Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 0:00
Sarah, welcome to the third in our little mini series around sovereignty and success for women. In our last episode, we talked about claiming what's yours and no longer collapsing around the idea of receiving abundance. If you missed that one, make sure you go back and listen. In this episode, we'll talk about building what's yours, finding your voice and your ability to actually put your work out into the world and monetize your magic. Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm your host. Alanna Kaivalya. This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean into their femininity and rediscover the power of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what it means to be a modern woman and how we can live a satisfied and successful life on our own terms. Visit the hub at the satisfiedwoman.com now I just want to take a moment and let you know that there is a lot to find at the satisfied woman.com and I don't want to overwhelm you, so just keep that website in mind. Go there at the top. You'll find ways to work with me. You can book a call to chat with me about what your next best step is. I also have a very powerful membership for satisfied women called rooted, and I'd love for you to join me in that. Now, if you just want something to start with, start with simply, then go grab my starter kit and my special page just for podcast listeners at the satisfied woman.com/empower me. And I also have a little venture over at satisfied success.com where I've created a satisfied success Business Academy to help women with exactly what I'm talking to you about in this particular episode. Now, no matter how you do it, whether you do it with me or with another female business coach, no matter whether you do it on your own, which, frankly, I don't necessarily recommend, it's important for you as a woman to get your work out there, and there are so many reasons why I had an incredibly powerful conversation with one of my coaching clients this week. She's ready to build her membership, get her work out in the world, and with four kids swirling around her, she looked at me and she said, I just want to feel like I have an identity other than mom, and this is something that I'm running into with so many women that I work with, and trust me, I've been there myself. I also speak from experience in this regard, that culturally, women are saddled with labels that typically have them relate to who they are to other people. So for example, oftentimes when we introduce women in a social setting, we introduce them as that person's wife. We might even use that person's name and not even her first name. Do you remember on those old school wedding invitations, it was Mr. And Mrs. His name and last name, as if the woman only existed in relationship to the man. Now this isn't just about intimate relationship or marriage. Oftentimes, women lose themselves in motherhood. They lose themselves in their career. They lose themselves as the worker of someone else. Look, we just have been trained to lose ourself and to give ourself away. But that needs to shift. And there comes a time, and I find that it's happening more and more for women right now, because our climate is different, our cultural situation is shifting, and we actually have more tools than we ever have before to bring our gifts out there. I mean, I know that only the last few decades, it's been that women have the ability to handle and manage their own money. Okay, that's a big shift. Not only can we manage our own money, we can make our own money. We're being more and more respected as business owners and seen as the wisdom keepers. Once again, women are feeling this, and they're shifting from doing everything to every for everyone else to actually wanting to do something for themselves. We have things to say. We have lived experience inside us. We have incredible, powerful training. I spoke to another woman. This is a really powerful story. She's a woman who works in an addiction and recovery space, and she's been doing that for 25 years, and she slaves away at her employer's exp at her employer's request, and is up in the middle of the night doing billing audits, answering calls, and she's, of course, not being paid enough. But after 25 years, she has so much training and practice, and she wants a little more ease in her life. So rather than making money for others or devaluing herself entirely in a career that doesn't really see her worth, she's moving toward creating memberships and a coaching space of her own so that she can reclaim her time and the value of her expertise. PH, what I'm finding is that women have things to teach. They have things to share. We have power in this world, and the reality is that we always have, but we haven't necessarily had the means or the license or even the safety to be able to share it. But if we look historically at how women have functioned in their communities, in their families, in their tribes. It is through the power of communication and sharing, and that's something that women are really good at. It's something we like to do so rather than creating widgets, rather than creating systems and processes and SOPs and KPIs or whatever other marketing or management or technical terms we can get into the weeds with which is not really our expertise. Women like to communicate. We like to teach. We like to share. When I work with women who want to build their own sovereign business, and when I start to coach them, one of the most powerful questions I ask is, who do you want to serve? You know, who do you want to help? Not not What do you want to do for them, But who do you want to reach? Who do you want to touch? And