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If you've ever been afraid to ask for more money, if you've ever been told that money doesn't matter or it doesn't buy happiness, it's not the most important thing. I'm here to tell you that that's wrong, especially for women. For women, money equals sovereignty, and sovereignty is an essential piece of satisfaction, and if you're ready to live life as a satisfied woman, let's have the money talk.
Unknown Speaker 0:28
Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host. Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied and sovereign life on our own terms. Visit the [email protected]
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and if this conversation intrigues you, then let's you and I have a conversation together. Go ahead and book your private call with me right on my website, the satisfied woman.com you'll see right at the top a little link to book with me. And I look forward to chatting with you. I have spent the last 10 plus years talking to women about where their lives aren't working, and how we can make them work, not just better, but in a way that allows them to lead a satisfied life as a woman. Now, over the last 10 years, in my coaching practice and in the work that I do, I have talked to women about many different issues. The main ones tend to be relationships, career and money. That's probably not surprising.
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What is surprising is that no matter what's going on with a woman at the base, at the heart, at the root of it, is going to be knowing that she has the security of the financial piece together and set in order for her to move forward with whatever it is that's going on with her. Now, let me explain this a little further, and I'm going to take my glasses off here. For those of you watching this podcast on YouTube, you can see me a little more clearly now. And what I want to really drive home is how important money is, because it's difficult for women to talk about it. We there's a lot of shame around money. There's a lot of historical narrative about women not having access to money, not wanting money, not wanting to be positioned or seen as a gold digger. I would like us to drop all of that,
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because what access to money and safe secure finances does is it allows to woman. It allows a woman to make the best choice for herself. Now, at the heart of all of this work that we do as women, moving our story and our rights and our abilities and our choices forward in this modern day life, all of it stems from the ability to make great choices for ourselves.
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So this correlation that I've seen over the last 10 plus years of my work in this field is that women's choices really come from their sense of sovereignty, their access to the funds or finances that they need to be able to make the choices that work best for them. Now this arises with women who have challenges in relationships, whether it's that they want to be stable enough in and of themselves to know when they enter into a relationship that they're not beholden to the person they're in relationship with, whether it's in relationships that have devolved to the point where the woman feels she's trapped,
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either because the partner is paying for everything, or she is and that becomes a nightmare to extricate oneself from. I've seen this challenge in women who don't know how to jump career or shift career, who want to start a family or start a career after having a family, it all comes down to cash. Now that doesn't mean any of us is selfish. Doesn't mean any of us is stingy. It doesn't mean any of us is a gold digger or right or wrong money is simply the way in which we are allowed to maneuver around the planet. Now I don't I don't want to debate whether that's a good thing or not. It just simply is, money equals freedom, money equals safety, money equals security. And when we have enough of it statistics actually show that money also equals happiness. Now how many of us were taught, trained as young people, money doesn't buy happiness Well,
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up to a certain point, it actually does when you have that sense of safety and security.
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Then you actually, then have access to your own sense of happiness and joy. Now for those of you that have read my book, The Way of the satisfied woman, you know that for a woman to feel a sense of satisfaction, there are four keys that she has to have in place in her life, a sense of safety, a sense of security, a sense of trust in herself and those around her, and a sense of being cherished by the masculine whether that's the masculine energy that exists within her or her masculine counterparts around her,
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we can't have access to the greater sensations of femininity and womanhood unless those four keys are in place,
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and financial stability is at the heart of at least two out of four of them, if not somewhere underpinning all four.
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As a woman, we don't have access to our own sense of pleasure and joy unless we have a sense of safety, security and trust in and of ourselves.
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So the next time someone says, oh, you're a gold digger, or you just want money, or you're just looking for more cash, I encourage you to say, Yeah, that's correct, because money equals options and it equals freedom, and in this modern day age, as a woman, I am ready to experience freedom like my foremothers never had the opportunity to experience quick history lesson for You.
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It wasn't until 1974
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that women were able to open their own bank account without a male cosigner.
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It wasn't until then that women were able to take out a business loan without a male cosigner. It
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is within some of our lifetimes, and certainly within the last generation or two, that women even have enough control over their own money to start having conversations about sovereignty. This means we don't have a well worn path. We don't have a long legacy of women earners, showing us what a powerful, sovereign woman can look like. Now, that's awful. I don't love that. In fact, I'll say it plainly, that sucks. I wish. I wish we had hundreds if not 1000s of years and hundreds if not, 1000s of examples of successful women who stood on their own two feet, on their own terms, with their own sovereignty, making their own choices about what's right for them. Those are empowered women. Those empowered women empower other women. We are all new at this, which, on one hand, allows us to give ourselves some grace that we are, on some level, figuring it out. That's one of the reasons why I've written this book, The Way of the satisfied woman, to give you a clear and conscious roadmap to what it means to be a satisfied and sovereign woman, because there aren't a lot of examples, there isn't a lot of roadmaps, and there is still a lot of shame around Money for women,
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I know relationships that have fallen apart and crumbled as soon as the woman starts to make her own money, and especially when she starts to make more money than a man. I know relationships, of course, that have fallen apart and crumbled when the money is controlled by the man,
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any of these states in which a woman doesn't have power, sovereignty, agency and choice on her own is a disempowered state. And when you have a disempowered person, male or female in any relationship, there's going to be an opportunity for the other person in that relationship, to have power over them
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and power over another person under any circumstance is incredibly dangerous. Now, this kind of control, this financial control over women historically, has been one of the levers that the patriarchy and a distorted, unhealthy version of masculinity has pulled in order to keep women under control and women small. I mean, come on, let's be honest. A few 100 years ago, women were seen as property. There are.
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Faces and parts in the world, and there are circumstances under which women are still bought and sold.
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Your move towards sovereignty is your way of saying no more to those disempowered circumstances, to the idea that you are someone else's property. I was going to say belong, but there is a tender romantic notion somewhere in that statement of I belong to him or I belong to her, so I'm not going to remove that. But when someone believes you are theirs to the extent that they can control you,
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that's where we run into problems. Women have faced enough problems, so when I stand on a soapbox or when I deliver a lecture, I guess this is a lecture, it's a podcast, right? You and I are having a conversation where we're discussing the idea of sovereignty, and you can see, it's a it's a big, challenging issue. It is. It's got history behind it. There's more tied into it, especially for women. You see women, women can't compartmentalize
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in the same way that the masculine can. For women, you know, we cannot be happy if there are elements of our lives that are unhappy. I was just having a conversation with a client yesterday, and you know, I,
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I have amazing conversations with women, and like I said, I I do coach them in many different circumstances. But
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what I've come to understand is that no matter what challenge women come to me with underneath that there is always going to be one challenge their sense of sovereignty and satisfaction as a woman, right? So whether they approach me from a relationship standpoint because they want a better relationship or to detoxify their relationship, whether they come to me to help them build their business, whether they want more money, whatever it is, we're always going to be working on their sense of satisfaction, their sense of safety, security, trust that is going to create the foundational underpinning for who they can become. And what I mean by that is their fullest expression of self, right? And I wish that for all of you, I truly do. I wish every person on this planet, but especially every woman on this planet, to be and manifest their the fullest version of themselves.
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And I know for us as feminine women, that starts with some certain things, this groundwork that has been for too long, controlled, manipulated, marginalized, repressed, oppressed, you name it. There's good reasons for that. The patriarchy has many reasons for that. And when I say patriarchy, I just mean
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those who have taken what should be a healthy version of masculinity and distorted it in such a way that they maintain power over or control over others. Okay, any circumstances where that's the case, again, that's not okay, whether they be grand circumstances or smaller circumstances, any circumstances, I am not for it,
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for the empowerment, sovereignty and satisfaction of women. That's what I'm here for.
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So let's try this all home, because, as you can see, and this is why I do podcasts, by the way, this is why you don't find me doing 15 second reels on some other social media platform is because if I tell you that a woman needs money, I actually need to tell you why, right? I need to give you as the woman listening, not just a statement that, oh, Alanna said I need money, but the background, the foundation, the confidence. Of why it's so important and critical now, because your move, your empowerment, your drive to sovereignty, is not only going to give you the freedom to make excellent choices for yourself, what it's going to do is shine a light for your other sisters, the women around you that this is critical and possible for them now as well. When one of us frees ourselves from the restraints of power and control, we give permission to others to do it too, and women have lived too long under those not great circumstances that there needs to be, and I want you to hear it a sense of urgency, that sister, as you're listening, you've got to get this done now. You cannot wait. So I had this conversation yesterday
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with a woman who is in a deeply troubled and unhappy marriage, and it's been in.
