Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:01
At some point in her life, every woman is going to need an exit strategy. Maybe it's an exit outside of the box that she's in, maybe it's an exit out of a role or a relationship, maybe it's an exit from dependence or asking for permission. Maybe she'll need to exit under earning her full potential, but whatever she needs to exit, she needs the kind of exit that gives her the freedom to choose what's next, and this is why I encourage all the women that I work with, and you listening, to have your own business, not because a business is more work, or that you want to do more work. Goodness knows, women do plenty of that. I encourage every woman to have a business, because the business gives you the freedom to exit what no longer serves you, and the runway to build a path to what's next. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman Podcast. I'm your host Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied and sovereign life on our own terms, visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com and if you're listening and you've got something that you currently need to exit, let's talk. Head over to the satisfied woman.com and book your business build clarity call with me right now. This is where we'll identify where you've been stuck for far too long. What your exit strategy could be, and the magic you are sitting on your literal gold mine that we can monetize to help you create your own path to freedom. Because building a business isn't just about earning more money, we love that too, but it's about earning more choices, having the choices that women have been fighting for for decades. Well, we luckily live in a time, a place, and an opportunity right now where we have more agency and power than we've ever had before to make these choices a reality, and to free ourselves from whatever it is that's been holding us back for far too long, whether it's dependence, waiting, permission, resentment, that under earning I mentioned, or being trapped. We don't have to be there anymore. So, freedom is not a fantasy. Freedom simply requires your ability to be able to choose what's next, and what's true for most women that I speak with, and the women that I have worked with over the many years that I've been doing this, a lot of women wait until it's too late, until they are beyond desperate, like the marriage is unbearable, or the job has fully drained them, they wait until there's really no money left. The resentment becomes volcanic. The body starts screaming, and at that point, the only exit left is scorched earth. So, before you get to that place, head over to the Satisfied woman.com and let's talk about how to build the business that helps you leave before you have to burn everything down, so let's begin with this idea that at some point really every woman is going to want to exit something. I know that sounds crazy, and I'm sure that you know, even women listening, some of you are probably going, but I'm actually happy with my life. Yeah, maybe right now, but if you look back, or if you can look into your crystal ball toward the future, there's going to come a point where things start to not fit well, and one of the biggest reasons for that is that we currently live in a culture that wasn't built with us in mind, it wasn't built for our sensibilities, our energy levels, the way we operate, our strengths, our inherent feminine power, it was built through a lot of masculine traits, and there's nothing wrong with masculinity. If you've listened to my podcast, and I highly recommend you go back and listen to some of the historic ones, for sure. This isn't about a feminine versus masculine, or one is better than other. It's just about the fact that we're living in a time, a place, a world, a culture that has really centered masculinity for a very long time.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 4:24
We now get to ask and execute on the question of what centers us as women and our femininity, because we can have everything we want, but we're going to need to have it on our own terms, because when we try to play by those old rules, when we try to keep ourselves in the box, when we try to become that woman that they've told us we need to be, the one who smiles, doesn't cry, stays quiet, doesn't protest, stays small, then. And we're going to feel that sense of constriction at some point in your life. I know that you felt it, you might be feeling it now, and in fact, I've had the incredible good fortune to bring several women in the past couple of months into this business build work that I do, all who needed to exit something. Remember that sort of front cover of the work that I do with women is that I help them build their business that creates the sovereignty they need to earn their freedom, their choice, their power, their self trust. It's not just about the money, we love the money, it's really about the power of choice, so these women recently, one has been in an incredibly long marriage, several decades, and she hasn't had the ability to leave. The marriage is structured to the point that she doesn't have control over her own money in order to be able to break free of this marriage that has become debilitating, really, and quite toxic. She needs options, she needs a runway, she needs greater financial ground underneath her feet, she needs