0:00:01.680,0:00:08.880
Saying no often feels scary. I get it. I see 
women all of the time when they're ready to issue

0:00:08.880,0:00:14.560
their no, they start to collapse in on themselves 
because they've been taught that as a good girl,

0:00:14.560,0:00:21.280
you always say yes. Well, I'm going to help you 
take your power back around this concept in this

0:00:21.280,0:00:29.120
podcast. This is part two of my little minieries, 
the power back protocol. So, let's get you your

0:00:29.120,0:00:36.080
feminine power back and let's begin right now. 
Welcome to the Satisfied Woman podcast. I'm your

0:00:36.080,0:00:42.720
host, Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and

0:00:42.720,0:00:49.280
rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. 
We take a look at what it means to be a modern

0:00:49.280,0:00:58.400
woman and how we can live a satisfied life on our 
own terms. Visit the hub atthesatisfiedwoman.com.

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Now, if you haven't gone to check out that 
website yet, please make sure you do. I've

0:01:02.240,0:01:08.560
got lots of stuff right there for you. You can 
grab the free feminine reset sessions. You can

0:01:08.560,0:01:14.560
join my monthly membership rooted or you can 
even book a quick 15-minute clarity call with me

0:01:14.560,0:01:20.640
where we can have a chat and figure out exactly 
where you are disempowering yourself or being

0:01:20.640,0:01:25.840
disempowered in your own life. Because ladies, 
here's something I know. It's got to stop. It's

0:01:25.840,0:01:34.320
got to stop. We have lived in this idea for far 
too long that women are the weaker sex. You know,

0:01:34.320,0:01:38.800
I used to hear that a lot when I was a kid. 
Maybe that concept is dwindling out a little

0:01:38.800,0:01:47.280
bit. But I think there's definitely residual ideas 
there. Or that in order to be strong and powerful,

0:01:47.280,0:01:54.000
we have to be just like men. We have to be strong 
on their terms. We have to be successful on their

0:01:54.000,0:02:02.000
terms. We have to live life on their terms. 
Uh-uh. The feminine has its own terms. And

0:02:02.000,0:02:11.120
guess what? Those terms are just as powerful, just 
as sacred, and just as important as anything else

0:02:11.120,0:02:17.040
the masculine wants to do. We're just going to 
do it in our own way. So, it's time to rewrite

0:02:17.040,0:02:24.080
the story, to change the narrative, or really to 
reclaim it in terms that make sense to us and that

0:02:24.080,0:02:31.040
honor who we are as feminine women. This is one 
of the big reasons why I wrote the book, guys,

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The Way of the Satisfied Woman. If you haven't 
picked up your copy yet, make sure you do. It's

0:02:36.000,0:02:43.200
everywhere books are sold. And um I had a really 
lovely experience recently. A client of mine

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living I think in Washington sent me a photo of my 
book in the front window of her local bookstore.

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Boy, that was a moment. You know, sometimes you 
put this work out into the world and you just

0:02:57.120,0:03:03.520
don't know exactly when and where and how it's 
going to land. So, this is why I created the

0:03:03.520,0:03:08.000
movement around it because I don't want this work 
to exist in a vacuum. I actually want to hear from

0:03:08.000,0:03:15.200
you. So, this is my little tiny aside right here 
on this podcast. A little secret plea that hey,

0:03:15.200,0:03:21.600
if you're listening, if you've been listening, 
if you've been watching, reach out. We're here

0:03:21.600,0:03:27.760
to create community. We're here to be 
partnered in this massive collaboration,

0:03:27.760,0:03:32.960
this movement of creating greater satisfaction 
for women. So, reach out to me through the

0:03:32.960,0:03:36.960
website. I've given you some steps to do it. 
And let me know how things are landing for you.

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Look, this little minieries is all about power. 
And again, I don't want you powerful on a man's

0:03:43.760,0:03:47.760
terms. It doesn't mean you're going to the gym 
three days a week to lift heavy objects. If you

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love that, go do that. I love that for you. But 
your power exists on different terms. And one of

0:03:54.720,0:04:02.960
the things that we spoke about in the last podcast 
was where we leak energy. Where are we releasing

0:04:02.960,0:04:07.920
it? And we don't have to. So last week we located 
the leak and this week we're going to close it.

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We're going to seal it up. So the feminine is 
receptive. Okay. There are some core attributes

0:04:16.320,0:04:22.640
to femininity. Our intuition, our emotional depth, 
our creativity, the fact that life force energy is

0:04:22.640,0:04:27.920
ours, the fact that we are embodied, that pleasure 
runs through our bodies. But this receptivity

0:04:27.920,0:04:34.240
really holds all of that. So imagine that you 
are a vessel. You are a container. And you know,

0:04:34.240,0:04:39.040
I have a beautiful vase that I bought many 
years ago, and it's a gorgeous container. I

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It's enormous. I don't even know the size of the 
bouquet that I have to put in there to fill it up.

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So, it stays empty most times. But when I think 
of myself as a vessel, I think of myself in that

0:04:49.520,0:04:55.200
shape and in those terms because it's intricate. 
It's interesting. It's not regular. It's got some

0:04:55.200,0:05:01.440
little pock marks and divots. It goes from blue to 
kind of purplish to pink. This is you. Your vase

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might not look the same, but I want you to imagine 
yourself that way. And on a very practical level,

0:05:07.440,0:05:13.360
as a feminine woman in a female body, you are a 
vessel. And whether that means your [ __ ] as the

0:05:13.360,0:05:18.400
portal to your pleasure, whether that means your 
actual womb and its ability to carry children,

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you are a vessel. And that biology, that 
actual physical human body, that structurally

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is reflected in your psychology. Your DNA knows 
this about you. So to try to do the other thing,

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to try to force yourself into being the opposite, 
ladies, of being a receiver is to be a penetrator,

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right? And we all know the masculine body, the 
male body has a penis that penetrates. And this

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is just I don't mean to be crass, but it's just 
brass tax. And this isn't about sexuality or

0:05:54.080,0:06:01.520
orientation. I'm literally just talking about the 
human form. Okay? But again, that physical form is

0:06:01.520,0:06:08.000
also reflected in the psychology. The ability 
to walk around with something sticking out of

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you is a very different human experience than to 
be walking around with this receivership ability.

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Right. Again, this goes beyond gender, 
orientation, all of that. It really does. Um, and

0:06:22.880,0:06:30.240
it's 2025. Every version of all of these things 
is awesomely okay. I just speak most clearly to

0:06:30.240,0:06:37.280
the feminine woman because that's who I am. That's 
my experience. Um, so that being said, your vessel

0:06:37.280,0:06:45.280
needs to be secure because again, while you got 
that physical representation of it and of course

0:06:45.280,0:06:53.440
that needs to be safe, too. No penetration without 
consent that also reflects in our interactions, in

0:06:53.440,0:07:00.800
our psychology, in our communication. You know, I 
had an interesting exchange the other day where I

0:07:00.800,0:07:05.840
um I was selling something on Facebook Marketplace 
as as one does these days in the future where

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we're living. And so I connected with someone 
who was messaging me and I was selling an item

0:07:12.640,0:07:20.640
and yet this person as an unbounded masculine 
person started asking me who I was, inquiring

0:07:20.640,0:07:25.360
about my work, asking for a picture of me. What 
do I do? Oh, that sounds interesting. Oh, you

0:07:25.360,0:07:34.000
and started flirting with me. And I thought, wow, 
that's intrusive. That's a that's a penetration.

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That's breaching a wall that I have no interest 
in tearing down right now. I'm just here to sell

0:07:38.720,0:07:44.480
the thing on the Facebook marketplace. But for 
a long time, and maybe this resonates with you,

0:07:44.480,0:07:52.240
women have been taught to be accommodating, to let 
that in even when it doesn't feel good, even when

0:07:52.240,0:07:58.400
we don't want to. because that's what would keep 
us safe. So there's um I'm sure you've all heard

0:07:58.400,0:08:03.360
the the terms fight orflight response. Our nervous 
system goes into a fight orflight response when

0:08:03.360,0:08:09.200
we're scared or under attack or something is you 
know you know walls being breached. Um but there

0:08:09.200,0:08:17.280
are more responses than just that. There's also 
freeze and there's also fawn. And many women fall

0:08:17.280,0:08:24.560
into fawning when they get into a nervous system 
dysregulated state. Fawning comes from the term

0:08:24.560,0:08:31.200
of that little baby fawn having to stay soft and 
cute and accommodating in order to be protected

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because that little fawn doesn't have a lot of 
protections on its own. Now, I'm not diminishing

0:08:36.080,0:08:40.080
our own strength and power, ladies. We're bad 
asses. There's no overlooking that. But again,

0:08:40.080,0:08:48.720
if you think about historically, evolutionarily, 
even right now, I don't know a single woman,

