Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:00
PH, welcome to this fourth installment on my little mini series, which is all about the over giving recovery protocol, because ladies, we've got to stop doing everything for everyone else all the time and burning ourselves out in the process. I promise you, there is a better way. And today's podcast covers feminine leadership, but in a way that rethinks it, so that it doesn't spike that burnout and so that you don't over give. Because you know as well as I do, that the world needs feminine leadership right now, and I'm going to tell you exactly how to do it. Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host. Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied life on our own terms. Visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com and don't forget, I've got the free feminine reset sessions ready for you right over at my website, the satisfied woman.com so make sure you snag those. And if you're really interested in feminine leadership, then I highly recommend you apply for my satisfied coach certification program. The first round begins on August 5, and I've only got a few spots left. If you happen to be listening to this podcast after that, though, make sure you head to the satisfied woman.com and fill out the application in order to get on the wait list. This is how women are changing lives, not just of those that they work with, but their own lives as well. So thanks so much for listening to this podcast. I've been doing this for well, 38 episodes, as this episode will tell you, and I want to let you know that one of the reasons I do this podcast is to serve women and hopefully to establish a pattern of feminine leadership that you can actually recognize from the depths of your soul, that you know you're held in your femininity and you're not asked to continue To participate in hustle culture, sacrifice yourself, suppress your emotions, diminish your intuition, or try to control outcomes. There's something different here. Hopefully you've heard that in every podcast episode so far and in every podcast episode to come, or in my book, The Way of the satisfied woman, or through my rooted membership online, whatever way you participate with me, feminine leadership needs to take a different shape, because we have always been taught well, I guess, in all ways that we extend ourselves into this culture to lead or behave or succeed like men on masculine terms, and not even great masculine terms. Let's be honest. I say this all the time, the patriarchy, yes, is built from a more masculine perspective, but it doesn't serve healthy masculinity either. It's a very distorted version of masculinity that emphasizes individuality, power, control and everything that kind of develops from there. Patriarchy also emphasizes hierarchy, and it puts people over another, where we have to climb over one another to get to the top of that success ladder, or lead in a more qualified way than someone else, so that we put the other person down. Femininity doesn't hold those values, which is why we have to abandon that style of leadership in order to really lean into our feminine gifts and be empowered from that place. Because that hustle culture, that sacrifice of ourselves, that climbing over everyone to get to the top thinking that's leadership, it's actually not. That's survival. So if you feel burnt out, and studies show that 80% of women actually do, then you're not alone. And this isn't a failure of your willpower, your expertise, your desire to lead. It's simply a failure of your alignment, really, your alignment with yourself, your level of authenticity with your feminine nature. Now that's not an admonishment. I get it the culture that we live in, because we've been so well trained and grown up in it, sometimes even we don't recognize why we're burning ourselves out or where we can actually stop giving ourselves away. But here's the truth, you really can't lead from a dysregulated nervous system if you're leading from a plant. Place of burnout. Where do you think you're going to lead people to? I'll give you one guess. You're going to lead them to more burnout. If you are continuing to behave with these patterned ways of being that old success and hustle model, then the people that you're leading are gonna think that that's what they need to be doing too if we're gonna change the system, ladies, which, you know I encourage, we need to do it from the inside out, because your true power is not in how loud you are or in how fast you're moving, but really how anchored you are. And for the feminine woman, our anchoring comes from rooting ourselves in our intuition and our emotional depth. And if you wonder why I call my online membership rooted, maybe that's a really quick little clue as to why, because when we root ourselves into our greatest feminine qualities, our intuition, our emotional depth, our creativity, our receptivity, that's where we become most empowered. That's where we become most empowered, and it is empowerment that qualifies as leadership. If we're hustling around, if we're feeling disempowered, if we're burnt out, then that's an inauthentic mode of leadership. And yes, the world recognizes it, and yes, so many people do it that way. But how does it feel? How does it feel in our bodies? I can tell you, it feels like burnout. It feels like dysregulation. It feels like emotional suppression, that moment where we convince ourselves to continue to push forward, even when our body is calling for rest. I have no fear, ladies, I know you. I know that we don't rest, but when we are rested, we do our best work. We're not here to sit down and fade away. We're not here to relax ourselves into oblivion, although there are definitely