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Where did your power go? We are going to find out 
exactly where and how you can reclaim it in this

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episode of the Satisfied Woman Podcast. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman Podcast. I'm your host, Alanna

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Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their feminine gifts and rediscover

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the power of their femininity. We take a look at 
what it means to be a modern woman and how we can

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live a satisfied life on our own terms. Make sure 
that you visit the hub at the satisfiedwoman.com.

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I have a free feminine reset series waiting for 
you there to get you started on your pathway to

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satisfaction as well as an opportunity to work 
with me either one-on-one coaching or to even

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become certified as a coach yourself. So, there's 
lots of goodies at the hub. uh make sure you go

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check it out. And that is going to be one more 
place you can resource yourself for returning

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to your feminine power. This episode specifically 
is going to help women locate the invisible ways

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that they've been giving their power away. And it 
will help you to open the door to reclaiming your

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power with clarity, compassion, and conviction. 
Because nothing makes us feel more drained

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and almost as if we don't have a place in the 
world when we don't feel powerful. Now ladies,

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let me just quickly and urgently give you a 
reframe. Every human on the planet has power.

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Regardless of how they identify, regardless of 
which polarity they find themselves more on, the

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masculine is not more powerful than the feminine. 
Power is one of our inherent birthrights. So,

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we're going to be exploring over the next few 
episodes. I'm doing another little miniseries,

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walking back our power, taking back our power, 
and walking the power back protocol. Claiming

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what's ours, anchoring into what we will and will 
no longer carry. Because really, women lose their

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power when they give it away. When we give it 
away, or conversely, when it is aggressively

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taken from us, which I understand, you'll hear me 
say this often. In this world is not easy to live

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in. This culture wasn't necessarily built with 
our highest needs in mind. And so sometimes we

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do end up in situations where power is taken from 
us forcibly so. But we're also quite indoctrinated

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into this culture to give ourselves away to leak 
our energy to leak our power. So I want to first

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identify where you might have that leak because 
you can't really reclaim your power if you don't

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know where you've given it away. So today we'll 
we'll name it gently, honestly, without any shame

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because power returns where truth is told. 
And a lot of us ladies, we bite our tongues.

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That's one of the things that we have learned 
to do. Stay quiet, stay silent, suck it up,

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don't speak out. But one of the core feminine 
values is actually truthtelling and truth seeking.

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Now, that you can imagine is sometimes very 
uncomfortable for people who aren't comfortable

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with the truth that you're telling. If what you're 
saying makes them derail their current trajectory

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or makes them question themselves in some way, if 
they're not prepared to do that, then typically

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what happens is a pretty aggressive deflection 
of that truth or they diminish you or devalue

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you altogether. But I want you to know as you're 
listening to this that truth is at the heart of

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femininity. Even inconvenient truths, someone has 
to tell them. Someone has to let others know that,

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hey, by the way, this needs to shift. This isn't 
working. You can't treat me that way. This is

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actually what I would like to do or take ownership 
of. These are the kinds of powerful truths that

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women need to speak number one but have been 
afraid to speak and or punished for speaking them

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historically number two. So luckily we do live in 
a time and a place where that is shifting. I won't

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say that it has shifted 100%. We are simply doing 
the best with what we have been given. And what

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we are being given right now is more power, agency 
and choice than any of our fore mothers have had.

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I'm not saying that we're completely done. We are 
not entirely on that level playing field yet. But

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we are inching forward, which is why I do so much 
work in helping you, teaching you to continue to

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reclaim this power. So, as you can imagine, power 
for the feminine looks a little different than

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power for the masculine. Now, difference doesn't 
mean differential. It's not hierarchical. It just

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means it has a different flavor, a different 
energy. And power for the feminine is not a

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sword. It doesn't slice through things. It doesn't 
charge forward. It's rather presence, choice,

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and our energetic clarity. Power for either 
the feminine or masculine is never control or

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domination. Control and domination indicates power 
over. And that is always going to have somebody

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subjugated or underneath. And we're never going 
to be seeking that out no matter who we are, what

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side of the spectrum we're on. Power over control 
and domination, those are distortions. Those are

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distortions of what is a really beautiful and pure 
energy, which is power. So, we're going to stay

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with our presence, with our clarity of choice, 
with our energetic clarity, and we'll invite a

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shuffle from hustlebased power rather to embodied 
power within. The feminine is radiant. We own life

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force energy. Now, okay, don't forget it's not 
like the masculine is dead, right? Every human

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being has both masculine and feminine within them. 
So even the most masculine human will have some

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femininity within them and also they have some 
life force. So it does everyone gets it. But as

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a feminine woman you really harness this. This is 
the source of your radiance. This is the driver of

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your pleasure. This is the feeling that you are 
sovereign and safe in the world. And when we can

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run that life force energy within and through us 
through our bodies, we radiate it outwards. And I

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almost feel it as like a tingle or a sparkle. 
It's an aliveness in my body. The feminine is

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embodied. It's embodied. It's this ability to to 
be one inside yourself, to be within yourself,

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to know yourself, to feel in your bones what 
is right for you and what is wrong. We receive.

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We are the receivers. Now that doesn't mean that 
we chill out, relax, and never do anything. That

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receptivity, that feminine embodiment is where we 
get quiet. We go within and we feel what the next

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moves are. The feminine decision maker, remember, 
is our intuition and our depth of emotion. So to

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move from that place is feminine power. When we 
overwrite that and move from hustle and being

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drained, we are disempowered. When we overwrite 
our intuition and emotions and instead decide

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out of logic and reason or try to secondguess 
ourselves through logic and reason, we are

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disempowered. Okay? To be fully empowered in the 
feminine is to really stay with your intuition,

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to be embodied, to feel what the body needs, what 
your soul needs. Remember, feminine power is not

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a sword. That's masculinity. The masculine power 
is very directive. It's very decisive. It's very

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energetic. It's very external, outward moving. 
The feminine is internal, inward moving, inward

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looking. We have this container, this vessel 
that we inhabit. And to keep it really strong

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and fortified, we need to stay really grounded 
within it. So masculine power is a sword. Feminine

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is not. We are more like a tuning fork. We don't 
force things. We resonate. And when the resonance

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is off, there is no harmony. Harmony is actually 
something we as humans in the world all seek. Now,

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this is wild. This is wild stuff, you guys. 
Um, there's a really powerful concept. I used

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to teach about this all the time uh a long time 
ago in a land far far away called entrainment.

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Now, all of us physical beings have energetic 
fields. Now, this is why they don't have to

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hook you up to a machine to read your heart 
rate. The the machine to read your heart rate

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can actually be kind of away from you and still 
feel and resonate. They don't have to like stick

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anything inside of you, you know, like even 
your Apple Watch can read your heart rate. So,

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we have these fields, these energetic fields 
that extend away from us. The bigger the animal,

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the bigger the field. I I say that because I'm 
a I'm a horsewoman and horses with those big big

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hearts have big energetic fields and the universe 
prefers harmony. When waves are near one another,

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when they're oscillating together, if they're out 
of sync, the universe will bring them into sync.

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And so this is what co-regulation is. We as humans 
are designed for nervous system co-regulation.

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It is easier for us to feel calm, steady, centered 
when we're with other people that help us to do

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that. This is why when your kids have anxiety, 
your partner has anxiety, your partner's angry,

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everything kind of escalates. So, this is a really 
collaborative experience. And the feminine loves

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collaboration, communication, co-regulation, 
connection, all of that. We are the emotional

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regulators of our space. Now, that doesn't mean 
we're responsible for everyone else's emotions. It

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means that we really feel into what is happening 
around us. How are people calibrated? And this

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is one of the reasons why our intuitive decision 
making, our truthtelling is critical because if

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there isn't resonance, if there isn't harmony, we 
will feel it first. And so to trust ourselves in

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that is power for those around us. To trust that 
we know things are out of balance is empowerment.

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We are the tuning forks. So when we're not in 
tune, we are going to be leaking power. And

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that is no bueno. We do not want to leak power. 
So one of the I've got a list of ways that women

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often leak power. Um, and and again, I'm going 
to use this metaphor often. You'll hear me say

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this. We are like the vessel. And the vessel is 
a containment system so that we can receive. If

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the vessel is solid, we receive everything we 
deserve in this life. If the vessel has holes

0:11:19.680,0:11:27.120
in it because we're leaking, then that's when we 
become over um taxed. We overgive. We burn out.

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The last podcast series talked about burning 
out and overgiving and how to stop doing that.

