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Welcome to the satisfied woman podcast. I'm 
your host, Alanna Kaivalya, Ph.D. This podcast

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is dedicated to helping women lean into their 
femininity and rediscover the power of their

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feminine gifts we take a look at what it 
means to be a modern woman and how we can

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live A Satisfied life on our own terms 
visit the hub at thesatisfiedwoman.com.

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so this is podcast number three on this show and 
I'm so excited to be back I've been podcasting

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for a long time and I cannot wait to bring the 
wisdom of satisfaction to you my fine fellow lady

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throughout these podcasts with all the topics that 
we'll cover if you missed episodes one and two

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make sure you go back and listen the first episode 
covers a little bit more about me and the work

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that I'm doing now and the second episode talks a 
little bit about what it means to be a satisfied

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woman and perhaps most importantly we Define what 
satisfaction is on this episode I wanted to bring

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you just a brief overview of the feminine polarity 
what is the feminine and it is brief because as

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you can imagine the feminine is vast and there's a 
lot to talk about in fact it's going to fill this

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entire podcast and every show we discuss but I 
wanted to just give us a bit of a Baseline and you

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a bit of an understanding of the feminine polarity 
and also a really simple tool to help make sure

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that you're on the feminine polarity in fact when 
I bring this tool to you it might surprise you um

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I know that when I ask this of my friends they are 
fascinated by the response so we'll get to that

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it's like a little bit of a cliffhanger now with 
the show The Feminine polarity is an energy it's

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a psychologic iCal energy it's an element of the 
psyche now my background is psychology so that's

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generally how I think of these things femininity 
is an energy it is not a gender that's probably

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one of the biggest things I have to help people 
understand with this work that femininity isn't

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always attached to being a woman and we we live 
in the modern world we understand that there's a

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lot of gender fluidity there's different ways 
that people identify there's different sexual

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ident identities everything is okay Under the Sun 
absolutely everything is okay Under the Sun any

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way that you express yourself identify yourself 
it's all good this particular podcast and the work

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that I do speaks to those who are on the feminine 
polarity and in particular inhabit a female body

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doesn't make any other expression wrong different 
bad devalued hierarchical none of that it's

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just that that happens to be the body and the 
expression that I have and those happen to be the

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kind of people that I am best equipped to speak 
to and work with because that's my biggest set of

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experience so that said femininity is an energy 
particularly a psychic or psychological energy

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it's not a gender every human being under the sun 
all of us has both masculine and feminine energies

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within the psyche these are the polarities our 
whole universe exists in polarity we have light

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and dark we have the Sun and the Moon we have the 
outside we have the inside we have positive and

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negative and that's not a a value judgment that's 
literally like the magnetic poles everything

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exists in opposition and it exists an opposition 
in the psyche too we have the conscious the

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unconscious we have the masculine and The Feminine 
Swiss psychologist Carl Young identified this long

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ago as he was devel V oping his own psychological 
ideals or uh theories in terms of his own depth

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psychology he did an incredible job of mapping 
out the unconscious giving us language to the

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unconscious helping us understand the nature of 
dreams and myth and he also in his work identified

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that every person has an oppositional polarity 
operating within the psych for men he called

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that oppositional polarity or the feminine the 
animal and for women he called that oppositional

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polarity or the masculine the Animus now Carl 
Young did an amazing job laying the foundations

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for this work and we are here a hundred years 
later understanding that all of us has both in

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the psyche and there are many different ways that 
people Express themselves so every human has both

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masculine and feminine within them we might 
express ourselves most fully on one polarity

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but we still have the other polarity operating 
within us as Carl Young would suggest you've got

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the opposition within you urning to be expressed 
or acknowledged in some way and when we don't

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express or acknowledge it we run into problems and 
that's where we work in uh therapy and psychology

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and different Retreats and training and Shadow 
work and whatever it is that we might do to

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start to unpack and uncover the Deep layers of the 
unconscious and the psyche as humans as we operate

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in the world we may pull forward one or the other 
polarity depending on what we need so even as a

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feminine woman during the day there may be times 
that we have to express the masculine perhaps when

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we're driving down the freeway we've got to 
change lanes really quickly and it's a really

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focused and directed experience the feminine is 
not going to help us with that the masculine is

