Topics covered in this teaching:

• Recognizing the experience and knowledge women already seek from you.
• Why useful guidance gets given away without acknowledgment or compensation.
• The difference between personal wisdom and a repeatable coaching method.
• Listening without projecting and asking useful questions.
• Ethical boundaries, a clear scope, and guiding without rescuing.
• Why Alanna developed a coaching approach centered on feminine psychology.

Read the practical guide to becoming a life coach for women

The August 18 live-cohort invitation and enrollment terms in this recording belong to its original release. certification preview on this page presents the current training pathway.

Find a moment in the episode

• 04:59 — The experience other women seek from you
• 10:11 — Why valuable guidance gets given away
• 15:20 — Wisdom needs a coaching method
• 25:14 — Training women to guide others
• 30:27 — The approach behind The Satisfied Method™

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:00
We are at a powerful and pivotal time in history for women, and on today's podcast, I want to invite you and empower you as a part of our greater sisterhood. Not only to take ownership of the incredible wisdom, expertise, and experience you have as a woman, in order to help other women rise up to this moment in history. Now I know that that sounds lofty. It sounds big, and it is. We've spent generations doing things their way, living life on their terms, and we finally have the chance to live life on ours. So in this podcast, I'm going to tell you exactly how you can step into the powerful role waiting for you, and how doing so empowers other women around you to do the same. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman Podcast. I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalia. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman in this day and age right now, and how you and I can live a satisfied and sovereign life on our own terms. Visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com. And for those of you listening right now, the last live cohort of my Satisfied Woman Coaching Certification Program begins on August 18th, and I want to personally invite you into it. Eventually, this program will be an evergreen experience where people can do it at any time, and lessons will be pre-recorded. But if you want to learn directly from me, this is your last chance. It's going to be a small, intimate experience, and I would love to have you be a part of it. So, if you're thinking about it, head over to thesatisfiedwoman.com. The link is right there on the homepage to check out the certification program beginning August 18th, and you can also click to book a call with me, and we'll spend about a half an hour chatting to see if this is the next right step for you and how exactly you'll fit in to this next live training. Again, I'm looking for an extraordinary cohort of women to work with me on this last live program, and I hope you'll be amongst the group because this is actually how you take your expertise, how you take your wisdom, your incredible body of knowledge, just from life, or that you've actually earned through certifications, education-who knows-and turn it into something sovereign that not only empowers you to step into your femininity and your feminine power, but to empower women around you. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to this today this today's podcast. This podcast, which I've been sitting on for a while, and I'm so excited to share with you because really it comes at my work, the Satisfied Woman, from two different angles. Number one, how you can be a satisfied woman and step into your power and sovereignty, and how doing so is critical. It's essential for showing the women around you how to do this too, because we haven't been able to do this before. Women have always occupied a certain niche, a certain space in culture, in community, in our world, but we've never been honored for it. We've never been properly paid for it, and this is the podcast where all of that changes. So I hope, if nothing else, this podcast opens your mind and alerts you to how incredibly valuable and powerful you are. Because I want to start with one central question: What are you doing with what you know? Because I know one thing: after having coached and spoken with women for the last decade plus, and having studied femininity and feminine psychology for the last 20 plus years, that women are wise, women are powerful, and women, up until about this exact moment in history, have not been given the ability to actually wield and use that power freely and properly and on their own terms and to their own ends. These are exciting times that we live in, and they are recent, and they are currently rare. Which is why each of us, as women who are stepping into this work of the satisfied woman, actually need to help others do it too. That's the only way our modern femininity reaches a pivot or a turning point, so that.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 4:59
Every woman can live with her greatest power, sovereignty, agency, and choice amongst a sisterhood of women who understand and accept her. So you've lived an incredible life. I know that. I know every woman that I speak to has. You've lived a life where you've learned something incredible, powerful, transformational. Whether that's by training and education, whether that's through difficult life lessons in the school of hard knocks, whether it's through various certification programs or spending decades raising a family, taking care of aging parents, whatever it is that you've done. Okay, from relationships, marriage, divorce, motherhood, illness, reinvention, loss, education, professional training, spiritual study, and personal development-all of that. Okay, I know you've done all of that. Women are on the forefront of all of these things. We are the ones, by the way, keeping the self-help industry alive. We are the ones buying the self-help books. We are the ones majoring in psychology. We are the ones moving the work of therapy forward. We are the ones doing the self-care routines and realizing the power of emotional intelligence and connection. Because women have long recognized patterns and learn what helps. Women have learned to survive things that mere