money she can control. Because let's be honest, in this day and age, staying can't be her only available choice for many women, historically staying in a marriage that did not work for them may have been the only thing they could do. I've even had women in my family where that was the case. In fact, I'm thinking of my beloved grandmother right now, but it can't be the only available choice now, not in this day and age, how do we get a different choice? We create it with our own business. This is what gives you the sovereignty you need. Another woman, who's recently come into this work with me, doing her business build, she's tired of corporate America. If you're in corporate America, you probably get that. Again, that model for success was not built with the woman in mind, it wasn't built for our energy levels, it wasn't built for the way that we navigate family structures, the raising of children, taking care of aging parents. It wasn't built for our energetic cycles, it wasn't built for our creativity, it wasn't built for us. And you know what, the great news is that is not the only model of success, that is an extraordinary masculine model for success, but it's not our model. So this woman, she's done with corporate America, she's done the job, she's played the game, she's kept herself in that box, she's performed inside of this system that was not built for her, and she wants out, and the reason she wants to exit. This is what really stays with me, and she wants to show her daughters that something different is possible for women. She understands her daughters are watching her now. How powerful is that? And it's not just her. I hear this from a lot of the women that I talk with, think about their daughters in this context, I want to show them that being a woman doesn't mean being constantly burnt out, overworked, underpaid, doesn't have a voice, can't speak up, doesn't have agency, is dependent, if you want your daughters, your friends, your sisters, your colleagues to see something different, then you need to do something different. Why? You number one, why not? Number two, this is where it begins, my friends. We are truly at the leading edge of women writing their own pathways, trekking on their own journeys, living satisfied lives on their terms. We live in a time and a place where we have more power and agency than we've ever had before, and if we don't utilize it and forge our own satisfied path, well, then no woman after us will know how it can be done.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 9:04
Have another woman who's come into the business build with me recently, brilliant woman, and she's been in this career for 30 years, for decades. She's experienced, she's brilliant, and she is still vastly underpaid and working far too hard, and her family dynamic has changed. That she now needs more time available to be a caretaker. She needs more flexibility, something that the current structure of what she just hasn't questioned or done differently for that long offers. She's got the expertise, she's got the smart, she's got the letters behind her name. What she needs is the strategy and the empowerment to do something different. None of the women that I work with are lazy, they're not confused, and they're certainly not realistic. They just don't know how to get to that. Freedom of choice that's required for what's next, and right now they're waking up to the truth that the lives that they have lived, they weren't built for them, they need a life that is. So maybe you're listening and you're thinking about the exit that you need, an exit where you currently have no financial leverage, and you need it to get to the next step. Maybe you need to leave corporate America, or just generally under earning in your profession. Maybe you need to exit being needed by everyone else, but supported by no one, while you put yourself last. Maybe you need to leave a career that's okay from the outside, but that owns you on the inside. Maybe you need to leave a family system where you're only the helper and no one's helping you. Maybe you've built a life around everyone else's needs, and it's finally time to put yourself first, because that old identity, maybe she was obedient or overly accommodating, maybe she played small, but I don't want that for you. You don't want that for your friends, your sisters, your daughters, and it's time to step up and not want it for yourself. So, sometimes the exit is a physical exit. Sometimes it's a financial exit, sometimes it's emotional, and sometimes it's core identity level. But what women have always wanted, what we've been fighting for in our modern culture for decades, but what women throughout time and history have always desired is choice. We've fought for choices, we've asked for choices, we deserve choices, but choices aren't real unless we have the freedom to make them. A choice that you cannot yet afford to make is no choice at all, that unfortunately is entrapment. It's control. No human wants to be controlled, and I don't want that for you or any woman that I work with. So one of the things that has been really alive in our culture as women, for well, I mean, really, for since, since anyone can remember, since the current age of this culture is that we've been sold this idea that being taken care of equals our safety, but if you have no money, no leverage, no runway, and