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As humans we enjoy peace and as women we enjoy
Vitality being self-empowered and having the
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energy to do the things that we love be in
a space of pleasure and ease so in order to
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harness feminine energy for inner peace and
vitality I have a few tips to share with you
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welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm
your host Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast
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is dedicated to helping women lean into their
femininity and rediscover the power of their
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feminine gifts we take a look at what it
means to be a modern woman and how we can
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live A Satisfied life on our own terms
visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com
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So first thing to realize and I'm sure that you
already do is that femininity is devalued our
0:00:57.320,0:01:04.400
culture our current dominant Culture The Patriot
Archy has spent thousands of years repressing
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femininity and Womanhood in order to maintain a
sense of control and Order over it femininity is
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powerful it is life changing it's life affirming
and it's course correcting at any point that we
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don't feel a sense of inner peace and vitality the
first uh Cal calibration is the feminine intuition
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it's going to feel it first anytime something
is off-kilter or not right it's that feminine
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intuition that is going to alert us to it
whether that be the feminine intuition inside
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of us or those around us and whether that be
the feminine within us trying to talk to our
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internal masculine all of us as human beings have
both femininity and masculinity operating within
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us those of us who identify as feminine women
simply lean into the feminine anymore that's
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our primary polarity that's the one that makes
us feel most ourselves Most At Ease that's where
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we find a sense of empowerment joy and comfort
it's through our femininity now it doesn't mean
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we don't have masculinity so whether we're having
that conversation internally about our masculinity
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trying to override that feminine gift of Intuition
or whether we're having that conversation
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externally with masculine forces outside of
us trying to override our feminine intuition
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either way it's an issue it's going to disturb our
peace it's going to diminish our Vitality now the
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messaging for the last several thousands of years
of our culture has worked it's worked in fact it's
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even convinced us as women that our femininity is
not strong that it's less valuable that it's not
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important that it's potentially dangerous dous we
don't have to look very far into our past to find
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evidence of women being vilified harmed because
of their feminine gifts so it can be scary even
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in this day and age of the me too movement um
movements toward equality Equity women finding
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their own agency we have a lot more power now than
we ever have before but we're not done yet we're
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not to the finish line yet there is still much
work to do and we still feel that lingering Legacy
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of repression and suppression of the feminine we
even feel it inside of ourselves now I was also
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like you I imagine my listener raised in this
dominant culture of the patriarchy and I was
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taught to second guess my intuition that intuition
is less valuable than logic logic is the primary
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masculine trait intuition and emotion are the
primary feminine trait our culture values logic
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and because intuition is not logical it doesn't
have to be by the way you don't have to make
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sense of it it is often overlooked and we do it to
ourselves as women we have gotten the messaging so
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strongly that our intuition is both illogical
and incorrect that we don't listen to it we've
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been trained out of listening to it we repress our
emotions or our vilified by them I can't tell you
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how many times as a woman in any situation I have
been told to calm down quiet down you're being
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uh you're being crazy you're being irrational
um you're taking you're blowing things out of
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proportion emot are real and not only are they
