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Perhaps the most important relationship that 
any of us will have in our adult lives is the

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relationship or relationships that we have 
with our intimate Partners so I wanted to

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use this podcast to unpack a little bit about 
relationship Dynamics between masculine and

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feminine in Intimate partnership welcome to 
the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host,

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Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast is dedicated 
to helping women lean into their femininity and

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rediscover the power of their feminine gifts we 
take a look at what it means to be a modern woman

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and how we can live A Satisfied life on our own 
terms visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com. So

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we've had a couple of podcasts already exploring 
masculine feminine those energies how they exist

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in the psyche how we are as feminine women most 
empowered by our femininity what the qualities

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of the feminine are but it's always the next 
question from anyone that I speak to as to what

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do we do with our intimate Partnerships intimate 
partnership is critically important but I want to

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give a few disclaimers right at the start of this 
podcast number one I'm not saying that you must

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have an intimate partnership you do not need to 
have an intimate partnership to have a complete

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and fulfilled satis ified life although most of 
us will want one at some point and will have one

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at some point it's just who we are as humans it's 
just how we're built very few of us get through an

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entire life without having some kind of intimate 
partnership so that said you are fully in charge

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of how you want to experience that whether you 
want to have multiple Partnerships whether you

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want to try to have one long-term one I'm not 
writing those rules I'm just saying that you as

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a human are likely to have an intimate partnership 
and let's make sure that that intimate partnership

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is working to uplift and adhere to the best of the 
Dynamics that you two inhabit with one another now

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intimate partnership for us as adults is likely 
to happen between one person who sits primarily

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on the masculine polarity and another who sits 
primarily on the feminine polarity so and what

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that's actually what we want we do want that but 
before I go any further I also want to be really

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sensitive to all my listeners here on this podcast 
and say first and foremost that any iteration of

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any kind of polarity sexuality partnership 
is awesomely okay right it's all awesomely

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okay whether you are a person in a male body 
who most identifies with the feminine polarity

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or vice versa every iteration Under the Sun is is 
great and what we will find is that two people in

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Intimate partnership regardless of gender and 
sexuality are going to have the most dynamic

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partnership when each of those people occupy the 
opposite polarity what we find is if two people

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are on the masculine polarity there's going to be 
a lot of tension usually a lot of um difficulty

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coming together a lot there's going to be very 
little softness much more arguing um whereas

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people both on the feminine polarity trying to 
engage an intimate partnership they're going

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to find really that there's not a lot of fire 
there's not a lot of romance there's not a lot

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of tension there's not a lot of oomph it's going 
to feel like we're dating a sibling as opposed to

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a very exciting intimate partnership so ultimately 
for you regardless of gender sexuality what kind

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of partnership you want if you are a person who 
identifies as the feminine you'll want to find

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somebody who's on the masculine in an intimate 
partnership and again all iterations are fine

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so that being said I'll continue to talk about 
masculine and feminine in Intimate partnership

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so for me as a feminine woman I'm looking for 
a masculine counterpart and I primarily talk

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to feminine women so you will also be looking 
for a masculine counterpart relationships need

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this polarity to thrive because this is it's it's 
really I don't mean to be trite when I say this

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it's How the Universe works it's how the energies 
of the universe work the universe has both light

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and dark it has both up and down it has masculine 
and feminine we we see this really powerfully and

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poignantly demonstrated in the yin yang symbol 
of the East the Eastern philosophical symbol the

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yinyang you'll notice is a complete circle and 
one half of it is black with a little white spot

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and the other half is white with a little black 
spot but it's not equal halves the little halves

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are swirled a bit to look like Paisley shapes now 
those Paisley shapes one represents feminine one

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represents masculin they both need to be present 
in order to be complete and whole and yet each

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in and of themselves has particular qualities and 
importance to it if you only have one if you only

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have one of these Paisley shapes it's not going to 
roll it's going to just lay their limp unable to

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really do anything or continue on the pathway 
of life we need both energies and luckily for

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us as humans we each have masculine and feminine 
within us and each of us will have a primary polar

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that we lean into and whatever we lean into 
that's why we need to find the counterpart in