mortals could never hope to survive. And in surviving the things we've survived in our lives, we always live with this little itch on the inside that we want to help other women never navigate that alone. If we've been through divorce, we want to support other women in going through it more easily. If we've been through a life transition, a big change, a career change, a career development, whatever it is, every woman that I know, every hardship she's gone through, becomes eventually a point of power for her, in order to help other women go through that same kind of experience more gracefully, because you didn't live through all of that merely to become a wiser version of yourself. What you know is a pathway for somebody else. That's why I do the work that I do. That's why I'm here empowering other women to live a satisfied and sovereign life. Because one thing that I have gotten super clear about in all this research and all this talk with women that I've done is that this is what women do. Okay, we have always listened. We have always communicated well. We have always gathered and shared knowledge with one another. We have always read emotional and relational dynamics. Okay, we are the emotional calibrators of every space we inhabit. Now, wouldn't it be nice if those spaces were calibrated with us? If we could show people around us to manage themselves, regulate themselves, to support us in that, exactly. We've always recognized the subtext under what's been said because, as women, we have to read subtext. That's part of a safety mechanism we've all grown up with. We've always offered advice, encouraged others, connected to people on a human level, and cared for them deeply. And we've always helped people make sense of their lives. You've been doing this naturally. I know you have. This is how women operate. This is some of the key powers and components and qualities of femininity that I have been talking about and writing about for years. As women, we have special powers. We have special gifts, gifts that are unique to us as feminine women, gifts that we and others, up until I'm hoping right now, have taken for granted, because essentially what this culture and life has become for most of us is a good girl arrangement. You see, we've been trained throughout our lives, and it's nobody's fault. Nobody like set out to do this to us. This is just all the agreement that we've been living into. This is the culture that we're in, and we're now here in this moment to challenge it, because it hasn't served you, it hasn't served me, it hasn't served the women around us, and all of our gifts of communication and emotional intelligence, and the ability to read subtext and understand what people are feeling, and to see the problems and see the patterns and help people change and give them advice-all of that has been taken for granted. We've essentially been trained to provide tremendous emotional. Intellectual, relational, and practical value, and then we've been made to feel uncomfortable in asking to be paid for it.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 10:11
We've been made to feel uncomfortable inciting our knowledge and value that we possess, and we've been essentially tricked into giving it away for free because that's what good girls do. Our entire lives we've been encouraged to be helpful and available to others, endlessly available to listen beyond the pat the our capacity. Have you ever gone into a conversation where someone is talking on and on about themselves, and you actually are exhausted, but you feel rude for interrupting and saying, "You know what? I'm just going to stop you there and tell you exactly what you need to fix. We've been trained to be the good girl, to share what we know, to solve everyone else's problems while carrying and sitting on and dismissing our own, we give advice in text messages, conversations, offices, kitchens, parking lots, and we call it friendship. We call it generosity. We say, "Oh, that's just what I do, or we're just being nice. So the problem isn't that we help. We're almost encoded to help. It's actually a part of feminine psychology to witness the emotional states of those around us and to do what we can to elevate it. We know that when we are happy internally as women; that everyone else around us will be, and that we elevate their happiness, and that will elevate our own. We understand the power of emotional calibration, and so we understand it makes everyone feel better when we can solve the problem, fix the hurt, elevate someone else, and so we do it for free, and up until I'm hoping this very moment, the world has benefited enormously from women's unpaid wisdom, from our unvalued generosity. We've been expected to keep helping without any kind of structure or boundaries or acknowledgment or compensation. So the fact is, you're probably already doing work that is actually worth being paid for. Someone else is already getting paid for this generous, good girl stuff that you're doing probably for free. So let me just give you some examples and see if this is already happening for you in your life. Do other people call you when their marriage is falling apart? They call you for advice, or they even say to someone, "Oh, call you if this is falling apart because you know exactly how to help. They'll refer others to you for this particular problem. Do they ask you how you developed your career, or how you survive in your career, or how you manage to do it all? How do you manage to do it all and keep it together, please. Teach me. Do you get other people asking you for help in understanding maybe their body, or how to maintain their health, or their career, or how to raise their children, or their relationships, or even their purpose in life? What do women already tell you that you've helped them see, or understand, or solve. What have you spent years studying, either formally or informally, that other women usually struggle to understand, and what have you overcome that now allows you to recognize an easier pathway for someone else. Goodness, I mean, I say this all the time. If I had known in 2015 what I know now about developing and running a business, I would have saved myself a decade of anxiety, panic, heartache, burnout, devaluing myself, putting on masculine armor, diminishing my femininity-I would have been so much happier for those years. But I lived through them so that I can help women to never live through that now. So if women already seek you out for guidance. You're not beginning from zero. You're not starting from scratch. In fact, you are already sitting on a gold mine. And if you've listened to any of my past podcasts, in fact, probably about the last dozen or so is like a concentrated heap of me sounding the alarm. Hopefully for you that you are very likely being devalued. How do I know that? Because if look, if you're not being devalued, I I commend you and I cheers you and I hope that you're showing other women how to not be devalued. But statistically, even right now, even right now, women are earning 85 cents to every dollar a man earns.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 15:20
