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Where did your power go? We are going to find out
exactly where and how you can reclaim it in this
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episode of the Satisfied Woman Podcast. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman Podcast. I'm your host, Alanna
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Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their feminine gifts and rediscover
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the power of their femininity. We take a look at
what it means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live a satisfied life on our own terms. Make sure
that you visit the hub at the satisfiedwoman.com.
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I have a free feminine reset series waiting for
you there to get you started on your pathway to
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satisfaction as well as an opportunity to work
with me either one-on-one coaching or to even
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become certified as a coach yourself. So, there's
lots of goodies at the hub. uh make sure you go
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check it out. And that is going to be one more
place you can resource yourself for returning
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to your feminine power. This episode specifically
is going to help women locate the invisible ways
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that they've been giving their power away. And it
will help you to open the door to reclaiming your
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power with clarity, compassion, and conviction.
Because nothing makes us feel more drained
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and almost as if we don't have a place in the
world when we don't feel powerful. Now ladies,
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let me just quickly and urgently give you a
reframe. Every human on the planet has power.
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Regardless of how they identify, regardless of
which polarity they find themselves more on, the
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masculine is not more powerful than the feminine.
Power is one of our inherent birthrights. So,
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we're going to be exploring over the next few
episodes. I'm doing another little miniseries,
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walking back our power, taking back our power,
and walking the power back protocol. Claiming
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what's ours, anchoring into what we will and will
no longer carry. Because really, women lose their
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power when they give it away. When we give it
away, or conversely, when it is aggressively
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taken from us, which I understand, you'll hear me
say this often. In this world is not easy to live
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in. This culture wasn't necessarily built with
our highest needs in mind. And so sometimes we
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do end up in situations where power is taken from
us forcibly so. But we're also quite indoctrinated
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into this culture to give ourselves away to leak
our energy to leak our power. So I want to first
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identify where you might have that leak because
you can't really reclaim your power if you don't
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know where you've given it away. So today we'll
we'll name it gently, honestly, without any shame
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because power returns where truth is told.
And a lot of us ladies, we bite our tongues.
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That's one of the things that we have learned
to do. Stay quiet, stay silent, suck it up,
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don't speak out. But one of the core feminine
values is actually truthtelling and truth seeking.
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Now, that you can imagine is sometimes very
uncomfortable for people who aren't comfortable
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with the truth that you're telling. If what you're
saying makes them derail their current trajectory
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or makes them question themselves in some way, if
they're not prepared to do that, then typically
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what happens is a pretty aggressive deflection
of that truth or they diminish you or devalue
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you altogether. But I want you to know as you're
listening to this that truth is at the heart of
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femininity. Even inconvenient truths, someone has
to tell them. Someone has to let others know that,
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hey, by the way, this needs to shift. This isn't
working. You can't treat me that way. This is
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actually what I would like to do or take ownership
of. These are the kinds of powerful truths that
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women need to speak number one but have been
afraid to speak and or punished for speaking them
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historically number two. So luckily we do live in
a time and a place where that is shifting. I won't
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say that it has shifted 100%. We are simply doing
the best with what we have been given. And what
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we are being given right now is more power, agency
and choice than any of our fore mothers have had.
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I'm not saying that we're completely done. We are
not entirely on that level playing field yet. But
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we are inching forward, which is why I do so much
work in helping you, teaching you to continue to
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reclaim this power. So, as you can imagine, power
for the feminine looks a little different than
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power for the masculine. Now, difference doesn't
mean differential. It's not hierarchical. It just
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means it has a different flavor, a different
energy. And power for the feminine is not a
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sword. It doesn't slice through things. It doesn't
charge forward. It's rather presence, choice,
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and our energetic clarity. Power for either
the feminine or masculine is never control or
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domination. Control and domination indicates power
over. And that is always going to have somebody
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subjugated or underneath. And we're never going
to be seeking that out no matter who we are, what
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side of the spectrum we're on. Power over control
and domination, those are distortions. Those are
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distortions of what is a really beautiful and pure
energy, which is power. So, we're going to stay
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with our presence, with our clarity of choice,
with our energetic clarity, and we'll invite a
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shuffle from hustlebased power rather to embodied
power within. The feminine is radiant. We own life
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force energy. Now, okay, don't forget it's not
like the masculine is dead, right? Every human
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being has both masculine and feminine within them.