no options, that's not safety, that's actually dependence. So, let me discuss the difference, just in case you might be wondering if that's you or someone you know. There's a big difference between being supported, which means like being lifted up, held up, you are your own sovereign person, and there are systems, structures, family members, people, loved one relationships that support you, hold you up. There's a difference between that and being dependent, where you are being kept down, where you are being pressed down, where if you tried to rise or or reach escape velocity, your engines would be cut off. It's a big difference between being cherished. Being cherished means you're being protected. Being cherished means that all your needs, your emotions, your pain, your intuition are honored and heated, versus being trapped, where all your pain, your emotions, your desires, your needs are second guessed, gas lit, and minimized. There's a difference between receiving from someone because you desire to receive and needing someone else to remain kind, generous, faithful, healthy, alive, stable, employed emotionally available for you to function. Think about that. If your safety, integrity, if your ability to really survive on any level is dependent on someone else remaining kind, what if they're angry one day, faithful, what if they're unfaithful someday, alive? What if they, God forbid, pass away? What if they become unstable, unemployed, emotionally unavailable? Things change.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 14:37
If your life ceases to function, if your safety is compromised, if you are dependent on any person's, a man's generosity, a boss's employment, a family's inclusion, a community's acceptance, in order to feel safe, that's not safety, that's control. So don't confuse. Produce dependency with devotion, right? So there's a difference between this dependency that keeps us unsafe and controlled and devotion or support, which uplifts us and keeps us sovereign and safe. You see, a satisfied woman, and y'all know I did write that book, The Way of a Satisfied Woman. A satisfied woman does receive, she receives support, she receives cherishing, she can absolutely be provided for and cared for, she can be loved well, but she is never trapped, she is never dependent, she is never limited by a choice whether to stay or go, she doesn't stay because she has no money. She doesn't tolerate crumbs because she's got no exit, and she doesn't confuse a cage with a home. Support can often feel like love when you have the freedom to choose whether to stay or to go, but it feels like a cage when you can't. So, one of the incredible gifts that we have as feminine women is this desire for our own internal truth. So, as you listen to this, I want you to calibrate to your own internal truth those places in your life where you may feel trapped, you may feel dependent, you may feel like there really isn't a choice to change, because in some way your safety is contingent on someone else's behavior, health status, condition. If any of that is true, then there are solutions, and the greatest solution is freedom, is choice, and in this day and age, your choice comes from money, and your money will come from your magic monetizing, so that you have a business that fuels you and helps you build the life of sovereignty you deserve, because you see, a business isn't especially for a woman, right? A business is not just money, it's not a side hustle, it's literally the ramp, it's the runway, it's the bridge to the choice and freedom that every woman desires, has always desired. A business can give you cash flow, confidence, sovereignty, something that is uniquely yours. It gives you options. It gives you leverage to elevate your unique gifts and share them with the world with people that you can help. It gives you a place to put your power. It gives you a path before crisis hits. You see, this isn't about making a cute little side project, right? It's not what I help women do. This isn't about dabbling forever, or being indecisive, or having a logo on an Instagram page and calling that a business. It's about building something real enough to give you the freedom you need to create your own path forward, but you see, a real business, the kind that I help women build, needs a real offer, it needs a real audience, a real message, a real sales path, a real structure, a way to receive money, and a real way to grow. A business becomes your exit strategy when it's built seriously enough to help you build a life of freedom and choice. Truly, if you're in a marriage that you might need to leave, your business is not cute. If you're exhausted by Corporate America, your business is not just a fun side project. If you're underpaid after decades of expertise, your business is not some hobby, and if you're tired of being financially dependent, your business is not just play money, it's the runway to your freedom. So I don't want you to think of this in terms of someday, none of the women that I work with do. The women that I work with are here, they're real, they're ready, not just to build a business again. Yes, that is what I do. I will give you, I will help you create and build for you the actual strategy, the actual pathway to cash, the actual message, the sales path, the structure. We will give you all of the practical things that are necessary for your business to work and give you the freedom that you need. But remember, under that, it's not about that, it's about the choice and the freedom that money affords you to live the life of your dreams.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 19:39
