Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:00
Steve, welcome to this fourth episode in my little mini series on success and sovereignty for women, where I'll talk to you about how you can stop giving yourself away and actually create the kind of meaning magic and money that you deserve. There has been a great trick that has been played on all of us that says we should over give in order to try and be long or be valued, and ladies, that's got to stop right away. Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host. Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied and successful life on our own terms. Visit the hub at the satisfiedwoman.com now I do hope that you'll check me out at the satisfiedwoman.com I have a lot there for you. In fact, right at the top, you'll see a little thing that says, work with me, and when you click it, you have the ability to book a call. I want to hear from you what's going on with you. Where in your life are you not satisfied? How can you be more sovereign? Where can you make more meaning money and or magic? Let's talk about it. I'm here for you. So head over to the satisfied woman.com have a little exploration. There's also an incredible membership just for you as a satisfied woman walking the path called rooted and for only $47 a month, you can join me and get lots more content drops like this that support you on your path and in your feminine flow, because the point isn't to work harder, ladies, it is not. In fact, this podcast is going to cover exactly how you can work less and actually receive more. Now, the patriarchy has had a long time to practice its arts to get it right, and one of the things that it has tricked women about for the last many millennia is that we are less valuable than our masculine counterparts. Now I can even point to that truth with statistics. It is still factually true that a woman only earns 80 cents to every full dollar that a man earns, that is quite literally cooked into our culture that women are simply less valuable. So in order to earn what we're worth, women have have to actually work harder. We've also been told that our true value is in how much we give ourselves away and that we're only needed, wanted or able to belong as long as we over give I mean, think about it. Most women that I speak to and for myself as well, the idea of stopping doing so much creates a sense of panic and collapse. In fact, if you're listening, just think about it right now. What would happen if you said no to overtime? What would happen if you said no to that extra project they're asking for at work? What would happen if you worked less hard than your masculine counterparts, or at home, what would happen if you said no to that extra soccer practice, to picking up the socks, to doing everyone's laundry to also cooking and cleaning for everyone at the end of the day? What would happen? What would happen if you stopped over giving and overdoing, and if you feel that sense of panic arising, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's that convincing by the culture that your worth lies in giving yourself away. Now what's amazing is we have opportunities to no longer play into that story, because women today, we can actually make money ourselves. Now this is new. I say that, like, maybe you're like, Yeah, Alanna, I know I have a job. I get my own paycheck. I Yes, that is correct. I hope so. I hope that's the case. I am sure that whatever you're making is probably not close to what you're worth, and if it is holla F and luya Lady, and let's help all the other women who don't yet have that privilege and that process and that practice, okay, most women make less than what they deserve, and certainly less than what they need. And why this is important to talk about is because right now, we're at a really critical and powerful inflection point, right now in our culture, in our time, in our place, we actually have the ability to make our own money, to create our own businesses, to call our own shots. And this. Wasn't even possible just a few years ago in the way that it is now. Even 10 years ago, it wasn't as possible as it is now. And so when I say it's an inflection point, I mean I want you clued in to this magical revolution that is happening around you right now where women are standing up and saying, hang on a second. I can do this myself. I can do it without compromising my femininity. I can do it without over giving I can do it without giving myself away. I can do it without being bossed around by other people. I can do it without losing my identity in the doing of it. I can do it without making money for someone else and not having them pay me properly. It's happening literally right now, because a woman's sovereignty includes your finances. And listen to me carefully. You were never meant to hustle yourself hollow Now, if that hits deep, then you know what I'm talking about. If that hits deep, then I want you to recognize your soul is craving sovereignty. Your soul is craving better than what you have right now. And I don't just mean a little bit better. I don't mean just like earning a little bit more. I mean also honoring who you are as a woman and doing less. Because if you've heard any of my podcasts, I'm sure you've heard or read my book The Way of a satisfied woman, you've heard me say that the core feminine position is receptivity. We are here to receive. We're not here to chase after we're not here to over give that energy