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if we find ourselves in a the boardroom at the 
head of a table with all of the faces looking up

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at us being called to lead to guide and to make a 
decision the masculine is going to help us to do

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that even for us feminine women in female bodies 
we're going to have access to both polarities and

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all of us as humans can switch back and forth at 
any time when it's needed the challenge becomes

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when any one of us gets stuck in one polarity for 
too long or if we express either of the polarities

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in an unhealthy or a distorted way so that's what 
my work helps us to do is to express our natural

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polarity primarily for those of us that are 
feminine women most fully and most healthfully and

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to tease out the distortions of these polarities 
so that we can express them in the best and most

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healthy way possible for those of us that identify 
as feminine women we understand living in this

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modern time that we have been surrounded by we 
have grown up in a patriarchal culture it is what

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it is I'm not here to vilify it it is the culture 
um and it definitely comes with its challenges and

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the patriarchal culture has worked for a very 
long time at distorting and devaluing both the

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masculine and The Feminine if you've heard of this 
term toxic masculinity that might ring for you as

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one way these polarities get distorted anytime we 
hear a a healthy Brave woman who speaks out being

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called crazy that's a distortion and an oppression 
or a vilification of the feminine so there's a lot

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of misunderstanding there's a lot of negativity on 
both sides for both polarities and we will all all

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of us in any body with any expression we will 
all Thrive if we understand the polarities and

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we express them in the healthiest most vibrant way 
possible both polarities are valid both polarities

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are good both polarities have their strengths 
both polarities are uh essential one cannot

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exist without the other so no one is completely 
masculine and no one is completely feminine but

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each one of us will have a dominant polarity we 
will have a primary polarity one that we want to

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relax or lean into more of the time again calling 
up either one when we need it but one that we want

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to relax and lean into more of the time the time 
and place that most of us will relax and lean

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into a primar primary polarity is going to be an 
intimate relationship it just happens to be in an

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environment with another human being who is who 
exists on the opposite polarity and it gives us

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the space to to kind of almost Outsource the one 
that isn't our primary so for those of us who are

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feminine women we will want to be an intimate 
relationship with another human who identifies

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primarily as the masculine and it's almost like 
giving us permission or a space to take our own

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masculine energy that we have to use a lot in this 
in this day and age in this in this patriarchy in

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this world the world is masculine around us the 
culture is masculine it values the masculine

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it's pulled that forward and up and distorted it a 
bit when we get to Outsource that to our intimate

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partner we can relax into the feminine now I'm 
not saying that's not true for the masculine

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maybe they feel the same but I think for those of 
us on the feminine polarity we are at a detriment

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in the patriarchy in this culture where the terms 
of the culture are on masculine terms the measures

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of success are on masculine terms the measures of 
okayness rightness uh pretty much everything have

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been determined by the masculine For Better or For 
Worse it is what it is when we live in that kind

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of culture that values and props set up being 
powerfully feminine is often questioned phif

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diminished uh even by women and and and I I say 
that with um full ownership I have done that as

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well in my past and part of the work that I do 
here with you is to make sure that we identify

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when that's happening and to no longer do 
that femininity is incredibly powerful okay

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power is uh inherent in both polarities power 
is not just a masculine trait feminine is not

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weak it's not it's not Meek or mild and The 
Feminine is certainly not quiet so things that

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we have been taught um as feminine women I know 
that when I grew up even still which is not that

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long ago I mean um we won't reveal how old I am in 
this podcast I guess but um you know in my history

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so in in one or two generations ago even I was 
still being taught that little girls are meant to

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be seen and not heard that little girls are only 
pretty when they smile that little girls should uh

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you know Delight others that they should be happy 
all the time um that little girls should be soft

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um little girls are not always those things 
and in fact the feminine is not those things

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the feminine is wild the feminine is expressive 
the feminine is loud and there is power in that

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wildness and that expressiveness and that loudness 
perhaps the most important qualities of feminine

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you know and The Feminine has a lot of qualities 
the feminine is creative as well as procreative

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the feminine is um sensual the feminine is uh 
musical lyrical the feminine is always in motion

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the feminine exists in Cycles right the feminine 
has lots of qualities the most important qualities

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the most valuable if we could place a hierarchy 
and I I can't stand hierarchy so I can't even

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believe I'm doing it right now on this podcast 
but if we can place a value if we have if you

