Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 00:00
The women I work with are some of the smartest women I've ever met. They're educated, they're experienced, they're incredibly capable, they're resourceful. Many of them have spent decades solving problems, managing households, raising children, supporting partners, pursuing careers, leading teams, caring for people and holding entire communities together. So, why do they stay stuck? Why are these incredibly smart women stuck in careers that undervalue them, or relationships that don't see them? Why aren't they building businesses and making the kind of money that they deserve with their incredible talents and gifts. It's not because they're not smart enough, it's because they've spent their entire lives putting themselves last. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman podcast. I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power and the value of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied and sovereign life on our own terms. Visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com and when you head over to the satisfiedwoman.com you'll have the opportunity to book a call with me to talk about exactly why and where you're stuck, and how truly reclaiming your value by building your own business sets you free to be exactly the full-fledged feminine fierce female that you probably know yourself to be, but haven't given yourself permission to really lean into yet. So, book that call with me. Let's have a chat and figure out where you've been putting yourself last, and where your true joy and gifts can be monetized and magnetized instead, because here's the truth, women are trained from an early age to invest in everyone but themselves. You see, from a young age women are rewarded for self-sacrifice, for being selfless. The more we place others first, the more we are told how not selfish we are, and to be called selfish as a woman is one of the great slights of our age. It reinforces that idea that as women we are obligated, we're designed to take care of our family, to support our husband, to help our coworkers, anyone in need to think about everyone else first, to be accommodating, to be available, hyper available, even to be generous, so much so that we actually give ourselves away, and while those qualities in good measured doses can be wonderful, many women, and especially the women that I work with, eventually wake up and realize that they've invested decades into everyone else's dreams while neglecting their own. They've helped build everyone else's empires while letting their own crumble, they've empowered everyone else's magic, while hiding theirs. You see, building a business for a woman requires something many women have never been taught to do, to take themselves seriously. You see, a business says to everyone, my ideas matter, my gifts matter, and are valuable. My time matters, and I don't have it to just give away. My needs matter, because getting my needs met actually monetizes this whole show, which makes it all possible, and saying that my ideas, my gifts, my time, and my needs matter for most women feels deeply uncomfortable. It can even feel shameful. It can feel dangerous to claim that to state that, because historically, if a woman stands up and says those things about herself, she can be labeled selfish, she can be ostracized, she can be unchosen or discarded from the group. Wants to belong to, because saying these things means that she will have to center her own needs and put herself first for a change, but you see, women have been conditioned to give away not only what they should value, but what is deeply valuable to the world and everyone around her. One of the most common things I hear when I talk to women is, you know, it's nothing. You know, it's easy for me. I just like helping. Isn't that what I should do? Women are trained to dismiss themselves and to dismiss the very thing that makes them so incredibly valuable to the other people in their lives. The reason why women are taken advantage of and kept in these situations where they feel they just should give, because for women, yeah, it actually does come naturally. We like helping, we like giving, we like supporting others. Doesn't mean it's not valuable. And just because you've done it for years, maybe even your entire life, doesn't mean someone shouldn't pay for it. But most women can't imagine not only someone else paying for it, but them actually charging for it, because we've been taught that we just should do it, and that we should be grateful for having done it. I'm so grateful to give you all my time to help you. I'm so grateful to have put you and your career and your needs first for the last 1015 20 years, I'm so grateful for having over given, overworked, over proved myself just for this tiny sliver of belonging. We are giving away exactly what other people desperately need, what is most valuable, and what is also monetizable. You see, the women that I work with, what I teach them is that your business, the business that could set you free, give you the choice you need to live an authentic life is hiding likely in what you've spent years undervaluing and giving away, but you know what's true also is that it is difficult for most women, many women to start businesses on their own. I know that that's why I do the work of supporting them to support to start these businesses, because women get trapped in perfection. They, if they start, if they try to start a business on their own, that isolation gets them mired in all of the narrative that has been heaped on them this entire time. You see, women are smart. The women that I work with are incredibly intelligent. They have the training, they often have a plan. I've even coached women through having plans and processes and systems, having the framework, the strategy. I've seen women who get everything in their business ready except the launch, because they tell themselves, oh, I need to tweak one more thing, I need to perfect one more thing, I need one more certification, I