We are already starting behind, no matter when or where we start, and that's even before we unpack the penalties that women go through when they have a family or leave the workplace to raise a family, or the challenges of being, you know, a wife and a mother and also a career woman. I mean, it just gets harder from there. Okay, so I'm not speaking out of context. I'm not pulling out some magical statistic. I live in this world too. I understand how it works. I don't sugarcoat anything. I'm optimistic. Definitely optimistic. I've got some some pathways and some answers that I'm hoping we're all going to really lean into because it's going to make it easier for every one of us when we do, but we want you. I want you. Your sisters want you to be properly valued because a woman who has her own money, a woman who is being properly paid and valued for her wisdom, not only has her sovereignty and earns and has and owns her agency, power, and choice. She gives other other women permission to have it too. So you are sitting on a goldmine. You are. This culture hasn't shown you that. If you haven't realized that yet, then let me like bang the drum and tell you I have mountains of evidence that says that this is true, including all the clients that I work with privately that says that this is true. But right now, your goldmine may only really exist in scattered conversations, or the unpaid labor that you consistently give away, or in the wisdom that you offer that doesn't have a professional container, okay? Because your wisdom has value, but wisdom isn't a method, right? So your lived experience matters. It is your gold mine, but gold in and of itself isn't valuable until you mine it, until you create the means of pulling it out and showing it to people and basically offering it to them, because your intuition matters, your ability to listen matters, your lived experience matters. But we need to get you, you and the collective you, everyone listening, women listening to this podcast everywhere, the professional transformation that turns it into a monetizable gift. So your wisdom requires a system, a sound framework, the ability to listen to someone without projecting on them. There, there is a craft to helping other women transform in whatever means is your lane to help them transform? Whatever thing that you want to to escort them through, whether it be getting out of a terrible relationship, adjusting your career, starting a new career, managing children in a certain way, whatever it is that is your gift. Maybe it's starting a business. Maybe it's some level of creativity. We all have our lane, but there's a way in which we can help others through that lane. So we need to understand skillful questions and communication. Of course, when working with other people, we need to understand ethical boundaries, an understanding of where coaching a woman begins and where it ends, so that it doesn't turn into codependency and them just draining you for more information because you've previously given it away for free. You need a repeatable process that produces movement and transformation so that the next woman will see the change you've created and easily come through your door. You need an ability to guide rather than rescue because most women that I talk to, this is something we have to tune up a little bit. Typically, when another woman comes to you for help, you'll bend over backwards and give yourself away in order to do that. But you know as well as I do that when they teach you how to swim, when you're saving someone who's drowning, you can't drown yourself, right? You throw them the life raft, you throw them the buoy. You reach the stick out to them and pull them in. You don't let them hold on to you and push you down while they're trying to gasp for error. In that way, nobody wins, right? So this is the different-a structure, a framework, a way for you to call in your value and really show the world what you do no longer for free, is the difference between being just the friend that everyone calls, and becoming a woman equipped to guide others professionally.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 19:54
Because I guarantee you, someone is already out there doing it. Somebody is already out there making the. Money that you should be making, guiding others through the transformation that you are uniquely qualified to guide them through. Because here's the other piece to this: this this really is kind of a two part podcast today, right? So this first part has been about alerting you to the fact that you have value that you're likely not being paid for, and structure is required for you to be paid for it. You getting paid for it, you valuing yourself, is what gives you the power, agency, and choice that women right now have, that women 10 years ago didn't have, women 15 years ago. Didn't have my grandmother didn't have it. We have the ability now. We have to claim it now. We have to take advantage of it now because if we don't, we won't show other women how to do it, and this movement will slow down, if not die, there's too much legacy and history of women being good girls, of women staying quiet, of women not having power, agency, and choice, or knowing how to take advantage of power, agency, and choice. So we need to step into it. We need to show ourselves, our sisters, and our daughters, because we are living in an extraordinary turning point for women. Literally, right now. I mean, and even within my lifetime, it's within the last 50 or 60 years that women have