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Hello amazing podcast listeners. If you have
been wondering where I've been the past month,
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I have an explanation for you. I thought I would
pop on to this particular podcast and go a little
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off the cuff, a little from left field, and a
little from the heart and give you an overview of
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what I've been up to this past month. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman podcast. I'm your host, Alanna
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Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity, rediscover
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the power of their feminine gifts, and we take
a look at what it means to be a modern woman.
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How we can live a satisfied life on our own terms.
Visit the hub at the satisfiedwoman.com. And make
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sure you head over to the satisfiedwoman.com
this month because I am offering you a free
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month inside my rooted membership because
this month probably more than any other I
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recognize how much women need this. We need the
community. We need the camaraderie. We need the
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daily flow and rhythm and the permission to stop
overgiving and truly step into our feminine power.
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It is an incredible community. Come join us.
You've got nothing to lose. Head over to the
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satisfiedwoman.com to join rooted this month for
free now. All right, guys. I didn't plan this
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podcast. I quite literally woke up this morning
and thought to myself, you know what? I just need
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to talk to them because as the satisfied woman who
literally wrote the book, I have to call myself
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out and let you know that this last month was a
month of deep dissatisfaction. I am not perfect.
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I don't have it all together. I have never claimed
to. But I thought it would be an opportunity for
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me to just get super real and authentic and raw
with you in this limbo kind of uh liinal podcast
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here um and just share with you some personal
things about what's going on with me because
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I want to let you into my world. I can't do this
work if I don't rise to a level of authenticity.
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And uh so what happened this last month was I
moved. I moved I moved about four states over.
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And for any of you that have done a cross-country
move, you know that it is not for the faint of
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heart. I decided it was time to leave Los Angeles
and go back to my roots in Texas. That's where I'm
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originally from. So I've landed in Texas. It
was a decision that it had a slow burn to it.
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There was a lot about life in Los Angeles that
I did really love. But there was something that
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was calling to me back in Texas. It was time to
make a shift. And let's just say that events and
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life circumstances con conspired to make this a
reality. And one thing that has always been true
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about me is when I make a decision, boy, do I make
it. I don't waste any time. I don't let grass grow
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under my feet. I am, you know, nine miles down
the road with my friend's heads spinning going,
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"Wait a minute. I didn't even realize she was
going to do this thing." That's pretty much how
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it happened. I made the decision. I believe on
August 8th was the day I was like, "All right,
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I'm doing this." And the moving trucks pulled up
on August 25th. Now, if you know me at all, you
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may know that I am a fairly meticulous planner.
I have a high cognitive need for organization and
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uh closure and things to be sealed up with a bow.
And I love that about life when I can make it
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happen. And for those of you that have that too,
you'll know that it definitely spins you into an
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element of chaos and anxiety when those things
don't happen. And life is unpredictable. We do
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have to roll with the punches. So, you know, I
understand that that that is uh a possibility,
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but I have a deep level of discomfort when it
doesn't pan out that way. And for those of you
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that can have sympathy to that, I thank you.
So, I knew this move was going to happen. And
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I'm also very much in the throws of building and
developing this community, the satisfied woman.
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And you've heard me speak on the podcast before
about how seriously I take this work, how I feel
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a sense of urgency around this work that I'm
doing, my work with women. It is so powerful
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and catalyzes so much incredible transformation.
It's my privilege to do it. So, I didn't want to
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just drop out for who knows how long with this
move. And I think a part of me still really is
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indoctrinated into that sense of perfectionism,
overgiving, overdoing it. So I didn't announce it.
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I didn't tell anybody. I didn't mention it. And
so I was hoping that for my people on the outside,
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you, my dear podcast listeners and watchers, that
you wouldn't notice. Maybe my background changed a
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little bit. You'll notice my walls are no longer
dark gray, but light gray. Um, but other than
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that, I was hoping that this move would really
go without a hitch. So, I pre-planned a lot of
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things. I did a lot of things in advance, and the
moving trucks were set to arrive on August 25th,
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and they were set to land in Texas on September
1st, and I was going to have myself all set and
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ready to go by September 4th. So, I scheduled
everything out until then. Well, this is one
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of those occasions where things did not go as
planned. And I also fell prey to a very common
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common attitude that we have as women that we can
do it all and that we should do it all and that we
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don't need to ask for help and that we can do it
alone. And the world often asks us to do things
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alone. And I did this move alone. I you know and
uh I have to admit some resentment to the world
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at large for making me do this alone. This was a
much bigger task than really could be done alone.
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And boy, I bumped right up against that. So, it
was a month of a lot of turmoil. The moving truck
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was late. I was in my home by myself with nothing
around me. My little dog Roxy and my camping gear,
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which luckily I had loaded up into my Jeep for
eight straight days. So, I didn't feel grounded.
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I didn't feel at home. I didn't have the comfort
of my things around me. I was in a new place.
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I didn't have the tools that I needed to
carry forward with my business as I and I
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was just stuck. And it gave me some time to
think and reflect on areas of my life where
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I'm still really doing some things that I counsel
against. And I wanted to reassure you of a couple
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of things that the life of the satisfied woman is
not a goal. It's a journey. It's a moving target.
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None of us will ever probably get to 100%.
I'll be lucky if we get to 95 96%. Heck,
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I'd even settle for 75 to 80% most days. While I
do know a lot about what it takes to make a life
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of a satisfied woman and the elements that it
takes for sovereignty and safety and security,
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I also know that this life is big and complicated
and in flux and not built for us. I ran into some
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classic misogyny with unfortunately the movers
I was working with who um ended up really taking
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advantage of the fact that I was a single woman
moving and that was unfortunate um and something
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that I just realized look we're our work is
not yet done. We are still every day up against
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the things that make life hard for women. We
are not in a place of complete equality yet,
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but we are getting there. And I am definitely
even more energized to help all of us regain
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more of that ground and footing. The other thing
I was struggling with is something that I am now
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calling feminine guilt. I think that women
have a special brand of guilt. And frankly,
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if you're listening to this um liinal stage
podcast, which I don't even think I'm going to
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number it. It's just going to be the podcast that
floats in midair in between the podcast. The when
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I had my [ __ ] together and when I get my [ __ ]
together again, those will be numbered. But this
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one is just an honest from the heart. Let me just
talk to you and tell you what's going on. Um so,
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feminine guilt was super high for me this month
because I do feel a tremendous responsibility to
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this work. I feel passionate about it. I know
that it's helping women. I'm hoping that it's
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helping you. And I recognize that when women
feel guilty, we don't feel guilty because we've
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done anything wrong. We feel guilty because of how
whatever we're doing might make someone else feel.
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We feel guilty because we might disappoint
someone, because we might let someone down,
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because they might have a certain expectation of
us that we're not meeting. And historically that
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comes at the cost of connection or belonging.
And prehistorically to not have connection
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or belonging for a woman was almost certainly
certain death. If we didn't belong or connect
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with a tribe, we were unable to survive alone.
And so belonging and connection is paramount. That
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sense of safety is so inbuilt and ingrained in our
DNA that now in modern times that translates to
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us abandoning ourselves, compromising ourselves,
overgiving and giving ourselves away in order to
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try and achieve that acceptance and belonging
for that sense of safety. But it's having the
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opposite effect. And I really noticed that this
month because in the middle of this enormous
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fourstate move by myself from an apartment to
my first house in 20 years, I recognized that I
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really saddled myself with so much I failed to
ask for help. And in the middle of all of it,
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I was feeling so guilty that I wasn't showing
up for my podcast listeners every Monday.
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that I wasn't able to book as many coaching
calls or discovering calls with the women who
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needed my help this month. That I had to take
the time to get grounded, put my things away,
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find my dog's new veterinarian, figure out where I
could go get groceries, basics. But even though I
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was in a basic survival mode, my biggest concern
was for everyone else around me, namely for you.
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Now, here's something that I know if you're
listening, you're okay. I I you know, we're going
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to find out if you even noticed I didn't put out
a new podcast this month. Maybe it didn't matter.