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our external Intimate Relationships so when we 
find an intimate partner we want to ask them the

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key question so this is actually one of the most 
fun thing I do fun things I do with friends family

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colleagues people I meet I love asking this key 
question I strongly encourage you to put it into

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your repertoire and ask your friends and family 
and colleagues especially your intimate partners

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this question here you ready in Intimate 
partnership do you prefer to be respected

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or cherished and once I've asked this question 
I encourage whoever I'm asking to give me their

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first answer what comes to them right away 
because that's going to be the truest answer

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for them look we all want to be respected we all 
want to be cherish we all want both I understand

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and we to some extent can all have both but if 
push came to shove and we had to pick one what

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would we choose for those of us who first answer 
that we want to be respected that means that most

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likely we are in the masculine polarity because 
the masculine desires to be respected that's what

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it most wants the masculine greatest gifts are 
logic and Direction guiding the course and so you

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respect when the masculine chooses a wonderful 
course or has a wonderful logical decision you

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trust that masculine look if the masculine isn't 
making good decisions then that's probably not

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the masculine partner for us but if the masculine 
partner can make great decisions that benefit not

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just the masculine but the relationship itself 
and the feminine then we have no reason not to

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trust and follow whatever that decision is so 
the masculine wants to be respective and if we

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are asked the question in Intimate partnership 
do we most want to be cherished or respective

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respected our answer is we want to be cherished 
then we are most likely in the feminine polarity

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the feminine greatest gifts are intuition and 
emotion look we we've all got lots of gifts and

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The Feminine has more gifts the masculine has more 
gifts but our greatest gifts are intuition and

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motion when we get that intuitive hit that oo 
something's not right here the masculine will

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cherish us enough even if the masculine is on 
a linear and direct course the masculine will

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cherish us enough to you know what we'll shift 
it a little bit how does that feel how does that

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feel and if the feminine says you know what that 
feels better then that's the new course it's not

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in the masculine nature to redirect or change 
course the feminine needs to help with that to

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to keep things in good alignment and on the right 
path but the feminine will do it not necessarily

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through logic but rather through feeling and when 
we find a masculine that cherishes us enough to

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really honor our feelings to really listen to them 
to know how powerful they are for us how guiding

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they are for us when they cherish us enough to 
listen to our feelings and redirect based on

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those feelings then we have a perfect symbiosis 
cu the masculine strength aren't healings into

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intuition and The Feminine strengths aren't 
necessarily logic and Direction and again every

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human has both in them so certainly we find 
humans that have all of these strengths what

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I'm specifically talking about is in Intimate 
partnership because something's got to give

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and I know I know I get it as a a feminine woman 
who grew up with strong Western values who loves

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that DIY mentality who has dawned the mask of 
the masculine and achieved success on as many

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levels as I could possibly have tried not not all 
of them I'm not building myself up the point is

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that I was definitely sold on the masculine way of 
living and the masculine Paradigm of the current

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cultural that we live culture culture that we live 
in I was sold and I was ready and I know that many

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of you my listeners have also been on that program 
program and you know it it means that we have this

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indoctrination or this belief now that when we 
get into an intimate partnership that everybody

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has to be on the exact equal same page yes we all 
need to be equal as in equality and we all need

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the same benefits as in equity absolutely but 
masculine and feminine they are just different

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and as a feminine woman our needs and the way that 
we participate in relationship are just going to

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be different and that's not bad it's not unworthy 
it's not warrant of Shame it's just different

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and honestly the more that we lean into our 
differences particularly in Intimate partnership

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the more joy and happiness that partnership 
will experience when we as feminine women allow

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the masculine to thrive as the healthy masculine 
everyone in that relationship will benefit when

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we as feminine women are allowed to thrive 
as feminine women and do the things that are

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most in alignment with who we are as feminine 
women then everyone in that relationship will

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Thrive it's when we compete for the same space 
then things are going to get a little muddied

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and we see this a lot today especially because 
we've received the messaging as women that we

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need to DIY that we need to Dawn the mask of the 
masculine that we need to be all things not only