they'll they'll dance around it. We'll have a conversation about it. But inevitably, what they name is the woman they were five or 10 years ago, when they look back over the course of their life and they see what kind of mess they were in, maybe in their early 20s or their mid 30s or going through a certain really difficult, tragic, tragedy or hardship, that's ultimately what they want to help others through. Now, whether they want to work with just women or all people, it doesn't matter, but they're ultimately wanting to make life easier for others through their sharing. And so when I say that every woman has something to teach, that's what I mean. Being a woman in this world is just hard. I wish it weren't. I'm doing all of the work that I can to try to make it a little bit easier for us, give us a leg up. I remember where I was at in my early 20s, being told that I had to do everything for myself and everyone else at the same time, managed to make it look good and keep my shit together, all while never getting the value of my work or what I was worth and I was supposed to like it. And I look back at that young woman, I think, Boy, if I can help it, I don't want any woman to ever go through that hot mess again. We deserve far better, because the women that I speak with, and I imagine you as you're listening, are incredibly educated. They're hyper educated so many people in this space, they go through training after training, certification after certification, degree after degree, and it's somehow, not only do we like the education, I'm not going to take that part away because I actually I have a PhD myself, and that was one of the greatest decisions I made in my adult life. Was to was to get my PhD and go through that process. I loved it, so I'm not demeaning or devaluing the education. But on some other level. I think there's something about this narrative that women feel like we need to prove ourselves, that maybe if we just learn more, maybe if we just have more expertise, maybe if we just have more time and space, maybe if we just have more training, then finally, we'll achieve our value. But that's not the case, actually. So look, if you actually do need training for something specific, I'm all for it, but once you've got that, then you're ready. And frankly, I'm not even certain that you need a certification always in a specific space or to share your gifts. You just need a space to speak. If we all waited until we were ready, honestly, none of us would ever us would ever get anything done. Readiness isn't the requirement we're done. Readiness isn't the requirement for success. Honestly, even today, sitting down and recording this podcast, I've been podcasting since 2005 I have probably recorded 1000s of hours of video in some format or another, and even today, I thought to myself, boy, I'm not ready to do this. I'm not ready, but the power of

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 9:12
the thing that I have to share is so overwhelming inside me, and I believe that it's so important that it overrides my lack of readiness and instead gives me a desire to put it out there. Because even if I share it imperfectly, even if I stumble over my words, even if these glasses look funny on my face to my YouTube viewers, it's important that I say this to you, that if you're watching on on my YouTube channel, or if you're listening on whatever podcast player you're listening on, however it is you're hearing this message. I believe there's a reason you're hearing it. I believe there's a reason why you stayed with me in this message for this long, because there's something about what my client said. I just want to feel like I have an identity outside of everybody. Else I want to feel like I have an identity that's my own, that resonates with you, then this message is for you. Then that is literally your cue to your readiness to create a space where you have a voice, where you can speak, where you can share your gifts, where you can share your wisdom, your own sovereign space that is yours, that you can scale up when you need to and scale back when you need more space. Look the kinds of businesses that I create for myself, and also help the women that I work with create are the kinds of businesses that don't overwhelm, they don't foster more burnout. I don't advocate us going through that hamster wheel of a time ever again as women. And there is a different way to do it. There's a different way to share your gifts and monetize your magic that allows you to relax and release into your feminine power. And what's amazing is it is right now that these systems and strategies and structures actually exist. When I started my first business over 10 years ago, they didn't exist. And trust me, I was on that hamster wheel, and I burnt myself out, and it was excruciating, and I definitely do not advocate it. There is a way with your own feminine flow to create a space that is yours, that you can share and that you can teach and that you can work with people, because it's your story that is so powerful. One of the things that men have that we don't is legacy and time. Okay, at least in this culture, let me explain a little bit about that. The emphasis on masculine success in our patriarchal culture has meant that through these 1000s of years of patriarchy, it has been the men who have paved those roads and shown the way of what success looks like. So there's a long legacy and a huge amount of time of men being successful in the way that the patriarchy affirms. Now it is only in I would even, I think it's even bold to say, in the last decade, maybe even more recently than that, that women are starting to have the same kind of opportunity. But what we don't want to