need one more website revision, I need one more round of preparation, I need one more course, I need more experience, but all of that is rarely the issue, because that level of protection, excuse me, that level of perfection, it really is protection. That level of perfection is protection. It's putting walls up, it's protecting yourself from exposure, because if it's not finished, it can't be judged, and if it's not launched, it can't fail, and if it's not visible, it can't be criticized. Now, you got to remember, we're coming out of 1000s of years where things like that for women were dangerous, the things that we have been judged for, we have been exiled for the things that we have failed. We have been fired from the things that we have been criticized for. We have been abandoned for our very survival for 1000s of years has depended on us fitting in and being overly available, overproving, devaluing, so that we're valued by others to be included and to be safe, so you've got to give yourself some great. You've got to understand that you didn't create this in a vacuum. There's a long history of women that, in order to stand up, center yourself, claim your expertise, bring your gifts to the fore, and appropriately charge for them might have been really dangerous before, but guess what, we live here and we live now, and now in this time, and the reason that I do this work so fiercely and so proudly is because we are privileged to live in a time where women have more power, agency, and choice than we've ever had before, and so we must at this time exercise it, we can, and so we must, because when we center ourselves, when we appropriately value ourselves, when we finish our business, when we actually monetize our gifts and our magic, we unconsciously give permission for all of our sisters to do the same, and it's not about the money, it's about the agency and the choice that money affords us. It's not about becoming millionaires, it's about becoming the magical mavens of our own businesses, so that we can make authentic, true choices about the kind of satisfied and sovereign lives that we want to lead, because I speak to too many women who feel like they have had no choice, who haven't chosen and in doing so, they have lived in authentically, so their relationships have been inauthentic, their careers have been inauthentic. Everybody feels it. It literally benefits no one, especially the woman. So, if perfection has held you back. Oh, just one more certification. Oh, I'll do it when I'm ready. Oh, I'll do it when.. oh, the time is right. I've heard that one before, too. Oh, when the timing's right. The time is never right. When is the time going to be right for a woman to finally center and value herself? Podcast listener, if your answer wasn't at least now, if not 10 years ago or 100 years ago, you are listening to the wrong podcast. This podcast is for women who are ready to believe in their agency and claim it, who understand the power of their femininity and are willing to at least try to stand in feminine leadership. This is for the woman who's not not ready necessarily to change the whole world, but to change her world. And what I know, by the way, my little secret, I know that when you change your world, you will change the whole world. So don't worry, ladies, we're getting it done. Don't let perfection be your protection. Don't let it become your safe space. It's time to launch. It's time to get your business out there, and that's actually why, as a part of the work that I do with my one-on-one clients, I actually build the business for them. I build their platform, their systems, I build their entire pathway from finding the person that they can help to actually having that person pay them for the help, start to finish, so there's no excuse when we're done with our relation or coaching relationship, that container that they can't launch. I want to empower and enable the women that I work with to not just create a system and a platform and a strategy for monetizing a business. I empower them and create their business, and it's theirs. It's theirs, you know. I love and believe sovereignty. If this is your first time listening to a podcast with me, make sure you go back. This is, I think, podcast number 60, by the way. So, you got some catching up to do. I always recommend listening to the few prior to this. I usually do podcasts in a series. I believe this is number three or four in why women need money. Again, it's not about the money, it's about the choice. So, do the work, do the research, let these podcasts inspire you, because if you've been hiding, if you've been stuck, if you've been staying small, sister, this is your clarity call to break out. And when you're ready, book that call with me at the Satisfied woman.com because I know what happens when a woman finally creates her business, when she's ready to monetize her magic, that visibility can feel dangerous, and this is a lot of another reason why women stay stuck. Why women don't center themselves, put themselves out there, because a business, this kind of thing requires visibility, not celebrity. You know, I'm not talking about celebrity, I'm not here encouraging my clients to become an influencer, you know. I screw that. I don't even know if you, if you've noticed, I'm not even really on social media. I don't have a Facebook, I don't have an Instagram, I don't have a TikTok. I just, I can't. It's not who I am. I'm a podcast because I actually want to teach you. I actually want to reach you, you know. I'm on YouTube because my podcast is also there, and I don't dabble in the things that don't feed my soul, I do the things that help me reach the women that I know I can impact their lives the most, right, and that's what I teach my clients to do as well. So it's visibility on your terms, right, it's not celebrity, it's visibility, you've got to be willing to let people know what you do. Otherwise, how will they know? You must at least be willing to be seen. You gotta be willing to occupy space, and for not just many women, I think most women, this can be terrifying, because women are taught, don't be too much, don't make people uncomfortable, don't take the spotlight for yourself, don't draw attention that is dangerous. It has been dangerous, and yes, by large, and by a large extent, it can still be dangerous, for sure. It is less dangerous now. Again, we live in a time with more power, choice, and agency, and so we must exercise it, because feminine leadership requires visibility for you to teach your sisters, your daughters, all the women around you, anyone you desire to help, that a woman can be powerful, that she is valuable, you need to have a little bit of visibility requires a little bravery. I know you've got that. Every woman that I work with is one of the bravest women that I know to make this choice to step into your power after you know 1000s of years of a culture telling us that we are not powerful and that we need to stay small and not be too much. Please over accommodate and give yourself away. This is radical stuff, you know. I know that I know that I help empower women, I know that I help them build businesses, but I know that in doing that it creates a massive impact on the lives of the women she touches and everyone around her, so one woman stepping into leadership has an incredible impact, and ladies, trust me, I am here for that, because you can't lead by hiding, so your business, what you create in this world, and it is a business, you know. Think of it that way, like take some ownership, take some leadership. It doesn't matter how much the business makes. I'm not, you know, training women to make millions. Hey, look, if millions happen, I love that. I love that for all of us. We love money, but you know it doesn't have to be that level, it has to be the level that you need to be able to make the empowered choices that are the best for you, because building a business, monetizing your magic in this way is an act of self selection, it's an act of saying, you know what, yes, as a woman I do matter, I am valuable because as women, really historically we've been trained to wait to be chosen by others, usually men chosen by an employer. Oh, will they hire me? Chosen through a promotion, which we know statistically women are more passed over for in favor of their male counterparts, chosen by an opportunity, which we know again statistically we have to work harder to achieve, chosen by someone who finally recognizes our value, our talents, our beauty, chosen by a partner who wants to be with us, protect us, cherish us, build a world with us, maybe even provide something for us. Doesn't have to be money, could be a safe, masculine home. You know, the world is different now, but those concepts that training still lingers. A woman can't be fully chosen unless she herself has 100% of her own choice, because what choice really is there if she is waiting to be chosen in order to survive, if she's waiting to be chosen in order to make a paycheck, if she's waiting to be chosen, because it means her rent, or her livelihood, or her well-being, or her relationship, where is the choice in that? Where's the sovereignty? Unless the woman herself fully has 100% the ability to choose, all choices are off. It's not authentic. A business is different. This is one of the first moves that we, every woman, can make in self selection, in choosing herself and knowing that she is worthy of being authentically chosen, that she doesn't have to succumb to her fear or her smallness in order to hope that someone maybe will pick up and choose her to keep her safe. We don't live in that world anymore, by and large. Again, there's always.. we're still getting there, ladies. We're not 100% yet, right? Which is why you have to do this. You've got to start making these moves to show the rest of the world what true femininity looks like now on our terms, not a man's terms. Talked about that in the last podcast. Feminine success and feminine businesses are different than masculine success and masculine businesses, but in order for the world to know what that difference is, we need to show them. So, a feminine business is an act of self selection. It's a woman standing up and saying, I choose myself because I am worth it. I choose my gifts because I know that they are valuable. I choose my wisdom because I know it has worth in the world. I choose to bring this work to the world to others, because I know it will make an impact, and through that very powerful impact I can make an income, and for many women that's the scariest thing of all, really owning your own power. But I want to help you do it. You deserve it. The women who are next to you and coming up after you, they also deserve it. It is a radical act to choose yourself and show them, because the women who stay stuck, they're not lacking intelligence, they're lacking permission, permission to matter, permission to take up space, permission to be visible, permission to value themselves, permission to choose themselves. But the irony is that no one else can give them that permission. At some point you just give it to yourself, and that's the moment everything will shift. And today I want to give that to you, the knowledge that you can give yourself permission to take up space, to choose yourself, to value yourself, to build the thing that matters and monetizes your empowered sovereign choices so when you're ready to stand up and step in to your feminine empowerment, when you're ready to monetize the gifts that you've probably given away all this time, when you're ready to stop being stuck and start being sovereign. Let's chat. Head over to the Satisfied woman.com book a call with me. We'll talk about what you're carrying that's no longer yours. We'll talk about what magic you can monetize, and we'll talk about what the true freedom and sovereignty of choice means to you. That's what I'm here for. I look forward to having that talk, and until then, do everything you can to step into your sovereignty and live your best satisfied life.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