0:12:10.320,0:12:16.840
for ourselves but everyone around us that we don't 
need a partner that we can do it by ourselves

0:12:16.840,0:12:22.920
that we need to achieve success at all costs even 
before we achieve other goals in life that might

0:12:22.920,0:12:30.560
be important to us like family or creativity or 
further explanation EX exploration of our feminine

0:12:30.560,0:12:36.760
gifts that's where we get a little jammed up now 
I'm not saying that we need to let go of all those

0:12:36.760,0:12:43.840
things and this of course is always going to be a 
choice that you yourself make based on what feels

0:12:43.840,0:12:51.800
most right and true for you and if you identify 
as a feminine woman then it might be worthy to

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explore what that means and how to lean more fully 
into it in your intimate partnership because there

0:12:57.120,0:13:03.760
is going to be no place like intimate partnership 
for us as feminine women to really lean into and

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explore that now that means we need to find a very 
worthy and healthy masculine counterpart one who

0:13:12.720,0:13:19.920
does cherish us one who really helps us lay a 
foundation and establish the Four Keys in our

0:13:19.920,0:13:29.440
life the Four Keys as I write about in my book The 
satisfied woman are the foundation for us to be be

0:13:29.440,0:13:36.400
able to feel comfortable in our femininity if we 
don't have these four Keys met we cannot relax

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into our femininity I guarantee you it's going to 
be a very difficult uh attempt and more likely a

0:13:42.720,0:13:51.120
disaster the Four Keys are safety security Trust 
of oursel and our environment the world around us

0:13:51.120,0:13:55.960
and the ability to be cherished by the masculine 
counterparts in our lives whether they be intimate

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Partners family colleagues whatever so when we 
we feel safe in our environment when when we

0:14:02.320,0:14:08.720
have chosen a masculine partner that makes us feel 
safe whatever that means for us we will have more

0:14:08.720,0:14:15.920
success leaning into our femininity when we have a 
masculine partner that helps establish a sense of

0:14:15.920,0:14:24.160
security for us so that we know that we are not 
in harm physical mental emotional psychological

0:14:24.160,0:14:29.040
when we know that we will not be harmed and our 
masculine partner helps to establish that for us

0:14:29.760,0:14:37.840
we will have a much easier time leaning into our 
femininity when we trust our masculine partner

0:14:37.840,0:14:44.000
meaning we know that our masculine partner's 
decisions are always going to have our highest

0:14:44.000,0:14:52.800
good at heart we are free to be in our feminine 
that's that's critical if we don't believe that

0:14:52.800,0:14:58.440
our masculine partner is making decisions for 
our benefit there is no trust there and that

0:14:58.440,0:15:04.120
means we have to to hold some of that space 
for ourselves and we cannot drop the mask of

0:15:04.120,0:15:11.560
the masculine and when we know we are cherished by 
the masculine another way to put that especially

0:15:11.560,0:15:18.880
in the lingo of today's culture when we are 
believed by the masculine when we say this is

0:15:18.880,0:15:26.880
how we feel or something's happening for us when 
we are believed then we know we are cherished and

0:15:26.880,0:15:33.040
for the masculine to cherish us means that our 
masculine partner our chosen beloved masculine

0:15:33.040,0:15:42.160
partner cherishes us when they place our emotions 
and intuition above their own this doesn't mean

0:15:42.160,0:15:46.720
that they subjugate any emotions or intuition 
that they have there is of course space for

0:15:46.720,0:15:52.000
that it just means that when it comes to moving 
forward and participating in the relationship that

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our emotions and intuition are held sacred honored 
believed cherished then we are allowed more fully

0:16:01.440,0:16:09.280
to tap into those and become more empowered as 
feminine women so these four keys are essential

0:16:09.280,0:16:15.880
and having a masculine partner that helps us to 
lean into and live and be present with these four

0:16:15.880,0:16:25.280
Keys is critical you'll know that a masculine 
partner is not right when these four keys are

0:16:25.280,0:16:33.240
not established when we don't trust them them to 
always act and behave in our highest good when

0:16:33.240,0:16:39.680
they don't help to establish a sense of security 
and safety for us when we know we don't know if

