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If you're feeling a little stressed and nervous 
this holiday season, you are not alone. We as

0:00:06.960,0:00:14.400
women are often seen as the emotional calibrators 
of our family and our spaces. And there is extra

0:00:14.400,0:00:19.840
added additional pressure over the holidays, 
particularly when it comes to family gatherings.

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We're seen as the peacekeepers, the ones who 
have to hold it all together. when really it's

0:00:24.720,0:00:32.320
kind of true that no one triggers us as deeply 
as our family does. This podcast is designed to

0:00:32.320,0:00:39.440
help you navigate these holiday triggers and see 
them as teachers turning your family stress into

0:00:39.440,0:00:47.600
a feminine power. Welcome to the Satisfied Woman podcast. I'm your host, Alanna Kaivalya.

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This podcast is dedicated to helping women lean 
into their femininity and rediscover the power

0:00:54.160,0:01:00.880
of their feminine gifts. We take a look at what 
it means to be a modern woman and how we can live

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a satisfied life on our own terms. Visit the 
hub at the satisfiedwoman.com. Now, make sure

0:01:09.280,0:01:15.920
that you head over to the satisfiedwoman.com and 
grab your free threepart feminine reset session.

0:01:15.920,0:01:21.280
that's going to be especially helpful to you this 
holiday season. And if you haven't yet joined my

0:01:21.280,0:01:26.400
Rooted membership, that's where you're going to 
get the support you need to turn all of these

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ideas that I present here into your daily reality. 
This is the hub for satisfied women everywhere,

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and I would love to have you be a part of it. So, 
let's just call it what it is. The holidays are,

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yes, a magical time, but they are also a deeply 
stressful time. This is an emotionally charged

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month for everyone, especially for us as women. 
Holiday gatherings can activate old wounds, bring

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up old family roles, and unprocessed dynamics. If 
it feels like the moment you arrive at the holiday

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table, you are once again 5 years old. That's kind 
of by design. That is unfortunately why psychology

0:02:15.360,0:02:21.280
is so successful. One of the foundational 
principles of psychology is that most all

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of our emotional triggers actually became triggers 
or became codified within us in early childhood.

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So as soon as we arrive back in, let's say our 
early childhood home or with our family members

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who have known us since we are children, we are 
literally being reverted back to that time. And

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everyone there is seeing us as we were, not 
as the capable adult woman we are now. So

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let's use this episode as a reframe. And yes, I'm 
talking to you during December and the holidays,

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but no matter what time of year you're 
listening to this, this is going to be

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helpful. No matter what holiday gathering you're 
at, no matter what family gathering you're at,

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no matter how you're triggered, everything that 
I teach you here in this episode is going to be

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relevant year round. I just wanted to make sure 
that I brought it to you at this critical time

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so that you have the support you need this month. 
Because what's true about your triggers is yes,

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they were created in early childhood. Yes, 
they live deeply buried in your unconscious,

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but they're not failures. They're not defects, 
and they're not unworkable. They are actually

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great teachers for you, in particular, where 
you can lean into and reclaim even more of your

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feminine power. So, this conversation is going 
to help you stay rooted, sovereign, and devoted

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to yourself during the holidays so that you don't 
get abandoned by yourself or anyone else. Let's

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talk for a minute about why holiday triggers hit 
so hard. I mean, this I feel like this month,

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this December month is often compressive. It 
feels like it closes in. The pace is fast. The

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expectations are high. The schedule is packed. And 
yes, there is this underlying sense that this time

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of year should be extra magical, extra special, 
extra connective. But all of that comes with the

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kind of dis expectation that ultimately can lead 
to disappointment. My goal is to soften that for

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you and to hopefully experience and reclaim some 
of the magic that really is behind this season.

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So, the reason holiday triggers hit so hard beyond 
this idea of just being this compressive, highly

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expectant time is that when we're with family 
over the holidays, we experience a kind of time

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travel. Now, I wish it was as cool as Back to the 
Future and hopping into the Delorean with the flux

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capacitor, Michael J. Fox and his prime at your 
side, but it's not. Family brings you back to your

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youngest self. So, the way that the psyche works, 
and I've explained this in past podcasts, so I

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won't go into it too deeply. I also talk about it 
a lot in my book, The Way of the Satisfied Woman,

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as well as in some of my online courses that 
you get free access to when you join the rooted

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membership. [clears throat] Hint hint. Your psyche 
goes through a period of serious development in

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early childhood. Your unconscious gets seeded 
with things that become true for you for the rest

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of your life. So the unconscious is where your 
emotional triggers are stored. It's where your

0:05:52.320,0:06:02.160
emotional um behavioral patterns are encoded. It's 
all within the unconscious. Now what's key is the

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name of that part of your psyche, the unconscious. 
They stay buried and unknown to us and they feel

0:06:08.080,0:06:13.280
like they are just who we are or that they're 
happening to us when really it's a very alive part

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of yourself. Now, good news for you, my satisfied 
woman listener, is that the unconscious is the

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domain of the feminine. So, no one more than us 
has access to this place. We are our superpower,

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our feminine superpower is our intuition and our 
emotional depth. So if we can actually feel these

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triggers and these deep emotional responses as 
communications from the most feminine parts of

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ourselves, that's how they become teachers for us. 
When we as adult women who are fully capable with

0:06:46.640,0:06:53.760
our fully developed prefrontal cortex can feel 
into these emotional triggers or responses and

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realize, you know what, actually this is bringing 
us to a place that we can learn and grow from. So,

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as we sit around the holiday table, Uncle Johnny 
or Brother Jeff says something totally wild and

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we feel that emotional trigger creeping up. That's 
when we know that our boundaries, our self-worth,

0:07:17.840,0:07:26.160
or even our inner child need protection and 
nurturing. Because what normally happens is that

0:07:26.160,0:07:33.120
women feel responsible for emotional harmony which 
amplifies the pressure of this holiday scenario.