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forced me if you said Al Lana you have to pick the 
two most valuable qualities what I would say hands

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down the things that really are the foundation 
of the feminine are intuition and emotion now

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in terms of the psyche where feminine energy lives 
intuition and emotion are in the unconscious they

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are in the unconscious Realm of the psyche the 
masculine greatest traits are logic and reason

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reason are the rules by which logic is made 
to work okay logic is a kind of thinking and

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reason is like the rules the parameters we reason 
through things those are powerful qualities as

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well logic and reason exist in the conscious mind 
so we have three elements three really powerful

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and prominent parts of the psyche we have the 
conscious mind which is logic and reason we

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have the unconscious mind which is intuition and 
emotion and then we have the supraconscious mind

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which is all of the things that you and I have 
access to but aren't necessarily intrinsically

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part of who we are so the collective Consciousness 
for example or for those of us who participate in

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any kind of spiritual or religious practice that 
numinous quality of connection to others or the

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universe that's the superconscious and that does 
connect us all that is in there somewhere when we

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become inspired by something when we get like an 
inspirational hit we're all getting that from the

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Supra Consciousness that we have access to as part 
of our psyche but the part of our psyche that is

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ours our own that isn't a part of anyone else's 
experience necessarily are the conscious and

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the unconscious the unconscious mind is what we 
don't have access to consciously but interestingly

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enough it dominates our life um and it is the 
feminine it is the feminine it's the feminine

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part of us and if we think of if we can like if 
we can uh anthropomorphise that for a moment if

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we can take the unconscious and the conscious and 
make them into Say cartoon characters I think of

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the unconscious is that woman that just won't be 
ignored she just won't be ignored and perhaps in

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our lives we've all known that woman the the woman 
who others might call pushy well thank goodness

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she was pushy because she created change or that 
woman who was nagging us and we thought it was

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nagging because we weren't ready for that message 
we weren't ready for that change it got us out of

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our comfort zone but once we finally Listen to 
Everybody actually benefited the unconscious

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for us speaks to us in our dreams through our 
emotions through our intuition and also through

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our triggered events our triggered moments anytime 
that we have a triggered emotion when we become

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really activated emotionally even for a small 
thing that's the unconscious speaking to us and

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it needs to be addressed a lot of our shadow work 
a lot of the work of therapy um and psychologists

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and psychology is working with the unconscious 
it's addressing that deep need within us for what

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is good and right and true according to our own uh 
Soul our own heart our own insides nothing is more

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responsible for that than the feminine this is the 
feminine domain the feminine exists in this space

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in this incredible fertile and yet dark ground you 
know I remember um you know my mother said this

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and I'm sure perhaps your mother may have said 
this too this is like a thing that moms say I

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brought you into this world and I can take you out 
it's a little aggressive I will admit and I think

0:16:29.840,0:16:35.040
most moms don't actually mean that literally when 
they say it but you're getting in trouble and she

0:16:35.040,0:16:40.080
wants you to know it she say I brought you into 
this world I can take you out Shakespeare even

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knew that the feminine the domain of the woman is 
both the womb and the tomb the feminine is able

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to to give life and also to recreate procreate 
or regenerate life through death the feminine

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is unafraid of the things it Harbors these things 
happily and comfortably as long as they are tended

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to and heard it's when the feminine is repressed 
or ignored that we start to run into problems

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everybody and I mean everybody because remember 
everyone's unconscious is filled with these

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qualities everyone has both feminine and masculine 
it just depends on what you're going to express

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more naturally or what you're going to express 
through more fully those of us who identify more

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primarily with the feminine we have great access 
to these qualities of intuition and emotion it

0:17:36.760,0:17:43.760
is our primary decision-making Force whereas for 
those who identify as the masculine their primary

0:17:43.760,0:17:50.640
decision-making force will be logic and reason 
and that's a problem when they don't check it

0:17:50.640,0:17:58.160
against their emotions and intuition and for the 
primary feminine emotions and intuition can cause

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some Havoc if it's not checked against logic and 
reason healthy adults of either polarity use both

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it's just which comes first which is the driving 
primary force intuition and emotion is a powerful

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driving primary force and it has unfortunately 
been incredibly repressed incredibly distorted

0:18:20.760,0:18:28.760
and Incredibly vilified throughout history I 
don't know a woman who even in this day and age

0:18:29.680,0:18:36.320
when expressing emotion and intuition in her life 
in a place or a circumstance that is unsafe hasn't

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been called crazy it's like the first thing that 
is brought out of the um harmful toolkit by the

0:18:44.840,0:18:51.880
distorted masculine or the patriarchy to hurt and 
suppress and oppress the feminine it's crazy it's

0:18:51.880,0:19:00.280
actually not crazy it's the most valuable tool 
that the feminine has for determining what is safe

0:19:00.280,0:19:07.680
what is comfortable what is right and also for 
being the Catalyst to change the feminine exists

0:19:07.680,0:19:15.840
in change think of the bodies of feminine women 
now it is true that most often again not always

0:19:15.840,0:19:21.560
right because we live in we live in the future now 
we know that every expression of gender identity

0:19:21.560,0:19:29.400
and polarity is fine but most often those of us 
born in female bodies are going to to be on the

0:19:29.400,0:19:38.160
primarily feminine polarity just most often and 
that has a lot to do with our biology we are in

0:19:38.160,0:19:46.120
bodies that are able to quite literally generate 
life we are in bodies that change constantly that

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are dominated by hormonal fluctuations every month 
and also throughout our lives that male bodies

0:19:54.160,0:20:00.360
just don't have they just don't have them women's 
bodies are dominant by change they're dominated

0:20:00.360,0:20:07.440
by Life Energy we feel this every single time uh 
that we have a menstrual cycle every single month

0:20:07.440,0:20:12.640
it is the opportunity to create life and then 
if we don't that life potential Fades away and

0:20:12.640,0:20:20.440
bleeds from us we have to contend with that every 
single month there's a a constant force of nature

0:20:20.440,0:20:29.480
that is inbuilt and ingrained and influencing 
our psychology all of the time we must be friends

0:20:29.480,0:20:35.160
with change because it is who we are so when we 
feel that sense of discomfort like things aren't

0:20:35.160,0:20:42.800
quite right it's not that we are um trying to 
cause trouble and it's not that we're crazy it's

0:20:42.800,0:20:49.440
that that sense of discomfort arises within the 
feminine always first in order to course correct

0:20:49.440,0:20:55.400
in order to create change things wouldn't change 
if it weren't for the feminine for the masculine

0:20:55.400,0:21:02.720
the status quo that straight line is fine there's 
no reason to change it if it ain't broke don't fix

0:21:02.720,0:21:10.320
it um there's no fluctuation for the masculine 
and think of the biology of a masculine body or

0:21:10.320,0:21:16.560
a man's body there isn't a hormonal fluctuation 
every month there isn't um you know a menstrual

0:21:16.560,0:21:22.840
cycle that begins in early adolescence and then 
you know the potential for having life be born of

0:21:22.840,0:21:29.360
the body and then a menopausal State it's just you 
know they hit puberty and then they live in that

0:21:29.360,0:21:36.120
state until they don't so there is a constant sort 
of sense of linear direction for the masculine and

0:21:36.120,0:21:41.280
that's incredibly powerful and important if we 
are trying to get to a destination when we want

0:21:41.280,0:21:45.440
to get to a destination when we want to go from 
point A to point B there's nothing better than

0:21:45.440,0:21:51.760
the masculine that help us get there the feminine 
wants to go in circles it is cyclical it wants to

0:21:51.760,0:21:57.760
spin around it wants to change Pathways it wants 
to go down a different Road um not that we can't

0:21:57.760,0:22:05.080
go forward we have that masculine energy to go 
forward and to get things done of course but

0:22:05.080,0:22:14.080
one is not correct both in conjunction working 
together are what create what is most right good

0:22:14.080,0:22:19.560
and true for everyone so that one linear Direction 
the masculine doesn't want to stray from sometimes

0:22:19.560,0:22:24.400
needs to be nudged and it's the feminine that will 
nudge it it's the feminine that will poke and say

0:22:24.400,0:22:29.080
hey look I don't think this is right this doesn't 
feel good we need to go and slightly different

0:22:29.080,0:22:34.120
direction we need to course correct here we need 
to change I'm uncomfortable it will come from

0:22:34.120,0:22:39.040
the intuition And the emotions of the feminine 
that's what will prompt the course correction

