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Hello! welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. 
I'm your host Alanna Kaivaya, Ph.D. This podcast

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is dedicated to helping women lean into their 
femininity and rediscover the power of their

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feminine gifts we take a look at what it 
means to be a modern woman and how we can

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live A Satisfied life on our own terms 
visit the Hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com.

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Now this is only my second podcast in this show 
and I am so excited to be back if you missed the

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first podcast where I go through a little bit more 
about who I am and what this podcast is about make

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sure that you go back and listen to first episode 
otherwise here we are podcast number two and I'm

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ready to Deep dive into what it means to be a 
satisfied woman I was blown away when I looked

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up the actual definition of satisfaction let 
me give it to you satisfaction is the pleasure

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derived from the Fulfillment of one's wishes or 
needs I'm going to repeat that because this is

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exactly what we want as feminine women ready 
satisfaction is the pleasure derived from the

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Fulfillment of one's wishes or needs hearing 
that definition honestly as a feminine woman

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makes me feel incredibly light and At Ease on the 
inside let's dive a little bit more into some of

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the components of that definition so we truly 
understand what satisfaction is and why it's so

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important for the feminine woman so satisfaction 
is the pleasure derived from the Fulfillment of

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one's wishes or needs let's talk about pleasure 
pleasure is inherently feminine the feminine woman

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in her fullness is able to experience pleasure on 
an internal level and run that pleasure through

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her body so that others around her can receive it 
and experience pleasure and joy as well pleasure

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when a feminine woman is feeling it is contagious 
so it actually benefits everybody pleasure is the

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freedom to feel Joy in one's body and heart we 
must feel safe and secure in order to do this

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now I understand what means to be a feminine woman 
in this modern world I get it I know that women

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anywhere may not have the conditions of Safety and 
Security I understand that I've been there myself

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and I know that the world that we live in is not 
easy so it is my absolute hope that as a woman

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listening to this podcast that you can create a 
world for yourself that is safe and secure and

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I do have some ideas on how to create that kind 
of world uh in my book and also in this podcast

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I will be sharing them but I just wanted to make 
a note that I understand Safety and Security can

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be hard to come by and that I am sympathetic 
to that my wish is that we all feel safe and

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secure Safety and Security is what will lead to 
us having the ability to feel a sense of pleasure

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when our wishes and needs are fulfilled we won't 
be able to feel pleasure if we don't have that

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Safety and Security so it's a bit of a chicken or 
the egg question here with this however let's try

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to focus on the pleasure and the moments that we 
can feel pleasure the moments that we feel alive

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with that sense of joy that comes from within us 
so that when we feel it others do too so pleasure

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is the freedom to feel Joy in one's body and heart 
now let's dissect the next word in our definition

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here fulfillment fulfillment is different than 
success now in my first podcast I talked a little

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bit about success and how it's different than 
satisfaction success is a very masculine term

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success implies hierarchy success implies doing 
it yourself that it's your success over someone

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else's you might have to climb over someone to 
get your success and push theirs down or away

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success is very rarely a team effort and in fact 
success in our current patriarchy is most valued

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when we fight for it ourselves and I definitely 
discovered this when I created and ran my own

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business um which I sold last year because it just 
wasn't satisfying me um we want satisfaction as

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women so success is a little different success 
is hierarchical it's pushing other people's um

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wants needs or uh desires down in order to get 
our own and it's often DIY whereas fulfillment

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is a Feeling of happiness or contentment that is 
derived from having one's needs met fulfillment

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is a feeling success is an achievement so when we 
feel happy and content we are fulfilled and that

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happens when we have our needs met now this is the 
last part of that definition of satisfaction which

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remember satisfaction is the pleasure derived 
from the Fulfillment of one's wishes or needs

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let's talk about wishes and needs one is not more 
important than the other okay wishes and needs

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are both equally as important but one can be lived 
without needs we have to have and wishes we would

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like to have wishes are going to bring us that 
sense of joy and excitement and nourishment in

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life whereas needs are going to bring us that 
sense of Safety and Security now all of those

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things are required in order for us to have a 
fulfilling fully expressed and healthy life so

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I would never want anyone to repress their wishes 
or their needs they're both equally valuable and

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remember that's where satisfaction comes from 
Satisfaction is the Fulfillment is the pleasure

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derived from the Fulfillment of one's wishes and 
needs now I've done a lot of research over the

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past couple of decades and in earning my PhD and 
even in writing the book The Way of the satisfied

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woman and a lot of that research centers not 
just on masculinity and femininity and how to