do is a firm success on their masculine terms. Anymore. Look, women did that in the 80s. As soon as we were able to manage our own money, the patriarchy said, Great. Now you can go out and make it, but you can make it at 80 cents to our dollar. Make sure you wear your power suit and your shoulder pads and show up in the boardroom as big of a bitch as you can so that you got as big of balls as the other men in the room. That's how you do it. You do it our way. You put on that masculine armor. You pretend like you're a man. You work twice as hard as we do to prove yourself, and also we're gonna expect you to be beautiful at home, raise the kids, cook the dinner, kind of a trap. Look. I'm not into it. I'm proud of those women. I'm deeply proud of those women, and I believe there's a different way. So we have not only the ability and the privilege to be able to do it in a different way today, we also have the responsibility, we have the responsibility to show other women right now that building a feminine business is possible, and an even greater responsibility to show the women that come after us that this is a pathway not just to success, but to feminine satisfaction. So this is what I'm talking about. We've got to share our stories. We've got to share our wisdom, because that is how we're going to start to create more grooves in the track for women to come after us and have it be easier for them. Now, one of the things that I hear often from the women that I speak to, and again, I'm truly and deeply grateful to speak to women and hear their stories. It helps me do what I do even better, and it also affirms things that I have felt on the inside for so long. Because for so long, I tried to maintain that facade that everybody looked at and thought, wow, she's really nailing it, even though I was basically dying on the inside, I speak to women who are afraid of the exposure of this kind of thing. They're afraid of being real and authentic, because there is still that facade of the Instagram illusion that as a woman, we're supposed to be beautiful and perfect, and that any chinks in our arm or we need to swallow and hide away. You know what happens when mom falls apart? What happens when the feminine business owner can't deliver on her deliverables? What happens when she's struggling too? It's not a sexy look, and it's not something that society has affirmed, but I will. You, it is real, and it's something that as we give more exposure to and be vulnerable with, we will empower other women through sacred leadership happens through using our voice, but not necessarily through volume. So one of the things that I will radically advocate to all of you lovely ladies listening, inspired to perhaps create your own sovereign space, your own sovereign business, an identity that is yours and yours alone is that it's through that space and through your voice that you'll create the greatest success and sovereignty for yourself, not through volume and scale. Now this is counterintuitive to the masculine notions of success. Who will say that if you are building a business, you must grow it at all costs, as big as you can, grow it as horizontally as possible. You know, hire more people, spend more money, spend more on ads, increase that profit margin. And I will say, Don't do that. Don't do that. There is a sacred sweet spot for you as a woman in your life, that if you could just need it, you would have what you needed to be happy, safe, successful and satisfied. It's not about making more. It's about making what you need. It's not about reaching everyone. It's about reaching the people who you can most help. It's about achieving the right temperature, the right volume, the right touch point, the right level of access. So I'm not advocating that you go out and be an Instagram superstar, where you share your perfect lunch and your perfect I don't know, you know, insert example of cultural perfection here. I don't advocate that at all. I advocate you creating a safe space for yourself in your own sovereign business adventure, in your own membership space in your own coaching space, in your own teaching or course space where you reach just enough people to create impact for them and comfort and satisfaction for you. Now I had a really extraordinary experience, and I do believe I shared this on the last podcast, but it is worth repeating. I asked a woman in a discovery call recently, and actually I asked most women when I talk to them, especially when we're talking about business, because that's something that women are really leaning into these days. That's why I'm doing this mini miniseries, because I'm happy to talk to women about their relationships, about femininity on every level, about creating more satisfaction their lives, more pleasure in their bodies. But the women keep coming to me with, how do I make myself sovereign, successful, satisfied, abundant? How do I call in the kind of money that I need to be safe and live and not worry and not be dependent on someone else, not have someone else dependent on me. So when we're having those conversations, I ask, I say, all right, really, you know, what would it take? What would it take every month? How much would you actually need to make to feel all those things, to feel safe, to have what you needed, but also to have what you wanted. Really, what's that number? Most women

Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. 18:28