for the feminine woman is literally draining us, depleting us, overwhelming us and burning us out. 80% of women report being burnt out, and that's because they're working too hard. Okay? So you are never meant to hustle yourself hollow. We burn out for many reasons. Some of them include all this emotional labor that we're always doing. We're doing this emotional labor for everyone else. Now, this is a tricky one, because as women, we're the emotional regulators of our relationships, of our family structures, really, of any space that we are in, we're the ones setting the emotional tone. And if those around us aren't willing to take any responsibility or have any resilience for their own emotional bandwidth, then it is usually up to us, but if they leave it up to us and don't help us out, that emotional labor becomes costly and at our expense. So we're already doing so much of that. What I recommend is to very finely curate where and how you do it. And if you're in a career or a workplace where your emotional labor is costing you even more, this is something we can adjust. Another reason we burn out is lack of lack of recognition. And I don't just mean in the workplace, I mean in our family structures and our relationships. Very, very few people recognize the actual amount of work that women do, even sometimes other women, your family, does not know what it takes to be a woman in the world. They just see you picking up the socks and doing the laundry, and because you constantly do it, they think it's in your bandwidth and that it's fine, which is why I recommend that you stop in order to let them know that it is not in your bandwidth. And actually it is not fine when we don't stop overdoing, people assume that it's okay with us. So I know that it's going to cause some stress and perhaps internal collapse for you to pull back and stop doing but it is actually the only way you call in your worth and shift into that position of receptivity. When you don't constantly fill the vacuum, when you don't constantly fill the space, someone else will. Someone else will fill the space. Okay, when you don't constantly pick up the socks, someone else will, or there will just be a lot of socks lying around, and eventually you'll realize it is not the biggest emergency in the world, and you'll accommodate your own energy around it, because you've got other things to do. You really do. You are important. You have critical work to do in the world, and when others drain your energy and make you feel like the only way you can belong is by giving yourself away. You are not doing the work that you are meant to do here.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 9:48
The other thing that women often feel when they're burnt out is that they fear that they're being too much if we don't just take care of ourselves, if we don't just do everything on. Our own, if we start asking for people to step up, if we start asking for support, if we start asking for others to help or step in, well then we're, you know, inconveniencing them, and will be called too much. So many women are called too much. I've been called too much. I'm sure you have, maybe you've even called other women too much, but there is never too much that we can ask for. In fact, I will very much assert that it is very likely you are not asking for enough. I had a heartbreaking statement by a woman recently on a call. She said, if I'm not pouring myself out, I don't think I deserve anything. We've been taught that that's true for us, that our safety requires our depletion, and that we're only worth something in terms of how much we give away, but your worthiness, your value, comes from your sovereignty. It comes from your feminine gifts, which I don't mean to say that flippantly, I'll name them, right? Because they are gifts. They are gifts to the world which you are hiding and not giving. If you are over giving and giving yourself away. Your feminine gift is receptivity. When you call others to rise, that's a gift. Your feminine gift is whatever it is you have to say to support and help others, but in a way that doesn't give away your emotional labor. Your feminine gift is being recognized for who you are and honored and cherished as such. When I talk about sovereignty, I talk about you being the queen of your own world, your own space, your own family, your own home, and a queen is cherished. A queen doesn't, you know, do all the little menial things. A queen has her own title. She is Her Royal Highness, and she is always addressed as such a queen calls others to rise up and support her, and she never backs down from her position on her throne. And there are sacred, sacred, sovereign structures that you can build as a woman right now that again, this was not possible. I started my first business in 2015 and it was so much harder then than it is when I support women in starting their businesses now. So right now, I mean, I'm saying like ladies, jump on it. Get on this wave. Begin because you have something to offer. And unless you're offering it, you are not allowing your feminine gifts out into the world, your value is being squashed by this over giving and this depletion that is killing you anyway and not getting you what you deserve. If you want the kind of sovereignty, success, financial success, abundance, receptivity that you deserve, you have to step into that queenly space and just let the over giving go, not saying that will be an easy shift. And in