gotten this kind of power, agency, and choice. In 1974, banks were no longer allowed to discriminate against women having access to money. They had to give women access to bank accounts. Before that, women often needed either a family member or a male cosigner to open her own checking account. Women couldn't have their own business loans until 1988, guys. I was eight years old in 1988. I couldn't have started this business when I was a kid. This is modern. We finally get to dictate our terms. Women have had women have greater access right now than ever before to education, to income, to ownership, technology, entrepreneurship, public influence, the ability to leave situations that don't suit us, and the ability to define a meaningful life for ourselves on our own terms. My mother couldn't do that. My grandmother couldn't do that. There had been times in my own life I couldn't do that. It's critical that we do it now, because possibility-the fact that this exists-doesn't automatically create the freedom. We have it, but many women still don't trust themselves to take it. We're still abandoning ourselves and our own needs. We're still putting each other, putting others first and ourselves last. We're still staying in relationships and situations that don't serve us, we're still minimizing our gifts, devaluing them, giving them away, and we're still organizing our lives around others and trying to earn approval to just inhabit our spaces. We have more choice than we've ever had before, but we still have no idea how to choose ourselves. This is our moment, right now. So I don't simply want women waking up, right? I know that women are waking up. I talk to women every day who are waking up, who are looking around, going, "Hang on a second, something is different about right now than five years ago, than 10 years ago. They're waking up out of relationships that they've been asleep in for 20 years, going, "I deserve more. I don't remember who I am. I gave up the things that I loved to do that for 20 years. I want to do me for the next 20. I have something to offer. They are waking up, but they don't know what to do. Okay, that's why the satisfied women, this movement that I'm creating, that I want you all like to. I want I want us to lock arms on this, okay? I mean it, and I like I'm having that vision in my head right now. I'm standing next to you, arm in arm. Like okay, sister, let's do this. I need you. You need me. We need each other. If I can show you a little bit of the way, and you can show another woman a little bit of the way, then we all are stepping into more power, agency, and choice. We are all determining our lives on our terms.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 25:14
I don't want you simply waking up. I want you trained. I want capable women ready to meet the other women who are waking up. I want trained, capable women ready to meet others when they wake up. So, sister, if you have spent too long giving yourself away on any level, if you have remained too long in a relationship or a career or a situation that diminishes you. If you have already rebuilt yourself after losing who you knew yourself to be, if you've learned what sovereignty requires but haven't yet claimed it, if you know like I know that femininity is not weakness. It's not passive. It's not dependence, and it's not submission. Then I want you to feel called right now to reclaim your feminine power and help other women reclaim theirs because your experience is not your own personal history. Your experience is the lived experience of other women too, and it's prepared you to participate in something larger, something magical happening Right now, because look, I'm gonna call it like it is, gals. Women are not just softer men. Okay, we've been living in a culture that has centered masculinity, and not even the best forms of masculinity. And this is not an indictment of masculinity. I say this all the time: masculinity is masculinity and femininity. We're not competing; one is not better than the other. Neither has been served in the current culture that takes a distorted form of masculinity and places it in power and control over a distorted, submissive form of femininity. No one is being served, right? We are all going to do better when we step into the most empowered forms of our basic psychological frameworks-masculine, feminine, whichever pull we lean into, whatever polarity pulls on us. And if you're listening to me, you're being pulled to femininity, and I'm here to help you lean into that because femininity is different than masculinity. It's not just man softened. It's not just patriarchy with shoulder pads. Okay, although I I do love shoulder pads. If you know me, you know I love my outfits. So we're not harping on shoulder pads. We're not harping on men. We're calling us to our best selves, and I'm telling you, this is the moment in time that we can finally live into it. We couldn't live into it five years ago, we couldn't live into it 10 years ago. I'm not even certain we could live into it 28 minutes ago when I started this podcast, but I know you can live into it now. Here's the other truth I know, having been in the personal self-development industry for quite literally 25 plus years, I know that it was not designed with feminine psychology in mind. That's why I have been studying this. Okay, self-help, self-care, self-development. When I wrote my book, fun fact: When I wrote my book, one of the things that you do when you write a book is you have to look at your like competitors. Who else has written books like this? You know, where does yours fit into the framework? When I type in women's self-help, and it's probably still true, you get books that say how to find men, or how to stop being Crazy. Those books are still written with a patriarchal, distorted masculine framework in mind. They are not written for us. They are not written with feminine psychology in mind. That's why I wrote this book. That's why I do this work. That's why I lead this podcast. That's why I talk to you, because we need something specifically for us, not something that encourages us to bend further or submit more or diminish ourselves or to repress our incredible intuition or emotional wisdom. We need a framework that works for us. work discourages you from continuing to adopt masculine models of success. I want you to live success on your terms. I call it satisfaction. I want you to let go of softness and reclaim your power. I want you to understand. Understand that self-care doesn't mean shutting down your emotions. I want you to pull your feminine esthetic forward and not be afraid of it. I want you to be the woman that you are and lead that way. Show other women what it means to be a powerful feminine woman with agency, sovereignty, and satisfaction.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 30:27