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We are the emotional calibrators of our families 
and our spaces. So when things start to get tense

0:07:39.440,0:07:46.960
around the table or in the event or wherever 
we're at, we tend to repress our own emotional

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response in favor of trying to mitigate or keep 
the peace in the family. This is going to compound

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everything. It's actually going to make the whole 
event more stressful. So, this sense of wanting

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to keep the peace or create emotional harmony by 
repressing our own emotional responses. First of

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all, we're going to be introduced to what I call 
the hydraulic nature of the unconscious. That

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anytime you try to push something down, it's like 
a jack in the box. It's springloaded. It's going

0:08:19.280,0:08:24.640
to come back up with greater force and urgency. 
But second of all, it's going to create a level

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of inauthenticity. When we're abandoning ourselves 
by denying our own emotional responses and needs,

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we can't interact with others authentically. 
That actually degrades human connection,

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family intimacy, and that's antithetical 
to all that peace we're trying to keep.

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So let's talk about what triggers actually teach 
us because they are teachers. And I think that

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simple reframe that when we feel that panic arise, 
when we feel that anger arise or that sadness or

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that shock really in the system of who knows what 
causes it, but when we feel that this is data,

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not a defect. This has been encoded in your psyche 
for a reason. [snorts] It's going to show you

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where your energy is being depleted, drained, or 
demanded of you in a way that isn't right for you.

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It's going to show you where you abandon yourself. 
Anytime you ignore those responses in favor of

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caretaking others, that's self-abandonment. It's 
going to show you where your old wounds are still

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running the show. Because if that trigger turns 
into an activated response that you haven't really

0:09:41.040,0:09:46.640
thought through and perpetuates the narrative, 
then that's your it's like your inner child is

0:09:46.640,0:09:53.840
running around wreaking havoc on this entire 
family scenario. It's also going to show you

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where you have outgrown your old role. So, one 
thing we can do during this holiday season is

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start to evolve not only ourselves and how we show 
up, but the dynamic interaction of our family and

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the people around us. It's going to be, I promise 
you, perhaps at first, a bit of a shakeup and an

0:10:16.320,0:10:22.880
upheaval, but eventually a magical decision that's 
going to restore the balance and the beauty of the

0:10:22.880,0:10:29.520
holidays that all of us do actually crave. So your 
ev your triggers are actually evidence of your

0:10:29.520,0:10:37.040
readiness to evolve because the woman that you are 
today, it no longer fits the box that your family

0:10:37.040,0:10:43.200
put you in. They've all made assumptions about us 
over the years. We've made assumptions about them,

0:10:43.200,0:10:49.520
too. But let's start to get curious about what 
that might be, where it's coming from, where

0:10:49.520,0:10:58.880
it started, and transform it into who we are now. 
so that we can be curious and not collapse. Okay,

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when I talk about collapse, I talk about 
us falling back into our old patterns, our

0:11:04.240,0:11:12.560
old patterns of self-rele self uh reflection or 
putting the armor up or um diminishing ourselves

0:11:12.560,0:11:18.640
or even moving away from the discomfort. However 
it is, we try to manage others expectations

0:11:18.640,0:11:26.800
of the world around us by repressing what's 
happening within us. That's collapse. And look,

0:11:26.800,0:11:33.840
no one more than our family is going to pull us 
back into our old roles and trigger us deeply.

0:11:34.480,0:11:41.200
We often as women show up in our family as the 
peacekeeper, as little miss perfect, as the overly

0:11:41.200,0:11:48.480
responsible, always getting it done lady, as the 
overgiver who never says no, or as the emotional

0:11:48.480,0:11:55.760
sponge who just soaks up all of the negativity 
or challenges within the family. Now, if one

0:11:55.760,0:12:01.280
of those describe you, or even if all of those 
describe you, you're not alone. And the reality

0:12:01.280,0:12:11.680
is that those roles formed because of survival 
mechanisms as women. Think about us long long

0:12:11.680,0:12:21.120
ago in prehistory. Our actual survival, the reason 
we were able to stay alive is when we belonged to

0:12:21.120,0:12:27.760
a tribe and had the protection primarily of the 
masculine members of the tribe, but really as the

0:12:27.760,0:12:34.560
tri of the tribe as a whole. Humans have evolved 
relationally, not individually. No human can

0:12:34.560,0:12:41.600
survive entirely on their own. And women are more 
vulnerable. Now, don't tell anybody I said this,

0:12:41.600,0:12:49.840
and I don't like to say it, but it is biologically 
true that the female body is just less strong

0:12:49.840,0:12:57.280
physically than the male body. They are more 
designed to fend off attack from mountain lions,

0:12:57.280,0:13:03.440
tigers, and bears than the female body. Forget 
about if we are pregnant or have small children,

0:13:03.440,0:13:11.600
we're even more vulnerable. So deeply encoded and 
buried within our psyche is this primal survival

0:13:11.600,0:13:18.720
mechanism to make sure we belong at all costs, 
literally for our own safety. Literally to stay

0:13:18.720,0:13:25.360
alive. Now, we're not being chased by lions, 
tigers, or bears anymore, or necessarily even

0:13:25.360,0:13:35.920
waring tribes. But that desire to belong still 
is critical. Now, the way we do it has shifted.

