Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 1:49
if you're feeling a little stressed and nervous this holiday season, you are not alone. We as women are often seen as the emotional calibrators of our family and our spaces, and there is extra added additional pressure over the holidays, particularly when it comes to family gatherings, we're seen as the peacekeepers, the ones who have to hold it all together, when really it's kind of true that no one triggers us as deeply as our family does. This podcast is designed to help you navigate these holiday triggers and see them as teachers turning your family stress into a feminine power. Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host. Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied life on our own terms, visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com now make sure that you head over to the satisfied woman.com and grab your free three part feminine reset session that's going to be especially helpful to you this holiday season. And if you haven't yet joined my rooted membership, that's where you're going to get the support you need to turn all of these ideas that I present here into your daily reality. This is the hub for satisfied women everywhere, and I would love to have you be a part of it. So let's just call it what it is. The holidays are, yes, a magical time, but they are also a deeply stressful time. This is an emotionally charged month for everyone, especially for us as women, holiday gatherings can activate old wounds, bring up old family roles and unprocessed dynamics. If it feels like the moment you arrive at the holiday table, you are once again, five years old. That's kind of by design. That is, unfortunately, why psychology is so successful. One of the foundational principles of psychology is that most all of our emotional triggers actually became triggers, or became codified within us in early childhood. So as soon as we arrive back in, let's say our early childhood home, or with our family members who have known us since we are children, we are literally being reverted back to that time, and everyone there is seeing us as we were, not as the capable adult Woman we are now. So let's use this episode as a reframe. And yes, I'm talking to you during December and the holidays, but no matter what time of year you're listening to this, this is going to be helpful. No matter what holiday gathering you're at, no matter what family gathering you're at, no matter how you're triggered, everything that I teach you here in this episode is going to be relevant. Year round. I just wanted to make sure that I brought it to you at this critical time so that you have the support you need this month. Because what's true about your triggers is, yes, they were created in early childhood, yes, they live deeply, buried in your unconscious, but they're not failures, they're not defects, and they're not unworkable. They are actually great teachers for you, in particular, where you can lean into and reclaim even more of your feminine power. So this conversation is going to help you stay rooted, sovereign and devoted to yourself during the holidays, so that you don't get abandoned by yourself or anyone else. Let's talk for a minute about why holiday triggers hit so hard. I mean this I feel like this month, this December month, is often compressive. It feels like it closes in. The pace is fast, the expectations are high, the schedule is packed. And yes, there is this underlying sense that this time of year should be extra magical, extra special, extra connective. But all of that comes with the kind of expectation that ultimately can lead to disappointment. My goal is to soften that for you and to hopefully experience and reclaim some of the magic that really is behind this season. So the reason holiday triggers hit so hard, beyond this idea of just being this compressive, highly expectant time is that when we're with family over the holidays, we experience a kind of time travel. Now I wish it was as cool as Back to the Future and hopping into the DeLorean with the flux capacitor Michael J Fox and his prime at your side, but it's not family brings you back to your youngest self. So the way that the psyche works, and I've explained this in past podcasts. I won't go into it too deeply. I also talk about it a lot in my book, The Way of the satisfied woman, as well as in some of my online courses that you get free access to when you join the rooted membership. Hint, hint, your psyche goes through a period of serious development in early childhood, your unconscious gets seeded with things that become true for you for the rest of your life. So the unconscious is where your emotional triggers are stored. It's where your emotional behavioral patterns are encoded. It's all within the unconscious. Now what's key is the name of that part of your psyche, the unconscious. They stay buried and unknown to us, and they feel like they are just who we are, or that they're happening to us, when really it's a very alive part of yourself. Now good news for you, my satisfied woman listener, is that the unconscious is the domain of the feminine, so no one more than US has access to this place we