days that I love that for us and encourage it. I want us to be rested and resourced and regulated in a feminine, sovereign way, so that we can do the work we're being called to do, so that we can lead others, especially other women, appropriately, into a future that actually honors who we are at our core. Emotional sovereignty is far more important for us than emotional suppression. I know part of the culture really values suppressing emotions. I watch a lot of true crime any other True Crime junkies out there? I know you. I see you. And one of the things they always do at the end of a good true crime show is they show you the trial and the outcome, and there's that breathless moment where the courtroom is silent and they're waiting for the judge to read the verdict, guilty or not guilty, and the instruction is always from the judge to please refrain from any emotional outburst. Literally, the fate of someone's life is in their hands. The fate of the lives of the people in the courtroom is about to be delivered and you expect there to be no emotional outburst. How is a human being supposed to contain themselves when the gravity of that outcome is literally going to affect the rest of their lives? That is not just insane to me, but cruel now I understand the reasons for that an emotional outburst on one side of the courtroom can be seen as disrespect by the other side. So I'm not gonna, oh, really unpack that, but what I do want to call out is this real, ingrained idea that there is something wrong with having emotions in our culture, and in fact, one of my online courses that I include in my rooted membership is called Stop calling us crazy. One of the ways that women have been suppressed throughout history has been to disregard and diminish our emotions, because somehow rationality and reason has become the favored form of decision making, but it isn't for the feminine. It isn't for the feminine. The feminine best decisions will always come from her intuition and her emotions,
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 9:55
always and anytime we override that, anytime we overthink our. Ourselves into the other decision we will suffer. So this is one of the things at the heart of feminine leadership is understanding where your power comes from and setting clear boundaries around yourself that you don't need to explain and it's not just the pandemic that increased levels of anxiety in women. It's this overthinking that has become such a patterned response for us, that our emotions have been so devalued and oppressed, and this idea that rational thinking and logic is so much more valuable and correct that we have to overthink in order to try to override what is really being asked for within our bodies and in our natures. But for the feminine woman, a boundaried woman is a powerful woman. And boundaries for us come from our embodiment of our clear yes and our clear No. Now I've got a few other podcasts that take you through an embodiment practice to teach you your clear yes and clear No. But so you can, you can listen to those if you haven't yet, and I recommend it. The short version is that when you feel a decision arise. If it feels heavy, if it feels constricting, if it feels like it makes you smaller, that would be a clear No. If it makes you feel expansive, light sparkly from the inside, that would be a clear yes. And we need to start leading by issuing our yes and our no with agency and authority over ourselves, there is actually softness in that, in that no longer over explaining, no longer over giving. And not only is there softness in it, there's no more self abandonment. Softness has often been prized as a feminine quality, and I'm giving air quotes to my YouTube viewers here, but it's often been misinterpreted as submission. Okay? Softness is not submission. Softness is clarity and a true embodiment of who we are that doesn't abandon ourselves. It's a radiance that isn't over performing. We're not efforting our way through the day. We're not trying to prove ourselves anymore. We're radiant because we have rested ourselves enough that we're not burnt out. We're issuing our no and not over giving. And that radiance for the feminine woman comes from that life force, energy that is ours and flows through us. You'll hear me say often that the feminine woman is an embodied woman. We are embodied, and I find so many of the women I work with in my rooted membership and in my one on one coaching, they can't feel their bodies anymore. They've been trained out of it that there's something wrong with their bodies, whether it's the shame and stigma of being a woman who bleeds every month, whether it's the difficulty and disempowerment of a woman's orgasm, whether it's because she's been told this that or the other about her body, whether she's so dysregulated from over giving and being burnt out that her physical sensations have just shut down. A disembodied woman is a disempowered woman. It's a woman disconnected from her core truth, her emotions and her intuition, which is where her strength and empowerment lies. A radiant woman, is arrested woman, a resourced woman, a boundaried woman. This is the woman who's ready to lead, I guarantee it. And not only that, this is the woman that you are meant to follow into sovereignty, into equality, into a better life that you never thought was possible, into the greatest satisfaction that your life has in store for you now, no matter who she is and she can be yourself too, this is the woman we all aspire to be we need feminine leaders like this, the ones who aren't over giving, who can show us a different way, who are rooted in presence, ritual and rhythm. Look at whether you know it or not, lady, you are ritualized. Your monthly cycle is a personal