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A popular topic among women is often self-care how
do we take care of ourselves what is self-care and
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what are the benefits of self-care you may
not have really thought about this but one
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of the greatest benefits of self-care is
that it allows us to empower other women
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welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm
your host Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast
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is dedicated to helping women lean into their
femininity and rediscover the power of their
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feminine gifts we take a look at what it
means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live A Satisfied life on our own terms
visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com
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Look, if you're a woman in the modern world then
it is very likely that you've experienced the
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feeling of burnout or being overwhelmed or just
being drained whether it's being drained at the
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end of a day at the end of a week or at the end
of the decade it's likely that you've felt this
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I don't know a single woman who hasn't part of
the problem is that we as feminine women in this
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modern culture surrounded by the patriarchy have
really been fed this idea that we're supposed to
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give ourselves away that our only value is in
giving ourselves away of what we can do for
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others that we're supposed to be quote selfless
literally giving ourselves away lessening our self
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in favor of those around us particularly in favor
of the masculine now this has been a story told
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to us for a very long time and it is not a true
story it is a terrible story and what it does is
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it causes the feminine woman to constantly feel
drained to constantly feel ravaged as opposed to
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feeling ravished now as feminine women we desire
to be ravished to be in the throws of pleasure
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to feel completely fed supported and at ease in
our environment to feel the feelings of joy and
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Delight the ability to run pleasure through our
bodies so that others can feel it too all of that
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is the province of the feminine this idea that
we're supposed to give ourselves away that we're
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supposed to mitigate ourselves minimize ourselves
be subservient to the masculine around us has
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served the patriarchy very well it's kept us small
it's kept us Meek and it's told us that we just
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need to keep working working working and be all
things to all people at all times we better not
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ask about it we better not try to Outsource some
of these things otherwise we look worthless or
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we look useless in fact why would we be useful
to anyone if we're not constantly bending over
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backwards to get their needs met while subjugating
our own now this is not a helpful story it's not
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a healthy story for the masculine or the feminine
the feminine woman is not here to be drained and
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we're not here to give ourselves away worse of
all we're not here to have whatever our essence
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or energy is taken from us we're not here to
have our skills our gifts taken from us without
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permission in this day and age we talk a lot
about consent and we talk a lot about physical
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consent in terms of interpersonal relationship
but we don't talk a lot about energetic consent
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or emotional consent or psychological consent
we're inbuilt to say yes to things we don't
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want to say yes to that is without our consent
we're trained that our emotions are not worthy
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of being expressive that means there's no consent
to just be who we are I want us all to be exactly
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who we are at exactly the time we're feeling
whatever it is we're feeling the privilege of a
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lifetime is to be who we are and we can't be who
we are if what we are is cons continuously being
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taken from us being drained now I like to think of
the feminine woman and really femininity itself as
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a well and a well is something that is tended to
by the community around it all of the community
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needs that well slaking our thirst as humans is
critical it's essential we don't get water we die
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simple equation so communities are built around
a well where everyone in that community thrives
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because they're able to satiate their thirst and
communities develop around that well to protect
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it they don't want anybody else getting the well
they don't want the well contaminated they keep
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the well tidy clean they make sure that all of
the bricks around the well are in their proper
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position they're very invested in the health
of the well and the well itself can't run dry
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it can't be drained more than it is allowed to be
replenished now that well can be replenished from
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the outside by the care that is taken of it but it
can also be replenished From the Inside by giving
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it time to draw from that deep internal spring
that feeds it so this well has both an external
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and internal balance to keep itself replenished
and full and we as women are the same our internal
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well is our feminine Essence nothing is more
important to us than our feminine Essence it's
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what feeds our creativity it's what allows for
us to create something out of almost nothing it's
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the source of our joy the source of our Delight
it's the source of our intuition our emotions of
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everything that makes us feminine women and that
watery well as it is replenished makes us feel
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powerful it makes us feel abundant and it makes us
feel free so it's not optional it's critical for
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us to tap into it and it's critical that it's not
drained faster than it's replenished so we need
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to really be careful about what drains us people
may drain us circumstances May drain us places May
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drain us and so it's time for us to really curate
our efforts energy our surroundings to make sure
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that we're doing our best to not be drained
now this might mean quitting a certain social
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setting that just drains you it might mean
limiting contact with family members or peers
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or friends that just drain you you know what I'm
