939
emotion most fundamentally and you know we
have that metaphor still percolating today
0:27:22.939,0:27:29.859
intuition and emotions are um they're vilified
they're repressed they're questioned uh this is
0:27:29.859,0:27:35.619
where gaslighting comes in gas lighting will tell
intuition and emotion that it is wrong that it is
0:27:35.619,0:27:43.779
untrue when intuition and emotion for the feminine
is the most true thing that she has and again we
0:27:43.779,0:27:49.339
can fact check that with more reason and logic
once we have the intuition and emotion and again
0:27:49.339,0:27:54.179
all of these things all these qualities are great
but what I want to do is helped to really call
0:27:54.179,0:28:00.619
out and Empower for you the sense of intuition and
emotion because it's your greatest gift my fellow
0:28:00.619,0:28:06.619
feminine woman my fellow satisfied sister and what
I want here in this work that I'm doing is to help
0:28:06.619,0:28:12.779
you pave a pathway toward your own satisfaction
so thank you so much for listening and being a
0:28:12.779,0:28:17.259
part of this podcast it's my great privilege to
be here with you and I look forward to speaking
0:28:17.259,0:28:22.659
with you on the next podcast and until then don't
hesitate to visit the website the satisfied woman