So even the most masculine human will have some
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femininity within them and also they have some
life force. So it does everyone gets it. But as
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a feminine woman you really harness this. This is
the source of your radiance. This is the driver of
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your pleasure. This is the feeling that you are
sovereign and safe in the world. And when we can
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run that life force energy within and through us
through our bodies, we radiate it outwards. And I
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almost feel it as like a tingle or a sparkle.
It's an aliveness in my body. The feminine is
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embodied. It's embodied. It's this ability to to
be one inside yourself, to be within yourself,
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to know yourself, to feel in your bones what
is right for you and what is wrong. We receive.
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We are the receivers. Now that doesn't mean that
we chill out, relax, and never do anything. That
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receptivity, that feminine embodiment is where we
get quiet. We go within and we feel what the next
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moves are. The feminine decision maker, remember,
is our intuition and our depth of emotion. So to
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move from that place is feminine power. When we
overwrite that and move from hustle and being
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drained, we are disempowered. When we overwrite
our intuition and emotions and instead decide
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out of logic and reason or try to secondguess
ourselves through logic and reason, we are
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disempowered. Okay? To be fully empowered in the
feminine is to really stay with your intuition,
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to be embodied, to feel what the body needs, what
your soul needs. Remember, feminine power is not
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a sword. That's masculinity. The masculine power
is very directive. It's very decisive. It's very
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energetic. It's very external, outward moving.
The feminine is internal, inward moving, inward
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looking. We have this container, this vessel
that we inhabit. And to keep it really strong
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and fortified, we need to stay really grounded
within it. So masculine power is a sword. Feminine
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is not. We are more like a tuning fork. We don't
force things. We resonate. And when the resonance
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is off, there is no harmony. Harmony is actually
something we as humans in the world all seek. Now,
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this is wild. This is wild stuff, you guys.
Um, there's a really powerful concept. I used
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to teach about this all the time uh a long time
ago in a land far far away called entrainment.
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Now, all of us physical beings have energetic
fields. Now, this is why they don't have to
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hook you up to a machine to read your heart
rate. The the machine to read your heart rate
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can actually be kind of away from you and still
feel and resonate. They don't have to like stick
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anything inside of you, you know, like even
your Apple Watch can read your heart rate. So,
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we have these fields, these energetic fields
that extend away from us. The bigger the animal,
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the bigger the field. I I say that because I'm
a I'm a horsewoman and horses with those big big
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hearts have big energetic fields and the universe
prefers harmony. When waves are near one another,
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when they're oscillating together, if they're out
of sync, the universe will bring them into sync.
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And so this is what co-regulation is. We as humans
are designed for nervous system co-regulation.
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It is easier for us to feel calm, steady, centered
when we're with other people that help us to do
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that. This is why when your kids have anxiety,
your partner has anxiety, your partner's angry,
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everything kind of escalates. So, this is a really
collaborative experience. And the feminine loves
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collaboration, communication, co-regulation,
connection, all of that. We are the emotional
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regulators of our space. Now, that doesn't mean
we're responsible for everyone else's emotions. It
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means that we really feel into what is happening
around us. How are people calibrated? And this
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is one of the reasons why our intuitive decision
making, our truthtelling is critical because if
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there isn't resonance, if there isn't harmony, we
will feel it first. And so to trust ourselves in
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that is power for those around us. To trust that
we know things are out of balance is empowerment.
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We are the tuning forks. So when we're not in
tune, we are going to be leaking power. And
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that is no bueno. We do not want to leak power.