are. Our superpower, our feminine superpower is our intuition and our emotional depth. So if we can actually feel these triggers and these deep emotional responses as communications from the most feminine parts of ourselves. That's how they become teachers for us, when we as adult women who are fully capable with our fully developed prefrontal cortex, can feel into these emotional triggers or responses and realize, you know what? Actually, this is bringing us to a place that we can learn and grow from. So as we sit around the holiday table, Uncle Johnny or brother Jeff says something totally wild, and we feel that emotional trigger creeping up, that's when we know that our boundaries, our self worth, or even our inner child, need protection and nurturing. Because what normally happens is that women feel responsible for emotional harmony, which amplifies the pressure of this holiday scenario. We are the emotional calibrators of our families and our spaces. So when things start to get tense around the table or in the event or wherever we're at we tend to repress our own emotional response in favor of trying to mitigate or keep the peace in the family. This is going to compound everything. It's actually going to make the whole event more stressful. So this sense of wanting to keep the peace or create emotional harmony by repressing our own emotional responses, first of all, we're going to be introduced to what I call the Hydra. Like nature of the unconscious, that anytime you try to push something down, it's like a Jack in the Box. It's spring loaded. It's going to come back up with greater force and urgency. But second of all, it's going to create a level of inauthenticity. When we're abandoning ourselves by denying our own emotional responses and needs, we can't interact with others authentically, that actually degrades human connection, family, intimacy, and that's antithetical to all that peace we're trying to keep. So let's talk about what triggers actually teach us, because they are teachers, and I think that simple reframe that when we feel that panic arise, when we feel that anger arise, or that sadness or that shock, really in the system of who knows what causes it, but when we feel that this is data, not a defect, this has been encoded in Your psyche for a reason. It's going to show you where your energy is being depleted, drained or demanded of you in a way that isn't right for you. It's going to show you where you abandon yourself anytime you ignore those responses in favor of caretaking others, that's self abandonment. It's going to show you where your old wounds are still running the show, because if that trigger turns into an activated response that you haven't really thought through and perpetuates the narrative, then that's your it's like your inner child is running around wreaking havoc on this entire family scenario. It's also going to show you where you have outgrown your old role.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 11:44
So one thing we can do during this holiday season is start to evolve, not only ourselves and how we show up, but the dynamic interaction of our family and the people around us. It's going to be, I promise you, perhaps at first a bit of a shake up and an upheaval, but eventually a magical decision that's going to restore the balance and the beauty of the holidays that all of us do actually crave. So your your triggers are actually evidence of your readiness to evolve, because the woman that you are today, it no longer fits the box that your family put you in. They've all made assumptions about us over the years, we've made assumptions about them too. But let's start to get curious about what that might be, where it's coming from, where it started, and transform it into who we are now so that we can be curious and not collapse. Okay. When I talk about collapse, I talk about us falling back into our old patterns, our old patterns of self reflect, self reflection, or putting the armor up, or diminishing ourselves, or even moving away from the discomfort, however it is, we try to manage others expectations of the world around us by repressing what's happening within us that's collapse and look, no one more than our family is going to pull us back into our old roles and trigger us deeply. We often as women show up in our family as the Peacekeeper, as Little Miss, perfect, as the overly responsible always getting it done, Lady as the over giver who never says no, or is the emotional sponge who just soaks up all of the negativity or challenges within the family. Now if one of those describe you, or even if all of those describe you, you're not alone. And the reality is that those roles formed because of survival mechanisms. As women think about us long, long ago in prehistory, our actual survival. The reason we were able to stay alive is when we belonged to a tribe and had the protection, primarily of the masculine members of the tribe, but really as the tribe of the tribe as a whole, humans have evolved relationally, not individually. No human can survive entirely on their own, and women are more vulnerable. Now, don't tell anybody I said this, and I don't like to say it, but it is biologically true