Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:00
One of the absolute worst pieces of advice that women receive around business is just make the leap, jump, build your wings on the way down, go all in, trust yourself, and while that advice might work for some, it ignores something critically important, which is women are different. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman podcast. I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern successful woman, and how we can live a satisfied and sovereign life on our own terms. For more, visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com And when you're ready to cultivate a life of sovereignty for yourself, when you're ready to make the money that you deserve based on your own wisdom and magic, make sure that you go book a call with [email protected] Let's talk about the beliefs that you no longer need and the ones that we can infuse and instill, so that you don't just leap, that you build something that truly supports and sustains you, so one of the things that I realized this week as I was listening to someone, frankly, give some business advice to a woman, was that these things are not created equal. Business advice for women and business advice for men needs to be distinguished. Here's a really fundamental reason why safety is not a luxury, or really even an option for women. Now, in the business and career world, in the world that presses us all to achieve as much success as possible, women have been taught to feel ashamed of needing safety. In fact, this week I did actually hear a woman be shamed for worrying about her ability to take care of her family while she quit her corporate job and tried to pursue a dream, as though her safety was a weakness, as though wanting security completely negated any of her incredible bravery, as though her perceptive caution meant that she wasn't actually ambitious, but let me be real, safety is not weakness, safety is the true foundation from which women flourish. In fact, if and when hopefully you read my book, The Way of the Satisfied Woman, you'll read about the four keys, which are absolutely crucial and essential for any woman to even begin to live a satisfied life. And unsurprisingly, guess what? One of the four keys is it's safety. When women have a sense of safety, that is the foundation from which we can create, and we know that women are creators. We can lead from a sense of safety, we can innovate, think of things that have never been done before. We can expand, and it's from a place of actual safety that we can take risks. It's not that we need too much safety, or that we're hiding behind it from some false sense of smallness or insecurity, but it's almost impossible for a woman to truly lean into and build her dreams while she feels fundamentally unsafe, and this has its roots, actually, in history. If we really take a big throwback here today on the podcast, we dive into evolutionary psychology, because the psyche that you and I operate with today, even in our modern world, is absolutely not different from the psyche of our ancestors still living very much in a more tribal culture. Our DNA has not evolved beyond that, our responses, our nervous system hasn't evolved beyond that, so we need to take it into account the psyches of our foremothers and what they were dealing with, because all of that information still lives within us, and even though our modern day world is quite different, and our modern day structures and society is different to a large extent. Operationally, on the inside, there is no difference. So, in those early tribal days of humans, men and women had very different pressures, and men were rewarded for taking. Greater risks, it was risky to go out and hunt for big game, but boy, the reward was that we, as humans, have huge brains, right? Men were rewarded for taking risks and earning all of those provisions for their tribe. It gave them a sense of pride and status, okay, evolutionarily, even though again culture is different today, intrinsically, biologically, psychologically, we still operate with a lot of these same principles.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 5:33
Now, on the other hand, women were rewarded for preserving their sense of creativity and preserving life. Think about that. Our role in tribal culture was to preserve life and create not just life, but create the little community, the world that we lived in. It was our job to really preserve the cohesion, the connection of the community, that's a much different impetus and pressure than our male ancestors had. So, again, you know, nobody's to blame. I'm not, you know, bringing any of any, like, we don't need to go back to that or value that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What we need to understand is that operationally these are still our structures. So within us men can leap, they have that risk taking acceptance and resilience, and women need safety in order to leap. We can still leap. There's no shortage of bravery on either sides, and PA. In fact, if you've ever seen a woman protecting her family, her tribe, things that she values at all costs, you know how brave she is. Okay, bravery - everyone gets bravery, but the foundation is a little different, so this is why so much business advice today actually fails women, because that business advice was created by guess who men, and men are often taught, take the risk, make the bet, leap, build your wings as you fall, burn the boats, go all in, jump, and that net will appear. And for some men that works, and that's why we have this great legacy of business that we all look to as the model, as the norm. It doesn't work for women, that's why you and I here at the Satisfied Woman, we are building something different, and this is what I build with the clients I work with. I help them to build a feminine, sovereign business that works for them, because intrinsically, in our psychology, in our historical DNA, we've been rewarded for preserving our creativity, our ability to flourish, and our ability to create and preserve life, to protect the community, protect the children, maintain