ritual that you have to tend to. Now, as a mythologist, I would also prefer that we bring ritual back into our day to day life. Women have bled with the moon since time immemorial, and honoring that cycle is holy. PH, it's holy. Satisfaction is our greatest pursuit. Satisfaction is holistic. It is the pleasure derived from the fulfillment of our wishes and needs. And as much as I want every woman fulfilling her wishes and needs, I want every woman helping other women to fulfill their wishes and needs too, because when a woman is satisfied, she becomes a lighthouse, a guide for every woman who comes after her and walks with her. So the world doesn't need you burnt out. The world needs you lit up. And your satisfaction is not selfish. It's sacred. It's sacred, and feminine leadership restores safety for every other woman who walks beside her. Feminine leadership inspires other women to be more embodied and lead themselves. And feminine leadership is not hierarchical. It's collaborative. It's how we work together to adjust each other's crowns as we're each creating our own queendom to be completely self, fulfilled and sovereign in this is the new paradigm, where we lead from wholeness and not depletion. Nobody needs depletion anymore. Leave that behind. Just because you've been doing something one way for a long time doesn't mean you need to continue doing it that way. And this is what I teach to my women in the satisfied coach certification. This is a pro a process and a program that teaches you not to just be a certified coach, but to get back to yourself. I know that women can only lead from where they're at, so part of this coaching process, part of this certification, is getting you recentered, getting you regulated, getting you resourced and recalibrated for the road ahead, because this road has really never been walked before. If you think about it, we are at a pivotal time in women's history. Your mother didn't have the opportunities you do now. Your grandmother certainly didn't. And depending on how old you are, there are even opportunities in this lifetime that you were born without. So we have not had someone to lead us down this road with this much agency, with this much power and choice, and we need those leaders to rise now. We have to take advantage of this time now, because as much opportunity and agency and powers we have now it is still not enough, as much as as much equality as we have fought for and won. It is still not enough, as much as we can do. It is still not enough, as much as we are honored. It is still not enough. We are still behind. And if we are going to catch up, if we are going to start running our own race on our own terms, we need leaders to show us the way to say, Hey sister, here's a little corner of the world I've carved out with so much more satisfaction than I ever thought possible. Let me show you how. You know what? I started that entrepreneurial business with so much hustle and grind, it burned me out. I never wanted to do it again, but I did, and I built my feminine rhythm into it. Let me show you how now I've done some of this work, and, yeah, I've written the book The Way of the satisfied woman. I've got some ideas and answers. I don't have all of them, but I want to show you what I know now. I want to teach it to you. That's why I started this movement, this website, this podcast, this membership, this certification, everything that I do. It's why I work with women, one on one, because I want everything that I know and everything that I've learned not only to trickle down and out, but to become strengthened and emboldened by the women that I work with, and when they show me what they do, I'm also empowered by it. Because here's the thing, women don't build businesses and empires and queendoms and sovereign spaces for themselves. They build it for their communities, for those that they love, to change lives, to transform from the inside out. They don't build widgets to sell and profit and enhance their bottom line. They build empires that hold others in their sovereignty as well. They care.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 19:48
They pour their hearts into their work. They don't leave at five and turn off the light of their hearts. Once they go home, they wake up in the middle of the night with a brilliant idea, because they've inspired, been inspired. By the other women they worked with that day. They use their resources to empower others. It has been proven that this is how women work. This is how women are in the world. And when we empower women to do this, when we lead in this way, we give permission. And I love giving permission. So Sister, if you are listening, and I know you are right now. I give you permission to no longer over give I give you permission to rest and recalibrate and resource yourself for the road ahead. I give you permission to stop doing it their way on their terms and start doing it your way on our terms. Because the world didn't ask us when it created this culture what women needed. But I'm grateful that we live in a time where we can tell them exactly what that is by showing them with our feminine leadership. So if any of this has inspired you, if any of this has piqued your interest, I do hope that you'll come find me at the satisfiedwoman.com I've got so much to offer you there. Remember your first step is that free feminine reset session, just to get you back to that recalibrated, rested place. And I would love for you to join me in my rooted membership, which has daily rhythms of feminine flow and a place to stop overwhelming you. And if you want to lead in this way, then come apply for my coaching certification and I'll see you on the inside. You.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