that the female body is just less strong physically than the male body. They are more designed to fend off attack from mountain lions, tigers and bears in the female body. Forget about if we are pregnant or have small children, we're even more vulnerable, so deeply encoded and buried within our psyche is this primal survival mechanism to make sure we. Belong at all costs, literally for our own safety, literally to stay alive. Now we're not being chased by lions, tigers or bears anymore, or necessarily even warring tribes, but that desire to belong still is critical. Now the way we do it has shifted, instead of appealing to the tribe for protection, we appeal to them through keeping the peace, by making sure they don't reject us, by always being perfect, so that we're never criticized and potentially dismissed, by being responsible for ourselves, so that we don't put anybody else out by over giving, so that we are essentially needed by others, so that they can't discard us by absorbing everyone else's emotions so they don't have to deal with it. We try to make ourselves so useful. Wanted easy to our family, our tribe members, so that we earn their protection. Now you can hear, hopefully, how this is not only encoded in our DNA, our nature, our long evolutionary history, but this will be encoded into your family through your family's history, from the time you were born, they've expected you to be a certain way. These family dynamics are almost like a micro culture that everybody just eventually falls into step and agrees to keep carrying on now until one of us, and I'm talking to you sister, changes it, they're always going to expect you to show up as you did as a little girl. Unconsciously, there's no one to blame here. Everybody's just carrying along as they have. But their expectations don't define you. They might reflect who you were, but not who you are. And think about who you were as a little girl. Of course you needed protection. Of course you needed to belong to that family unit that you had no choice in inheriting, that you simply arrived into. Here they were, and you, in your brilliant baby wisdom, did your best. You smiled and were perfect so that you were included. You made yourself small and almost disappear so that you were easy to take care of. You made sure you gave and gave and gave, so that they all saw your value in the family. You didn't cry. You made yourself pretty, and you always kept the peace. Now, as a young girl, that makes sense. They were the ones who had to take care of you, and let's hope they did. But now you're an adult. Now you're an empowered, satisfied woman, and you get to call the shots in a different way. So let's talk a little bit about emotional sovereignty. Now, sovereignty is, I love the word sovereignty. You're going to hear me use it a lot. My book is titled The way of the satisfied woman. And the last chapter, chapter nine, is called ascending to the throne of the Queen. Okay, a queen is a sovereign. She is a lady who sits comfortably in her beautiful throne and basically rules over her queendom. She calls in the support that she needs. She makes excellent decisions on others behalf. They are inspired to help her out. When I say the word sovereignty, this is the energy that I'm invoking, that you are the ruler of your own land, of your own body, that you are in command of your own feminine vessel. No one is pulling from you what they do not deserve. No one is draining you or demanding of you anything that you are not wholeheartedly willing to give. The Sovereign woman doesn't give out of resentment. She doesn't give out of obligation. She doesn't give because she's coerced into it. She will only give of herself when she receives that full bodied Yes, and is filled with deep desire to show up so emotional sovereignty starts with us individually, where we stay with ourselves completely contained within our own feminine vessel, even if others can't or won't. They may not be capable of it. They may not choose to yet. They may not choose to ever, but we'll never know, unless we stay self contained as emotionally sovereign women. So let me give you some quick tips and tools for how to do this, because if this is your first podcast, or maybe you're right in the middle of your holiday season and you're like, Oh my god. Gosh, I can't go back and listen to all 50 like give me something now this is it so simple tricks to help stay in your feminine vessel, as this sovereign woman that I know that you are, but that often gets pulled or collapsed during emotionally triggered times, particularly with family. Things you can do is stay in your body. I know that sounds maybe strange if you've never heard something like that before, but the feminine woman is an embodied women. Women occupy their bodies fully. We are feeling beings, and those feelings, this triggering, this emotional upheaval, is going to come through you as a feeling in your body, you're going to feel the tightness in your throat, the panic in your chest, the butterflies in your stomach, the it's like the bottom drops out of you. It's all going to come through a deeply felt sense. And this is your wisdom, okay? Now, women have lots of superpowers. Femin qualities are vast. But if I were to name two superpowers, they are your emotional depth and your intuition. And these are going to be heightened during the holidays, particularly intense situations like this, and you have to listen. So stay in your body, feel the things that are coming up. Keep your feet on the ground, if you can. And that might mean metaphorically, and it might mean literally, but that grounding sense of connecting to the earth, the earth is you know, Mother,