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Maybe you're like, "Oh, here she is again."
Great. But I also know that none of you listening
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would have given me a hard time for what I was
experiencing and going through this month. And I
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think that for the people in our lives that help
to preserve our sense of well-being and safety,
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that will always be the case. And so this guilt
that we feel as women, this feminine guilt,
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this special brand of guilt that means just
because we're not overdoing, overgiving,
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that we might disappoint someone, that guilt
isn't ours. That guilt represents yet another
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layer of emotional labor that we're being asked
to carry. in a life that is already so laborsome.
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So here's what I propose after experiencing
that this month. After feeling like, "Oh my god,
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the world is going to forget me. My tribe is
going to suddenly dissipate and disappear if
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I don't keep showing up." Even though I was
like, I can laugh now, but honestly, ladies,
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this was one of the most challenging experiences
of my life. And I've had a few. I I really have,
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but I think trying to do this all alone was
too much. I would never do that that way again.
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And I'm calling myself out for not asking
for help, for feeling that level of guilt,
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for not forgiving myself for weeks, for the ways
that I wasn't showing up. And I'm turning it into
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a challenge for all of us to never feel
that feminine guilt again. Other people's
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disappointment, other people's expectations,
other people's discomfort is not our problem.
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The only reason guilt is ever a healthy feeling
is if it's in response to a behavior that we do
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that goes against our own character or moral
compass. So if we actually [ __ ] up and feel
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guilty about it, that guilt is designed to keep us
in alignment with our morality and our desires for
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our own behavior. That's it. So if we actually
do something wrong, okay, there's guilt that
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can be healthy. But if our guilt is because
of someone else's feelings or expectations,
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that is one more way this culture keeps us
small and compromised, burnt out, disregulated,
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overgiving, and self-abandoning. And we don't need
that anymore. We just don't. So, my pledge to you,
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I want us to engage in seven days of homework. And
I've actually also just assigned this homework to
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the women in my coaching certification program.
We're about 2 and 1/2 months in. These women
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are incredible. And I've assigned them this
homework. So, you already have a group of
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women who are doing this homework with you. But
take the next seven days of your life and don't
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apologize for anything at all. Let I'm sorry
go from your lexicon and anything that you
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find yourself wanting to apologize for. Just
take a moment and a pause. Instead of saying,
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"I'm sorry. I don't have the energy to go
tonight." You can just say, "I don't have
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the energy to go tonight." Instead of saying,
"I'm so sorry. I can't overextend myself in this
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way for you." Just say, "No." No is a complete
sentence. We do not need to explain ourselves. We
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can be sovereign even in our answers, even in our
needs, and even in our conversations with others.
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So, this is my challenge to you after my month of
incredible overgiving, diying it, musling through,
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trying to appear as if everything is perfect and
all of the tropes that I fell prey to this month
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that I often counsel against, the one that I'm
leaving you with. And this oneoff special liinal
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podcast is a 7-day practice of not apologizing and
not explaining anything. Don't explain yourself
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away, but don't apologize. And what I would really
sincerely love is to hear what effect that has on
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you. Yes. But also on the way that you move in the
world, the way that you take up space and own who
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you are, the way that you embody your femininity,
and the way that you stop explaining yourself to
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the world. So, I'd love like like seriously
report back. I'm giving you homework. So,
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I want to report. Um, go to my website the
satisfiedwoman.com and connect with me there.
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Grab that free month of the rooted membership and
right inside there I am listening and waiting for
0:16:29.520,0:16:36.400
your answers, your responses, your insight so that
we can all figure out how to release ourselves of
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feminine gifts. I'm sorry, feminine guilt. own
our power and really embody the fullness of who
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we are as incredible, satisfied women. Thank you
so much for allowing me this time on this podcast
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to just kind of go through life and release the
last month. I am safe and sound now here in my
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new home and I look forward to getting right back
on the podcast wagon with y'all and bringing you
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as many insights as I can into living life as the
satisfied woman. And until then, we are sorry for
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nothing. Ladies, do don't apologize for yourself.
And I'm glad to have you here. Take care.