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In such distress, and she's been under such duress for such a long time that she literally can't see a crack in any opening anywhere to shift the circumstance,
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right? I gave her different ideas, different options, and I know from the outside what she's capable of. I've counseled many women through these challenging circumstances,
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and the crack we came to was, if she has enough money to leave she can and
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that's where it begins.
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So one of the things that I do, you know, and I've helped women come to this, you know, ideas about their business or what they can do because, because, first of all, I you know, there's a lot of ways, obviously, that women make money, but first and foremost, like, the way that a woman earns money is just different than a way that a man earns money. Neither is right or wrong, but they're different. And I want you to own the difference, right? I want us as women to lean into our femininity, to understand our differences, and to start living life on our own terms, not in those you know, pre pre, assumed masculine terms that we've all just been living by for several millennia.
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Women, we earn money through attraction. I don't mean attractive. We don't have to be pretty to earn money, okay? But through attraction, like magnetism, we draw it in. We want to create the circumstances where the money moves toward us. The masculine earns money by going out and getting it, by chasing after it, right? So there's an outward motion to the way that the masculine earns money. There's an inward, almost like a tractor beam motion to the way that the feminine earns money. So the ways that I coach women to create businesses really stem from finding the brilliance in what they're doing now, what they already do, the things they do for free. And if you've listened to any of my podcasts, and by the way, I've been at this for a while, just so you know, if this is the first time you're listening to a podcast with me, you got about a year and a half to catch up on. I think at this point there's as of this podcast, I believe there's about 54 other episodes. And somewhere in there you're gonna hear like threads of this, ideas of this, but you'll start to understand that this your responsibility for becoming a satisfied and sovereign woman is really manifold, and there's many facets to it. There's so many reasons for it, and there's a lot that you're already doing, because 80% of women report feeling burnt out, and that's because they're giving themselves away. You're giving away energy that people should be paying you for.
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And whether that's because you're giving yourself away with your family, you're doing too much, you're not handing any of the responsibility back to them so they're not supporting you, whether it's because you're working underpaid or not paid overtime at work to try and prove that you're as good of a worker as everybody else. The problem with joining the career rat race or someone else's business is, number one, you're making money for them. Number two, if there's a man at the helm, he's likely making more money than you. Number three, even in 2026 as I'm recording this podcast, women still only earn 80 cents to every dollar that a man earns, which either means we're always making less, or then automatically we have to work 20% harder. And I call bullshit on all of that. So if a woman's gonna make money, I want to make sure that the gifts that she has, she's making money she's earning for them, and that every dollar she earns goes directly to her.
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So I coach women in building businesses that stem from the gifts they already have that they're probably undervaluing themselves for or not getting paid for, and creating businesses that are their own, that they have full control over, so that they can scale them up, earn more when they need to, or dial them back when they need to take a break. Because what's also true for the feminine, that is less true for the masculine, is that our life, our bodies, our world, our experience, exists in cycles. There's going to be periods of time where for us, we are ready to put our nose to the grindstone. Work hard, you know, give it all we've got, and then there are going to be periods of time where we need to chill out and toggle it back.
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Right? The masculine is a lot more consistent in effort and energy. Just look at their bodies. Look at the trajectory of their biology,
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right? We women exist. I mean, we can dial it into many different kinds of cycles, but let's just dial it into that 20 day 28 day one that most of us are existing in for a good several decades of our life.
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Okay? We have flux.