0:16:39.680,0:16:45.080
we're safe from harm and when we're not cherished 
if we're not believed in our intuitions and our

0:16:45.080,0:16:53.000
emotion now that's our side of things as feminine 
women but as feminine women who have grown up in

0:16:53.000,0:16:59.040
the west with this DIY mindset this must be all 
things for all people this holding our own space

0:16:59.040,0:17:07.360
that's Dawning the masculine mask it can be really 
difficult to relinquish that and probably the most

0:17:07.360,0:17:15.440
difficult thing that I'm going to have to very 
tactfully say in this podcast to my dear dear

0:17:15.440,0:17:24.120
feminine women listening is that you've got 
to let go of the masculine if you truly are

0:17:24.120,0:17:30.880
on the feminine polarity then especially in your 
intimate partners ship you have got to let your

0:17:30.880,0:17:40.200
chosen masculine partner be the masculine you 
cannot man up you cannot try to manhandle this

0:17:40.200,0:17:47.400
person you cannot try to override their logic and 
decision making you cannot get into a headbutting

0:17:47.400,0:17:53.280
argument with all of your masculine will 
and might because then it's too masculine

0:17:53.280,0:17:58.840
in an intimate partnership and unfortunately 
that is just not the most successful dynamic

0:18:03.320,0:18:10.440
I offer a heavy sigh at this moment because 
I truly do understand the difficulty of this

0:18:10.440,0:18:19.160
I understand the fear of dropping that masculine 
for ourselves because I know that to get around

0:18:19.160,0:18:26.840
in this patriarchal culture in this world 
that a sense of safety often comes with us

0:18:26.840,0:18:33.800
holding that masculine for our yourself but 
if we believe we've chosen a good masculine

0:18:33.800,0:18:40.840
partner whether for longterm or shortterm 
or any term or any terms you want then the

0:18:40.840,0:18:49.840
very least we owe ourselves the chance to 
drop that masculine to practice leaning

0:18:49.840,0:18:58.080
into the feminine and letting the masculine 
flourish and thrive in their own gifts and

0:18:58.080,0:19:04.320
the gifts of the masculine are Direction 
guidance decision making providership

0:19:04.320,0:19:13.040
nurturing let him do it if you've chosen a 
masculine partner if you want that then my

0:19:13.040,0:19:19.280
goodness take that opportunity to just be in 
your feminine and let them do the things that

0:19:19.280,0:19:26.200
will make them feel most at home in themselves 
and successful when we Dawn the mask of the

0:19:26.200,0:19:31.120
masculine partnership and we try to take that 
from them then you know it's the old phrase

0:19:31.120,0:19:36.720
we're wearing the pants although look everybody 
wears pants these days but that old phrase we're

0:19:36.720,0:19:44.760
manning up in our relationship and we're ruining 
that opportunity to feel safe in our femininity

0:19:44.760,0:19:51.800
to let that Dynamic relationship flourish just 
like that yin-yang symbol it takes two opposite

0:19:51.800,0:19:58.640
halves to really roll on so let the man make the 
decisions or let the masculine rather thank you

0:19:59.160,0:20:05.120
catching myself there let your masculine 
partner make the decisions if that decision

0:20:05.120,0:20:10.960
doesn't feel good if it creates a jam up in 
your emotions if there's an intuitive hit

0:20:10.960,0:20:15.920
that says Ah you know it doesn't feel right 
explain that to them and if they cherish you

0:20:15.920,0:20:22.200
enough it will help to correct the course look 
intimate partnership the greatest thing we can

0:20:22.200,0:20:28.640
achieve an intimate partnership and you know 
when I meet people who have had successful

0:20:29.160,0:20:33.360
intimate Partnerships for long periods 
of time decades I always ask them what

0:20:33.360,0:20:39.440
their secret is and I've been doing this for 
years and I know it's an informal study but

0:20:39.440,0:20:45.120
as a result of this informal study I've come to 
learn something and that is this that the most

0:20:45.120,0:20:51.400
important thing that we can do in our intimate 
partnership is help one another get our needs

0:20:51.400,0:20:58.600
met well our needs are going to 
be different and yet complimented

0:20:59.640,0:21:04.560
and when you allow the masculine partner to help 
you get your needs met that's going to make them

0:21:04.560,0:21:10.760
feel successful when they allow us to help them 
get their needs met same thing but we're going

0:21:10.760,0:21:15.960
to do it in our own way we'll help meet needs 
through our own creativity through the pleasure

0:21:15.960,0:21:20.880
we run through our bodies through the joy we 
provide through the lifegiving energy that we

0:21:20.880,0:21:26.320
are the Wellspring of this creativity that 
helps us generate something out of nothing

0:21:26.320,0:21:34.160
that creates abundance all around us that's our 
gift as feminine women and we need so much more

0:21:34.160,0:21:41.320
of all of that these days and if we find if we are 
lucky enough to find an intimate partnership that

0:21:41.320,0:21:47.320
allows us to be in our feminine let those gifts 
flourish not only do we offer it to ourselves and

0:21:47.320,0:21:54.720
our intimate partner we offer it to all the world 
we suddenly give permission to other women to be

0:21:54.720,0:22:01.080
in their feminine to release into those feminine 
gifts so so it there are there are other places

0:22:01.080,0:22:07.600
in our life where we can drop the mask of the 
masculine feel safe and secure and our feminine

0:22:07.600,0:22:12.680
feel cherished trust our environment and the 
people around us there are other places but

0:22:12.680,0:22:20.720
the most poignant and prominent opportunity we 
have as adults is intimate partnership so when

0:22:20.720,0:22:27.680
we find ourselves in Intimate partnership when 
we have chosen a masculine partner let them be

0:22:27.680,0:22:34.440
that masculine for us let them be that other half 
of the yin-yang symbol drop your own masculine at

0:22:34.440,0:22:40.520
least in that context at least in that intimate 
partnership because as soon as you pick it up it's

0:22:40.520,0:22:46.120
going to it's going to fizzle that relationship a 
bit I know that sounds harsh I know it might even

0:22:46.120,0:22:52.040
sound scary but hey it's worth a try because 
look if you've done what you've always done

0:22:52.040,0:22:56.040
you're going to get what you've always gotten 
and if you've never had the chance to really

0:22:56.040,0:23:03.080
relax into your feminine with a wonderful B loved 
chosen masculine partner then try it allow for it

0:23:03.080,0:23:09.360
see how it energizes you allows you to flourish 
allows you to tap into creativity that you may

0:23:09.360,0:23:19.480
not have even known that you had your Ultimate 
Gift is your femininity it's the Wellspring of

0:23:19.480,0:23:27.600
the things that make you essential to this planet 
and when you've got the circumstances around you

0:23:27.600,0:23:34.120
that allow you to just move into that move into 
that enjoy it be a part of it and the more that

0:23:34.120,0:23:40.240
you take ownership of your femininity the more 
that you occupy that space especially in your

0:23:40.240,0:23:46.520
relationship the more not only will you flourish 
but those around you and remember the privilege of

0:23:46.520,0:23:51.440
our lifetime is to be most fully who we are 
and that means your masculine partner being

0:23:51.440,0:23:58.440
most fully in the masculine and that means you my 
satisfied sister being most fully in the feminine

0:24:00.080,0:24:11.560
so this is a big deal because we as human 
beings we are we are damaged in relationship

0:24:11.560,0:24:16.880
in our early early childhood with our 
parents our caregivers our caretakers

0:24:16.880,0:24:23.000
but ultimately we are also healed in 
relationship in one way or the other at

0:24:23.000,0:24:28.480
some point in your life you will find yourself 
in relationship and if you can utilize that

0:24:28.480,0:24:35.560
as an opportunity to heal your femininity 
and access your feminine Essence then you

0:24:35.560,0:24:43.920
have found the greatest gift which is yourself 
who you truly are and this is absolutely a key

0:24:43.920,0:24:53.200
element in living A Satisfied life and becoming 
the satisfied woman so for more on this remember

0:24:53.200,0:25:01.480
join me at the hub thesatisfiedwoman.com and, 
until then, stay satisfied, my sacred sister!