relationships, maintain communication, connection, diplomacy, balance, ensuring survival, that's not weakness, that is quite literally feminine intelligence, that's also strategy, that's the feminine understanding that actions have consequences beyond ourselves. This week I heard a coach ask a woman why she hasn't taken the leap yet, that the greatest thing she could do is take the leap, and the question I was asking myself when I heard this was, what if she has children? Does she have enough money saved up to make that leap? Does she have a supportive partner? What else is going on in her world that she has to protect, take care of and make and ensure the survival of in order for that leap to be possible because if she tries to make that leap and there is fear and not safety then there is collapse even before she begins. This is built in, encoded in our DNA, when we leap, we don't just consider ourselves, we consider the consequences of those beyond ourselves. When a woman hears, "Ah, just quit your job, pursue your dream, trust me, I want her to. I facilitate that with the women that I work with every single day. Please don't think this isn't number one on one of my on my list, it is right up there, but we have to be smart about it, and we have to be feminine about it, because when a woman here has just quit your job, she isn't just thinking about herself, she's thinking what happens to my family, what happens to my. Children, what happens to my health care? What if this doesn't work? Women don't struggle because they're less brave. Women struggle because they are bearing so much more responsibility than just themselves, and that responsibility, that weight that we carry, it changes how risk feels, and the greatest mistake that a woman can make is believing that she should operate like a man. I'm going to say that again, the greatest mistake that a woman can make is believing that she should operate like a man, and the greatest mistake any business coach makes is teaching women to try to operate like men, because we are different, we need something different, the rules are different from us, and our sovereignty and satisfaction comes from a different foundation.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 11:05
It doesn't mean we can't achieve as much success or make as much money. Absolutely, we can, but we need to do it on our terms, playing by the foundational principles of our own biology and psychology. Women don't need more courage, right? If you're listening to this, you're courageous. If you're listening to this, I know you're thinking about this. I know you're thinking about how can I make more money. I need more money. I need the money to have the choice, the choice in my life to stay, the choice in my life to go, the choice to pursue a different career, the choice to take a vacation. The more that I do this work, the more research I do, the more I work with women one on one, it becomes more and more clear to me that the inflection point for a modern feminine woman's freedom and equality is choice, and choice, whether we like it or not, starts with cash, everyone has the ability to earn cash, men, women. The way we do it will be different now. If you haven't listened to the podcasts preceding this one, please make sure you do so. Some of those questions are answered more fully, some of those concepts are illuminated more. You know, I have this constant pull and tug as I do this podcast, understanding that I'm bringing you through a lot of concepts to get to the point, which is women deserve to be satisfied and sovereign, and I got to use psychology and evolutionary psychology and feminine psychology and depth psychology and mythology and current cultural contexts and anthropology. I'm pulling out all the stops that I have in my decades of research to help move us forward as women, because right now we have more power, agency, and choice than we've ever had, and as I had my client this week stay say to me, so clearly she said, Alanna, I have to do this now, because my daughters are 10 and 11 years old, and they are watching me, and if they watch me suffer through one more week of working in a job that keeps me small, working in a job that I have to pander to everyone else, carrying too much load, I know they're learning that that's what they need to do too, and I cannot show them that. So, if you don't think women are brave, they are. They're ready, they're ready to make this leap, they're ready to show their sisters, their daughters, their mothers, their aunts, their friends something different. I'm ready to show you how to do it on your terms. So, don't assume you're not brave enough. You are. What you're lacking is not bravery or courage. What you're lacking is a safe pathway, a strategy, a system, a runway, a bridge. I know you can make a leap. The women that I work with do it all the time, but you need a bridge, you need a foundation, you need a system, a strategy that allows you to move toward that freedom of choice, that sovereignty, that cash flow that gives you what you need, that doesn't jeopardize your security, because without that security, without that safety, there's no choice, there's no chance for sovereignty or satisfaction. So we got to start there. We have to start there. If we look to the goddesses of old, and you know that I love to do that, because you know, among, among many things, mythology is one of the things that we bring into these conversations. Artemis did not run blindly into the forest. She was a strategist. She was a wild woman, and you know that you know it is the wild woman who makes history, not the quiet woman, not the small woman. Artemis didn't run blindly into the forest. She was prepared, she had her bow and arrow, she was skilled, she was equipped. But once she got there, she knew she could survive, and that's what the leap needs to be for a woman. So building a business is about creating that safety, so when you head over to the Satisfied woman.com and when you book that Business Build Clarity call with me, you and I are going to talk about exactly what that magic is within you that's been waiting to come forth, right?
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 15:32
Again, this is another thing that's built into our psychology and our biology, something like 90% of our foremothers' time was spent in community with other women, not alone, not at home, not alone at home with kids, not in isolation in any sense, and not even with other men. It was 90% of our time was spent with other women in community, and what did we do? We talked, we helped each other out, we developed our own skills that could contribute to the community and help another woman with hers. And when I work with a woman, I know that she's going to help and uplift the other women that she works with. So, if you're ready to bring your magic forward and bring to life what is quite naturally encoded within you. I'm ready to help you do it. Let's chat, because we want to build a business that gets you to leap beyond the smallness you've been playing for too long, gets you outside of the box that society has tried to fit you into. Stop questioning whether you're worth it or not, or valuable enough. You are, because business is not risky. Doing business like a man as a woman is risky, but business isn't risky. The right business actually creates safety. The right business will create sovereignty for you to have that choice, the power of choice and freedom that allows you to do whatever it is is most fulfilling for you in this life. A business creates options, it creates income streams. When it's your own business, when you're not making money for someone else, it creates flexibility, it creates autonomy, it creates breathing room. You can, in you can have a rhythm inside your business based on your life, your energy, your needs. The goal isn't reckless entrepreneurship. The goal isn't leap and hope for the best. The goal is sovereignty, and that requires a plan, because what we know, what we know as women listening, we know the feminine doesn't leap, the feminine creates, she creates as women, as the feminine, we have the power and ability to create something the world has never seen from almost nothing. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about a feminine business model. First of all, that there is one business is not one size fits all. Just because most of those rules, so far, have been made by men, and most successes we've seen have been by men in that landscape, doesn't mean that women are incapable of playing that game, but trust me, all the women that I talked to, when they have played that game, myself included, reached a level of burnout and inauthenticity that is both debilitating and soul crushing. Right, for those of you that are listening to me for the first time, or haven't heard some of my story, I built with my own two hands, you could say, except it was all online, a business that became a multi seven figure online education business, and I built it in the way that I thought it was supposed to, with the structures that were handed to me by rules that were made without me in mind, and I did it, and I succeeded by all external accounts on paper. It looked amazing, and those were some of the most anxiety provoking, stress induced. stress-inducing, inauthentic days of my life. There was no rest, there was no calm, there was no peace. And eventually, there was an incongruousness between me and who I knew myself to be that I could not reconcile. And so I sold that business, I burnt it all down. I moved across the country. I left my husband, and I have vowed to do things differently ever since, on our terms as women, and to show women how to do it, that there is a model that works for us, and we get to live inside it and build it right now. That's what we're creating, not leaping into uncertainty. We're creating ecosystems, we're creating communities, we're creating bridges, we're creating families, businesses, we're creating movements, because the feminine doesn't thrive through chaos, unpredictability. Think about how timely our bodies are. We know exactly when this month ends and when it begins, because our bodies tell us so. We thrive through cultivation.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 20:35
We thrive through building something from the inside out, so how do we build a bridge from where you are now to where you want to go? Because, sister, I know that you have a dream that is likely bigger than what you are living right now. I know that because that's the world that we live in. It has put us in a box, told us to do things a certain way, and then paid us 80 cents on the dollar to do it. I'm ready to shatter those rules and not just prank through whatever glass ceiling is, but to write our own script. For far too long, we have been doing it someone else's way. It's time to do it yours. There is a feminine pathway. There is a feminine bridge that allows you to leap with safety, that gets you to build those dreams that you desire, that really brings together all of your wisdom and learned experience to help to serve somebody else in a way that you are fully valued. To me, this is exciting. This is exciting. So, rather than default to some of the old business advice that feels scary, untrue, inauthentic, it's time to build something that's yours. When you're ready, and I believe you are, head over to the satisfied woman.com book your business build clarity call with me, and let's chat. Let me help you realize the gifts that you've been sitting on, the goldmine that is waiting within you, because it is, and it is screaming to come out. If you have something that everybody constantly asks you about or advice that you consistently give to others, or a way in which you've helped someone through something that you had to suffer to get through. You have a business inside of you, and the time could not be more right for you to bring it forth and to build the bridge that helps you get to your dream destination. I look forward to being there to support you. Come head over to the Satisfied woman.com and we'll talk. Until then, do everything you can to stay both sovereign and satisfied,
Unknown Speaker 22:53
you.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