0:13:35.920,0:13:42.720
Instead of appealing to the tribe for protection, 
we appeal to them through keeping the peace.

0:13:42.720,0:13:48.000
By making sure they don't reject us. By always 
being perfect so that we're never criticized and

0:13:48.000,0:13:54.320
potentially dismissed. By being responsible for 
ourselves so that we don't put anybody else out.

0:13:54.320,0:14:02.080
By overgiving so that we are essentially needed by 
others so that they can't discard us. By absorbing

0:14:02.080,0:14:08.400
everyone else's emotions so they don't have to 
deal with it. We try to make ourselves so useful,

0:14:08.400,0:14:20.160
wanted, easy to our family, our tribe members, so 
that we earn their protection. Now, you can hear

0:14:20.160,0:14:26.960
hopefully how this is not only encoded in our DNA, 
our nature, our long evolutionary history, but

0:14:26.960,0:14:33.520
this will be encoded into your family through your 
family's history. From the time you were born,

0:14:33.520,0:14:39.680
they've expected you to be a certain way. These 
family dynamics are almost like a microculture

0:14:39.680,0:14:45.600
that everybody just eventually falls into step and 
agrees to keep carrying on. Now, until one of us,

0:14:45.600,0:14:51.440
and I'm talking to you, sister, changes it. 
They're always going to expect you to show up as

0:14:51.440,0:14:59.520
you did as a little girl unconsciously. There's no 
one to blame here. Everybody's just carrying along

0:14:59.520,0:15:09.520
as they have. But their expectations don't define 
you. They might reflect who you were, but not who

0:15:09.520,0:15:16.480
you are. And think about who you were as a little 
girl. Of course, you needed protection. Of course,

0:15:16.480,0:15:23.760
you needed to belong to that family unit that 
you had no choice in inheriting, that you simply

0:15:23.760,0:15:32.160
arrived into. Here they were. And you, in your 
brilliant baby wisdom, did your best. You smiled

0:15:32.160,0:15:38.480
and were perfect so that you were included. You 
made yourself small and almost disappear so that

0:15:38.480,0:15:45.120
you were easy to take care of. You made sure you 
gave and gave and gave so that they all saw your

0:15:45.120,0:15:53.440
value in the family. You didn't cry. You made 
yourself pretty. And you always kept the peace.

0:15:53.440,0:15:58.080
Now, as a young girl, that makes sense. They were 
the ones who had to take care of you. And let's

0:15:58.080,0:16:07.440
hope they did. But now you're an adult. Now you're 
an empowered, satisfied woman and you get to call

0:16:07.440,0:16:15.440
the shots in a different way. So, let's talk 
a little bit about emotional sovereignty. Now,

0:16:15.440,0:16:20.560
sovereignty is I love the word sovereignty. 
You're going to hear me use it a lot. Um,

0:16:20.560,0:16:29.600
my book is titled The Way of the Satisfied Woman. 
And the last chapter, chapter nine, is called

0:16:29.600,0:16:36.720
ascending to the throne of the queen. Okay, a 
queen is a sovereign. She is a lady who sits

0:16:36.720,0:16:43.360
comfortably in her beautiful throne and basically 
rules over her queendom. She calls in the support

0:16:43.360,0:16:49.920
that she needs. She makes excellent decisions on 
others behalf. They are inspired to help her out.

0:16:49.920,0:16:58.160
When I say the word sovereignty, this is the 
energy that I'm invoking. That you are the ruler

0:16:58.160,0:17:07.040
of your own land, of your own body, that you are 
in command of your own feminine vessel. No one is

0:17:07.040,0:17:14.400
pulling from you what they do not deserve. No one 
is draining you or demanding of you anything that

0:17:14.400,0:17:20.800
you are not wholeheartedly willing to give. The 
sovereign woman doesn't give out of resentment.

0:17:20.800,0:17:26.720
She doesn't give out of obligation. She doesn't 
give because she's coerced into it. She will only

0:17:26.720,0:17:35.920
give of herself when she receives that fullbodied 
yes and is filled with deep desire to show up.

0:17:36.800,0:17:42.880
So emotional sovereignty starts with 
us individually where we stay with

0:17:42.880,0:17:49.760
ourselves completely contained within our 
own feminine vessel even if others can't or

0:17:49.760,0:17:55.040
won't. They may not be capable of it. They 
may not choose to yet. They may not choose

0:17:55.040,0:18:04.320
to ever. But we'll never know unless we stay 
self-contained as emotionally sovereign women.

0:18:04.320,0:18:10.080
So, let me give you some quick tips and tools 
for how to do this. Because if this is your first

0:18:10.080,0:18:14.400
podcast or maybe you're right in the middle of 
your holiday season and you're like, "Oh my gosh,

0:18:14.400,0:18:20.560
I can't go back and listen to all 50. Let give 
me something now. This is it." So, simple tricks

0:18:20.560,0:18:27.040
to help stay in your feminine vessel as this 
sovereign woman that I know that you are, but that

0:18:27.040,0:18:32.720
often gets pulled or collapsed during emotionally 
triggered times, particularly with family.