fact, the people around you who are used to you over giving will probably protest, let them it's fine. They will figure it out, or they will fall away, and you will have more of your energy to keep for yourself in order to give your gift to the world, I want you to reclaim your throne, and I want you to take that request seriously. This is not just some lady's voice on a podcast or some strange lady on her YouTube channel with sparkly glasses asking you to reclaim your throne. I mean it. I mean it because you can right now. My mother couldn't do this. My grandmother certainly couldn't do this. I was barely able to do this 10 years ago. But as a coach for women in building their business, I watch women do this regularly, understanding that when they stop giving themselves away and they retain their own power, they are then filled by their feminine life energy, their life force. They're replenished by it, and in that replenishment, we become those receptive vessels. We call in transformation for others. We call in others highest self. If I'm, let's say if I'm doing my coaching with women from a place of lack, from a place Oh my God, how can I chase after you? How can I do more for you? It doesn't allow them to rise into their own sovereignty. Okay? So the sovereign Queen calls others into that space too. And the way that we do this, the way that we have the opportunity to do this, it's really concrete, right? I'm not just saying all this like, ooh, create your sovereign space. I mean, start a business. I mean, give yourself a way to make money, lady, because you can whatever you're going through right now. I mean, imagine if you had known 10 years ago what you know now. And you can help others with that information. And you need to. You can build yourself. A membership space where there is access, access is a privilege, and in a private membership space, it's different than social media. Fun fact, I don't have any love for social media. I really don't. I've done a lot of research on how detrimental general social media is to women's mental health, and I'm not into it, so I don't usually coach my women to try and be on all the social platforms or win the social media popularity contest. It can be relevant and useful for finding just those people that you can serve most impactfully, and then you bring them into your sacred, sovereign space, and that's where they get to interact with you. I mean, this is why I created my own membership? I, in fact, have two. I have the rooted membership at the satisfied woman.com and I have the satisfied success Business Academy for all my women building businesses at satisfied success.com so depending on what you're doing, there's a way to participate in my world where I can offer my expertise to you in a safe way, where I know I'm not gonna get weird troll comments at the bottom. Nobody needs that. I don't care who you are. Women are affected by that kind of negativity. And I wish we could just turn the other cheek and do a hair flip and say water off a duck's back, but that shit sinks in. And even the kind of armor we have to wear in order to brave it. You know, what can we just drop that? Let's just not armor is heavy, and I want you free. I want you free and light and in your own place, your own patch of grass, your own sovereign area where you can shout from the rooftops the thing that you know to the core of your bones. And the good thing about a membership, in terms of making money, because this is also about making money, it is not shameful for a woman to ask for her worth. In fact, I do it all the time. In my discovery call, if you book one with me, I'm going to ask you, what do you want to make? And I want an answer, and I don't want you to be shy about it, because you are worth probably twice what you are naming. And the thing about a membership is that it creates recurring monthly revenue for you, something you can count on, something you can take a sick day with, something that you can make money while you sleep, or tend to your sick children or go on a little vacation, go get your pedicure for goodness sake and not worry about where is the next paycheck going to come in, because it just shows up as a stripe notification on your phone. You can price yourself accordingly. And the best part about that is, is that you make 100% of what you earn. Look I started in my early 20s as a yoga teacher, teaching all over the Denver Metro area, where I used to live, for a pittance. And if I had three people in my class, I made $12 for 90 minutes of one on one time, personal effort, maximum exertion, and I had to show up just as if someone just as if I had 65 people in the room. I come from that spiritual background and indoctrination where I was told for so long that not only should I teach for free, I should be grateful to do it, that this is sacred work and I should just give it away. Well, I'm here to call bullshit on that, because we do not live in that kind of world. This world takes money and when you have expertise, when you have something to offer, when you are changing people's lives, when you are giving transformation, that shit is valuable. When you give it away, it tells the world that it's not when you don't price yourself accordingly, you tell the world what you're worth, when you price yourself accordingly, the world recognizes your value and what you have to offer. Because I know that you can help them achieve whatever it is they're meant to achieve. I know that.