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 21:31
draw for more energy keep your feet grounded. You can place your hands. I like it when women place their hands on their body whenever they're feeling something, it creates an anchor to that feeling, and it has you acknowledge yourself that this feeling is happening. It's real, it's meaningful. Okay, so stay in your body, simple, but it's going to have an effect, witness instead of absorb. Oftentimes, women's are women are empathic, and we end up as empaths, being sponges that absorb everything around us. If our children are disappointed, we absorb the disappointment. If our parents are unhappy, we absorb the unhappiness, and then we try to turn into the fixers. Let me tell you something about fixing. Fixing is masculine, and when a feminine woman attempts to fix, she is in a distorted, heavy, armored, masculine state. This is not your natural state, and it's going to be draining. So don't fix. Don't fix, don't absorb, don't fix. Understand that other people's emotional responses belong to them. It's their energy, not yours. The way I like to think about this is with a little visualization. Actually, imagine a Teflon skillet. No matter how you feel about Teflon, imagine it. I know you know what it looks like and what it does. Teflon allows everything to just slide right off of it. It's not cast iron that absorbs the spices or the oils get seasoned. We don't want to be seasoned as women. We want to be Teflon. So I actually like to imagine a little Teflon barrier around myself during times like this and everything just slides off. Sometimes, that visualization, that energetic shift is all that you need, and at the very least, it's going to be helpful. Now, lastly, I talk a lot about family feminine guilt. Look, it's pretty unique to us as women. We feel guilt in anticipation of others, disappointment. This is a strange way to feel. Guilt is designed to crop up when our behavior, our actual behavior, isn't in alignment with our morals and values. Then the guilt will help us recognize that we didn't act in accordingly we leave ourselves to be and then eventually, hopefully, we course correct and we start acting more appropriately. That's healthy guilt, feminine guilt, is actually not healthy. It's deeply toxic, because what it's going to do is keep you small and put you in a box so that you curb your behavior, you minimize your needs, you don't speak up for yourself, which means you abandon yourself in anticipation of maybe possibly disappointment or missed expectations. Here's the reality, and I want you to hear this, so listen close. You are not responsible for how others feel, not responsible for how they react. In fact, their reactions or their triggers come from the same place that yours do, from deep and early childhood, from some event that happened, likely before the age of seven, that this, whatever is happening, has the flavor of and so it's bringing it back. Back up and essentially regressing them back into this childhood state. You might not have even been there, you might not even been in the room, maybe you didn't even know them at that time. So one of my favorite is we are never angry for the reason that we think we are, never sad for the reason we think we are all of these deep emotional reactions are coming from this a long ago, Time and Place buried within our psyche, and it's coming up now for us to behave differently with so their reactions are not your responsibility, only your feelings are your responsibility, and the sovereign woman, sovereignty is your feminine shield. It's soft but strong and it's unshakable. Think of being sovereign as knowing who you are. You know who you are, the queen, she knows who she is. She owns her role. Now people are going to try to destroy that, and I don't want to impart the idea that anyone in your family is malicious. Everyone is literally acting on their own triggers, their own past experiences, their own assumptions of who you've been, where this is, you know, taken them. We all kind of walk in with our past clinging to us. So they might not be malicious this all might be unconscious. They might have no idea what they're doing or even how to fix it, or even that anything is wrong or broken. So let's just give everybody a little bit of grace, and as we shift into our own sense of feminine sovereignty, we're going to see if our shifting calls them to elevate and rise, or whether they can't and they eventually collapse. We're just going to observe and watch, okay, but they're likely going to try to keep you small, keep you in your past, because this is just culturally how people operate and psychologically how people operate again. It might not be