collapse a little around this number. No one's ever asked them. And there's this thing that women believe we don't deserve, whatever that number is, and we've also been taught not to ask for money, which it's my own podcast, so I'll just call it That's bullshit. Money is what makes the world go round. It doesn't just buy pretty things. It buys safety, sovereignty and security. We just need it, and you need to have it, and you need to have it at whatever level is going to make you most comfortable. So I had a woman say $10,000 her monthly desire, her monthly safe space is $10,000 and I said, Great. I said, let's create that for you. And it blew her mind that not only could she state it out loud, but that someone could affirm that that's not only not much to ask for, but entirely achievable. Now I want you to hear this, okay, this is not a lot of marketers. A lot of you know, if you look on, I mean, look, scroll on Facebook for five minutes and you'll be hit with some crazy internet marketing thing that's like, you know, take two minutes and make $2 million it doesn't work that way. This is not law of attraction vibes. You cannot think your way into a million dollars. You can't think your way into $10,000 a month either. It does require work. But what I want to assure you is that when you have your voice, when you have your message, when you really understand a. Exactly who you can help and transform with your gifts, your magic that is monetizable and using the kind of systems and platforms and mechanisms that we have today that people love, people love online work, people love coaching, people love memberships. This is why I do what I do. It is a literal at this point, integrated element of our society that people respect and love and they want that kind of transformation. When you are clear on the transformation you offer the work that you do with people, this is absolutely a benchmark that is achievable. And in fact, I would say for many women, depending on the space that they occupy. It is a low benchmark for what is possible. If you're listening to this and you're thinking to yourself, my God, Alanna, I don't even have two pennies to rub together, I will say to you, I get it. I've been there. I've been in that position. I know what that is like. And there is something bigger waiting for you. When you get your message out there, there is something bigger waiting for you. You don't need to make a product. I don't advocate that. That's a lot of overhead. It's a lot of labor. You don't need to make a product. You need to make a space, a space for the kind of transformation, leg up, information, wisdom that you wish you had had five years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago. And it can be anything. It can be the way that you know now how to raise your family that you wish you had known when your kids were babies. It could be the way that you know you understand now that you will never devalue yourself in your relationship again. And boy, you could have saved yourself a lot of heartache if you'd have known that 15 years ago. It could be the way that you absolutely know now that making money for yourself is far more valuable, not just in your pocketbook, but in your soul. And you wish you had known that at the start of your career, whenever you know now in your bones, that's your magic, that's your idea. And when you go from idea to impact, one sacred step at a time, that's how you reclaim your space in this world and actually make meaning with your life, because it's not about making meaning through your service to others. Okay, it's not about making meaning through motherhood alone, through career alone, through partnership alone. It's about making your own meaning of your own in this world. So this is the kind of thing I encourage you to do, and if this has sparked any kind of inspiration idea. If you're saying, oh my gosh, Alanna, I hear you. If only I had known that's your voice, let's use it. Let's build a space. Let's build a container. Let's build a place, a sovereign place for you to have a little patch of grass in this world that is your own. I strongly love and recommend women building membership spaces, those are safe spaces with access, where access is a privilege. They have to either buy into your membership or at least give you their email so that you know you're communicating and participating and working with people who really want you and what you do, it's not that great sort of empty dump of social media where you don't know who's participating, you don't know who's accessing. You don't know who's going to comment, you don't know who's going to be nasty, right? Let's stay away from that. Creating your own membership and then working one on one with people in a coaching in a coaching space is highly, highly powerful, because then you get to make the kind of impact you wish you had back then. So these are the these are the ideas that I have. I mean, look, you can do anything. This is just my area of expertise. This is what I help most women do when I coach them. It's where I find the easiest pathways to the kind of success and sovereignty that they're looking for. So if you'd like help doing this, let's chat, come and book a call with me. Head over to the satisfied woman.com and right at the top, you'll see a work with me link. Click on that you can book a call, or, if you can remember, it's the satisfied woman.com/coaching-book-call I'm serious about this. This is truly an invite. I'm inviting you into the possibility of creating something for yourself, and whether it's a simple membership, whether I help build your entire business, or whether I give you the tools for you to do it on your own, I want you to do it, because not only will it help you make your mark in the world, it'll be the impression that you leave for all of the women who come after you. So let's get your magic. Let's help it make money, and let's give you a way to make impact and income in this world. You.

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