So the work that I do, the work that I teach you to do, examines deeply what is psychologically distinct about the feminine woman. We are different, ladies. Let's own it. I talk about how women experience safety, security, trust, identity, and belonging in the framework we're living in now, and what we can do to create more trust, safety, security, identity, and belonging for ourselves. I talk about why conventional empowerment sometimes leaves women exhausted, because it tells us to do all the things at all times, be everything for everyone else and ourselves without fail, and make it look good. No wonder we're tired. I want you to reclaim femininity on your terms, and I teach you what is actually required to become sovereign and satisfied as a woman? This isn't about fitting ourselves into a prescribed role or the role that we thought we were taught to fit into. It's about understanding yourself and other women deeply enough to help them become more fully themselves. Now, guys, this is the work that I do individually, but I can't do it alone. So right now, this is my clarion call. I need your help. If you know you've been living in a box, if you know that you haven't yet stepped into your power, if you're confused about how to do it, if you've given yourself away, I'm here to help, but I need you to help others too, okay? Because you already possess the wisdom. You already possess the magic. The world already contains women who need this work. I'm talking to them all the time, but what's missing is you stepping into the role as someone who can lead them. You may be missing the training, the methodology, and the professional container that allows you to bring this wisdom to other women. Because I can't do it by myself. I need you to do it with me. So this is your invitation to join me as a coach, as a satisfied method coach. Because I do this, but I can teach you how to do this. I can teach you how to transform your wisdom into a body of work, how to develop the skills to coach responsibly, to understand the landscape we're living in now, how to take advantage of it, to help a woman create a life on her own terms, how to create meaningful change, how to build a private practice or a group program or a membership or some kind of specialty. I'm going to teach you about feminine psychology. That's the work that I do. I want to teach you how to create income because income for a woman today is one of the biggest inflection points to your sovereignty and satisfaction, I want to help you claim your sovereignty while you help other women claim theirs. I need you. That's why I created this certification program. That's why, for the last time, starting on August 18th, I'm leading it live, one last time. I'm leading it live, and I need an extraordinary special group of women in that program with me, live, to walk through this program, to go through the education of feminine psychology, to learn how to transform themselves and other women. I need you to be in this mentorship with me because after this, I'm making it into an evergreen program. Okay, where I won't be teaching it live. I need it to be bigger than just me. I need it to be bigger than just my one-on-one time. So I'm doing it one-on-one one last time. I'm calling you into it because we need this program to be much bigger and expansive starting next year. So if you want to learn directly from me, if you want to be in an intimate cohort of women reclaiming their power, if you want to be a part of a sisterhood, the initial beginning stages of this sisterhood, recognizing what's possible, if you want a pathway for turning meaningful wisdom into meaningful work. Then join me. This is your moment. Yeah, you can do it, Evergreen. In the future, it'll be more expensive. Also, by the way, just FYI, this is your moment not only to save, but to work with me directly. We begin Tuesday, August 18th. I'm going to put the link to. Check out and all the information right below this this this video here this this um this situation this thing that you're watching.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 35:08
I'm gonna put it right below. But I'm also gonna include a link for you to book a 30 minute call with me. If you're confused, if you need to ask more questions, if you want to see if it's a good fit for you, or if you're a good fit for this program, let's talk. You know, if you've listened to all my podcasts, my door has always been open. I have always wanted to talk to you. I want to see what you're carrying. I want to see what I can support you in. But now I want to know what you can support other women to do. The certification program is 12 weeks long, which means by the end of this year, you're going to have a path to your own sovereignty. I give you support in between sessions because the purpose of this cohort is to make it as extraordinary as possible for when I launch an evergreen in 2027. Okay, so the question isn't whether you have something valuable to offer, I know that you do. The question is, what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with it? If you've recognized yourself in any moment of this talk, if women already come to you, if you've lived through something extraordinary, extraordinary, if you feel called to help, then I want you in this final live cohort. So go ahead and follow the link to enroll. Learn all about the program. Send me a question by email if you need to. Book a call if you want to chat with me personally, or just go ahead and enroll. Spaces are limited. This isn't going to be a huge group. This is going to be a small group of connected women who get to work with me personally to start living into the way of satisfied women and showing other women how to do that. I need you. Let's do this together, sister. We start on august 18. I'll see you there.