real they're powerful sources of communication
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from your soul to you about what's okay
and what's not for you about your sense
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of safety security Comfort they're not to be
overlooked and when they are let's say out of
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control when they are overwhelming even
to us the one who is having the emotion
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imagine it like a small child who's been ignored
for a long time at some point they can't take
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it anymore and they scream in frustration
overwhelming emotions are often that response
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that internal response to not being listened to
when we allow ourselves to emote appropriately
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proportionately in the moment when we have a
community around us or a safe place to allow those
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emotions to flourish and be [Music] heard they
tell us what we need so if we're in a situation
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where people around us are telling us that we
shouldn't have that emotion that we're blowing
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things out of proportion that we're overreacting
um might be a good time to reassess that situation
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and find people places and situations that
allow you to just be who you are because your
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emotions are an important communication system
system with all of this messaging as women uh
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we often suppress our own femininity even those
of us who identify as a feminine woman and our
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culture has a bit of a skewed idea of Womanhood
as a result because it values the patriarchy so
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highly it values masculine traits so highly that
even feminine women find themselves edging toward
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the masculine in much more powerful and strong
ways than they would naturally it's an inauthentic
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expression because it's not at the heart of who
we are or what we want our our culture says hey
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but wait the masculine is so much more important
powerful uh effective and we listen to that so we
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Dawn the mask of masculinity now I write about
this in my book The Way of the satisfied women
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and the mask of the masculin is detrimental
when we wear it all the time or for too long
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um I speak from experience here and I speak in
this way because I imagine you probably have some
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experience too we're told as young women that
emotions are illogical irrational we're told
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that our intuition is wrong and that it doesn't
make any sense and so we bring forward masculine
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traits we're told that success has to happen on
a man's terms that you have to rise your you have
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to climb up the ladder of whatever career path
you choose in order to become successful that's
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a hierarchical path uh hierarchy is masculine
Community is feminine we're told that we have
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to be all things to all people at all times
that the value of a woman is in giving herself
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away it feels exhausting even to say that I
spent a lot of years in fact we could count
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them as decades at this point living that
narrative believing that my value was not
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in my femininity and in Behaving with my feminine
gifts being bringing them out being self-empowered
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through my femininity but in doing everything
in doing more than everybody else in achieving
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success more than even my male counterparts
in order to be recognized as a worthy and
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valid human in this culture um when we Dawn the
mask of the masculine when we ourselves try to
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repress our own femininity when we try to bring
forth the masculine when we engage in the world
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in that way and and what that is what that looks
like it's burnout it's overextension it's doing
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everything for everyone all day and then coming
home and still doing everything for everyone in
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your home too it's saying yes to everything when
you really want to say no it's being Cutthroat
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it's it's playing to that hierarchical idea of
success and having it all having more wanting
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more when you Dawn the mask of the masculine
for too long you get stuck in it and people
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recognize you not as a feminine woman but as a
masculine woman and so you would attract those
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who are more feminine in your life because in
relationship whether that be Business Partnership