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 18:54
I know how hard women work. I watch them do it all the time. If you're charging accordingly, you are gonna give them that amount of value for sure. So this isn't like shy story weirdness or overpricing, bro marketing. That's not what this is. Because what I find is that women, when they name their value, they are still devaluing themselves. So I do a lot of coaching with my ladies around. Look, whenever you in fact, I had a rule with one of my clients recently. She's an artist, and she put her artwork upon an Etsy store that we helped create for her. And I said, All right, how much you gonna price that? She would name a number. And I said, Okay, right. Okay, double it. She goes, okay. I said, Look, whatever you think you're gonna price that just, just double it, double it, to cover your expenses, your advertising, whatever overhead you have, your paints, because you'll be happy with what you finally get. And the reality is, is that the world will always pay you more. The world will pay you more. The other great thing about building your own membership, or eventually your own in the. Visual coaching space, which is highly monetizable. It's such a powerful way that women are working in the world right now. Do you know that one on one coaching, life coaching, is a billion dollar industry at this point. I think it's multi billion dollar industry. Don't you want in on that? An opportunity for you to work one with another human in order to create the kind of shift and change that you wish you had known five years ago, 10 years ago, and when you're working in a way that honors your value, when you can make monthly recurring revenue, like from a membership, it honors your feminine rhythm. It allows you to take a day off. It allows you to work at your own pace, around the stresses of your family, around the vacations you plan, around your own energy levels. I never counsel women to work harder. I always counsel them to work more sovereignly because they deserve it. That is where you're going to make the most money. That is how you're going to stay in that receptive space, so that you can call in the value that you deserve. Because look, a queen, a true queen, moves where she damn well pleases. She makes decisions from her knowing, not from scarcity or lack. She shines from the inside out, because she is not depleted or drained, and everyone benefits a satisfied, sovereign woman receives money cash flow because she rules, because she rules from her place of comfort, from her place of knowing. So this is what I want for you, and whether you let me help you, or whether you go out and do it yourself, find your own sovereign place. Okay, women are being called to do this again, because it wasn't really possible before, and it's possible now. So I have systems where I help women do this themselves. I have a business in a box, essentially, where I give you templates where you can simply build your own membership, your website, whatever you need, it's all set there. I have systems where I build a membership for you, and I have more comprehensive coaching systems where I build the entire business for you. And I do that because after 10 years of coaching women and building their business, I know where they get stuck, and it's usually the tech. It's the tech that overwhelms us. Look, I don't like it either. I didn't have the help I needed 10 years ago, and so I forced my way through it, and it was depleting, and I don't want that for you, which is why I try to give you as much support as possible. But let's however you do it, let's create a structure where your value is felt and paid, okay, felt and paid because I know, I know something to the core of my bones, that having money allows women to make the absolute best decisions for themselves every day When women don't have money, when we don't have financial sovereignty, we are forced into making decisions that don't serve us. We are forced into compromising ourselves. We are forced into giving ourselves away. We are forced into continuing to devalue ourselves. And I don't want that for any of us anymore, and I mean that I come from a long line of women, and I'm sure you do too, who didn't have this opportunity that we have right now. And so if any of this is calling to you again, do it, whether you do it with me, whether you do it on your own, whether you do it with someone else. I want you to know that you can and I want you to know that women with even less than what you think you have right now. Have done it. I speak to women who don't have two pennies to rub together, and they have created something magical. When there is the wanting, when there is the desire, when you have magic inside of you, you are being called to create it. So join me at the satisfiedwoman.com and book a call with me, either through the satisfied woman.com/coaching-book-call or there's just a little link at the top that says, work with me. Okay, it's all there for you. I've hopefully created a really clear pathway for you to reach out to me and let's chat. Let's chat. I want to hear what you have on your mind and in your heart. I want to hear what you want to make every month. I want to hear what you believe about yourself and how we can bust through any blocks or barriers that tell you you're not of value. Because honestly, I wish someone had done that for me, 25 years ago, 20 years ago, 15 years ago at any stage, so I'm committed to doing it for you now, and if at the very least, this podcast has helped illuminate something for you, I am so grateful. So thank you for being with me here on this journey and for participating in this little mini series on sovereignty. With me, we will have another mini series for you and. In the next batch of podcasts, and until then, whatever you do stay satisfied you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai