Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:00
Alanna, you don't have to choose between your soul and your salary. If you've ever wondered whether it's actually possible to make money doing work that feels like you. This episode is for you. Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied life on our own terms. Visit the hub at the satisfied woman.com and don't forget for all my podcast listeners. I've got some awesome things on that site just for you. Number one, I've got my free feminine reset series, which you can access right from the homepage, the satisfiedwoman.com I've also got a sacred monthly membership called rooted that is just for women, where I offer daily prompts, community structure, additional content drops on top of this podcast and some more support in helping you walk the way of the satisfied woman. And right now, I'm launching my the satisfied coach certification, and that's exactly what I'll be talking a little bit about on this podcast, but really, this podcast centers around why money actually changes women's lives and how it changes women's lives. This is a bit of a taboo topic. Women tend to be scared of talking about money, asking for money, making money, and I'm hoping that I'm going to demystify that for you pretty significantly here on this podcast, and start normalizing money as abundance and as a gift of receptivity for the feminine. It has been withheld from us for too long. I mean, really, ladies, it's 2025 right now as I'm doing this podcast. And even still, on average, statistically speaking, women still only make 80 cents to every dollar a man makes. What does that mean? That means that right from the get go, the playing field is not even, and that we are automatically expected to work at the very least 20% harder for that full dollar. That's unacceptable. Now what's also true about this time that we're living in now is that the terms are starting to change, the culture is starting to shift, and we as women have more power, choice and agency than we ever have had before. We're starting to wake up. There's a seismic shift happening. And trust me, women are done over giving, burning themselves out and playing small, because what's true is women thrive when we have purpose and career and a way to create money that is our own sovereign space in the world. Women thrive when we're making money on our terms, not theirs, when we're not chasing KPIs and bottom lines and success metrics, but rather when we are going after our own internal sense of satisfaction, which, yes, includes getting paid appropriately, but so many still hesitate when it comes to earning and there's a couple of reasons for this, and they really have A basis in long standing cultural lies. I was about, to use the word myth, but y'all know, I have a PhD in mythology, and the word myth has only come to mean false recently, before it be just became, before it was just a belief system. And a belief system is always true for the person who believes it. So these, however, these cultural lies are have been lived by our culture for so many 1000s of years that even as women, we often believe them to be true, we also haven't really unpacked them, or necessarily sat in the thought about why they don't work for us, why they're lies, and frankly, why we can just scrap them and not believe them anymore. One of the big cultural lies around money for women is that money is really a masculine endeavor, that the making of money is centered around masculinity, and I understand that the patriarchal culture has centered a masculine way of making money. Now I'm not saying it's a man's way. Okay, I'll be clear. And I say this all the time, the patriarchy doesn't serve anyone. It doesn't serve the masculine, it doesn't serve the feminine. It certainly does not serve the healthy masculine or feminine. The patriarchy doesn't fully serve men and it doesn't fully serve women. And it especially doesn't serve those of us who are trying to do our best and at least find a sense of equality and equity, but on our own terms. And one of the challenges of the way that women have been fighting for equality for so many decades. And look, thank you all the women who have fought that fight because we've gotten as far as where we are now because of that fight. However, in my research, and maybe this is a mic drop moment, women have been fighting for equality on a man's terms. They've been fighting for success based on what the patriarchy has told us success is that's not our terms. And so I really want us, and this the women that I work with, whether it's in my rooted membership or whether it's through private coaching, or whether it's in my coach certification program, I want us to understand that there are different ways to be quote, unquote, successful. And for the woman, I really like to define it as satisfaction, because our terms are different, our needs are different. It doesn't mean that they're less than it doesn't mean that we want less. It doesn't mean that we should make less. None of that is true. It's just that the qualities are different for us, and difference is okay. Difference can be celebrated. I love being different. In case you haven't noticed with my funky glasses and outfits, difference is fine. Differential is not and that's where we're running into a problem. And there are differentials all over patriarchy, between the way that the distorted masculine is held up and the way that the feminine is dismissed diminished and devalued. Differentials create hierarchical structures, and hierarchical structures inevitably have oppression, diminished, diminution and submissiveness built into them. None of those things serve, okay, none of those things serve. None of those actually allow anybody to flourish on the playing field. So we've been long taught that men make money, so much so that it was only until recently that men controlled all the money. It wasn't until 1974 that a woman could open her own bank account without a male co signer. Okay, so this is in the last 50 years that women have been able to even control their own money. It's really in the last 50 to 60 years that women have started to not just enter the workforce, but really take part in it and have full roles in it. And so this is pretty new on the cultural evolution of what we're what we're working with here, we're still bumping into walls trying to figure out, how does this work for everybody? And the only thing that we've seen work so far are what the patriarchy said was the way to succeed in life. Now, they didn't ask us. They didn't take our needs into consideration. They didn't make sure that we were honored in the way that we like to work and in the way that we like to earn, and they didn't value our significant and sovereign contributions. But guys, I'm just going to call it what it is. It's bullshit, just because the culture has been set up so that historically, men both made and controlled money. Doesn't mean that's the only way things get to go, especially now, so we have this really distorted cultural dynamic. It's still it's still lingering. There's still hold over from it. But let me be clear, money is not masculine. The Making of money is not solely masculine, and it's not solely for men. Women get to do this too. We are just going to do it most happily on our own terms and in our own way. So what does that mean? Well, in a really simplistic way, if we think about the highest and best qualities of the masculine and the highest and best qualities of feminine, which is really where I want all of us moving toward. Okay, I want all of us moving toward that. I celebrate both healthy masculinity and healthy femininity, and I reject all that gets in the way of that, and that's really the only thing I counsel against. And of course, I'm a staunch advocate for the feminine woman. That's really where my work is centered, and where I lead from
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 9:55
the masculine, the healthy masculine loves to make money in that traditional. Way that we often see in our western world, where there is a real, clear success metric. When I make this much, I will have made it. Or if I get to this particular bottom line, or I reach this goal, and there's this very linear driven, achievable, destination oriented idea of success. And look, I don't that's kind of how it's been laid out, and I understand how valuable that is. I mean, we've, we've seen incredible achievements over the last, even several 100 years, with that kind of model. And certainly that has a function and a purpose, and it works for many people, where that is challenging for the feminine woman, is that those are not our core values. Okay, our core values center much more around collaboration, connection, a more horizontal kind of maneuvering, rather than a vertical kind of maneuvering. We're not here to go up the ladder. We're here to widen the abundance or widen the scope or widen the benefits of everyone involved. We're not here to necessarily chase some kind of goal. We're here to live every day with a sense of harmony and satisfaction. Okay, both create pathways for financial prosperity, success, abundance, whatever word you want to put on it, both are valid pathways. And I've seen and I've done both valid pathways. What I do know about the feminine woman is when we chase success in those very masculine terms, we have to don the mask of the masculine to do it, and it's both inauthentic and it burns us out further. Now remember this little podcast right here is a part of a series I'm doing on the protocol for healing over giving. If you didn't listen to the first two, go back and listen to those. This is the third and one of the ways we over give is by the ways that we work so hard we overwork ourselves because we think that success is only done on these terms, that we have to reach goals, that it's success at all costs, that we need to don the mask of the masculine to do it. And all of that is bullshit. Is just bullshit. The other lie that happens in this culture, especially since really, again, you have to give everyone a little grace. Women have only been able to even control their own money for the last 50 years. We've only been in the workforce in this way pretty recently. We're all still trying to figure out how this works, and I'm not sure we realized until recently that we could change the terms that it works on. Okay, so let's just give everyone a little grace. And there is still very much this cultural expectation that as a woman, we are going to work as hard as the men or harder, right? Because we're at an 80% pay scale, we got to work at least 20% harder to get that full dollar. So we're going to work as hard or harder, and we're going to work as if we don't have a life or a family at home. But the expectation is that when we're at home, we're going to family as hard as we can, as if we don't also have a career. Now, one of the things that's been lost, and this isn't necessarily the podcast to unpack it, but I do want to mention it, is that historically speaking, you know, if you think back to how the human species has evolved, what we were doing early on, that locked in our evolution, that created the kind of brains we have, the kind of psyches we have, the behaviors that are intrinsic to these to these bodies that we have, why we tend to see a certain kind of feminine psychology and masculine psychology. There's reasons for all of this. Now, historically, yes, women, well, not historically, functionally speaking, women have babies. It is our uteruses and wombs that carry children to term and then we birth them. That's on us. That's just biology. But we were never in scenarios where we were isolated and having to raise that child alone, because human children are evolutionarily they're, they're they're unique man, they're like unicorns. There's not another baby on the planet that within hours, or at the very least days of its birth isn't in some way able to defend itself or feed itself, right? It's got, it's got to be able to do something on its own pretty quickly. For the human child, that doesn't really happen until about age 12. Now, I'm not calling 12 year olds adults, but that's where they have enough functional development and wits that it. If, for some reason, God forbid, something happened in the wild, they could probably survive the full term. Okay, now, in a tribal setting, a woman her only job isn't to mother. Think about that. Think about how many women you know or have known, or historically have been known only by that term mother, that there was this long held cultural expectation that as soon as a woman had a child or children, that her number one job was simply to be mother, and she forsook every other element of her identity. Women are waking up to this too. This is this is true for a lot of the women that I coach, one on one, they fell prey to that particular narrative and then woke up 20 years later and went, Oh my God, who am I? Now? Historically, this couldn't be possible, because women all, like everyone in our tribe had really special jobs. And let's say this particular woman, her job was to make the most amazing and like, stellar fishing baskets in the whole tribe. Like this is how the tribe eats. She makes the fishing baskets, and she's fucking good at it. If she has a baby, she can't suddenly be out of commission for 12 years. The tribe will starve. She's got to be able to make her fishing baskets. She has to continue on with her career, her purpose, even as the child is being raised, which is why that old saying it takes a village to raise children, is true. The entire village participated. Grandparents participated. Her female cohort participated. They all did some work together, and one would watch the kids, or they would all watch the kids, or they would pool their resources, because you can't knock this woman out of the workforce for the functional minimum of 12 years, while the kid is, you know, developing, you can't. So we're not built like this. We're not built to do that one job to the exclusion of all others. So the notion that women can only do one thing or can only be identified as one. Title is another one of these. I think you know cultural lies that we're waking up to. The other piece of this is that, because women have not for so long, been in control of their own money, this is a big deal. Okay, I'm crossing my arms for those of you watching on YouTube, because, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. It kind of breaks my brain and pisses me off. At the same time that one of the reasons that patriarchy developed, and this is just what we call our our culture right now and again, remember, it doesn't serve the masculine either. But one of the reasons the patriarchy developed, and there's some, you know, it's between three and 8000 years ago, a lot of it had to do with agriculture and the ability to actually own things. And one of the clinchers was women that men figured out if they, quote, unquote, owned or protected in this very possessive way, controlled the women. Not only did they control a vast amount of resources, because women are fucking resourceful, they also controlled their own lineage. They had familial power based on the land that they owned, the family they raised, the marriage piece came into that. Now, I'm not gonna, you know, rail against all that. There's a lot of these traditions that I actually find really valuable, but if you just lock into that, that that notion that somewhere along the line, it was decided that a way to control women was this way, and we're just going to control everything for them. You can kind of see where, you know, problems arise as a result of that thinking, look, I don't can. I don't condone controlling anybody. I'm not even advocating for a matriarchy, a matriarchy or a patriarchy, indicates that one group is hierarchically over another. That's that's just gonna, you know, it's just no way. No, I want equality. I want a relationality, whatever the word is for that. Let's coin it and Institute it, because that's what will really allow all of us to thrive so because women haven't been in control of finances. I mean, you know, I remember my you know, my grandmother, you guys hear me talk about her a lot. I dedicated my book to her, right?
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 19:56
I don't think she ever, she never had a bank account, for sure. So. She never paid a bill her paycheck. When she brought it home, she gave it right to my grandfather. Now they had a nice relationship. That was just the culture at the time. So I think because we haven't been in control, we have this pervasive, underlying, subtle and really deeply ingrained and toxic. It's not a word I use a lot idea that either we shouldn't make it or that we should stay broke, that we shouldn't ask for it, that it's not our place. And look, nobody ever came right out and taught us that necessarily. But there are messages that we get and we feel this in our bones. And again, I'm calling bullshit on that, right? I feel like I'm swearing a lot in this podcast. Maybe it's just the mood I'm in today, but it's my fucking podcast, right? So one of the things I know is I'm putting this here in the over giving recovery protocol series, because dealing with the stress of not having enough money is hugely detrimental for women. Because here's what the research tells us, listen up. You know, I love my research. Gotta earn that PhD somehow, right? Look all this stuff up. Make sure it's not just my ideas floating around. I mean, I've got ideas, but I value having them backed by research, and research shows that women who earn more, who are more sovereign with their finances, have better physical and mental health. There's a lot of reasons for that. Number one, they're not being controlled financially, which has historically been a huge problem for women, and they're able to afford physical and mental health resources. That's critical. Imagine how much access we have not had historically to that they experience lower rates of depression, burnout and anxiety. They can afford vacations, they can afford self care, they can afford assistance or support, domestically or career wise. They can say yes to the things that make them feel good, and they can say no to the things that make them don't one of the most important factors in ensuring your life as a not burnt out healthy, filled with self care, sovereign women, is your ability to make decisions for yourself When you have full sovereign agency when you're not scared about leaving the relationship because you don't know how you're going to make next month's rent, when you have no control over your finances, when someone else is so dependent on your finances, you don't know how to say no and kick them out. I guarantee you are going to start making bad decisions for yourself. Historically, the other thing I know is that women always lose. If a decision is to be made and there are two parties at stake in this decision, it's going to be the woman who loses. This is a cycle we need to stop because it is creating too much work for us, it is continuing to devalue us. And money doesn't make you more worthy, but it gives you room to breathe. Financial autonomy studies show is directly tied to a woman's confidence, well being and her sense of possibility. And my dear sister, I want you to know what is possible for you, because as a feminine woman, we may not have the same terms as an historically successful masculine model, our terms are different, but they are still prosperous, they are still abundant, and they are still sovereign. And the way that women make money, here's like the nutshell version of it. Masculinity chases it goes after it seeks out. It loves that externalized directive energy that's full of leadership and command. Get after it, guys, we'd love that for you. For women, we receive receptivity is true abundance, and if you imagine that you are the bucket of gold at the end of the rainbow, girl, that is receptivity. You create your creative space, and you allow yourself to receive the prosperity and abundance from it. And it's not magic. I'm not talking about laws of you know, creation or affirmation or anything like that. I'm not talking about magical manifestation techniques. Women will do the work. We love the work, but we have magic inside us, and. It's our ability to live our wisdom and soul in a way that is in alignment with who we are as women is so critical. That's when we attract and receive abundance. Okay? That is the feminine way to make money, and it does work, and it does work, and it's different than the model we've seen in the last, you know, many years. But it doesn't mean it's not valid. It's hugely valid. And when a woman can stand in her own sovereign spot, speak her magic from within, live her truth and call it in that's a woman with feminine leadership, fully in her power that not only her family and her kids but everyone around her is going to look up to and be inspired by. So this is one of the reasons why I'm created my coaching certification, because I actually find that one of the best fits for women is coaching. It's a powerful path. It's one of the few careers that I know of where women can easily make five to six figures on their own terms, not working for someone else, and that's key. I teach women to be sovereign. I don't want you working for someone else, because chances are you're still only going to get that 80 cents for every dollar when it's yours. You get 100% of what you earn. There's no gatekeepers. There's no burnout. With a coaching business, you get to dial it up or down based on your lifestyle, whether you want to work harder for more money or chill out for a moment, whether you're tending to a family emergency or taking a vacation, you call the shots. It's your lived wisdom coming to the forefront. It's your structure, your soul and your ability to guide other women home to themselves when done well. Coaching is nourishing, empowering and, yes, scalable. Now I shouted from the rooftops, because not only have I done myself for the past 10 plus years, across three different businesses, I have been working with women to develop careers just like this for that amount of time, too. Women come to me for one on one coaching Yeah, for a lot of different reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is to make some fucking money, because it's empowering, because it allows them to have purpose in the world. But the problem is, most coaching programs out there are still really hyper masculine and hustle coated. They're telling you to spend days on days, on days, taking all sorts of calls, trying to vet people do the hard sell for them. There's a lot of bro marketing still in the coaching culture, which, honestly, that just makes me want to gag. Or sometimes these coaching programs are too vague or unstructured, or they're trying to create some sort of cookie cutter coach, and that's not what I do. When I work with women in the satisfied method. I teach them to do them. I teach you to do you. Boo, boo.
Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 28:12
I help you find your signature system. And yes, I give you structure, yes, I give you support, yes, I help you make a trauma informed structure that will resonate with the people that you work with, because typically, the women that I work with want to work with other women. They want to stay feminine, led and feminine sovereign. And of course, it's me, I understand the value of connection, support, community. So this program is practical, powerful and full of support, and it is a real, real career path that is rooted in your lived experience, because one of the things I know about this time that we live in now is that it's never happened before. You and I, we've never had this much power and agency to be able to create something like this, and we've never had the systems and the culture that accepts and supports it in this way. And if you're feeling called to a pathway like this, a career like this, then I would say it's your duty to follow that calling. Because as you do it, as you rise into your sovereignty, as you call in abundance, in your feminine way, as you show the world, there is a different way to succeed that you don't have to burn out. You don't have to play by their rules. You don't have to over give when you stand in that power and show other women that it's possible, you become a feminine leader, and you call them to rise too. So if you're feeling the nudge, it's for a reason. Look, my first round starts on August 5, and I want you to be in there. So there is an application form on my website under work with me. Go ahead and fill that out. And these podcasts live forever. So if you're listening to this after August 5, have no fear. The next round will start soon, and I will have a wait list. So let's get on it at the. The very least, make sure you visit my website, the satisfied woman.com go get that feminine reset freebie. Join the membership. Rooted. Start talking to other women who are talking about all of these things that matter to us. And let's stop over giving, because this this step might just be your next step toward true feminine prosperity. You.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