malicious. I'm not placing blame, but these are things that are real, and these are things like gaslighting, minimization and dismissal. These behaviors inherently are designed to destabilize your feminine intuition and your superpower of emotional depth. They have been used for millennia by our current culture to destabilize and dismiss women. We internalize it because we are with people that we are meant to trust we're meant to trust our family members, our loved ones. And so when they come at us in our emotionally heightened state, when things like, Oh, you're just acting crazy, you're too sensitive. Oh, my God, you're making such a big deal out of this. Will you just calm down? You know what? You're imagining things we internalize, those we want to believe them. This is our family. If they think we're overreacting, you know what? Maybe we are if we're being way too sensitive, oh gosh, you know what, I'm sorry. Maybe I should tone it down. And you can see how, even if it's unconscious now it might be malicious. They might be using this intentionally, I don't know, but we'll we'll give them some grace, benefit of the doubt. You can see how this kind of culturally adopted narrative in general, for women who are in an emotional state, US small. I talk a lot about this in my online course. Stop calling us crazy, because there are some very common hallmarks of what the culture does to try and keep women small, and this is one of them, this gaslighting, minimization, dismissal of what is true and real for us, because it's happening in real time in our bodies, and it's coming up from the most feminine part of us, which is our deep psyche, our unconscious, and it's trying to teach us or show us something. So I want you to understand is that culture has had a long period of training, and you, my friend, are just beginning your retraining. So give yourself a little grace and feel free to not believe them. I give you all the permission in the world that when someone says you're crazy, to not believe them. When someone says You're too sensitive, you're too much, you're making a big deal. You're imagining things that this is real for you, this might be a big deal. You are as sensitive as you need to be, and you are absolutely true and right and correct in your body, in your intuition, in your feelings, always yes, that goes against the cultural norm of wanting women to be more like the masculine and be more. Logical and more rational, but those are masculine qualities, and women know things, and I mean, know to the core of our being, in our bones, through our intuition and our powerful depth of field, that is where our knowing comes from. So your sensitivity, my dear sister, is a superpower, not a flaw. It's not a flaw. It's not something to be dismissed. It is not too much. It is the most right and true thing that you have access to. So anytime you feel like this gaslighting or this minimization or this dismissal is happening, and again, whether it is malicious and intentional or not, it doesn't matter it's happening. Give yourself the power and structure of a reframe and trust what your body is telling you. I know you want to trust your family. I know you want to trust the people that you love and believe when they tell you that you're crazy, that you are but stop trust yourself first.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 31:06
This might be the first and most potent thing that you can do this holiday season, and hopefully, honestly, all year round, I want to encourage you to honor your internal truth, even when external voices try to deny it. Don't listen to them. Listen to what your soul speaks inside you. So as you go into these holiday rituals, events, dinners, gatherings, whatever they are, I'm going to give you some pre and post event things that you can do to help keep you in this grounded, sovereign place. Number one, breathe. Look, I know some of this is going to sound trite, I get it, but the fact is is you're probably not doing it. So don't sit there, my dear sister, my listener, and go, Alanna, that's not going to help. That sounds like, what? Just breathe. Yes. Can you just start there? Let's just start there. Because breathing is the first function of our autonomic nervous system that we can actually control. You can't control your heart rate, which will elevate in triggered in triggered scenarios, you can't control your your your body temperature, your metabolism, all of these autonomic nervous system functions are out of your control, but breathing is in your control. Breathing is how you immediately access the deeper elements of your nervous system. And the thing that happens when you are triggered, if you're in a deep emotional trigger, you're no longer operating from that precious, free prefrontal cortex, which is the hallmark of adulthood, this ability to make incredibly empowered decision making, to know who you are, to stay in your power that's all in your prefrontal cortex. When you're triggered, it flips you out of that, and you get right into your basal like reptilian brain, and you are again, five years old. So begin kind of training yourself that being triggered is not a problem. It's not that we're trying to ignore