0:22:39.040,0:22:45.440
and the change and it might feel annoying to 
the uninitiated or uneducated masculine and

0:22:45.440,0:22:50.960
what I would like to do as a part of all the work 
that I do here on the podcast and through my book

0:22:50.960,0:22:56.840
The Way of the satisfied woman is to normalize 
this and not just normalize it but to elevate

0:22:56.840,0:23:04.600
it that this is is the first sign kind of like the 
canary and the coal mine that things need to shift

0:23:04.600,0:23:11.920
there's nothing more powerful than a woman's 
intuition which turns into a woman's inquiry

0:23:11.920,0:23:18.760
no one questions like the feminine the feminine 
brings up questions why why why the masculine

0:23:18.760,0:23:26.920
says because because because feminine says when 
when when the masculine says but how how how so

0:23:26.920,0:23:32.880
we're governed by time we want want to know when 
we don't have time to waste we have very specific

0:23:32.880,0:23:39.280
timelines in our bodies that things need to happen 
on masculine men don't have that they can do they

0:23:39.280,0:23:45.200
can put things off they can stretch things out 
women have to do things now we want things now we

0:23:45.200,0:23:50.480
we we always demand now and we always demand more 
but that's what's right for us that's what's true

0:23:50.480,0:23:58.600
for us and you know that's what makes things 
happen we make change we create inquiry we we

0:23:58.600,0:24:05.200
we brainstorm we find new ways of generating more 
life in an area where there is not enough life

0:24:05.200,0:24:12.520
being supported if it weren't for the feminine 
things would not flourish the feminine is

0:24:12.520,0:24:19.680
nourishing and it is flourishing it's where life 
energy is inbuilt and ingrained and it is where

0:24:19.680,0:24:26.520
pleasure is derived it's through the feminine and 
everyone else benefits from that it is a beautiful

0:24:26.520,0:24:31.440
gift of the feminine to the world when is feeling 
that life energy that source of pleasure that

0:24:31.440,0:24:38.600
source of creativity and or proc creativity that's 
what's inbuilt in the feminine woman's body that's

0:24:38.600,0:24:44.880
what's in our psyche that's what drives us again 
we have lots of qualities but if we focus on the

0:24:44.880,0:24:50.800
intuition and the emotion if we understand that 
the unconscious is our domain that our dreams

0:24:50.800,0:24:58.720
are what create the reality of our futures that's 
the power of the feminine when it's misunderstood

0:24:58.720,0:25:10.040
it's oppressed when it when it questions the 
status quo it's shoved to the side or silenced

0:25:10.040,0:25:15.280
that's what the distorted masculine does the 
healthy masculine honors it healthy masculine

0:25:15.280,0:25:21.840
listens the healthy masculine understands 
its own limitations of that logic linear

0:25:21.840,0:25:28.480
thinking and knows it needs that cyclical 
wave likee push from the feminine to really

0:25:28.480,0:25:34.160
make things happen so really get to the most 
optimized Finish Line that they could possibly

0:25:34.160,0:25:39.600
want to get to Meanwhile the feminine is Basking 
in its creativity and its life energy and its

0:25:39.600,0:25:47.480
pleasure and its joy and again this exists in all 
of us but for us feminine women it exists in us

0:25:47.480,0:25:55.960
most fully and it's time for us to find spaces and 
create places and environments and relationships

0:25:55.960,0:26:04.680
that Center this as the most valuable gift 
of being a woman intuition and emotion and

0:26:04.680,0:26:11.680
its healthiest expression that internal Compass 
coming forth the unconscious speaking out from us

0:26:11.680,0:26:18.000
that these psychic energies have value the most 
value to create the kind of future and the kind

0:26:18.000,0:26:26.360
of world that makes everyone safe and fosters 
everyone's joy and goodness so again this is

0:26:26.360,0:26:30.880
a topic that we will continue to unfold and work 
with throughout the podcast but I wanted to give

0:26:30.880,0:26:36.120
us a bit of a context a psychological context for 
what the feminine is so that we can continue to

0:26:36.120,0:26:42.520
move forward on our journey together as we learn 
to walk the way of this satisfied woman I thank

0:26:42.520,0:26:49.960
you for being on this path with me and I look 
forward to speaking to you on the next podcast