0:08:48.720,0:08:58.880
even the most powerful, badass, sovereign woman 
who if she was just given a safe place of respit,

0:08:58.880,0:09:09.760
wouldn't absolutely relax and release into that. 
Right? So when that's coming from an unsafe place,

0:09:09.760,0:09:14.560
but it's the best we can get, we end up 
fawning. We end up people pleasing. We end

0:09:14.560,0:09:19.680
up being penetrated psychologically, emotionally, 
relationally, even physically when we don't want

0:09:19.680,0:09:28.240
to be. And that's not the exchange. It's not the 
exchange. Vessels are not meant to have cracks

0:09:28.240,0:09:35.440
or holes in them. vessels are meant to be whole 
with that one opening that receives the beauty

0:09:35.440,0:09:43.040
that it's meant to hold. Okay? So, I hope that all 
makes sense because what we want to do is create

0:09:43.040,0:09:49.440
that vessel. And we do it through our sacred 
no. And I talk about this quite a lot because

0:09:49.440,0:09:57.280
it seems to be the thing that is so skipped 
over and missing for us. Your no isn't mean,

0:09:57.280,0:10:03.920
it's medicinal. And if you've been overgiving, 
saying yes to things that deplete you,

0:10:03.920,0:10:09.760
or if you're afraid of being too much by asking 
for what you need, then please listen. Because a

0:10:09.760,0:10:15.520
sacred no is a reclamation. It's not a no 
that burns bridges. It's a no that builds

0:10:15.520,0:10:21.680
boundaries. It's a no that creates that vessel of 
receptivity. So when we're taught to be agreeable,

0:10:21.680,0:10:28.800
likable, compliant, we turn into that nervous 
system disregulated state where we feel almost

0:10:28.800,0:10:35.040
traumatized by an experience. It closes us off. 
We build resentment. We go into that fawning

0:10:35.040,0:10:44.480
element where we'll compromise ourselves and stay 
small just to maintain the illusion of protection.

0:10:44.480,0:10:50.160
We also really internalize it when we issue 
a no. and potentially disappoint someone

0:10:50.160,0:11:00.960
else. We've been told that we're selfish, 
that we're cold. But really, what no is,

0:11:00.960,0:11:08.320
we weren't taught no. We were taught to 
disappear. Now, if you're watching me on YouTube,

0:11:08.320,0:11:12.640
you're going to see the intensity of my gaze. 
And if you're listening to me, I hope you hear

0:11:12.640,0:11:24.000
it. Women have been disappearing too long. It is 
time for us to show the [ __ ] up in the world.

0:11:24.000,0:11:28.080
And I know the world wasn't built for that. And 
I know the world in many ways still wants to

0:11:28.080,0:11:34.240
keep us down. But every every way in which we can 
inch our way toward that. Let's do it because you

0:11:34.240,0:11:38.880
will be happier. You will feel more pleasure. 
You will be more sovereign. And you will show

0:11:38.880,0:11:46.080
the women around you that it's possible. So your 
sacred no isn't like a tantrum. It's not reactive.

0:11:46.080,0:11:51.200
It honors your body's wisdom and your truth. And 
most importantly, it's rooted in your intuition.

0:11:51.200,0:11:56.320
And I know that you all feel it. Okay? You don't 
need to justify your no. I talk about this a lot

0:11:56.320,0:12:04.480
with my my um one-on-one coaching clients. No 
is a complete sentence. We work on that a lot.

0:12:04.480,0:12:10.080
But your no comes from inside you. It comes from 
your intuition. Now, I do I've done this a couple

0:12:10.080,0:12:15.120
of times on different podcasts and different 
outlets. Um, podcast number 25 has this really,

0:12:15.120,0:12:22.480
really well done, but I'll run through it quickly 
here. Your sacred no is a feeling. It's not

0:12:22.480,0:12:27.200
rational. It's not logical. It doesn't have to 
be. It was never meant to be. You're a feminine

0:12:27.200,0:12:34.160
woman. Once you get your no, then you can use 
logic and reason to work that out and follow it

0:12:34.160,0:12:42.320
through. Not to talk yourself out of it or second 
guess. Your no comes from the most sacred feminine

0:12:42.320,0:12:49.600
part of you. So you'll feel your no if something 
comes up. Hey, do you want to go to dinner? Hey,

0:12:49.600,0:12:56.160
shall we go to bed now? Hey, what do you think 
about this idea or moving here or doing that? If

0:12:56.160,0:13:05.760
you can maintain that internal awareness of your 
femininity, you will feel the answer before you

0:13:05.760,0:13:11.600
know the answer. And your nose is often going to 
feel like a tightness or a tension. It's going to

0:13:11.600,0:13:15.920
feel like I have one client actually, she feels it 
almost like as a constriction around the throat,

0:13:15.920,0:13:22.400
like she can't breathe. There's no more life force 
energy coming her way. That is a clear no. And

0:13:22.400,0:13:29.840
if you don't issue the no, you will suffer. For 
every time a woman has overridden her intuition,

0:13:29.840,0:13:38.560
she has suffered. Okay? Now, your intuition 
also has a yes. It's just that the feminine,

0:13:38.560,0:13:43.920
interestingly enough, this the the phrase of the 
feminine is no. The phrase of the masculine is

0:13:43.920,0:13:53.200
yes. The question of the feminine is when. 
The question of the masculine is how. So,

0:13:53.200,0:13:58.640
you can see how those things work in balance and 
opposition to one another. So our no really gives

0:13:58.640,0:14:07.600
us this boundaried sovereign place to move from in 
order to receive all the nourishment that we need.

0:14:07.600,0:14:12.560
So when you feel that no, you issue it and then 
it's done. And the yes is going to be exactly

0:14:12.560,0:14:18.320
opposite. There'll be a lightness. There'll be an 
expansion. And there may because we're so trained

0:14:18.320,0:14:24.960
out of issuing our yes, be some fear. You know 
that you're going to be rejected through your yes.

0:14:24.960,0:14:29.440
So, if you've had too much practice in the 
opposite ways, saying yes when you mean no,

0:14:29.440,0:14:36.160
saying no when you mean yes, you may have to 
do some nervous system regulation around it.

0:14:36.160,0:14:41.280
Feel safe in those yeses and nos. Do small 
ones that you're not going to be rejected

0:14:41.280,0:14:48.880
by. Little ones that you can honor yourself 
in order to practice your intuition really

0:14:48.880,0:14:55.680
being able to come to the party for you. 
because that's like putting a fence around

0:14:55.680,0:15:02.640
your sacred garden or pruning a tree so 
that it can flourish. So ask yourself,

0:15:02.640,0:15:10.560
where in your life right now is something else 
thriving at your expense? That's where your

0:15:10.560,0:15:16.320
no belongs. Is someone else getting more sleep 
because you're getting up early? Is someone else

0:15:16.320,0:15:22.800
taking your resources and you're giving them away? 
There's no prizes at the end of this life, guys.

0:15:22.800,0:15:31.680
You know, nobody's giving out like gold stars 
for more suffering. It doesn't work that way.

0:15:31.680,0:15:41.120
Your no is complete. So, my challenge to you, 
my homework to you in this particular podcast

0:15:41.120,0:15:48.320
is to root into your no nervous system around 
a no. And again, you can start small. Feel a

0:15:48.320,0:15:58.640
feel a no in your body. Name what it feels like. 
and then simply say it. You can simply say no.

0:15:58.640,0:16:06.640
And when they say, "Well, but why?" You know, I'm 
not available for that. It doesn't feel aligned.

0:16:06.640,0:16:14.080
Because saying no to them is going to be saying 
yes to you. And that's going to show them your

0:16:14.080,0:16:23.680
value. When you self-abandon, when you say yes and 
mean no, it's going to devalue you in their eyes.

0:16:23.680,0:16:29.920
You say, "I'm not worth the extra sleep. I'm not 
worth holding on to my resources. I can give my

0:16:29.920,0:16:36.480
resources away for free, for cheap." You teach 
people how to treat you in many circumstances.

0:16:37.520,0:16:44.400
So to create those boundaries is to call in the 
kind of people who see your power and allow you

0:16:44.400,0:16:53.600
to thrive. So here are some fun things that I 
would love for you to attempt to say no to over

0:16:53.600,0:17:01.360
the next week or really throughout the rest of 
your lifetime. Uh for sure ladies, we have to stop

0:17:01.360,0:17:11.840
saying yes. We got to say our good no to unpaid 
emotional labor. [Laughter] I almost feel like any

0:17:11.840,0:17:19.040
of us who go on a bad date where we're, you know, 
being asked to be their therapist the entire time,

0:17:19.040,0:17:26.480
we end the date by sending them a bill for 
for our time. Anytime we show up at, you know,

0:17:26.480,0:17:31.200
the colleagueu's house or the friend's house who 
doesn't know that reciprocity is appropriate in

0:17:31.200,0:17:37.360
these situations and they just ask for all of our 
information, we issue a bill. Look, this is why

0:17:37.360,0:17:43.840
I have a coaching certification program because 
women often get caught in the trap that they just

0:17:43.840,0:17:47.920
have to offer emotional labor to everyone else. 
They have to soo everyone else. They have to solve

0:17:47.920,0:17:54.320
everyone else's problems. We are the ones that 
people come to for answers. But that is a lot of

0:17:54.320,0:18:00.080
work. You know, it is it's incredibly draining. 
So, if you have a certification like coaching,

0:18:00.080,0:18:04.160
which actually coaching is an amazing career 
choice for women because we can do it in our

0:18:04.160,0:18:09.680
own time, with our own boundaries, on our own 
schedule. We can scale it up when we need to.

0:18:09.680,0:18:16.160
It exists in our feminine rhythm, but then we get 
paid for the emotional labor that we usually do

0:18:16.160,0:18:22.640
for free. So, no more unpaid emotional labor. 
Go get your coaching certification. And you can

0:18:22.640,0:18:29.920
find it at the satisfiedwoman.com. No more 
overextended commitments. Just because you

0:18:29.920,0:18:35.600
said yes to that thing a while back doesn't mean 
you can't say no now. If it stops feeling good,

0:18:35.600,0:18:41.440
if you stop having the ability to freely pour 
your energy into it, then you just say no.

0:18:42.240,0:18:49.920
We're also, I hope, can all agree to say no to 
half-hearted relationships, to relationships that

0:18:49.920,0:18:57.760
don't show up for you in the caliber that you 
show up for them. Now, that's a really common

0:18:57.760,0:19:04.960
one. You know, we we have this ingrained thing to 
see the best in people, to give them the benefit

0:19:04.960,0:19:15.200
of the doubt, to paint red flags green. But let's 
no longer do that. Let's say no to half-hearted

0:19:15.200,0:19:21.520
relationships. We want someone who matches our 
energy. Someone who's giving us as much energy

0:19:21.520,0:19:28.720
as we give them. If you don't feel that energy 
match, it's not good alignment. All right. Last

0:19:28.720,0:19:36.320
thing to say no to doing things just because 
you can. Sure, you can pick up the socks. You

0:19:36.320,0:19:44.400
can continue to do your adult child's laundry. You 
can drive all the friends kids to soccer practice

0:19:44.400,0:19:50.400
four times a week. You can. But if there is that 
hitch in your heart around, h but I just want to

0:19:50.400,0:19:57.200
rest or I just like some me time or it's taking 
me away from my creative project, then let's start

0:19:57.200,0:20:04.560
practicing a no. A good clear no. Because when 
you say no in situations like that, you empower

0:20:04.560,0:20:10.640
them to figure it out. And that's actually more 
empowering for them. It's empowering all around.

0:20:10.640,0:20:15.440
It's disempowering when we just do everything for 
everybody else. Let them figure it out themselves

0:20:15.440,0:20:22.960
and let them rise to the challenge. Let them rise 
to the challenge. The woman who can truly say no

0:20:22.960,0:20:30.320
is the most sovereign woman. She's the woman 
who can really be free inside of her own life.

0:20:32.240,0:20:38.560
So in our next episode of this minieries, we'll 
talk about this false idea that all your power

0:20:38.560,0:20:43.920
comes from doing it all because it doesn't. 
It comes from doing what's right for you and

0:20:43.920,0:20:48.800
you're probably doing way more than just that. 
So if you want to continue this conversation,

0:20:48.800,0:20:53.520
come join me in the rooted membership. You know 
where to find it. It's at the satisfiedwoman.com.

0:20:53.520,0:20:58.640
That's where we give you we me I give you a 
daily rhythm of femininity with some daily

0:20:58.640,0:21:03.200
prompts to keep you in the flow. I give you 
content drops you can't find anywhere else.

0:21:03.200,0:21:08.480
I go live do hot seat coaching, offer Q&A, all 
of that. And if you want to start getting paid

0:21:08.480,0:21:12.640
for the emotional labor that you're likely 
doing anyway, come be a certified coach with

0:21:12.640,0:21:17.120
me. And you'll find that on my website under 
the work with me tab in the navigation and you

0:21:17.120,0:21:22.480
can apply for the coaching certification uh when 
the next round opens. All right, everybody. Thank

0:21:22.480,0:21:28.960
you so much for listening and until next 
time, stay satisfied and stay sovereign.