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be a fully embodied feminine woman in the modern 
world but the Crux of it really is our ability to

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get our needs met when we have our needs met not 
just as feminine women but as humans we then have

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the ability to express ourselves fully and live 
a fully manifested life so getting our needs met

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the importance of that cannot be underestimated 
and I can't in my own life and experience name a

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woman who hasn't subjugated her own needs for 
that of others it happens with the masculine

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but less it's not a masculine trait it's something 
that the feminine in its oppression repression or

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Distortion will do when it doesn't feel safe when 
it feels like it needs to over overdo something to

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give itself away um but no one ends up fulfilled 
and no one certainly ends up satisfied in that

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state so if there's one thing maybe that you take 
away from this particular podcast let it be that

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your needs and wishes are incredibly important 
and that your needs and wishes are the key to

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your feeling your sense of Satisfaction Just to 
drive this point home I'm going to um read to you

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an excerpt from my book The Way of the satisfied 
woman so that you've got something to think

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about here the satisfied woman is one embodying 
her femininity fully leaning into her natural

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polarity asking the world to Revere her Womanhood 
and claim her rightful place anywhere she desires

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to be she is the lady who is deeply comfortable 
with herself and her surroundings because she is

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completely supported and free to be her wild 
feminine self tapped into her creativity and

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channels it regularly she is sexually satisfied 
and able to run pleasure through her body honors

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her emotions and intuition as her primary decision 
making Force this can be you satisfied woman so

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let that settle in a little give it some not 
just thought but some feeling because that's

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what the feminine does the feminine feels is this 
right is this true for me is this good and follows

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that intuitive sense of rightness and goodness and 
when something is not right and good the feminine

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is going to feel it first and and you know this if 
you are a feminine woman listening to this podcast

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you know that when your intuition strikes and 
you start to feel that sense of discomfort like

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something's not right here you will not rest your 
body will not be at rest your mind will not be at

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rest your heart will not be at rest and even if 
it doesn't make sense in the world that sense

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of discomfort that is that is your that is your 
guiding post your your your true north you got to

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follow it you got to live listen to it in order 
to find what will bring you comfort in order to

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discover what will bring you satisfaction so if 
you know something's not quite right you're going

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to you're going to figure it out and you will not 
be at rest or at peace until you do that's um an

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inherent quality of femininity when when things 
are a little bit off it's the feminine that feels

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it first and that seeks out change the feminine 
is no stranger to change our bodies change

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all the time we can never never just relax in a 
complacency we can never be still the feminine is

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always moving and in that movement in that change 
in that discomfort we're constantly tweaking and

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recalibrating our sense of satisfaction rightness 
goodness and tress for us the satisfied woman when

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when she let's imagine her and even better let's 
imagine ourselves as her the satisfied woman has

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certain conditions and I want all of these for 
you I will say that these are all a journey they

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will all be in flux here and there there will be 
some that will come more easily at times and other

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qualities that would be more challenging but take 
on some of these qualities take them in feel them

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feel where you are lacking in some areas and 
feel where you are shining in some areas the

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satisfied woman will satisfied because she is 
surrounded by people who love and care for her

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no not everybody will love and care for us at 
all times but hopefully we have people in our

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lives right now who have love and care and who 
believe us when we speak who believe us when we

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have something to say who care and love us enough 
to hear what it is we want to share that's really

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important for the feminine the satisfied woman 
is comfortable enough in her surroundings to be

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herself now I know that especially for young 
women that that is an incredible challenge I

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remember for myself as a teenager being in my 
own body was uncomfortable being a young woman

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on my own in college was uncomfortable being 
a young woman on my own in New York City was

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uncomfortable knowing who I was being comfortable 
in my skin feeling safe in my skin was a challenge

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but satisfaction happens when we are comfortable 
enough in our surroundings to be ourselves so

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where there is this Comfort how do we create more 
Comfort how do we create more Comfort one of my

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most favorite questions actually to ask um friends 
people that I'm with colleagues is are you comfort

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and then if they say oh yeah yeah you know 
CU nobody wants to be a bother nobody wants

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to express that oh you know like actually I 
could move this chair a little bit I ask a

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follow-up question which is how could you be more 
comfortable because then people really have to

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think oh oh you know what maybe I need to adjust 
my collar a little bit or maybe I need an extra

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pillow behind my back or actually maybe I need 
to turn the lighting down now look life is full

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of discomforts it is there's going to be times 
where we're uncomfortable in a meeting or the

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temperature isn't right or there's a rock in our 
shoe that's life that's life we're going to have