talking about going to that dinner and 2 hours
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later you feel just absolutely exhausted that's
not a dinner you need to go to again it is okay
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to fire your friends it is okay to push pause on
relationship that drain you it's okay to curate
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or limit or set boundaries around interactions
that don't allow you to keep your well full that
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is self-care self-care happens both externally
and making sure that we very carefully curate
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our environment and it happens internally by
participating in the things that nourish us most
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now forget about all of those old tired lists of
things that women should do women should be baking
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in the kitchen they should be dressing pretty they
should be out shopping they should be whatever it
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is that they've told us throughout our lifetime
that our women's work no forget it the patriarchy
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probably decided that I didn't decide that I don't
know a woman ever who said women can only do this
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and not that I was definitely raised and perhaps
you were too that women can do everything they
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can do anything they want and that is true the
more important question is do they want to do
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everything do they want to do anything what do
they want because this idea that we should do
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everything is part of what additionally drains us
we don't have to do everything we can we can do
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anything but can we just stick to doing the things
that truly make us feel connected to our feminine
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Essence and that's not about what we're doing
that's about how we're doing it so we can be
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in our feminine Essence changing the oil on a
Saturday we can be in our feminine Essence driving
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the race car around the racetrack we can be in our
feminine Essence as we're rooting for our favorite
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team on Sunday it's not what we do it's how we do
it we are going to do it propelled by our emotions
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and our intuitions and our sense of Joy Delight
creativity if something brings us to a state of
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delight Delight is a very feminine feeling if
we feel a state of delight we know that we've
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hit on self-care gold self-care means anything
that helps to replenish our well so again don't
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limit yourself look I know that it is very common
for women to engage in self-care and that usually
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looks like a candle lit around a full bathtub with
bubbles or a date with girlfriends to a manicure
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pedicure appointment but it doesn't have to it
doesn't have to I don't want you to think that
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self-care is just those girly things that our
culture and Society have decided is self-care
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I want you to understand that it's personal to you
and then it's what helps you f your well and it's
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going to start with a feeling of delight okay if
you feel that you know you're in the right place
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and you're going to Foster it when you follow the
emotions that come with it if it's something that
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really lights you up from the inside you feel
wow you feel so good when you're engaging in it
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or when you've completed it like for example maybe
the creation of something can be daunting but you
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get through it because of the incredible good you
feel at the end I think about um you know the way
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that my grandmother used to knit right now I know
that that's sort of a cliche feminine activity but
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she loved her knitting I to this day and she
passed away some years ago to this day I have
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boxes of sweaters and scarves and hats that she
needed me because she just couldn't stop because
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even though she couldn't really see anymore she
had cataracts and the needles often poked her
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fingers and she had arthritis in her hands okay
so there was pain while she was knitting and she
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couldn't really see she was excited to get through
the project because she knew how delighted I would
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be to receive her gift and for her it kept me warm
and keeping her grandchild warm delighted her it
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brought her Joy the act itself may have been
kind of painful and a little daunting sometimes
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but it brought her Joy at the end okay so don't
think it's always going to be Sparkles rainbows
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and butterflies necessarily you might have a
talent that when you get through it or you're
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cursing yourself as you're trying to finish it
but the ultimate ending of that is Joy Delight
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abundance all of those good feelings so you pursue
you you get through it okay I don't want us to
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think that women are just supposed to be basking
eating bon bons all day doing the things that are
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never difficult of course these things can be
difficult women are capable of doing incredibly
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difficult things it's the way we do it do we
use our intuition to find the right path to the
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Finish as opposed to those structured plans and
no deviations because an intuitive way of getting
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to the Finish is the woman's way of getting to a
finish not the structured plans with no deviations
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that's masculine do we follow our emotions when
they come up if we feel scared about something
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if it suddenly doesn't feel good do we stop or do
we change course because that's a woman's way of
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doing things do we feel that sense of joy and
delight at the end that's how we'll know we're
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on the right track to something that is self-care
some women are going to hate pedicures some women
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don't like getting massages that's okay it doesn't
mean we're doing something wrong as a woman if
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you're wondering what and and there's going
to be many things for you if you're wondering
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what you your self-care activities or things are
start paying attention to those feelings of joy
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and Delight start leaning into those or that
intuition you know what I had a thought about
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trying this the other day you don't know why you
had that thought where that thought came from but
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that thought came and so you follow it and you
try it another way to tap into what might be
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self-care for you or thinking about things that
brought you Joy and Delight as a child maybe you
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liked playing with your brother's trucks maybe you
enjoyed getting your hands dirty digging in the
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dirt and more than just planting flowers like real
Landscaping maybe as a child you enjoyed coloring
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in all the coloring books and so as an adult you
get some coloring books and you try that again
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maybe as a child you like to just wander around
the woods and feel the sun on your face and really
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be quiet and by yourself get back to that because
as children we're a little less saddled with what
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we should be doing we are invited to explore
different things things that perhaps society
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would say oh no don't do that as an adult or that
we've gotten away from as an adult adult so your
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childhood Endeavors that brought you Joy are worth
reconnecting with as an adult maybe you do them
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differently as an adult I remember many years back
I was living in New York City and there was this
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incredible rise and popularity of the roller
derby now I loved roller skating as a little
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girl they were skating rinks around my house you
just go around around in circles on your roller
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skates with the four wheels two side by side front
back I used to love that I had a giant pom pom on
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the front of my roller skates with little googly
eyes I think I had either hot pink or hot purple
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skates or something like that and I love the limbo
they'd play that silly song and they'd make you
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try to skate lower and lower and lower under the
pole that was fun and so many years back in New
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York City there was this rise in popularity of the
roller derby which was adult women's opportunity
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to get reconnected with that super fun childhood
uh activity of roller skating but in this new more
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adult and kind of competitive way roller derby can
be brutal I don't know if you've ever seen it or
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been to a game but it is pretty much exclusively
women and they skate around a rank and they try
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to compete with each other and sometimes they hit
each other and knock each other over and they're
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doing this in a feminine way they're doing this
in a way that feels good and and pleasure filled
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for them that's exercising their creativity and
utilizing their body they're feeling pleasure
0:16:35.400,0:16:39.840
in their body and they're reconnecting with
that childhood activity but in a way that is
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self-care and boy watching these women walk off
the rink at the end of their session at the end
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of the night just huge Smiles across their face
so think outside the box it doesn't have to be
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what is scripted particularly in this day
and age can we just let go of what societ
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has been telling us women should be or should
do and stop we need to stop giving ourselves
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away we need to prioritize what nourishes us
and re-energizes our femininity whether it is
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an activity whether it is a certain space whether
it is time with friends or alone keeping our well
0:17:21.440,0:17:29.280
filled keeps us connected to ourselves and
that's ultimately what will Empower others
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to do the same so if we're talking about self-care
as a means of empowerment for other women this
0:17:35.360,0:17:41.920
is what we're talking about when we feel most
connected to our femininity others will respond
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to that they will see that they will be inspired
by that don't forget one of the feminin greatest
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qualities is connection Community collaboration
so we likely won't have self-care that doesn't
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somehow trickle out to others even if ourselves
care is walking through the woods by ourselves
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we'll go home we'll be in the room with our
family and our family will go wow you need
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to take a walk every day so our alone self-care
makes our family feel good and they continue to
0:18:11.800,0:18:18.360
encourage it in us or it might be participating
in an event with others where they see how much
0:18:18.360,0:18:23.920
joy it brings us we might bring joy into an event
that otherwise doesn't necessarily please others
0:18:23.920,0:18:31.840
but it does because it brings us so much joy when
we are fully connected to our feminine Essence we
0:18:31.840,0:18:38.920
are then powered and empowered to do the same
for our fellow women it gives us the energy we
0:18:38.920,0:18:47.000
need to start this movement of helping other
women become more satisfied with their lives
0:18:47.000,0:18:56.320
recognizing that they can say no to what drains
them when women feel drained they are not being
0:18:56.320,0:19:03.200
valued and when we're not valued we are not
connected to our feminine Essence everything of
0:19:03.200,0:19:11.400
value costs something no one should be allowed to
take anything from the feminine that is not freely
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given from her own self-effulgent will demands
on our time on our energy are not okay unless
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we are freely ready to give of our time and our
energy when we start to set those boundaries with
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those that with the things that drain us when we
curate our time whether it comes to people places
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Endeavors whatever it is we will demonstrate for
other women that that is the path to satisfaction
0:19:43.920,0:19:50.520
it's not up to us to be all things for all
people at all times it's not up to us to say
0:19:50.520,0:19:58.760
yes to all the demands that are placed on us in
fact it's incredibly important to say no to stop
0:19:58.760,0:20:07.720
it is not feminine to give ourselves away it is
not feminine to be ravaged we want to be ravaged
0:20:07.720,0:20:12.760
we want to be full from the inside out so whether
that's carefully curating the community that comes
0:20:12.760,0:20:20.520
to be re-energized from our well or doing the
things that energize us and keep our well full
0:20:20.520,0:20:27.280
that is self-care and when we have a community
around us that is nourished by our well that's
0:20:27.280,0:20:34.440
empowering to that community and the women in that
Community will respond to it they will be inspired
0:20:34.440,0:20:41.040
by it so this is the definition of self-care
taking care of your feminine Essence making sure
0:20:41.040,0:20:48.160
that your well is so full that you are not just
a well that you are an oasis an oasis comes from
0:20:48.160,0:20:56.760
the Greek and Egyptian root which means dwelling
place where all those around you and you can rest
0:20:56.760,0:21:06.240
confidently in your fa feminine power and this my
friends is the way of the satisfied woman and if
0:21:06.240,0:21:12.240
you want to know more about how to walk the way
of the satisfied woman please visit my website,
0:21:12.240,0:21:19.560
thesatisfiedwoman.com, or you can order my book
anywhere books are sold and it's called The Way
0:21:19.560,0:21:25.760
of the Satisfied Woman. I have many resources for
you and I hope in one way or another you become a
0:21:25.760,0:21:34.480
part of this incredible community and until then
I hope you find your way as The Satisfied Woman