So one of the I've got a list of ways that women
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often leak power. Um, and and again, I'm going
to use this metaphor often. You'll hear me say
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this. We are like the vessel. And the vessel is
a containment system so that we can receive. If
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the vessel is solid, we receive everything we
deserve in this life. If the vessel has holes
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in it because we're leaking, then that's when we
become over um taxed. We overgive. We burn out.
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The last podcast series talked about burning
out and overgiving and how to stop doing that.
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So just as a recap, ways in which we leak energy,
ladies, with the ways in which we give away our
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power is through unclear boundaries. Anytime
we say yes out of obligation, out of fear,
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not out of desire, you're going to feel that
drain. You're going to feel the disempowerment
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when we overgive or overfunction. If we're doing
the emotional or logistical labor for everyone,
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we will feel drained. I hear so many women
complaining. This is one of the like traps,
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right? Um, women in relationships. So, I do a lot
of one-on-one coaching. I coach women typically in
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relationships and business, but overall generally
in life where they're already exhausted and their
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partner is trying to be accommodating.
And so, their partner says, "Hey, baby,
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what do you want for dinner tonight?" And that's
like the worst question you can ask an exhausted
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woman. You want to just tell her, "Baby, I've got
dinner taken care of." Because what she doesn't
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need to do is think more, plan more, decide more.
It's not accommodation, it's collapse. Okay? So,
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partners of exhausted woman, women, just decide,
take their best interests at heart. You know
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them well enough. Give them a lift and they will
actually feel more held and empowered by that. Uh,
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another way that we leak our power is through
approval addiction. This is a tough one because
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historically women have been pretty hardwired to
seek safety in relationship and in community. We
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need the strength and power of the masculine
around us in many situations in order to have
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safety and security in the long term. We
are actually encoded biologically with this
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imperative. It comes from being the childbearer.
It also comes from being that just our physical
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bodies, they just are not as strong as a male
body. I'm not saying women aren't strong. This
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is either mechanics. This is just biology. Okay?
Don't don't freak out about it. We have to just
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work with what is real, what is historical, what's
inbuilt, and just understand that there is a
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biological underlying imperative that seeks safety
through partnership and relationship for long-term
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stability. It's still there. It's still there. And
yes, things are shifting, but it's still inside of
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us. And and there is beauty in relationality and
finding partnership in that way even in this day
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and age because a woman who tries to do everything
for herself by herself at all times is also going
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to be an exhausted women woman. We can we'll do
it when we have to. There are ways to do it then,
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you know, that that are sustainable for periods
of time. So this approval addiction idea really
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comes from that long-term biological imperative
where we make choices to try to be liked or to
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try to be palatable because that's how we think we
need to be in order to belong and that belonging
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creates safety. So, if we feel like we'll be
abandoned or cut out of the tribe or removed from
0:14:44.800,0:14:50.800
the relationship because we're suddenly not being
pleasing because we're not seeking that approval,
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then we often abandon our own needs in the face
of that and we will be disempowered. The other
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way that we disempower ourselves, that we leak
energy, is by avoiding conflict. We got to stop
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doing that. Now, there are ways to engage in
conflict that are really healthy. I have a a
0:15:09.280,0:15:15.440
really solid way to deal with conflict in my book,
The Way of the Satisfied Woman. I also have a full
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podcast on this particular um format that you
can use with your partnerships um in order to
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dial down conflict and get everybody heard through
masculine and feminine paradigms. But if you don't
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speak up about what your truth is just because you
want to keep your peace, you will never get your
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needs met. And you got to get your needs met.
Everyone on the planet needs to get their needs
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met. So avoiding conflict is an energy leak. And
then lastly, staying in loops. Okay. I I speak to,
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again, I have the great privilege in the work
that I do to speak to a lot of women one-on-one,
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also in my group, in my coaching certification.
Um, and these are smart women, smart, educated,
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high-powered, high functioning ladies that are
doing it all all day long for everyone else at
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all times. And so it's not because they don't feel
things are wrong. They know things are wrong. It's
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not because they don't understand that maybe
there are too many red flags here. But you find
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even well any woman staying in a relationship or
a situation far ba far past its expiration date.