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Family Partnership intimate partnership any kind
of relationship there will be a balance there has
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to be to use the Eastern term a yin and a Yang
there has to be a masculine and feminine that
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that's how we F that full space if there's
too much masculine that space gets distorted
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if there's too much feminine that space gets
distorted and it doesn't work long term so
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in any kind of relationship you need to have
that counterpart if you as a feminine woman
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are Dawning the mask of the masculine constantly
because you've been told that's the right thing
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to do because you've been told your only chance at
having a fulfilling life is by doing it on a man's
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terms then people will see you as that masculine
and you will attract those in the feminine or
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when people get around you because they feel so
comfortable with your masculine they'll check out
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of their masculine and relax into the feminine
which leaves you more in the masculine it leaves
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you more burnt out it leaves you doing more things
more of the time it's not going to work out long
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term you know I I think about dating and I think
about a recent experience actually um that I had
0:11:31.040,0:11:39.120
with a a psychic I'll name it I was in Sedona
Arizona I love Sedona by the way it's one of
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my favorite places I love the desert Southwest in
general I feel very happy and comfortable here um
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but uh Sedona is a wonderful place and one of the
things that you do in Sedona sometimes is you you
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go and you see people who have this real gift of
intuition and I saw this woman and let me tell you
0:11:58.600,0:12:06.440
she was was beautiful she was beautiful she had
this gorgeous silver hair she was probably in her
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late 60s early' 7s she wore incredible jewelry
she was so self-possessed and she asked me a
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little bit about what I do in order to help me
for whatever I was going there that day honestly
0:12:19.480,0:12:23.640
I don't even remember what the question was that
brought me to her what I remember what stood out
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to me was when I explained to her that I have
this book called The Way of the satisfied woman
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and I have this movement and I have this website
and I have this community and this resource for
0:12:34.920,0:12:42.120
women to reconnect with their femininity and
honor that and bring it forward so that we can
0:12:42.120,0:12:46.240
live in our femininity and start to value our
feminine gifts because we were getting burnt
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out she just started shaking her head and she
said every woman that comes to me these days has
0:12:53.400,0:12:59.240
this problem they can't find a relationship
because they're so stuck in their masculine
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that the men they date expect them to remain in
their masculine and are confused when they want
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them to be men and stand up and stand in their
masculine power because the women can't let go
0:13:12.320,0:13:19.040
of their own masculine they haven't had enough
time exposure training relaxation safety Comfort
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to embody and embrace their feminine but when we
do that's when we find peace that's when we access
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our inner resources and feel vital we feel vital
we feel full of our own empowerment our own energy
0:13:38.480,0:13:45.680
when we're Dawning the mask of the masculine for
too long we feel inauthentic we become burnt out
0:13:45.680,0:13:57.000
we live life on a man's terms we are disoriented
and disconnected from what makes us feminine women
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We Leave Behind any sense of relaxation or peace
and I'll just name it it needs to stop just needs
0:14:07.440,0:14:14.840
to stop if this resonates with you if you feel
like you've been wearing the mask of the masculine
0:14:14.840,0:14:23.480
for too long my dear satisfied sister it's time
to stop it's time to stop I I understand I feel
0:14:23.480,0:14:32.160
you I know how exhausting it can be I know how
it attracts s more of that exhaustion because
0:14:32.160,0:14:37.960
you become so capable in that masculine field
look as women we are we are strong and we are
0:14:37.960,0:14:45.640
powerful but let's be powerful on feminine terms
let's be powerful without the hierarchy let's be
0:14:45.640,0:14:51.560
powerful without the unauthenticity without
the burnout let's be powerful on feminine
0:14:51.560,0:15:01.320
terms let's stop orienting everything we do not
only toward towards the masculine but towards
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the comfort of the masculine around us let's be
comfortable in ourselves let's Orient towards
0:15:07.400,0:15:15.840
our own Comfort hierarchy leadership masculinity
doesn't have to be our normal there's another way
0:15:15.840,0:15:23.080
of doing things it's the feminine way of doing
things masculinity in ourselves is only helpful
0:15:23.080,0:15:28.360
occasionally when we need to get a job done when
we need to have that real strong leadership look
0:15:28.360,0:15:34.320
we all have masculine and feminine within us and
there definitely are times and occasions where
0:15:34.320,0:15:40.000
bringing that masculinity forward as a woman
is incredibly helpful uh particularly in child
0:15:40.000,0:15:45.720
rearing when we have children under 10 being the
masculine is helpful because all children under
0:15:45.720,0:15:51.960
10 are in the feminine regardless of gender
they need to be nurtured and nourished they
0:15:51.960,0:15:58.120
need to be supported and directed they need to be
guided those are all powerful masculine qualities
0:15:58.120,0:16:04.160
all children under 10 are in the feminine as
women when we move into that masculine role
0:16:04.160,0:16:10.400
of motherhood interestingly enough when we pull
those qualities forward for our small children
0:16:10.400,0:16:18.280
man we nail it we nail it and a lot of us really
really love it and we love that idea of nurturing
0:16:18.280,0:16:25.720
nourishing others and so we tend to dominate
fields of care self-care uh help and Hospitality
0:16:25.720,0:16:29.720
because of that because we really love it but
we want to not get stuck stuck in it if it's
0:16:29.720,0:16:37.240
not authentically who we are longterm we need to
be able to downshift out of it and get back into
0:16:37.240,0:16:42.920
a space of femininity it can be really difficult
to flip back and forth between the feminine and
0:16:42.920,0:16:50.600
masculine constantly so to cultivate a life where
the feminine is our primary polarity and to be
0:16:50.600,0:16:58.840
safe secure comfortable joyful in that that is
where we find peace if those around us expect
0:16:59.440,0:17:05.560
the masculine from us then there may
be a big adjustment period for those
0:17:05.560,0:17:12.800
around us and in fact we may need to
find new people to surround ourselves
0:17:12.800,0:17:17.600
with just be open to that be open to either
there being an adjustment period for those
0:17:17.600,0:17:22.520
around us or to finding a different
situation circumstance relationship
0:17:22.520,0:17:30.320
that serves our femininity so that we can be
in that creative nourishing peaceful vital
0:17:30.320,0:17:42.440
space make no mistake about it the feminine
is your greatest source of power and if you're
0:17:42.440,0:17:49.520
pushing it aside in favor of dawning the mask of
the masculine that is not a sustainable long-term
0:17:49.520,0:17:58.960
situation it's just not maybe you do it for a
day a month a year a decade but if there's 's
0:17:58.960,0:18:04.880
not an opportunity for you to shift back into
that femininity where you can just relax be
0:18:04.880,0:18:14.360
at ease it will be to your detriment and the
thing about women is that anytime a woman is
0:18:14.360,0:18:19.640
uncomfortable or unsafe it's not just to her
detriment it is actually to the detriment of
0:18:19.640,0:18:27.640
everyone around her women are the source of a
community I like to think of femininity as a
0:18:27.640,0:18:33.160
well and if that well is dry not only is that
detrimental to the well itself it's going to
0:18:33.160,0:18:37.200
crack it's going to degrade it's going to be
harder to fill that well up no one can drink
0:18:37.200,0:18:43.960
from that well women are the Hub and their
Community are all the spokes and the wheel
0:18:43.960,0:18:53.200
around it the World Turns on a woman's femininity
the World Turns on our Womanhood I know it sounds
0:18:53.200,0:18:58.840
like a big responsibility does it doesn't it
but the the biggest responsibility is to our
0:18:58.840,0:19:06.000
own femininity and bringing that forward the world
needs it we are so imbalanced right now femininity
0:19:06.000,0:19:12.880
is not only going to save us as individuals as
feminine women it's going to save those we love
0:19:12.880,0:19:18.760
it's going to empower those we love it's going
to nourish those we love not nurture nurturing
0:19:18.760,0:19:27.880
is more masculine it's going to nourish feed
resource Revitalize us and those we love this is
0:19:27.880,0:19:34.080
how we become satis satisfied women satisfaction
the literal definition of satisfaction is the
0:19:34.080,0:19:42.880
Fulfillment of our wishes and needs when we are in
our feminine we feel fulfilled when we are getting
0:19:42.880,0:19:49.600
our wishes and needs met we feel fulfilled A
Satisfied woman is an empowered woman she is
0:19:49.600,0:19:57.320
connected to femininity she's engaging in things
that bring her joy and she's engaged in community
0:19:57.320,0:20:05.600
she's Community oriented versus competition
oriented this is who we are satisfied women
0:20:05.600,0:20:13.280
Empower other women statistics show that when
a woman is satisfied when she is empowered she
0:20:13.280,0:20:20.560
is reinvesting her resources in her community
it is a mutually beneficial experience for a
0:20:20.560,0:20:28.760
woman to be empowered and in her feminine power
so my fellow satisfied women do not live in the
0:20:28.760,0:20:34.640
box get outside of it lean into what makes you
happy and it doesn't have to fit what Society
0:20:34.640,0:20:42.200
feels as normal it has to feel good to you so
I give you permission to stop to drop the mask
0:20:42.200,0:20:50.920
of the masculine to say no to what doesn't serve
you to release in authenticity to be yourself to
0:20:50.920,0:20:58.800
be satisfied to be feminine to be empowered in
who you are this is your source of joy this is
0:20:58.800,0:21:06.080
your source of peace it's time thank you so much
for your time today thank you for listening to
0:21:06.080,0:21:12.040
the podcast and thank you for being a part of the
community of women who are Marching on that path
0:21:12.040,0:21:17.880
toward satisfaction for more resources Community
for my book The Way of the satisfied woman head
0:21:17.880,0:21:28.240
over to my website thesatisfiedwoman.com thank
you so much until the next podcast be empowered.