it or repress it. I hope that you've just listened to the last half hour of this podcast. That's not what we're doing. We're just trying to redirect so that we're not in our five year old mind, but that we're in our adult mind. And the way we can pull out of that real it's a fight or flight response. It's basically a fight or flight response, you're ready to run from the lion, which could be your brother or your aunt or your kid, but representationally, it's the lion, and you're pulling yourself into that fight or flight response, or even a freeze or fun response. Let's just get back into the adult mind, so that we can make great decisions for ourselves and act in the way that really honors our feminine and breathing is going to help you do that. So if you notice your breath get ragged, if you notice it gets shallow, if you're not noticing it at all, take a few deep breaths. Get back to really feeling the breath, and that's going to help you stay in regulated nervous system, which keeps you in your full, autonomous, sovereign, adult, feminine power, set a silent intention for yourself before you go into any event that could be triggering, to just stay rooted in yourself Like I call my membership rooted for a reason. I want us all to stay rooted in our femininity, in our feminine power, because there are, there are such gifts and such great power there. So stay rooted in yourself. Trust yourself first. And I absolutely advocate women being boundaried. I talk. About this is the feminine vessel, and building this feminine vessel with your precious boundaries are how you then receive all of the support that you need and all the good things in life that you deserve. So create some kind of micro boundary before you go into this event or attend this event or do whatever it is, whether it's a time limit. So in my last podcast, I talked about some good, healthy, sacred, safe, easy, boundaries that you can establish. Maybe you say, I'm going to give it an hour, I'm going to give it an hour, and then I'm going to check in with myself and see how my nervous system is doing, how my heart is doing. Am I still in a place of joy? And if I am in an hour, I'll give it another 60 minutes. You never need to give more than that. In fact, you don't have to give it all, but if you feel like all, right, this is something I show up to, give it 60 minutes and then check in. So micro boundaries in advance. Set these agreements with yourself, give it a time limit, maybe give it topics you won't engage in. So if one of your family members is always starting that very incendiary topic, maybe that's the time that you say, You know what? This isn't something that I'm conversing about right now. Can you just stop there? Maybe that's the time that you stand up and leave, go do something else. You can remove yourself from the situation, but there's no obligation for you to participate in things that degrade your sense of sovereignty or your sense of joy. And then after the event, make sure that you do something that that is self soothing, calm yourself down. You can always go back to the breath. I like to shake my hands. It feels to me like I'm shaking off the bad energy, right? And again, sometimes that visualization or that imagining of things really helps your body process through it. In fact, if you've got a dog, which I do, I'm a dog person, you see them shake all the time. They get up, they shake, they lay down, they get up again. They shake. They go outside, they come in, they shake. It's quite literally how the mammalian body processes through events. So when you shake, you're processing through the event so that it doesn't stay stuck in your body, in your nervous system, it moves its way on out through you're welcome to take a warm bath. This is deeply soothing for your nervous system. Maybe journaling talk to yourself about what that event revealed, or what trigger you experienced and what might be at the heart of it, there's something powerful about journaling with a pen as well. It draws the unconscious out onto a conscious state, which is the paper. So journaling can be very helpful or even just whispering gratitude to yourself, that inner child that is inbuilt within your unconscious identity that was there with you through this ride and that you held her hand through this experience, offer her some gratitude for being there with you. So another tool I want to give you is some things to say when things get hairy during the event, right? So we just did some post and pre and post event kind of rituals and things to help keep you grounded and sovereign. But if you're there and things start to go haywire, then I want to give you some things that I like to call pattern interrupts. Everyone is used to doing what they're used to doing, and if everybody does what they're used to doing, things are going to end up in the same way that they always do. If you pattern interrupt, if you stop the pattern midstream, you create different outcome for yourself, certainly, maybe also for them. So here are some graceful pattern interrupts you can offer if things start to get weird. The first is, you know what? That doesn't feel true for me as feminine women, and I do this all the