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to learn to deal with and manage the discomfort 
and often the care in that uncomfortable place

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comes from the masculine whether it's from within 
ourselves or from external sources the masculine

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will want to care for the uncomfortable feminine 
and try and move the feminine toward Comfort but

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sometimes we have to suffer a little I don't 
recommend suffering and discomfort for very

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long and there is great uh Power and satisfaction 
in finding how you can be more comfortable in any

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situation that you're in and calling out 
your source of discomfort is incredibly

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feminine I laugh because um you know one of the 
the big criticisms of the feminine is often the

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complaining or the nagging that's not what this 
has to be calling out our source of discomfort

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doesn't have to be a complaint and it doesn't 
have to be a nag um and those who harp on us

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for complaining and nagging um they're just not 
prepared to deal with our discomfort they're not

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prepared to alleviate it in any way you know they 
don't they're they're on a path that the masculine

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is often on a path and doesn't like to be derailed 
and sometimes the feminines discomfort Fort uh

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feels like a derailment it's not it's a course 
correction um we can also position it in a way

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that doesn't sound like nagging we can just simply 
State our needs and that can be really helpful

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in any case just Comfort is real and it's valid 
and it shows us where we could actually be more

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comfortable and comfort is where satisfaction lies 
the satisfied woman is supported in her ideas and

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free to collaborate and connect so the feminine 
has lots of brainstorms the feminine loves to

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come up with ideas that's that kind of energetic 
um you know creativity is inherently feminine now

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the masculine will often help to direct it or to 
give it some guidance that's the masculine job

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and again whether that's from within us or from 
external sources all fine but the feminine woman

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wants to have that creativity that collaboration 
where the ideas are heard where it helps to Foster

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more well-being the feminine is the source of life 
and it's the source of life whether we're having

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babies or not when we feel more alive we are in 
the presence of the feminine so to have ideas

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is to find W ways to feel more alive you know yes 
we've been doing it this way for a very long time

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and this way has always worked but what if some 
new ideas made us feel even more alive if we just

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changed course a little bit that's worthwhile 
for the feminine the feminine is able to access

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her creativity without the pressure of time or 
productivity this is really important now as women

0:16:43.939,0:16:53.499
in feminine as feminine women in female bodies we 
are governed by time we are governed by time we

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are always going to be asking when when someone 
promis us some promises us something we're going

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to say when uh women are famous for our ultimatums 
aren't we like when is this going to happen I need

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this done so it's so refreshing to have these 
Pockets these moments this ability to just be

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creative without the pressure of time and most 
importantly without the pressure of productivity

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productivity is masculine productivity wants 
things done it wants things achieved it's

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a measure of success um I remember owning my 
business and literally having productivity tools

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no space for just creating tools but productivity 
tools let's produce uh you know what are the

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metrics um and again that's valuable it's valuable 
in one sense and it's valuable in business and

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people value it highly and not devaluing it but 
we also need space for just creative Pursuits

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and creativity really is B born out of not being 
forced to be productive um I remember when I was

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starting my business um back in 2015 and I had 
this space for creativity I created something I

0:18:08.579,0:18:15.059
said to um a partner a business partner of mine 
I wanted to create a training program and the

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business partner said great let's just have you 
record it and do it and I took my own self off

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and created the curriculum and recorded it and did 
it and it took me about a year and there wasn't a

0:18:26.699,0:18:32.019
great pressure for it must be done by ex date um 
I was starting to feel my own pressure because

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I wanted to give birth to that idea you can't 
be just daating forever you have to eventually

0:18:36.779,0:18:45.539
get that idea that thing out into the world but it 
was really freeing to just be able to create and I

0:18:45.539,0:18:53.499
want that for you and whatever type of creativity 
feels most nourishing to you and your soul and

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Intimate Relationships the feminine woman the 
satisfied woman is cherished now let me Define

0:19:01.739,0:19:08.739
cherished for this context to be cherished 
means that your emotions and your intuition

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are prioritized and you are never left alone in 
them so when we are cherished as feminine women we

0:19:17.579,0:19:27.259
will be valued for our intuition and emotions and 
it will be know known that we are the calibration

0:19:27.259,0:19:35.179
for whether things are good in our environment and 
when we feel bad when we have a a bad emotion and

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I don't mean um a devalued or an unwanted emotion 
I mean something that feels on the spectrum of not

0:19:41.859,0:19:46.939
great versus there are emotions that feel on the 
spectrum of great right there's lots of emotions

0:19:46.939,0:19:52.859
they're all valuable they're all valid but when we 
feel some sense of discomfort when we're feeling

0:19:52.859,0:20:00.219
some kind of uh you know not great emotions some 
kind of unease that in an intimate relationship

0:20:00.219,0:20:07.819
with the masculine that's going to be so valued 
that that's what is the recalibration point it's

0:20:07.819,0:20:14.619
not dismissed it's not repressed it's not shrug 
you know pushed off it's not shoved under the rug

0:20:14.619,0:20:26.019
it's not questioned it's not gaslit it's not said 
to be crazy it's the that becomes okay sweetheart

0:20:26.019,0:20:34.859
beloved of mine I can see your emotion as this 
how can I support you that's cherishing or when

0:20:34.859,0:20:42.099
the feminine has an intuitive hit you know 
what I I don't think it's time to go there

0:20:42.099,0:20:47.819
the masculine honors it and says okay we won't go 
there and we're LED in a different direction um

0:20:47.819,0:20:51.979
it doesn't always have to make sense and that's 
the challenge for the masculine counterpart in

0:20:51.979,0:20:58.259
relationship and I'll talk about I'll give a quick 
um kind of asterisk SE bottom here in relationship

0:20:58.259,0:21:06.619
in just a second but that's the masculine work 
in relationship because it it's not going to be

0:21:06.619,0:21:13.739
necessarily logical and the masculine relies on 
logic and reason and intuition and emotion are

0:21:13.739,0:21:17.259
they're just not logical and reasonable 
they don't have to be it's this just not

0:21:17.259,0:21:22.379
their domain they are in the feminine and when 
the feminine is feeling intuitive and emotion

0:21:22.379,0:21:30.419
then the masculine will honor that and use logic 
and reason to maneuver in a direction of comfort

0:21:30.419,0:21:37.979
safety support um so it's a symbiotic relationship 
between masculine and feminine and again this can

0:21:37.979,0:21:44.539
happen internally within our own self because as 
humans we all have masculine and feminine within

0:21:44.539,0:21:52.019
us all of us will lean toward one polarity we will 
have one primary polarity we can call forth either

0:21:52.019,0:21:57.339
one at any time when it is necessary because both 
have incredible attributes that are valuable and

0:21:57.339,0:22:05.099
essential okay so there's no good or bad there's 
no hierarchy here however in Intimate relationship

0:22:05.099,0:22:12.099
regardless of gender regardless of orientation 
because every human has both polarities in them in

0:22:12.099,0:22:17.699
Intimate relationship with another human you'll 
want to have the tension of opposites you'll

0:22:17.699,0:22:25.019
want to have one human that is of one polarity 
primarily and the other human that is of the other

0:22:25.019,0:22:29.979
polarity primarily okay you can switch back and 
forth there's reasons to do both everything under

0:22:29.979,0:22:35.619
the sun is okay but we all have a primary polarity 
and an intimate relationship we want to have the

0:22:35.619,0:22:42.419
tension of opposites and that's what's going to 
create a lot of success in relationship also as

0:22:42.419,0:22:50.139
human beings we are hardwired for relationship we 
actually have more success downregulating our own

0:22:50.139,0:22:58.739
nervous systems in relationship than we do on our 
own and look I know that this can be challenging

0:22:58.739,0:23:06.059
to hear especially as a fiercely independent woman 
or let's say a recovering fiercely independent

0:23:06.059,0:23:11.939
woman in this modern patriarchal world we are told 
that we should be able to do everything ourselves

0:23:11.939,0:23:17.179
that we should be able to hold all of all of 
all of the things all of the time be everything

0:23:17.179,0:23:22.699
for everyone all of the time and do it all all 
ourselves all the time I get that that's that's

0:23:22.699,0:23:29.219
what's valued here and I understand that you know 
single life happens I understand that there are

0:23:29.219,0:23:34.779
people who prefer to be single I understand that 
you will have times of being single there may be a

0:23:34.779,0:23:43.379
time that you don't want a relationship again all 
of that is okay but even the most staunchly single

0:23:43.379,0:23:49.659
people at one time or another in their life are 
going to find themselves in relationship you are

0:23:49.659,0:23:57.099
human it is inevitable even after the worst first 
breakup you swear off relationship forever I give

0:23:57.099,0:24:04.099
it 3 to six months and you'll be back looking 
for relationship because it's what it's what

0:24:04.099,0:24:11.539
being human is so we can't Overlook relationship 
and we also can't think that we are supposed to

0:24:11.539,0:24:19.179
do everything for and with ourselves it's great 
that we can it's good to know that you uh develop