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Situations, in our energy, in our effort, in our lifestyle. If we're in the time of being a mother with small children, we'll need to be able to dial it back or have it run in the background. If we're in a moment where you know what, we've got the energy and creativity to put forth to it, maybe it's nose to the grindstone, and we're flat out. It almost appears like we're workaholics for a minute, but now we need to dial it back. Okay,
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so the businesses that we create need to move with us. They need to honor who we are. It is going to be different. It is going to look different. And it's not for women, especially with the women that I coach. It's not about making all the money. Like, look, you know, my last business, I it was a multi seven figure a year business, and I know that that might sound surprise, you know, impressive, surprising, sensational. It's even in this point, still surprising and impressive to me. Yes, sorry, I created from scratch, built and ran a multi seven figure business, but you know what I realized after now having sold it and running this business, is how much more important it is to make impact,
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to make meaning
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and to make the money that I need, and when I Say need to maintain my lifestyle, to bring me joy, to give me enough safety and security that I have access to pleasure, free time, vacation. For those of you that have been listening and watching long enough, you know, I'm a bit of a cowgirl. I want to buy my cowboy boots. I want to make sure that if my dog gets sick, that I can take her to the vet without worrying if I have the money to make sure that she's safe.
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I want to be able to see my family, to visit friends, to take care of the people that I love.
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You know,
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my aging mother and stepmother. I want to make sure they're okay. These are the things that I need.
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Now, your needs might be different. You might have a different level of need, but I want you to meet and exceed that, to give yourself again the safety and sovereignty. Because here's what I learned back before I had that booming business that I realized was honestly,
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it was, it was very I built it in a very masculine way, because at the time, that's all I knew how to do. That's what the world tells you to do, to chase more, to grow more. You know, to expand more, to make more. It was always more and more and more. There was never a finish line. It was exhausting. I burnt myself out.
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I was deeply unhappy. I had tremendous anxiety. If I'm honest with you, and I'm always honest with you on this podcast, I never want to do that again, not like that,
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not like that, not because
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I don't believe or women can't, or even that I can't, or won't make money at that level again, but because the way that I was doing it was unsustainable. It didn't match my energy, it didn't match who I was. It didn't complement my sovereignty. I was a slave to it. I don't want that for any woman, and I don't want it for myself. We need businesses that move with us,
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but we need to have the money that we need at whatever level that is. And you can name any number. There is no number that is scary or outlandish. There is no number that is too much. And I love doing this when I get on Discovery calls with women, which, by the way, if this podcast, if what I'm saying is intriguing to you, if there's some itch in you to have a level of sovereignty, to create something of your own to, as one of my most favorite clients said to have my own patch of grass, please book a discovery. Call with me. Go right to my website, the satisfied woman.com Let's chat. Let's discover what your gift is, and let's move it forward in a way that you have the safety and security that you need. But because before I had that booming business,
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I was
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I was in a level of financial distress that I think to many would be extreme.
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There was, I'll never forget. There was one week where I had $1.47
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to my name. I used it to buy a potato, a carrot and one bouillon cube. I lived in New York, so you could buy one bullion cube. I made a soup. I made it last for seven days until I knew the next bit of money was coming in. I luckily had a metro card I could maneuver about the city, and I found free events to entertain myself that week. And I was terrified,
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you know, and that's one example, from filing to bankruptcy to being months behind on rent, to having to, you know, support a partner who was unemployed for 17 months. I have been through the financial ringer in certain ways that I never wish. I would never wish on a woman I didn't.
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Realize at the time how constrained and stressful living under Financial duress was until I was free of it, and once I was free of it, I looked back at those years and how much I carried because I didn't have enough to make good choices, the ways in which I compromised myself, the ways in which I didn't have health insurance, I didn't tend to myself, I didn't do things that nourished me. I had no access to pleasure. I couldn't connect with people. It affects everything.
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I had no idea until I was on the other side of it, and it's one of the reasons why I'm so clear and hell bent on making sure that all the women that I work with have sovereignty and satisfaction, because, sister, you deserve it too. Many of us have lived without it for too long, and this is not a sad story, because our happy story gets rewritten right now. We live at a time where women have more power, agency and choice than ever before, and I want you to exercise it.
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So book that call with me. Head over to the satisfied woman.com
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right at the top you'll see a link, book a call. Let's chat. Let's find out what's going on with you, what you're carrying too much of, what you can let go of, and where your magic is that can be monetized in such a way that gives you the freedom that you need to make all the best choices for yourself. I'm here for you, and I can't wait to chat until next time. Continue to walk the way of the satisfied woman.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