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And again it really does come from that sense
of well if I leave then I'm on my own. And it's
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very unnatural again historically for women to
be alone. Like look at the biological imperative
0:16:38.080,0:16:45.120
of it. If you think about tribal culture, women
survived together. They survived because of the
0:16:45.120,0:16:50.960
tribe. Now the man could go out for a day or
two, maybe in a small group hunting, venture
0:16:50.960,0:17:01.840
away. But deep within our DNA is this desire to
stay and belong. We also are so accommodating and
0:17:01.840,0:17:08.160
emotionally regulating that especially it's like
that that uh frog in the pot of boiling water.
0:17:08.160,0:17:11.840
You stick the frog in the water and it's cold
and you slowly turn up the heat and it doesn't
0:17:11.840,0:17:17.440
even realize it's being cooked. That happens to
us a lot too because again we are the emotional
0:17:17.440,0:17:25.040
calibrators. So when someone that we love is
disregulated, we actually try to do the additional
0:17:25.040,0:17:31.280
emotional labor of reeregulating them. We will
try to be responsible for their happiness and in
0:17:31.280,0:17:37.760
the beginning maybe we made some headway with that
but there will come a point that it just becomes
0:17:37.760,0:17:43.440
more and more of a drain and more and more of a
disempowerment. So this is a moment that I want
0:17:43.440,0:17:50.640
to ask you dear sister listening right now. Where
do you feel most drained in your life? Because I
0:17:50.640,0:17:58.880
know you do. Do you not have clear boundaries?
Are you overgiving somewhere? Do you have that
0:17:58.880,0:18:04.720
approval addiction? Are you avoiding conflict?
Are you staying in loops past their expiration
0:18:04.720,0:18:10.720
date? Where do you feel most drained? There might
be a long list, but start with the one at the top
0:18:10.720,0:18:15.760
and follow that. That is your breadcrumb. That is
your breadcrumb. the one little piece that you can
0:18:15.760,0:18:24.800
start to pick up to re-empower yourself because
you need to recognize look I don't we just live in
0:18:24.800,0:18:29.440
this culture that we live in. No, nobody around us
made it. There's nobody to blame. We're all just
0:18:29.440,0:18:33.920
here and we've all just agreed for so long that
this is how things are done. But we need to start
0:18:33.920,0:18:39.680
questioning it. And that's what you and I are
doing. We're taking longheld belief systems and
0:18:39.680,0:18:45.520
going, "Hang on a second. Is this actually right?"
You know, I've even believed it from an early age.
0:18:45.520,0:18:49.920
You've believed it from an early age. Nobody
did it to us. This is just where we are. So,
0:18:49.920,0:18:57.360
there's no blame here. Nobody's doing anything
wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. But women,
0:18:57.360,0:19:04.080
we are the questioners. If anything is going
to change, it's going to start with us. They
0:19:04.080,0:19:10.880
call us nags because they don't want to listen
or be inconvenienced by our truth. They call us
0:19:10.880,0:19:16.880
pushy when we start to set up boundaries and
ask for what it is that we need and deserve.
0:19:16.880,0:19:24.080
They call us [ __ ] when we speak our minds and
have big bold ideas. But none of that is true.
0:19:24.080,0:19:32.000
Women are loud. We are wild. We are inquisitive.
We are unpredictable. We are emotional. And all
0:19:32.000,0:19:38.960
of those are [ __ ] superpowers. They've
been vilified. They've been minimized.
0:19:38.960,0:19:48.640
They've been dismissed because that keeps that
hierarchical nature of this culture in place. I'm
0:19:48.640,0:19:54.320
not here to keep it in place anymore. I don't need
to hold that up. And neither do you. Here is your
0:19:54.320,0:20:03.600
permission slip to let that go. Because we've been
conditioned for far too long to believe that our
0:20:03.600,0:20:13.040
value comes from being please pleasing, needed,
or productive. We don't have to be pleasing. We
0:20:13.040,0:20:20.960
just have to be ourselves. When we are sovereign
and empowered, trust me, people will need you,
0:20:20.960,0:20:29.200
but in the best way, in a way that doesn't take.