So, this isn't someday, this isn't someday I'll quit, someday I'll make money, someday I'll be free, someday I'll take myself seriously, someday I'll become sovereign. No, this transformation starts the day, the moment you decide that your life, your freedom deserves. Investment, the day you stop treating your dream like a hobby, the day you stop apologizing for wanting more, the day you stop putting yourself last, the day you stop saying, well, when everything else is handled, I'll build, and you would never tell your daughter to put herself last. You would never tell your best friend to put her dreams off. You would never tell your sister to apologize for wanting more. You don't become sovereign the day your business makes a certain dollar amount. You become sovereign the day you start building it. Women often treat their dreams or the businesses that they like, the thing that they want to do, as a side hustle or something like a hobby, because they're afraid of what it means, they're afraid to really bring it forward. They say things like, I'm just playing with the idea, or I'm not ready yet. It's not perfect. I need more training. I need another certification. I need more time. I'm really busy right now. I need to figure it all out first. I don't want too much. I don't want to seem greedy, but the truth is, you need this to work, and you are allowed to need your business to work. This is a pivotal moment in history for women, really. This is the first time in history we can just do this. It was harder, even five years ago. 10 years ago, it was much harder. 20 years ago, it was nearly impossible. 50 years ago, we certainly have beacons who've busted out of the mold and become sovereign as women, and and lit up the world with their gifts and created their own businesses. I love the story of Mary Kay for this. She's the originator of the pink Cadillac, by the way. But those were anomalies, extraordinary beacons that we point to today. It can be every single one of us, and you deserve it. You're allowed to need this to work, because needing it doesn't make you desperate or greedy or unfeminine, it doesn't mean you're suddenly no longer a member of your family or a functioning member of the career that you're in. You don't leave your life behind and become somebody different. You actually become more fully who you are, because you're not hiding inside the box, you're not playing small, you're not waiting for some day, you're not prioritizing everyone else, you're not demonstrating to the world that more smallness, less sovereignty, and less money is okay any longer for a woman. You become the one that shows yourself and everyone around you what a woman deserves you start telling yourself your own truth about what your freedom and choice requires, and what it will enable you to do. So, really, the first sale of your business, the first success story of your business, isn't your future client, it's you, it's you buying into your brilliance, buying into your needs, buying into the fact that you have magic, wisdom, expertise, lived experience that absolutely will benefit someone else, and that is absolutely monetizable and incredibly valuable, and the kind of runway that will allow you to exit anything that is keeping you smaller than you deserve to be. You don't need a perfect idea, you just need the desire. I want out, I want more. I want better. That's enough to begin. Maybe the desire is I want out of depending on him. I want out of corporate exhaustion. I want out of being invisible, underpaid, waiting for permission. I want out of putting myself dead last. I want out of negotiating with everyone else before I choose myself. I want out of a life where my freedom and sovereignty is theoretical, is a someday idea. Your business idea can be shaped. I help women do it all the time. It is remarkable. Every woman has magic living inside of her, and I mean that. That's how women have operated since time immemorial. We gathered around with each other, we communicated, connected, shared stories. We each had an expertise that lifted another woman up, that helped to make sure her roof was thatched, that helped to make sure she could.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 24:59
Out the fish with the best fish baskets that help to patch her clothes, raise her children, teach a language. Women have always had expertise. We've always shared it, and now it's time for us to be valued for it. So, your offer can be built, the message can be clarified, the website can be created, the sales system can be installed, the pathway can be made. I've been doing this for a decade with women, I know exactly how to do it. That part, amazingly enough, that part is easy. It starts with your desire. I want an exit, your desire to leave the cage is enough to begin building the door, because what I don't want you to do is wait so long that your only exit strategy is scorched earth, complete destruction, devastation. I want you to be prepared. I want you to start that runway now, that build now that freedom and choice now, so that you don't have to blow up your marriage overnight or quit your job tomorrow or make some crazy dramatic announcement. I don't need you to prove anything to anyone, and you don't have to burn your life down, but you do need to begin building that sovereign life. Now you can build it while you're still inside of the shit show, inside of the structure that you've known for a while, probably doesn't quite suit you. You can build the ramp before you have to walk across it, because your exit strategy doesn't have to be filled with drama, it can be filled invoice by invoice, client by client, offer by offer. Make it practical, make it safe. Every client becomes a plank in the bridge, every sale is a little more runway, every email sent is a pathway to power, and every offer that you make is more evidence to you, to the world around you, your colleagues, your friends, your family, that you are worth it, that you are valuable, that every dollar earned outside of the system you've been living in is a vote for your freedom. I don't want scorched earth to happen because you've waited till you can't breathe anymore. Many women do try to build the business before that happens, so that you're not left gasping, because women want freedom, we always have, every human does. Women want agency, and we do amazing things when we have it. By the way, women want choice, because what's interesting is when women have choice, we often choose to uplift those around us as well. We want to be able to leave, stay, rest, move, invest, create, receive, rebuild, and choose, but every one of those choices requires resources. Money is not the whole point here. It's not the entirety of freedom, but without money, in this day and age, freedom simply becomes theory. Money gives you options, it gives you time, it gives you space, it gives you a place to go, it gives you the ability to say no or the ability to say yes. Money gives you the ability to stop bargaining with your soul, it gives you the ability to make a clean decision rather than a desperate one. So, your business isn't just how you make money, it's how you stop living at the mercy of everyone else's choices, because everyone else's choices don't necessarily have you in mind, they don't necessarily have you at the forefront, your well-being at the center. This is why every woman needs her own business, not because every woman wants to be an entrepreneur or wants another job or wants to hustle forever. In fact, I don't recommend any of that, and that's not what I train and work with my women to do, but every woman deserves sovereignty, and money is one of the most powerful ways that a woman gives sovereignty to herself. This is the container, not just for who are you, become for who you are becoming, but who for who you were always meant to be, for who you were always meant to show the world that you are. Can you imagine leaving this one good and precious life without leaving the gifts that you have behind, the real uniqueness, the real magic from within you. The old version of you might have waited, asked for permission, hope. Someone else would choose you, try to be good enough to be protected.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 30:04
I had a really brilliant conversation with a client recently, talking about the good girl, how we were raised to be good girls, and how that good girl narrative has gotten us into so much trouble and entrapment, and our work has been ungood girling ourselves, so that we can be sovereign feminine women with the power and agency and freedom to choose what we want and what is ours. You may, in the past, have put put yourself last, made peace with less, called it responsibility, and shouldered the burden everyone else heaped on you, but imagine a new version, one where you build, create, choose, offer the world your gifts, sell them at a really, really good value, at the appropriate value, where you earn your value, where you lead as the feminine woman that you are, you create options for yourself. You take yourself and your gifts seriously, and you stop apologizing for wanting more. Your business is the bridge between the woman that you've had to be and the woman that you are finally going to allow yourself to become it's not just about money it's about identity it's about becoming the kind of woman who has options the kind of woman who can freely choose because any choice not made freely is no choice at all the kind of woman who can leave, who can stay, the kind of woman who is no longer easy to control, so if any of this message resonates with you, even if you don't have a full idea, if you have a desire for freedom, for choice, for sovereignty, for satisfaction, let's talk. Head over to the Satisfied woman.com and book your business build call with me. We're going to discover something magical. Number one, the magical gifts that are hidden inside you, based on your expertise, your lived wisdom, your experience, all of the things that you've known throughout this life, the thing that people naturally come to you for. What is the thing that you're already giving away that people should be paying you for, and we're going to talk about how to turn that in to a real business that gives you not just income but impact in the world, the sovereignty you seek, and the satisfaction you deserve. I look forward to talking to you, and until then, do everything you can, sister, to stay satisfied and sovereign.