0:18:32.720,0:18:38.640
things you can do is stay in your body. I know 
that sounds maybe strange if you've never heard

0:18:38.640,0:18:45.120
something like that before, but the feminine woman 
is an embodied woman. Women occupy their bodies

0:18:45.120,0:18:53.680
fully. We are feeling beings. And those feelings, 
this triggering, this emotional upheaval is going

0:18:53.680,0:18:58.880
to come through you as a feeling in your body. 
You're going to feel the tightness in your throat,

0:18:58.880,0:19:04.320
the panic in your chest, the butterflies in your 
stomach, the the it's like the bottom drops out

0:19:04.320,0:19:13.120
of you. It's all going to come through a deeply 
felt sense. And this is your wisdom. Okay. Now,

0:19:13.120,0:19:20.480
women have lots of superpowers. Feminine qualities 
are vast. But if I were to name two superpowers,

0:19:20.480,0:19:25.680
they are your emotional depth and your intuition. 
And these are going to be heightened during the

0:19:25.680,0:19:31.440
holidays, particularly intense situations like 
this. And you have to listen. So stay in your

0:19:31.440,0:19:37.280
body. Feel the things that are coming up. 
Keep your feet on the ground if you can. And

0:19:37.280,0:19:42.320
that might mean metaphorically and it might mean 
literally. But that grounding sense of connecting

0:19:42.320,0:19:49.040
to the earth. The earth is, you know, mother. 
Draw off more energy. Keep your feet grounded.

0:19:49.040,0:19:52.880
You can place your hands. I like it when women 
place their hands on their body whenever they're

0:19:52.880,0:20:00.320
feeling something. It creates an anchor to that 
feeling and it has you acknowledge yourself

0:20:00.320,0:20:07.440
that this feeling is happening. It's real. It's 
meaningful. Okay? So stay in your body. Simple,

0:20:07.440,0:20:14.000
but it's going to have an effect. Witness 
instead of absorb. Often times women's

0:20:14.000,0:20:19.680
are women are empathic and we end up as empaths 
being sponges that absorb everything around us.

0:20:19.680,0:20:24.800
If our children are disappointed, we absorb 
the disappointment. If our parents are unhappy,

0:20:24.800,0:20:30.000
we absorb the unhappiness. And then we try to turn 
into the fixers. Let me tell you something about

0:20:30.000,0:20:36.640
fixing. Fixing is masculine. And when a feminine 
woman attempts to fix, she is in a distorted,

0:20:36.640,0:20:43.760
heavy, armored masculine state. This is not your 
natural state. And it's going to be draining. So

0:20:43.760,0:20:53.680
don't fix. Don't fix. Don't absorb. don't fix. 
Understand that other people's emotional responses

0:20:53.680,0:21:01.760
belong to them. It's their energy, not yours. The 
way I like to think about this is with a little

0:21:01.760,0:21:07.840
visualization actually. Uh, imagine a teflon 
skillet. No matter how you feel about teflon,

0:21:07.840,0:21:12.320
imagine it. I know you know what it looks like 
and what it does. Teflon allows everything to

0:21:12.320,0:21:18.080
just slide right off of it. It's not cast 
iron that absorbs the spices or the oils,

0:21:18.080,0:21:23.600
gets seasoned. We don't want to be seasoned as 
women. We want to be teflon. So, I actually like

0:21:23.600,0:21:28.960
to imagine a little teflon barrier around myself 
during times like this and everything just slides

0:21:28.960,0:21:39.120
off. Sometimes that visualization, that energetic 
shift is all that you need. And at the very least,

0:21:39.120,0:21:49.360
it's going to be helpful. Now lastly, I talk a 
lot about feminine guilt. Feminine guilt. Look,

0:21:49.360,0:21:58.160
it's pretty unique to us as women. We feel guilt 
in anticipation of others disappointment. This is

0:21:58.160,0:22:05.920
a strange way to feel guilt. Guilt is designed to 
crop up when our behavior, our actual behavior,

0:22:05.920,0:22:10.320
isn't in alignment with our morals and values. 
Then the guilt will help us recognize that we

0:22:10.320,0:22:14.160
didn't act in accordance with who we believe 
ourselves to be. And then eventually hopefully

0:22:14.160,0:22:18.880
we course correct and we start acting more 
appropriately. That's healthy guilt. Feminine

0:22:18.880,0:22:24.480
guilt is actually not healthy. It's deeply 
toxic because what it's going to do is keep you

0:22:24.480,0:22:32.400
small and put you in a box so that you curb your 
behavior. You minimize your needs. You don't speak

0:22:32.400,0:22:39.600
up for yourself, which means you abandon yourself 
in anticipation of someone else's eventual maybe

0:22:39.600,0:22:47.200
possibly disappointment or missed expectations. 
Now, here's the reality, and I want you to hear

0:22:47.200,0:22:55.440
this. So, listen close. You are not responsible 
for how others feel. You're not responsible for

0:22:55.440,0:23:02.560
how they react. In fact, their reactions or their 
triggers come from the same place that yours do.

0:23:02.560,0:23:09.360
From deep in early childhood, from some event 
that happened likely before the age of seven

0:23:09.360,0:23:16.240
that this whatever is happening has the flavor of 
and so it's bringing it back up and essentially

0:23:16.240,0:23:20.160
regressing them back into this childhood 
state. You might not have even been there.

0:23:20.160,0:23:26.320
You might not have even been in the room. Maybe 
you didn't even know them at that time. So, one

0:23:26.320,0:23:33.360
of my favorite sayings is we are never angry for 
the reason that we think we are. We're never sad

0:23:33.360,0:23:39.280
for the reason we think we are. All of these deep 
emotional reactions are coming from this long ago

0:23:39.280,0:23:49.280
time and place buried within our psyche and it's 
coming up now for us to behave differently with.

0:23:49.280,0:23:58.080
So, their reactions are not your responsibility. 
Only your feelings are your responsibility. And

0:23:58.080,0:24:07.840
the sovereign woman, sovereignty is your feminine 
shield. It's soft but strong and it's unshakable.

0:24:07.840,0:24:14.800
Think of being sovereign as knowing who 
you are. You know who you are. The queen,

0:24:14.800,0:24:22.720
she knows who she is. She owns her role. Now, 
people are going to try to destroy that. And I

0:24:22.720,0:24:29.040
don't want to impart the idea that anyone in your 
family is malicious. Everyone is literally acting

0:24:29.040,0:24:36.480
on their own triggers, their own past experiences, 
their own assumptions of who you've been, where

0:24:36.480,0:24:44.080
this family has, you know, taken them. Um, we all 
kind of walk in with our past clinging to us. So,

0:24:44.080,0:24:48.160
they might not be malicious. This all might 
be unconscious. They might have no idea what

0:24:48.160,0:24:53.360
they're doing or even how to fix it or even that 
anything is wrong or broken. So, let's just give

0:24:53.360,0:25:00.720
everybody a little bit of grace. And as we shift 
into our own sense of feminine sovereignty,

0:25:00.720,0:25:08.480
we're going to see if our shifting calls them to 
elevate and rise or whether they can't and they

0:25:08.480,0:25:14.240
eventually collapse. We're just going to observe 
and watch. Okay? But they're likely going to try

0:25:14.240,0:25:21.440
to keep you small, keep you in your past because 
this is just culturally how people operate. It's

0:25:21.440,0:25:26.480
psychologically how people operate. Again, it 
might not be malicious. I'm not placing blame,

0:25:26.480,0:25:31.840
but these are things that are real. And these 
are things like gaslighting, minimization,

0:25:31.840,0:25:41.840
and dismissal. These behaviors inherently are 
designed to destabilize your feminine intuition

0:25:41.840,0:25:48.240
and your superpower of emotional depth. They 
have been used for millennia by our current

0:25:48.240,0:25:54.640
culture to destabilize and dismiss women. We 
internalize it because we are with people that

0:25:54.640,0:25:59.520
we are meant to trust. We're meant to trust, 
our family members, our loved ones. And so

0:25:59.520,0:26:04.400
when they come at us in our emotionally 
heightened state with things like, "Oh,

0:26:04.400,0:26:09.520
you're just acting crazy. You're too sensitive. Oh 
my god, you're making such a big deal out of this.

0:26:09.520,0:26:17.840
Will you just calm down? You know what? You're 
imagining things. We internalize those. We want

0:26:17.840,0:26:24.240
to believe them. This is our family. If they think 
we're overreacting, you know what? Maybe we are.

0:26:24.240,0:26:31.280
If we're being way too sensitive, oh gosh, you 
know what? I'm sorry. Maybe I should tone it down.

0:26:31.280,0:26:36.320
And you can see how even if it's unconscious, now 
it might be malicious. They might be using this

0:26:36.320,0:26:41.920
intentionally. I don't know. But we'll we'll give 
them some grace, benefit of the doubt. You can see

0:26:41.920,0:26:50.480
how this kind of culturally adopted narrative in 
general for women who are in an emotional state

0:26:50.480,0:26:57.360
keeps us small. I talk a lot about this in my 
online course, Stop Calling Us Crazy, because

0:26:57.360,0:27:06.640
there are some very common hallmarks of what the 
culture does to try and keep women small. And this

0:27:06.640,0:27:13.360
is one of them. This gaslighting, minimization, 
dismissal of what is true and real for us because

0:27:13.360,0:27:18.320
it's happening in real time in our bodies. And 
it's coming up from the most feminine part of us,

0:27:18.320,0:27:25.920
which is our deep psyche, our unconscious. and 
it's trying to teach us or show us something. So

0:27:25.920,0:27:36.560
what I want you to understand is that cultures had 
a long period of training and you my friend are

0:27:36.560,0:27:44.640
just beginning your retraining. So give yourself 
a little grace and feel free to not believe them.

0:27:45.200,0:27:49.920
I give you all the permission in the world that 
when someone says you're crazy to not believe

0:27:49.920,0:27:54.640
them. When someone says you're too sensitive, 
you're too much, you're making a big deal, you're

0:27:54.640,0:28:00.480
imagining things, that this is real for you, this 
might be a big deal, you are as sensitive as you

0:28:00.480,0:28:06.240
need to be, and you are absolutely true and right 
and correct in your body, in your intuition, in

0:28:06.240,0:28:14.160
your feelings always. Yes, that goes against the 
cultural norm of wanting women to be more like the

0:28:14.160,0:28:20.960
masculine and be more logical and more rational. 
But those are masculine qualities and women know

0:28:20.960,0:28:29.360
things and I mean know to the core of our being in 
our bones through our intuition and our powerful

0:28:29.360,0:28:35.600
depth of feeling. That is where our knowing 
comes from. So your sensitivity, my dear sister,

0:28:35.600,0:28:43.600
is a superpower, not a flaw. It's not a flaw. 
It's not something to be dismissed. It is not

0:28:43.600,0:28:52.320
too much. It is the most right and true thing that 
you have access to. So anytime you feel like this

0:28:52.320,0:28:57.520
gaslighting or this minimization or this dismissal 
is happening, and again, whether it is malicious

0:28:57.520,0:29:05.600
and intentional or not, it doesn't matter. It's 
happening. Give yourself the power and structure

0:29:05.600,0:29:13.440
of a reframe and trust what your body is telling 
you. I know you want to trust your family. I know

0:29:13.440,0:29:16.800
you want to trust the people that you love and 
believe when they tell you that you're crazy,

0:29:16.800,0:29:26.000
that you are. But stop. Trust yourself first. This 
might be the first and most potent thing that you

0:29:26.000,0:29:35.760
can do this holiday season. and hopefully honestly 
all year round. I want to encourage you to honor

0:29:35.760,0:29:43.120
your internal truth even when [clears throat] 
external voices try to deny it. Don't listen to

0:29:43.120,0:29:54.720
them. Listen to what your soul speaks inside you. 
So, as you go into these holiday rituals, events,

0:29:54.720,0:30:01.600
dinners, gatherings, whatever they are, I'm going 
to give you some pre and post event things that

0:30:01.600,0:30:10.160
you can do to help keep you in this grounded, 
sovereign place. Number one, breathe. Look,

0:30:10.160,0:30:14.720
I I know some of this is going to sound tright. 
I get it. But the fact is is you're probably not

0:30:14.720,0:30:21.040
doing it. [laughter] [gasps] So don't sit there 
my dear sister my listener and go Alana that's

0:30:21.040,0:30:25.840
not going to help that sounds like what just 
brea yes can you just start there let's just

0:30:25.840,0:30:34.960
start there because breathing is the first um 
function of our autonomic nervous system that

0:30:34.960,0:30:40.000
we can actually control. You can't control your 
heart rate which will elevate in triggered in

0:30:40.000,0:30:46.880
triggered scenarios. You can't control your um 
your your body temperature, your metabolism. All

0:30:46.880,0:30:52.000
of these autonomic nervous system functions are 
out of your control. But breathing is in your

0:30:52.000,0:31:00.160
control. Breathing is how you immediately access 
the deeper elements of your nervous system. And

0:31:00.160,0:31:05.200
the thing that happens when you are triggered, 
if you're in a deep emotional trigger, you're no

0:31:05.200,0:31:11.440
longer operating from that precious pre prefrontal 
cortex, which is the hallmark of adulthood. This

0:31:11.440,0:31:17.200
ability to make incredibly empowered decisionm 
to know who you are, to stay in your power,

0:31:17.200,0:31:21.760
that's all in your prefrontal cortex. When 
you're triggered, it flips you out of that

0:31:21.760,0:31:31.840
and you get right into your basil like reptilian 
brain and you are again 5 years old. So begin kind

0:31:31.840,0:31:37.120
of training yourself that being triggered is 
not a problem. It's not that we're trying to

0:31:37.120,0:31:40.880
ignore it or repress it. I hope that you've just 
listened to the last half hour of this podcast.

0:31:40.880,0:31:47.200
That's not what we're doing. We're just trying to 
redirect so that we're not in our 5-year-old mind,

0:31:47.200,0:31:54.320
but that we're in our adult mind. And the way 
we can pull out of that real it's it's a fight

0:31:54.320,0:31:59.120
orflight response. It's basically a fight orflight 
response. You're ready to run from the lion,

0:31:59.120,0:32:08.400
which could be your brother or your aunt or your 
kid. But representationally, it's the lion, and

0:32:08.400,0:32:15.200
you're pulling yourself into that fight orflight 
response or even freeze or fawn response. Let's

0:32:15.200,0:32:20.160
just get back into the adult mind so that we can 
make great decisions for ourselves and act in the

0:32:20.160,0:32:26.160
way that really honors our feminine. And breathing 
is going to help you do that. So, if you notice

0:32:26.160,0:32:30.880
your breath get ragged, if you notice it get 
shallow, if you're not noticing it at all, take

0:32:30.880,0:32:39.120
a few deep breaths, get back to really feeling 
the breath. And that's going to help you stay in a

0:32:39.120,0:32:46.800
regulated nervous system, which keeps you in your 
full autonomous sovereign adult feminine power.

0:32:48.080,0:32:54.880
Set a silent intention for yourself before you go 
into any event that could be triggering to just

0:32:54.880,0:33:00.000
stay rooted in yourself. Like I [snorts] call my 
membership rooted for a reason. I want us all to

0:33:00.000,0:33:04.880
stay rooted in our femininity, in our feminine 
power because there are there are such gifts

0:33:04.880,0:33:14.400
and such great power there. So stay rooted in 
yourself. Trust yourself first. And I absolutely

0:33:14.400,0:33:19.040
advocate women being boundaried. I talk about 
this is the feminine vessel and building this

0:33:19.040,0:33:23.360
feminine vessel with your precious boundaries are 
how you then receive all of the support that you

0:33:23.360,0:33:28.480
need and all the good things in life that you 
deserve. So create some kind of micro boundary

0:33:28.480,0:33:33.920
before you go into this event or attend this event 
or do whatever it is whether it's a time limit.

0:33:33.920,0:33:39.520
So in my last podcast I talked about some good, 
healthy, sacred, safe, easy boundaries that you

0:33:39.520,0:33:46.000
can establish. Maybe you say I'm going to give 
it an hour. I'm going to give it an hour and

0:33:46.000,0:33:51.760
then I'm going to check in with myself and see 
how my nervous system is doing, how my heart is

0:33:51.760,0:33:58.480
doing. Am I still in a place of joy? And if I am 
in an hour, I'll give it another 60 minutes. You

0:33:58.480,0:34:04.000
never need to give more than that. In fact, you 
don't have to give it all. But if you feel like,

0:34:04.000,0:34:09.680
all right, this is something I show up to. Give it 
60 minutes and then check in. So micro boundaries

0:34:09.680,0:34:15.200
in advance. Set these agreements with yourself. 
Give it a time limit. Maybe give it topics you

0:34:15.200,0:34:23.040
won't engage in. So if one of your family members 
is always starting that very incendiary topic,

0:34:23.040,0:34:27.040
maybe that's the time that you say, you know 
what, this isn't something that I'm conversing

0:34:27.040,0:34:33.280
about right now and you just stop there. Maybe 
that's the time that you stand up and leave,

0:34:33.280,0:34:40.400
go do something else. You can remove yourself from 
the situation, but there's no obligation for you

0:34:40.400,0:34:48.240
to participate in things that degrade your sense 
of sovereignty or your sense of joy. And then

0:34:48.240,0:34:55.520
after the event, make sure that you do something 
that that is self soothing. [sighs] Calm yourself

0:34:55.520,0:35:00.960
down. You can always go back to the breath. 
I like to shake my hands. It feels to me like

0:35:00.960,0:35:06.880
I'm shaking off the bad energy, right? And again, 
sometimes that visualization or that imagining of

0:35:06.880,0:35:11.840
things really helps your body process through 
it. In fact, if you've got a dog, which I do,

0:35:11.840,0:35:17.760
I'm a dog person. You see them shake all the 
time. They get up, they shake. They lay down,

0:35:17.760,0:35:22.560
they get up again, they shake. They go outside, 
they come in, they shake. It's quite literally how

0:35:22.560,0:35:29.280
the mamlian body processes through events. So when 
you shake, you're processing through the events

0:35:29.280,0:35:34.240
so that it doesn't stay stuck in your body, in 
your nervous system. it moves its way out on out

0:35:34.240,0:35:40.000
through. You're welcome to take a warm bath. This 
is deeply soothing for your nervous system. Maybe

0:35:40.000,0:35:46.800
journaling. Talk to yourself about what that event 
revealed or what trigger you experienced and what

0:35:46.800,0:35:50.880
might be at the heart of it. There's something 
powerful about journaling with a pen as well.

0:35:50.880,0:35:57.120
It draws the unconscious out onto a conscious 
state which is the the paper. So journaling

0:35:57.120,0:36:03.120
can be very helpful or even just whispering 
gratitude to yourself. That inner child that

0:36:03.120,0:36:09.440
is inbuilt within your unconscious psyche that 
was there with you through this ride and that you

0:36:09.440,0:36:17.440
held her hand through this experience. Offer 
her some gratitude for being there with you.

0:36:17.440,0:36:24.800
So another tool I want to give you is some 
things to say when things get hairy during the

0:36:24.800,0:36:29.600
event. Right? So, we just did some post and pre 
and postevent kind of rituals and and things to

0:36:29.600,0:36:34.720
help keep you grounded and sovereign. But if 
you're there and things start to go haywire,

0:36:34.720,0:36:39.520
then I want to give you some things that I like to 
call pattern interrupts. Everyone is used to doing

0:36:39.520,0:36:43.120
what they're used to doing. And if everybody does 
what they're used to doing, things are going to

0:36:43.120,0:36:49.200
end up in the same way that they always do. If 
you pattern interrupt, if you stop the pattern

0:36:49.200,0:36:58.000
midstream, you can create a different outcome 
for yourself. certainly maybe also for them. So,

0:36:58.000,0:37:03.280
here are some graceful pattern interrupts you can 
offer if things start to get weird. The first is,

0:37:03.280,0:37:09.120
you know what, that doesn't feel true for me. As 
feminine women, and I do this all the time with

0:37:09.120,0:37:16.000
the women that I coach one-on-one, I continuously 
remind them to stay in their feelings. When women

0:37:16.000,0:37:21.120
state and acknowledge their feelings, number one, 
they're staying in their own sovereign power.

0:37:21.120,0:37:26.560
Number two, it's going to call the healthy 
masculine that hopefully is present in your

0:37:26.560,0:37:34.800
vicinity to rise and cherish that and or protect 
that. So if that doesn't feel true for you, state

0:37:34.800,0:37:41.520
it. You know what? That doesn't feel true for me. 
That's a lot better than that's not true. When

0:37:41.520,0:37:48.560
truth is positioned as subjective in that way, no 
one wins. When you state that doesn't feel true

0:37:48.560,0:37:55.040
for me, you're owning your own sense of truth and 
it's not confronting to what other people believe

0:37:55.040,0:38:02.320
cuz trust me, they're going to believe what they 
want to and it's all BS belief system. Okay. The

0:38:02.320,0:38:07.040
other thing you can say is, you know what, I 
hear you and I'm choosing something different.

0:38:07.040,0:38:12.640
So, I hear you acknowledges their position, lets 
them be where they are, and I'm choosing something

0:38:12.640,0:38:18.640
different is hopefully a soft and easy way to 
just, you know what, deflect. Just deflect. I

0:38:18.640,0:38:24.880
hear you. I'm choosing something different. Or I'm 
not available for that conversation. I'm just not

0:38:24.880,0:38:31.280
available. I'm opting out. I'm not available 
for that conversation. So, the most important

0:38:31.280,0:38:36.000
thing about these three options that doesn't 
feel true for me, I hear you. I'm choosing

0:38:36.000,0:38:40.240
something different. I'm not available for that 
conversation. Is that number one, it keeps you

0:38:40.240,0:38:46.880
in your power. It reenters your sovereignty. 
Number two, it interrupts old dynamics. It helps

0:38:46.880,0:38:51.920
to protect your emotional energy. And finally, 
it requires no justification. So, this is the

0:38:51.920,0:39:02.160
most important element. Don't say anything more. 
As women, we often get into traps. We kind of dig

0:39:02.160,0:39:10.160
our own holes when we overexlain or justify. Stop 
talking. Let your body language do the talking.

0:39:10.160,0:39:17.440
Let your sovereign energy do the talking. You owe 
no one any further explanation. You really don't.

0:39:17.440,0:39:23.120
And if they clamor for it, if they beg for it, if 
they try to draw it out of you, maybe it's time

0:39:23.120,0:39:35.920
to walk away. But you maintain your power when 
you state your boundary clearly and then stop.

0:39:35.920,0:39:43.200
Now, this doesn't always work. I get it. Families 
are tough, okay? And I'm here to give you as much

0:39:43.200,0:39:47.680
advice on as many levels as I can because I know 
how challenging this can be and I want you to

0:39:47.680,0:39:54.480
experience some magic during this holiday season 
and not just mis mischief. [laughter] So look,

0:39:54.480,0:40:00.560
when others try to to get you to be who you were 
as a little girl, when others try to continue to

0:40:00.560,0:40:06.080
keep you in that little box or keep you down or 
dismiss you and you start to act differently,

0:40:06.080,0:40:10.800
it's going to likely cause a bit of a shakeup, 
a bit of a panic in their world because now they

0:40:10.800,0:40:17.440
have to adjust. So I just want to normalize that. 
If you see a shakeup, if they feel uncomfortable,

0:40:17.440,0:40:21.840
number one, it's not yours to manage, 
but number two, it means it's working.

0:40:22.480,0:40:30.640
It's working. I absolutely resist the idea that 
we can't change other people. Now, we can't change

0:40:30.640,0:40:35.840
them if they don't want to be changed. But I feel 
I feel like love is at the root of a lot of that.

0:40:35.840,0:40:42.560
If we start shifting into real sovereignty, real 
satisfaction, if we start to create our feminine

0:40:42.560,0:40:49.360
boundaries, our feminine vessel, then their love 
for us, yeah, it may feel uncomfortable at first.

0:40:49.360,0:40:54.560
They may resist at first, but I believe their 
love is going to allow them to rise up and in

0:40:54.560,0:41:01.920
to the healthiest form of who they are to honor 
us as feminine women. That change is always going

0:41:01.920,0:41:07.840
to be uncomfortable. So, know that it's correct. 
You are right. You're doing the right thing. It's

0:41:07.840,0:41:14.960
working. Stay with the discomfort. It's okay. 
And see how they rise. They never will if you

0:41:14.960,0:41:23.200
shrink back because they may resist the new you, 
but that doesn't mean you're wrong. And never,

0:41:23.200,0:41:31.360
never abandon yourself to be who they remember 
or who they want you to be. Hold your ground and

0:41:31.360,0:41:39.840
stay within your feminine vessel because it's soft 
and it's powerful. So remember, your triggers are

0:41:39.840,0:41:50.160
all invitations to witness who you were and how 
you are now. Your boundaries are deeply sacred.

0:41:50.160,0:41:56.800
They create your feminine vessel and allow you 
to stay sovereign and powerful. And as always,

0:41:56.800,0:42:04.240
always your intuition is your guide. So, I hope 
that you'll choose one of the tools I've presented

0:42:04.240,0:42:09.680
to you this week as something to try, as something 
to activate, because it's going to create change

0:42:09.680,0:42:16.800
within you and hopefully with the people around 
you. And if you want support as you apply these

0:42:16.800,0:42:22.400
tools as to how other people are going to take 
it, those shakeups that inev inevitably occur,

0:42:22.400,0:42:28.320
the collapse that you inevitably want to fall 
back into, please join my membership. The rooted

0:42:28.320,0:42:32.960
membership is designed to help you as you go 
through this process of becoming a satisfied

0:42:32.960,0:42:38.640
woman and to give you the support you need because 
it's true that no woman can change alone and we

0:42:38.640,0:42:45.920
are here to support you. So this season, may you 
be devoted to yourself above all else. And may

0:42:45.920,0:42:52.240
everyone rise to create that magic you desire of 
being so supported and cherishing your feminine

0:42:52.240,0:42:58.400
that you get everything that you deserve. I wish 
you all of the best in this holiday season and

0:42:58.400,0:43:02.640
please reach out and come join me over at 
the satisfiedwoman.com. I'll see you there.