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So just as a recap, ways in which we leak energy, 
ladies, with the ways in which we give away our

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power is through unclear boundaries. Anytime 
we say yes out of obligation, out of fear,

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not out of desire, you're going to feel that 
drain. You're going to feel the disempowerment

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when we overgive or overfunction. If we're doing 
the emotional or logistical labor for everyone,

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we will feel drained. I hear so many women 
complaining. This is one of the like traps,

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right? Um, women in relationships. So, I do a lot 
of one-on-one coaching. I coach women typically in

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relationships and business, but overall generally 
in life where they're already exhausted and their

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partner is trying to be accommodating. 
And so, their partner says, "Hey, baby,

0:12:17.520,0:12:21.920
what do you want for dinner tonight?" And that's 
like the worst question you can ask an exhausted

0:12:21.920,0:12:28.160
woman. You want to just tell her, "Baby, I've got 
dinner taken care of." Because what she doesn't

0:12:28.160,0:12:36.320
need to do is think more, plan more, decide more. 
It's not accommodation, it's collapse. Okay? So,

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partners of exhausted woman, women, just decide, 
take their best interests at heart. You know

0:12:42.560,0:12:50.160
them well enough. Give them a lift and they will 
actually feel more held and empowered by that. Uh,

0:12:50.160,0:12:58.800
another way that we leak our power is through 
approval addiction. This is a tough one because

0:12:58.800,0:13:09.920
historically women have been pretty hardwired to 
seek safety in relationship and in community. We

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need the strength and power of the masculine 
around us in many situations in order to have

0:13:16.960,0:13:22.560
safety and security in the long term. We 
are actually encoded biologically with this

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imperative. It comes from being the childbearer. 
It also comes from being that just our physical

0:13:27.440,0:13:33.520
bodies, they just are not as strong as a male 
body. I'm not saying women aren't strong. This

0:13:33.520,0:13:38.720
is either mechanics. This is just biology. Okay? 
Don't don't freak out about it. We have to just

0:13:38.720,0:13:44.240
work with what is real, what is historical, what's 
inbuilt, and just understand that there is a

0:13:44.240,0:13:50.880
biological underlying imperative that seeks safety 
through partnership and relationship for long-term

0:13:50.880,0:13:56.720
stability. It's still there. It's still there. And 
yes, things are shifting, but it's still inside of

0:13:56.720,0:14:05.840
us. And and there is beauty in relationality and 
finding partnership in that way even in this day

0:14:05.840,0:14:11.680
and age because a woman who tries to do everything 
for herself by herself at all times is also going

0:14:11.680,0:14:18.400
to be an exhausted women woman. We can we'll do 
it when we have to. There are ways to do it then,

0:14:18.400,0:14:25.600
you know, that that are sustainable for periods 
of time. So this approval addiction idea really

0:14:25.600,0:14:32.400
comes from that long-term biological imperative 
where we make choices to try to be liked or to

0:14:32.400,0:14:39.760
try to be palatable because that's how we think we 
need to be in order to belong and that belonging

0:14:39.760,0:14:44.800
creates safety. So, if we feel like we'll be 
abandoned or cut out of the tribe or removed from

0:14:44.800,0:14:50.800
the relationship because we're suddenly not being 
pleasing because we're not seeking that approval,

0:14:50.800,0:14:57.520
then we often abandon our own needs in the face 
of that and we will be disempowered. The other

0:14:57.520,0:15:04.640
way that we disempower ourselves, that we leak 
energy, is by avoiding conflict. We got to stop

0:15:04.640,0:15:09.280
doing that. Now, there are ways to engage in 
conflict that are really healthy. I have a a

0:15:09.280,0:15:15.440
really solid way to deal with conflict in my book, 
The Way of the Satisfied Woman. I also have a full

0:15:15.440,0:15:22.720
podcast on this particular um format that you 
can use with your partnerships um in order to

0:15:22.720,0:15:28.560
dial down conflict and get everybody heard through 
masculine and feminine paradigms. But if you don't

0:15:28.560,0:15:34.160
speak up about what your truth is just because you 
want to keep your peace, you will never get your

0:15:34.160,0:15:38.640
needs met. And you got to get your needs met. 
Everyone on the planet needs to get their needs

0:15:38.640,0:15:47.760
met. So avoiding conflict is an energy leak. And 
then lastly, staying in loops. Okay. I I speak to,

0:15:47.760,0:15:51.760
again, I have the great privilege in the work 
that I do to speak to a lot of women one-on-one,

0:15:51.760,0:15:58.400
also in my group, in my coaching certification. 
Um, and these are smart women, smart, educated,

0:15:58.400,0:16:02.800
high-powered, high functioning ladies that are 
doing it all all day long for everyone else at

0:16:02.800,0:16:10.320
all times. And so it's not because they don't feel 
things are wrong. They know things are wrong. It's

0:16:10.320,0:16:15.520
not because they don't understand that maybe 
there are too many red flags here. But you find

0:16:15.520,0:16:24.080
even well any woman staying in a relationship or 
a situation far ba far past its expiration date.

0:16:24.080,0:16:31.440
And again it really does come from that sense 
of well if I leave then I'm on my own. And it's

0:16:31.440,0:16:38.080
very unnatural again historically for women to 
be alone. Like look at the biological imperative

0:16:38.080,0:16:45.120
of it. If you think about tribal culture, women 
survived together. They survived because of the

0:16:45.120,0:16:50.960
tribe. Now the man could go out for a day or 
two, maybe in a small group hunting, venture

0:16:50.960,0:17:01.840
away. But deep within our DNA is this desire to 
stay and belong. We also are so accommodating and

0:17:01.840,0:17:08.160
emotionally regulating that especially it's like 
that that uh frog in the pot of boiling water.

0:17:08.160,0:17:11.840
You stick the frog in the water and it's cold 
and you slowly turn up the heat and it doesn't

0:17:11.840,0:17:17.440
even realize it's being cooked. That happens to 
us a lot too because again we are the emotional

0:17:17.440,0:17:25.040
calibrators. So when someone that we love is 
disregulated, we actually try to do the additional

0:17:25.040,0:17:31.280
emotional labor of reeregulating them. We will 
try to be responsible for their happiness and in

0:17:31.280,0:17:37.760
the beginning maybe we made some headway with that 
but there will come a point that it just becomes

0:17:37.760,0:17:43.440
more and more of a drain and more and more of a 
disempowerment. So this is a moment that I want

0:17:43.440,0:17:50.640
to ask you dear sister listening right now. Where 
do you feel most drained in your life? Because I

0:17:50.640,0:17:58.880
know you do. Do you not have clear boundaries? 
Are you overgiving somewhere? Do you have that

0:17:58.880,0:18:04.720
approval addiction? Are you avoiding conflict? 
Are you staying in loops past their expiration

0:18:04.720,0:18:10.720
date? Where do you feel most drained? There might 
be a long list, but start with the one at the top

0:18:10.720,0:18:15.760
and follow that. That is your breadcrumb. That is 
your breadcrumb. the one little piece that you can

0:18:15.760,0:18:24.800
start to pick up to re-empower yourself because 
you need to recognize look I don't we just live in

0:18:24.800,0:18:29.440
this culture that we live in. No, nobody around us 
made it. There's nobody to blame. We're all just

0:18:29.440,0:18:33.920
here and we've all just agreed for so long that 
this is how things are done. But we need to start

0:18:33.920,0:18:39.680
questioning it. And that's what you and I are 
doing. We're taking longheld belief systems and

0:18:39.680,0:18:45.520
going, "Hang on a second. Is this actually right?" 
You know, I've even believed it from an early age.

0:18:45.520,0:18:49.920
You've believed it from an early age. Nobody 
did it to us. This is just where we are. So,

0:18:49.920,0:18:57.360
there's no blame here. Nobody's doing anything 
wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. But women,

0:18:57.360,0:19:04.080
we are the questioners. If anything is going 
to change, it's going to start with us. They

0:19:04.080,0:19:10.880
call us nags because they don't want to listen 
or be inconvenienced by our truth. They call us

0:19:10.880,0:19:16.880
pushy when we start to set up boundaries and 
ask for what it is that we need and deserve.

0:19:16.880,0:19:24.080
They call us [ __ ] when we speak our minds and 
have big bold ideas. But none of that is true.

0:19:24.080,0:19:32.000
Women are loud. We are wild. We are inquisitive. 
We are unpredictable. We are emotional. And all

0:19:32.000,0:19:38.960
of those are [ __ ] superpowers. They've 
been vilified. They've been minimized.

0:19:38.960,0:19:48.640
They've been dismissed because that keeps that 
hierarchical nature of this culture in place. I'm

0:19:48.640,0:19:54.320
not here to keep it in place anymore. I don't need 
to hold that up. And neither do you. Here is your

0:19:54.320,0:20:03.600
permission slip to let that go. Because we've been 
conditioned for far too long to believe that our

0:20:03.600,0:20:13.040
value comes from being please pleasing, needed, 
or productive. We don't have to be pleasing. We

0:20:13.040,0:20:20.960
just have to be ourselves. When we are sovereign 
and empowered, trust me, people will need you,

0:20:20.960,0:20:29.200
but in the best way, in a way that doesn't take. 
And productive. Uh-uh. No. Women don't need to

0:20:29.200,0:20:36.960
be productive. We need to be nourished there. 
We are not on the hook to produce anything,

0:20:36.960,0:20:44.640
whether that be work, a family, um a smile if 
we're sad. Oh my gosh, I I had an ex who used to

0:20:44.640,0:20:49.920
hate it when I cried. And he'd say, "But you're so 
pretty when you smile." And I thought to myself,

0:20:49.920,0:20:54.640
you know what? Can't I be pretty when I cry, too? 
That took a while to unpack. We do not need to

0:20:54.640,0:21:03.680
produce anything for anyone else. We produce it 
because we are creative women. When we get that

0:21:03.680,0:21:10.960
life force energy harnessed enough in this solid 
boundaried vessel to receive all the energy we

0:21:10.960,0:21:19.680
need, then we create. We don't produce, we create. 
So look, there's no shame or blame in having done

0:21:19.680,0:21:26.000
all of this other stuff. You've gotten where you 
are. And if nobody said it yet, I'm proud of you.

0:21:26.800,0:21:33.680
But if there is exhaustion, if you feel burnt out, 
if there is resentment building, you don't have to

0:21:33.680,0:21:40.800
keep doing it this way. Okay? Survival is not the 
same as sovereignty. And I want you to take your

0:21:40.800,0:21:50.480
power back. Not because you're angry, because 
you're clear, because you're embodied, because

0:21:50.480,0:21:58.240
your nervous system is aligned with your choices. 
Right. If you haven't yet, please make sure you

0:21:58.240,0:22:07.520
listen to episode 25 of this podcast. That is 
where I give a full deep dive in boundaried

0:22:07.520,0:22:15.440
embodiment and my sacred yes and no protocol. 
Okay. Boundaries for women are easy. It's your

0:22:15.440,0:22:21.360
embodied yes and your embodied no. It's when you 
override your no and say yes when you don't mean

0:22:21.360,0:22:28.080
it that you get most exhausted. So taking your 
power back is less about saying no to them and

0:22:28.080,0:22:35.920
more about saying yes to yourself. And I want 
a fullbodied yes. You look, you're not behind.

0:22:35.920,0:22:41.200
Wherever you are in life, I'm so glad that you're 
here. I'm so glad that you're listening. You are

0:22:41.200,0:22:47.120
right on time to take your power back because 
the world needs it. The world needs it from you

0:22:47.120,0:22:54.240
desperately. Because when you are an empowered 
feminine woman with strong boundaries receiving

0:22:54.240,0:23:03.920
all that you are deserving of in this life, what 
you do is empower other women to do the same.

0:23:03.920,0:23:09.600
We can't all stay stuck and expect each other 
to rise. We've all got to start making little

0:23:09.600,0:23:17.680
steps and inroads to feeling what empowerment for 
the feminine woman is like. To dismantling these

0:23:17.680,0:23:24.640
old paradigms that never worked for us in the 
first place. Now, if you want support in this,

0:23:24.640,0:23:31.200
I'm here. Head over to the satisfiedwoman.com and 
check out my rooted membership. It's a monthly

0:23:31.200,0:23:36.480
membership that keeps you in your feminine 
rhythm. It offers daily prompts, weekly sacred

0:23:36.480,0:23:44.720
content drops, insider information, access to me, 
private coaching, live Q&As. This is where the

0:23:44.720,0:23:51.520
work begins. And of course, you're welcome to go 
grab my feminine reset sessions. They're free all

0:23:51.520,0:23:58.400
over on the satisfiedwoman.com. Thank you so much 
for listening, and I'll look forward to being with

0:23:58.400,0:24:03.200
you in whatever way you'd like to participate 
in this movement. This isn't just work. This

0:24:03.200,0:24:08.560
isn't just a membership. It is a movement and we 
got to move forward, ladies. So, let's do this.