And productive. Uh-uh. No. Women don't need to
0:20:29.200,0:20:36.960
be productive. We need to be nourished there.
We are not on the hook to produce anything,
0:20:36.960,0:20:44.640
whether that be work, a family, um a smile if
we're sad. Oh my gosh, I I had an ex who used to
0:20:44.640,0:20:49.920
hate it when I cried. And he'd say, "But you're so
pretty when you smile." And I thought to myself,
0:20:49.920,0:20:54.640
you know what? Can't I be pretty when I cry, too?
That took a while to unpack. We do not need to
0:20:54.640,0:21:03.680
produce anything for anyone else. We produce it
because we are creative women. When we get that
0:21:03.680,0:21:10.960
life force energy harnessed enough in this solid
boundaried vessel to receive all the energy we
0:21:10.960,0:21:19.680
need, then we create. We don't produce, we create.
So look, there's no shame or blame in having done
0:21:19.680,0:21:26.000
all of this other stuff. You've gotten where you
are. And if nobody said it yet, I'm proud of you.
0:21:26.800,0:21:33.680
But if there is exhaustion, if you feel burnt out,
if there is resentment building, you don't have to
0:21:33.680,0:21:40.800
keep doing it this way. Okay? Survival is not the
same as sovereignty. And I want you to take your
0:21:40.800,0:21:50.480
power back. Not because you're angry, because
you're clear, because you're embodied, because
0:21:50.480,0:21:58.240
your nervous system is aligned with your choices.
Right. If you haven't yet, please make sure you
0:21:58.240,0:22:07.520
listen to episode 25 of this podcast. That is
where I give a full deep dive in boundaried
0:22:07.520,0:22:15.440
embodiment and my sacred yes and no protocol.
Okay. Boundaries for women are easy. It's your
0:22:15.440,0:22:21.360
embodied yes and your embodied no. It's when you
override your no and say yes when you don't mean
0:22:21.360,0:22:28.080
it that you get most exhausted. So taking your
power back is less about saying no to them and
0:22:28.080,0:22:35.920
more about saying yes to yourself. And I want
a fullbodied yes. You look, you're not behind.
0:22:35.920,0:22:41.200
Wherever you are in life, I'm so glad that you're
here. I'm so glad that you're listening. You are
0:22:41.200,0:22:47.120
right on time to take your power back because
the world needs it. The world needs it from you
0:22:47.120,0:22:54.240
desperately. Because when you are an empowered
feminine woman with strong boundaries receiving
0:22:54.240,0:23:03.920
all that you are deserving of in this life, what
you do is empower other women to do the same.
0:23:03.920,0:23:09.600
We can't all stay stuck and expect each other
to rise. We've all got to start making little
0:23:09.600,0:23:17.680
steps and inroads to feeling what empowerment for
the feminine woman is like. To dismantling these
0:23:17.680,0:23:24.640
old paradigms that never worked for us in the
first place. Now, if you want support in this,
0:23:24.640,0:23:31.200
I'm here. Head over to the satisfiedwoman.com and
check out my rooted membership. It's a monthly
0:23:31.200,0:23:36.480
membership that keeps you in your feminine
rhythm. It offers daily prompts, weekly sacred
0:23:36.480,0:23:44.720
content drops, insider information, access to me,
private coaching, live Q&As. This is where the
0:23:44.720,0:23:51.520
work begins. And of course, you're welcome to go
grab my feminine reset sessions. They're free all
0:23:51.520,0:23:58.400
over on the satisfiedwoman.com. Thank you so much
for listening, and I'll look forward to being with
0:23:58.400,0:24:03.200
you in whatever way you'd like to participate
in this movement. This isn't just work. This
0:24:03.200,0:24:08.560
isn't just a membership. It is a movement and we
got to move forward, ladies. So, let's do this.