time with the women that I coach, one on one, I continuously remind them to stay in their feelings. When women state and acknowledge their feelings, number one, they're staying in their own sovereign power. Number two, it's going to call the healthy masculine that hopefully is present in your vicinity to rise and cherish that and or protect that. So if that doesn't feel true for you, state it. You know, if that doesn't feel true for me, better than that's not true when truth is positioned as subjective. In that way, no one wins when you state that doesn't feel true. For me, you're owning your own sense of truth, and it's not confronting to what other people believe, because, trust me, they're going to believe what they want to and it's all BS, belief system. Okay, the other thing you can say is, you know what, I hear you, and I'm choosing something different. So I hear you, acknowledges their position, lets them be where they are, and I'm choosing something different. Is hopefully a soft and easy way to just, you know what? Deflect. Just a flag. I hear you, I'm choosing something different, or I'm not available for that conversation. I'm just not available. I'm opting out. I'm not available for that conversation. So the most important thing about these three options that doesn't feel true for me, I hear you, I'm choosing something different, I'm not available for that conversation is that. Number one, it keeps you in your power. It recenters your sovereignty. Number two, it interrupts old dynamics. It helps to protect your emotional energy. And finally, it requires no justification. So this is the most important element. Don't say anything more. As women, we often in two traps. We kind of dig our own holes when we over, explain or justify. Stop talking. Let your body language do the talking. Let your sovereign energy do the talking. You owe no one any further explanation. You really don't and if they clamor for it, if they beg for it, if they try to draw it out of you, maybe it's time to walk away.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 41:07
But you maintain your power when you state your boundary clearly and then stop. Now, this doesn't always work. I get it. Families are tough, okay, and I'm here to give you as much advice on as many levels as I can, because I know how challenging this can be, and I want you to experience some magic during this holiday season, and not just mischief. So look when others try to get you to be who you were as a little girl, when others try to continue to keep you in that little box or keep you dismissed you and you start to act differently, it's going to likely cause a bit of a shake up, a bit of a panic in their world, because now they have to adjust. So I just want to normalize that if you see a shake up, if they feel uncomfortable, number one, it's not yours to manage. Number two, it means it's working. It's working. I absolutely resist the idea that we can't change other people now. We can't change them if they don't want to be changed. But I feel, I feel like love is at the root of a lot of that. If we start shifting into real sovereignty, real if we start to create our feminine boundaries, our feminine vessel, then their love for us. Yeah, it may feel uncomfortable at first. They may resist at first, but I believe their love is going to allow them to rise up and in to the healthiest form of who they are, to honor us as feminine women, that change is always going to be uncomfortable, so know that it's correct. You are right. You're doing the right thing. It's working. Stay with the discomfort. It's okay, and see how they rise. They never will if you shrink back, because they may resist the new you, but that doesn't and never, never abandon yourself to be who they remember or who they want you to be. Hold your ground and stay within your feminine vessel, because it's soft and it's powerful. So remember your triggers are all invitations to witness who you were and how you are now. Your boundaries are deeply sacred. They create your feminine vessel and allow you to stay sovereign and powerful and as always, always, your intuition is your guide. So I hope that you'll choose one of the tools I've presented to you this week as something to try and something to activate, because it's going to create change within you and hopefully with the people around you, and if you want support as you apply these tools as to how other people are going to take it, those shakeups that inevitably occur, the collapse that you inevitably want to fall back into, please join my membership. The rooted membership is designed to help you as you go through this process of becoming a satisfied woman, and to give you the support you need. Because it's true that no woman can change alone, and we are here to support you. So this season, may you be devoted to yourself above all else, and May everyone rise to create that magic you desire of being so supportive and cherished in your feminine that you get everything that you deserve. I wish you all of the best in this holiday season, and please reach out and come join me over at the satisfied woman.com. I'll see you there. You.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai