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This is the third episode in a little mini series of four episodes that I'm doing to uncover the power of our sacred no as feminine women, our no is a way to preserve our energy, to enforce our boundaries, to create a vacuum in our lives, so that those around us can actually rise up and help us out a little bit. Women have lived for far too long with the narrative that our only value lies and how much we give ourselves away. And I'm offering you all permission to just stop and restore yourself as a feminine woman, so that you can have the energy you need to for that, that sacred thing that you want to say yes to welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host. Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied life on our own terms, visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com and for those of you are listening to the podcast, I've also created a special place for you on my website, the satisfied woman.com/empower Me, where you can go and grab your official starter kit with a few things that I've selected just for you to start your path to satisfaction, as well as an invite to my online community at the satisfied woman. I definitely want you in that community. This is where I this is where I hang out to help women with the process of becoming more satisfied, finding their pathway to satisfaction, whether that is through detoxifying their relationships, finding a new relationship, being in the place where a relationship can come into your life, whether it is developing your own sovereign business, shifting your career path, dealing with family, anything like what I find more and more as I work with women is that we cannot be happy if there is an area of our life that is unsatisfying. So if you want satisfaction, I can't just counsel you on creating an incredibly empowered sovereign business. Most of the most of my one on one coaching clients, actually, they come to me to build a sovereign business. And I love that. I love working with women and creating businesses that really work for them and their lives, but inevitably, we talk about the dynamics of their family or their relationships or their intimate partnerships, because if they're not supported in those places, then putting enough energy into a business to create sovereignty is almost impossible. So it's really like a full life hack that we do in whatever element of coaching that you're working with me in, we have to it's holistic. We have to be holistic. And I offer that insight for you, that even if there is an area of your life that's working really well, it's worth examining all of the areas to make sure that the whole picture of your life is coming from a place where you feel safe, secure, trusting in yourself and those around you and cherished by the masculine around you and within you. Those are the four keys. Satisfaction cannot occur if those four keys aren't present. If that's the first time you're hearing me see that, go back and listen to many of my podcasts which outline that and highlight that, or make sure that you've got a copy of my book The Way of a satisfied woman, and that's probably one of the biggest foundations that I outline here in this book. Those work keys are essential. But one of the pieces that I find is so deeply challenging to women is embracing this idea of no as the phrase of the feminine. We are here to say no before we say yes. And that doesn't mean that we say no to everything. It means that we are empowered to say no so that we can save our energy, our sacred life force, or that which we actually want to say yes to. We don't want to say yes to everything, but we end up saying yes to everything, which leads to burnout, it leads to resentment, it leads to self betrayal. So the first two episodes in this podcast series outline all of that. It outlines all of the consequences when we offer a yes and actually mean no. I give you a couple of examples. So make sure you listen to those episodes as well. And we are talking about this, by the way, inside my private community at the satisfied woman. So if you're not yet a part of that community, please come in and join me. There is a free level of membership in that community, and there is also a paid level of membership in that community. And when you opt for the paid level of membership in that community, you actually get my monthly workshops for free. Anybody can do the monthly workshops, but as a part of the community membership, you get them for free. And this month's workshop is focusing on this sacred no and empowering you along that journey. So when I teach this to women, when we talk about this no as a way to create this vacuum. And again, women are the receivers. We are here to receive the masculine. Is here to be generous, to provide what it is that we need. And again, you know that's not just going out making money, bringing home the bacon. There's a lot that the masculine can provide, a safe harbor, a safe home, structure, stability,
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partnership,
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providership in 2025 means a lot of things, and what I'm looking for is for you to have provided what's most important to you, and for you to really lock into or key into what is important for you. I need you,
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dear listener,
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to reconnect with your intuition. You see, for the feminine woman, her two greatest we have many superpowers, okay, but our two greatest superpowers are our intuition and our emotional depth. And anytime we don't listen to our intuition and emotional depth, anytime we override it with the unfortunately toxic masculine energies of overthinking, controlling, talking ourselves out of things, second guessing, those are toxic. The the original good energies would be logic and reason. Logic and Reason purely are fine, but when we logic and reason our way out of our emotions and intuition that's a distorted application of our own masculinity. We want our own masculine energy, because we all have masculine and feminine within us. We want our own internal masculine to be in service to our feminine. We want our own internal masculine to cherish and center our femininity. So we do that for ourselves. We always listen to and heed our intuition when we don't. It's a form of self betrayal, and if we betray ourselves in this way, my friend, how can we possibly expect those around us to cherish our intuition, to stay present and heed our emotional depth, because it will not always make sense. It will not always have logic and reason behind it. So we have to be strong and firm in our intuition and center it ourselves, so that we are fostering relationships that do the same when we are empowered and boundaried within our within ourselves, to always heed our intuition and our emotions, then we will set that example for everyone else around us, and if they can't live with that example, they can move on. That's okay, too. But we always are going to show others how we want to be treated in many ways, right? Some people will be able to rise up to that, and some people won't, and hopefully, we use our intuition and our emotions to see who will and who won't, and to curate our lives very carefully. In that way, I talk about this in my book. I understand that there are people that we can't excise from our lives, but we can limit our time with them. We can limit their presence. We can limit our our involvement with them, our emotional involvement with them. And I also recognize that we still live in a time where there is some danger in that for some women. So I'm just conscious that, you know, there's a lot of like spectrum of this, but internally, internally for ourselves. Let's start here
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before we extend it out
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and see where we can finally curate and find those around us who will always cherish and center our emotions and our intuition, not dismiss them. Dismissal of our emotions and intuition, by the way, looks often like berating it or second guessing it. We're trying to talk us out of it. Oh, that's irrational. Oh, you must be on your period. Oh, you're just having a bad day. Oh, that doesn't make any sense. Okay, those kinds of comments, I mean, sometimes we make them to ourselves. They diminish and devalue what is most sacred and powerful for the feminine, which is our intuition.
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So you know,
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women fall into this trap a lot,
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not listening to themselves. I know that I have, I mean, I could give you a million examples of me overriding my intuition. You know, I knew intuitively to not get married. I'm since divorced. Don't worry,
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I've sorted that out, but I knew even on the day that I was to be married that it wasn't right for me, and I went through with it anyway, because I second guessed myself as much as everyone else around me did as well. I second guessed myself, and I told a bit of that story in the first episode in the series, when I work with women, one on one in my coaching container, I hear stories of this all the time. I knew that I shouldn't have I said yes again. I just keep doing it, even though I don't want to. So whatever example that is for you, your body knew before your mind did, that's where women's and. Answers. That's where our primacy lives is, in our bodies. We are feeling beings more than we are thinking beings. And that's not to say we can't think. Of course we can. But for the feminine woman, let our thinking be in service to this incredible feeling, this incredible intuition. Because intuition and feeling are beyond thought and reason. They're beyond logic and logic and reason. Guys don't always make the right decisions. They just don't. It was completely logical and reasonable for me to have married the person that I did. It made sense. It looked great on paper, but, boy, it didn't work out. Okay. So just because you can logic and reason your way through something, doesn't make it the right choice. It doesn't make it the better choice. Logic and reason are not the only way to come to a decision or to find a direction in life and for the feminine woman, well, we have logic and reason, we can think for ourselves. Those things aren't unavailable to us. We want those things to be in service to what is true for us on the inside, to what we feel on the inside, because that is where
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our power lies.
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Think about how many women in history,
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often to their own detriment, often in danger to their own personal well being, have risen up and said, No, this is not right. We are diminished and devalued, and we are individualized and separated in that way. Because when women say something is not right and we rise up, it creates the structure and foundation for change and for those imbued and in distorted masculine patriarchy, they fear change. Women don't fear change. Women are like we live our lives by change. Think about how much your body changes every month. We are beings of change. Think about the different phases your body goes through in your lifetime. Change is who we are. We have to be comfortable with change. You don't have any choice. You know, we live with changing hormones, sometimes every day. That's just a part of our natural cycle. It's a part of our natural reality. There's nothing wrong with it. It doesn't diminish who we are. It doesn't suddenly make our decisions or our thoughts or our pathway invalid. It doesn't invalidate us. It's part of what makes us valid. So it is as important as central, as correct and right, as anything the rational, unchanging, logical mind can do. Both of these things, in and of themselves, are not the correct pathway. Both of these things need to be in service and work with one another to find a correct
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pathway.
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So for the feminine woman, we
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lead with our intuition and emotions. And you know, if you are a feminine woman, like I was for a long time, who has donned the mask and the masculine that heavy armor, and you don't even remember what your intuition is. You maybe you think, I don't have it, girl, you do. Don't worry about it. You got it. You came into this life with it. And just because it has been oppressed, dismissed, devalued,
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doesn't mean it's not there. Oh, it's there. It's there because your body feels it every time. Your body feels it every time. Now,
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women outpace men to an extraordinary degree in terms of their diagnosis of autoimmune disease, and there's a lot of research suggesting that prolonged stress is one of the factors in autoimmune disease, and there is nothing more stressful than denying who you are, betraying who you are being dismissed for your voice.
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You know, when I was a girl,
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one of the things my
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father used to lob at me a lot was the phrase Shut up.
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And so I did,
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and at the age of 14, he lobbed it so hard, and he looked at me and he saw my neck getting red and hot. And just a few years later, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune thyroid disorder, and eventually lost my thyroid because of it. Now that's existential I understand. You know, when I look back and when I do the research, even medically, to try and connect those dots, what I understand is that Western medicine may not yet come to the conclusion that my emotional state is what caused that trigger to happen. I think we're getting closer to saying yes to that being a possibility that I know in the bones and the cells
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of my own body,
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that something in me was activated by words like that, by stress like that, by devaluation like that. I know what it's like to live with it. I'm not willing to anymore. And the people that I work with, I'm not willing to let them live with it anymore. In in as much as I have a choice in that. That's why I teach, and that's why I write, and that's why I talk, and that's why I have community. Okay, so if any of that resonated with you, if any of that even felt true on some level, then what I'd like to offer you now is a way to reconnect with your intuition, to get that sacred No, because for the feminine, that no is sacred. It's not hostile, it's not a rejection of anything. It's not a withdrawal from life. It's not a dismissal of your responsibilities that you want to take care of that sacred no is a guide post, and it is protective, and it is honoring of you, and it is cherishing of you, and it is a part of your internal soul that is going to help you stay calibrated to what is most important to you. So you have to find that now, and it's not that hard. Okay. You ready now? Those of you, if you're listening to this podcast while driving, please put a pin in this and come back to it later, because it is an exercise where I will have you close your eyes. You need to close your eyes, especially if you're disconnected from your intuition, closing your eyes will help to minimize external distractions so that you can really tune in. Okay, so you know about 15 minutes into this podcast is where you'll want to return to in order to get this exercise. And those of you that are listening in a place where you can stop for a moment and close your eyes, please do so now and in this safe space right now, as you've closed your eyes, think to a recent time where you have said yes, but you knew you meant no. And I know that there is a recent time every woman on this earth right now has done this. So think to a recent time where you have said yes and truly meant no. You know that you did. It's an easy time to recall, and just for a moment, place yourself back in that circumstance, put yourself back in that time, and feel what happens in your body, because the brain actually doesn't know the difference between a real and an imagined event. So as you imagine it right now, you're putting yourself back in that circumstance. You're living it again. It's a safe space. It's okay. We'll exit it in a moment, then feel in the body what happens when you issue a yes and you mean no. Now, when I do this with women, they report feelings of heaviness, a pressure, maybe on their chest, a weight in their gut, a sense of sinking. They report a darkness. They report a pain. They report almost like a sense of being debilitated in some way. Now, whatever the sensation is for you, locate it in your physical body and place your hand where you feel it most strongly. So maybe if it's a weight or a heaviness in your chest, your hand is over your heart. Maybe if it's a sinking feeling in your gut, your hand is over your belly. Maybe if it is a tightness in your throat, your hand is on your neck, and just for a moment, honor your sacred Mel and your intuition and your body and your femininity for offering you this incredible, incredible insight into what is right for you. You don't have to do the research. You don't have to logic your way through it. You don't have to justify it on paper. It is offered to you from the depths of your soul itself.
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God, what a gift.
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So wherever you feel this heaviness, this is your feeling of No.
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This is your feeling of No. This is where your no comes from
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and now, anytime
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you feel this, you'll know,
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you'll know the answer is no,
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and offer gratitude to your No, because it is sacred, it is powerful, it is directive. It is instructive. It is safe, making it is boundary, providing
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it is space, holding
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it is you, affirming.
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So thank you for the no and now let's shift
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and recall
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a recent time where you
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issued a yes. And I hope that there's a recent time for you where it was a full bodied Yes,
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yes, I want to take the day off. Yes. I want to go on a date with that person. Yes, I want to walk barefoot in the grass. What has been your most recent enthusiastic, life affirming joy and pleasure filled Yes, and with your eyes closed, feel in your body where the yes arises you. My favorite response from one of my coaching clients was she said she felt like it was a butterfly just erupting from right behind her. She kind of pointed it in her neck area. She's like, I feel these wings, and I feel like I'm about to take flight, and I feel so light. That's a beautiful yes feeling. Other women report, again, a sense of lightness, a sense of brightness, Sparks, the veil being lifted. Okay, these are, these are just examples of what you might be feeling with this sacred Yes. So wherever you feel in your body this yes happening. Maybe it is a lightness in your chest. Maybe it is that butterfly sensation behind you. Maybe it's a sparkle behind your eyes. Maybe it's a feeling of levity in your legs or a tingling in your feet, wherever you feel it. Just place your hands on your body where you feel this. Yes, because, again, as feminine women, we are feeling beings
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we feel. And this is
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soul level information that can't be charted, it can't be graphed. It doesn't appear on a key performance indicator. It's not a logical basis to it. It doesn't matter. It is still just as right and good and true as any other information we have. So be grateful for this. Yes, wherever your hands are on your body, say to yourself, thank you. Now I know my Yes.
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Now I know my Yes. I will know when I feel this sensation that it is safe to proceed, that it is beneficial to me to proceed, that I want to proceed, that this is where my energy will flow. This is how life force will flow through me. I won't be depleted by this. Yes, I will feel filled, nourished by this. Yes, whole body, yes, yes. You got that Yes. Now can release your hands down to keep your eyes closed for a moment. And
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this is the tough part.
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You felt your no.
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You have felt your yes
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at this point in your life, you know the outcomes and consequences of each and you know the consequences and detriments when you do not heed them. So in gratitude to your femininity, in gratitude to your body's sacred intuition, to your soul's depth of emotion to who you are as a woman in gratitude, make a sacred pact with yourself.
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And when the no or the yes are issued from this moment on, they will be heeded. They will be heeded. You will listen and act accordingly,
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in order to stay centered in
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who you are, in order to stay rooted in your Feminine Empowerment, in order to become most fully who you have meant to become in this lifetime as a woman on this planet today, this world needs you.
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You need you.
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This is how you show up for yourself, and this is how you are empowered, then to show up
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for others.
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When you honor your yes,
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when you never betray your no. This is how you develop sacred self trust.
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This is how you develop self trust. There is no other way you betray this. You've lost trust in yourself. You betray yourself. You can't do it anymore. So honor yourself right now. This sacred yes is yours. The sacred no is yours. It is life affirming. It is you affirming. And from here on out, you honor
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and take a breath, and
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when you're ready, you can open your eyes.
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Now I know, I know
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that this is not easy. We are women, our choices in life are never easy.
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Okay, I know that,
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but please just try
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for yourself, for the women around you, for
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all the women who come after you, try hold those boundaries, honor your nose and your yeses. Try using this for even small choices this week, if you. Can't do it with the big ones. Start with the small ones. Feel that No, like a weight in your chest or a dropping of your gut or a pressure or a pain, and never question it again. Feel that yes and run toward it like the backside of you is on fire. Girl,
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do this, and you are boundaried, you are safe, you are alive, and you are in your fullness and your power as a woman
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and this,
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this is where I want us all to be truly.
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This is where I want us all to be my mother and my grandmother didn't have this choice. They didn't have the opportunity, and every opportunity they got to follow their yes and no, even I haven't had it in many times in my life, but I'm reclaiming it now, and I want it for you too, and I want you to show what other woman can do, and why this is possible, and why this is right and true and good and as valid as any other decision making technique.
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It is ours.
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It is ours, and it is sacred. So revel in your no. Find pleasure in your Yes. And I cannot wait for you to join me for the next installment of this podcast, we've got one where to go in this series of sacred now and between now and then, I hope that you will join me at the satisfied woman.com and in my private community, and don't forget to head over to the satisfied woman.com/empower me to get your starter kit and your little gift. I am here for you. I am here to support you in this work. I hope you feel my heart and my intention
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and my desire to do whatever I can
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to help you walk a path towards satisfaction now
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and always you.