0:24:19.179,0:24:23.859
a sense of self knowledge and Independence 
when you know you do things for yourself it's

0:24:23.859,0:24:30.579
great it's a great skill but forever and ever I 
don't recommend it I don't recommend it so when

0:24:30.579,0:24:36.179
you find yourself in a relationship because 
you will if you are the feminine woman in the

0:24:36.179,0:24:44.259
relationship then you'll want to find a masculine 
counterpart that cherishes you that really values

0:24:44.259,0:24:49.739
your emotion and your intuition and when it comes 
up for you when you feel free and safe to voice

0:24:49.739,0:24:56.619
what's going on that masculine counterpart says 
yep I got you I got you I hear you I got you

0:24:56.619,0:25:04.379
that's that's the beauty of the satisfied woman 
that's what she's going to feel she's also safe

0:25:04.379,0:25:13.539
to radiate pleasure and to feel pleasure now yes I 
do talk about pleasure in a sexual context and the

0:25:13.539,0:25:21.859
satisfied woman is absolutely sexually satisfied 
in all of the ways that are most pleasing to her

0:25:21.859,0:25:27.579
again whatever that is in the ways that are most 
pleasing to her she is sexually satisfied but

0:25:27.579,0:25:34.139
pleasure isn't just about our sexuality it can be 
about any moment in life that brings us true joy

0:25:34.139,0:25:41.939
and when you feel safe to feel pleasure nothing 
is more delightful than being in the presence of

0:25:41.939,0:25:47.979
the feminine when it is feeling pleasure whether 
you are a friend of that feminine whether you

0:25:47.979,0:25:52.939
are an intimate partner of that feminine a family 
member when she is in a place of pleasure when she

0:25:52.939,0:25:59.019
safe to feel that the world feels it she radiates 
it it's a source of life it's a source of Life

0:25:59.019,0:26:07.819
Energy so we want to make our feminine women 
happy um I was watching I don't know what TV

0:26:07.819,0:26:14.059
program I was watching the other day and there 
was a married couple on the program and uh you

0:26:14.059,0:26:19.539
know the one one of the married Partners says to 
the other happy wife happy life and I know that

0:26:19.539,0:26:25.899
that is a trit age old trope you know that may or 
may not fit your particular view of relationship

0:26:25.899,0:26:33.179
but I like the idea that the feminine counterpart 
in relationship if the feminine counterpart is

0:26:33.179,0:26:39.379
Happy it actually engenders happiness for all I 
think that's beautiful that's a good thing to to

0:26:39.379,0:26:47.179
pan our satisfaction on and The Feminine in its 
satisfaction is going to be powered and empowered

0:26:47.179,0:26:53.019
by her emotions and intuition it is the driver 
of our successful uh or our satisfa satisfaction

0:26:53.019,0:26:59.459
in business in relationship in life These are 
arguably the feminine most important gifts and

0:26:59.459,0:27:04.099
something that I will be diving far more into 
in future podcasts and in my book The Way of

0:27:04.099,0:27:10.899
the satisfied woman this is also what the 
feminine is most vilified for if you ever

0:27:10.899,0:27:16.379
heard of witches being burned at the stake 
it was because of their intuition and their

0:27:16.379,0:27:22.939
emotion most fundamentally and you know we 
have that metaphor still percolating today

0:27:22.939,0:27:29.859
intuition and emotions are um they're vilified 
they're repressed they're questioned uh this is

0:27:29.859,0:27:35.619
where gaslighting comes in gas lighting will tell 
intuition and emotion that it is wrong that it is

0:27:35.619,0:27:43.779
untrue when intuition and emotion for the feminine 
is the most true thing that she has and again we

0:27:43.779,0:27:49.339
can fact check that with more reason and logic 
once we have the intuition and emotion and again

0:27:49.339,0:27:54.179
all of these things all these qualities are great 
but what I want to do is helped to really call

0:27:54.179,0:28:00.619
out and Empower for you the sense of intuition and 
emotion because it's your greatest gift my fellow

0:28:00.619,0:28:06.619
feminine woman my fellow satisfied sister and what 
I want here in this work that I'm doing is to help

0:28:06.619,0:28:12.779
you pave a pathway toward your own satisfaction 
so thank you so much for listening and being a

0:28:12.779,0:28:17.259
part of this podcast it's my great privilege to 
be here with you and I look forward to speaking

0:28:17.259,0:28:22.659
with you on the next podcast and until then don't 
hesitate to visit the website the satisfied woman